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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, During sex with my wife I asked her that will she be ok with multiple partners to solve our sexual desires.Her inner heart says ok but she is scared of doing so.Not strangers but known circles.What is ur opinion I can convince her and how can we take it forward

Ans: Marriage ideally means monogamy. Multiple partners is a slippery slope and it may do irreversible damage to your relationship. Think about it carefully; do you really want to throw away a good equation with your wife for a few rolls in the hay? Because inevitably, such “arrangements” begin to cause problems sooner or later.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |847 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Dear Anu,I would like to stay anonymous. I read your columns regularly and am located in USA. My question is regarding me and my wife. We are very happy with each other and have a very healthy sex life (Almost 4-5 times a week). We both are fond of sex and we like role playing and imaging various things. Recently we jokingly talked about me having sex with 2 ladies at the same time or she having sex with two men. This curiosity led us to discover the world of swingers. After lot of discussions, we decided to visit a swingers’ club with some hesitation. But when we entered we were surprised to see a lot of people hanging out there. We found a cute couple who we interacted with and had our first swingers experience. We both trust each other and enjoyed a lot seeing each other having fun with someone else. I believe this is basically due to the trust we have on each other. We never had any experience after that as we cannot travel much due to our kids. We think this experience has rejuvenated our sex life and kept us longing for more. We are more attached to each other than before. What are your views on this?
Ans:

Dear MP,

It depends on what the couple agrees to.

Any experiment like yours with the mutual consent of both of you, I guess is fine. But make sure that you constantly communicate with each other.

Experiments such as these can spill out insecurities, doubts, jealousies, mistrust and more.

So keep communicating with each other allowing the other person space to voice out their concerns and fears.

Everything is fine till one of you build fears and that’s when things start to go downhill. So, check in with each other regularly.

These experiments may spice up your sex life but relying on anything external can only be helpful to some extent.

Also, try spicing up your marriage between yourselves. There’s always room for more imagination and role playing and there is a load of material written on this as boredom in sex life is anyone’s challenge.

So, do give yourselves a fair chance to reinvent the game your way. Who knows, it might work!

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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I am 41 years old and married. My sexual desires are high and generally I need variety in terms of partners. Till now I had a relationship with almost 5 partners outside marriage. When it comes to my wife our sex life is ok. I love her very much. However, sometimes I do not get excitememt while having relation with wife. How I can work on this?
Ans: It sounds like you are experiencing a conflict between your desire for sexual variety and your love for your wife. It's important to recognize that infidelity can be damaging to a marriage, both emotionally and physically. It's essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and desires, and work together to find ways to enhance your sexual relationship.

One way to work on this is to explore different sexual experiences with your wife. You can try new things together, such as different positions or incorporating toys, fantasies, or role-playing. You can also make an effort to create a more romantic and intimate atmosphere in your relationship, which can help increase excitement and pleasure during sex.

It's also important to address any underlying issues that may be affecting your desire for your wife. Stress, anxiety, depression, and health problems can all impact sexual desire. Talking to a therapist or a medical professional can help you identify and address any underlying issues.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that sexual desire fluctuates over time, and it's normal to experience highs and lows. With open communication and a willingness to try new things, you can work together to create a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship with your wife.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |847 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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My wife is a 35 year old women who is sex starved inspite of me satisfying regularly . She has so much voluptuous body that I already shared here before that she is touched and rubbed most of time by strangers in bus , train , rick or in shopping market . Now she is wearing many times torn dress or sometimes going braless and panties . I m feeling little scared as she is indirectly giving invite to neighbours or friends, relatives or even vendors like milkman, security , laundry , mechanic etc to visit my house more to see her exposed parts . This may turn into unknown adventure for her. If she is not satisfied with me physically, i dont mind she having it outside but worrying that such things will never remain a secret and later can haunt our kids rather . What would you suggest me to do when her thirst is so high that she is even ready for threesome and foursome . That much signal i got when she asked me to take her with my boy group friends night out once .I haven't agreed to that till now but she may seek outside which may be more dangerous if i dont take her with my friends.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's perfectly normal to have a great sex drive BUT it's not normal to randomly invite people to sleep around with!
Is she doing this for attention or she isn't satisfied with the sex in the marriage?
Do not feel responsible for her behavior as you will not be able to step in and help her...kindly seek an appointment with the doctor who might prescribe certain tests. If she needs mind management that will help her draw self-esteem from within, then the doctor might suggest that as well. And you are right in preventing her from going with your boy gang but you will not be able to stop her from seeking action elsewhere...Getting to the root of this is the key here...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |847 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 25, 2024Hindi
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I am 45 years old and my wife is 33 years old. we have been married for 5 years. my wife is sexually very active and wanting and though I want I am unable to perform and make her happy. She is very friendly with a colleague of hers who may be in his late 30s and my wife knows he is trying to advance sexually to her. many times she shows his messages where he praises her physical appearance explicitly. She doesn't positively respond to those messages and leaves with a smile. she often goes with him for lunch or a coffee. She introduced him to me once and I joined them for dinner outside. During that dinner, she asked my permission to sit with him and I sat opposite them. They sat as if they were a couple. Daily evening she usually shares some episodes like today he came to my floor and was standing in a corner with his friend but stealing glances at me etc. There is another colleague of hers who is a little older or maybe of my age. She regularly goes with him for tea inside her office cafeteria and spends 30 minutes daily. There was a little gossip about them also by colleagues but she used to say how she ignores them to meet that colleague daily. One another colleague of hers is a little younger than her. He flirts with her openly. He messaged her once let's see how can we progress romantically. He also messages her often about her physical attributes which she passes with smileys. She never stops them nor encourages them. She shows all the messages and seemingly doesn't delete any portion of it. The stories the messages the timelines everything matches and she doesn't hide anything from me is what I believe. All the above colleagues are from different departments and she has no direct official business with them. This being the scenario, I proposed to her an open marriage option. since I know very well that she is so emotionally attached to me as ours is a love marriage and our marriage will remain intact. I only wanted her physical desires to be met. I know she shares a very good, or we can say romantic equation with the first guy I asked her to get along with his advances and I am more than happy with being intimate with him or any one of her choice. She says to me that she doesn't want to do that. I believe that she thinks I may get hurt or she is afraid that should not lead her into a complicated relationship or even worse a debauchery. Not due to principles. At the same time, she enjoys continuing with them over coffee and messages. She neither stops them nor encourages them. My question is what exactly is in her mind? What should I do? I just don't want her to suffer a life without sex and at the same time I love her the most and I want my family to be intact.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want to play a Savior here in your situation. Your wife is simply enjoying all the attention from men and sticking to messages and coffee meets. Of course, that is causing you to feel insecure about your role in her life. (This is just a perspective for you to ponder over and NOT in support of her actions)

When she isn't interested, why are you suggesting an Open Marriage? Do you think that that's going to be an easy thing on the mind and your marriage? Too many people get involved, insecurities, jealousies...the investment in terms of time, energy and emotions will be HEAVY and then there will invariably be a pile up of emotions in terms of new romances...it ceases to be only physical and emotions get underway. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides before it settles into a calm understanding is a journey that you and your wife must be willing to travel. Are you both ready for this?

Do not use Open Marriage to ever escape the situation at hand. Contrary to what people think, it's not all pink and charming roses!
What if you actually spend the same time to woo your wife back? Bring the spark back. Sex is not the only way to bond; in many cases sex is used more as a way to fill an emotional void. So, maybe it's possible that with the effort that the two of you put in emotional bonding might actually help the two of you to spice things up in the bedroom and then the number of times won't be the issue...the spotlight will more be strengthening the emotional bond that you already share.

It's a suggestion here that you work only bringing back the spark. You never know how things can change...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, it has been 4 years since I got married. I have two kids. My wife loves me a lot. One day, in a casual conversation, she told me about her past life before marriage. I too had physical relations with a friend. Since then, I have been in depression. What should I do? I am unable to understand. Should I separate or leave her. Although now she keeps crying that that was the past. Now I love you very much, but I am unable to understand what to do. Please guide us. I feel that my life has been ruined. I am unable to understand ????????
Ans: Discovering unexpected aspects of your partner's past can be deeply unsettling, especially when it involves intimate relationships. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and overwhelmed by this revelation. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself space to process them. Communication is key in situations like these; have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling and the impact her revelation has had on you. Express your concerns and fears, and listen to her perspective as well. Remember, people's past experiences do not define who they are now. If you still love your wife and want to work through this together, consider seeking couples therapy to help navigate through these complex emotions and rebuild trust in your relationship. However, if you feel that this revelation has irreparably damaged your relationship and you cannot move forward, it may be worth exploring the option of separation or divorce. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being throughout this process.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Hi I am 52 yrs man having kids and wife, from last so many years my wife start arguing on small - small discussion and it became very high some times. due to this whole house became tense. I am a very emotional Person some times her discussion and arguments hearts me lot resulting became very upset. she has brain problem in past. please advise how can I handle this situation.
Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Maam - I am recently facing trouble in my 22 year old marriage. I am unable to understand my wife's behaviour which according to her is very normal. I am unable to judge when she requires me. I have not been a caring husband and can be attributed to this behaviour of mine. She had got very along very well with our son all these while and now that he is in college and travels his behaviour also irritates her. She says that he has also changed a lot and have no respect for females, he has lots of secret which he is avoiding tell us. She is very much worried about it and I feel that has spilled over into our relation as well. We compromise for a few days which is mostly from my side but again on the 4th day it is back to the same.. Can you suggest some actions from my side which can help improve my relation with my wife and understand her better..
Ans: Sudesh,

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, but it's commendable that you're seeking ways to improve your relationship with your wife. Schedule regular times to talk openly and honestly with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and desires for the relationship. Encourage her to express herself as well. Active listening is crucial here.Try to see things from your wife's perspective and understand her concerns about your son's behavior. Validate her feelings and reassure her that you're there to support her.
Make an effort to spend quality time together as a couple. Plan activities that you both enjoy and that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This could be anything from going for walks, having dinner dates, or pursuing mutual hobbies.
Work together with your wife to address any concerns about your son's behavior. Approach him with empathy and understanding, and try to create an open and supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and concerns. Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide guidance and support in improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and resolving conflicts.Take time to reflect on your own behavior and actions within the relationship. Consider how you can be a more caring and attentive partner, and be willing to make changes where necessary.Improving a relationship takes time and effort from both parties. Be patient with yourself and your wife as you navigate through challenges and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember that it's okay to seek outside help and support when needed, and that small steps towards positive change can make a big difference in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Is it okay to live with a person who abuses me daily verbally but gives care also. Eventhough after i told repeatedly not to use bad words he is using it. Doing fight at night and morning coming for patch up as if nothing happend. What should i do now pls tell me.
Ans: No one deserves to be verbally abused, no matter what other positive things might be present in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Reach out to friends, family members, or a trusted individual who can offer support and guidance. It's essential to have someone to confide in during challenging times.Speaking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and options. They can offer valuable insight and help you develop coping strategiesClearly communicate to the person that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate verbal abuse. Set boundaries and stick to them. If they continue to disrespect your boundaries, it may be necessary to take further action.Evaluate whether it's feasible to remove yourself from the situation, whether temporarily or permanently. This could involve seeking alternative living arrangements, such as staying with a friend or family member, or exploring other housing options.If you're concerned about your safety, develop a safety plan in case the situation escalates. This could include having a bag packed with essentials, knowing where to go in an emergency, and having a support network in place. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options, especially if you're considering leaving the living situation or seeking legal protection.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in all your relationships. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and take steps to remove yourself from a toxic environment. If you're ever in immediate danger, don't hesitate to reach out to emergency services for help.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |847 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Relationship
Hello maam i am married since 18 years and since last 5 years my husband is not earning but my in laws are well to do me and my husband are in a relation where we end up quarrelling even if we have converstion of 2 mins i am financially independent and have son of 14 years but he is truely in influence of his father i dont have parents nor a sibling i dont know what to do i sometimes feel if i leave my husband and if i fail in my job than what about my future my age is 38 in all my surroundings i have seen all husband take care and responsiblity of their wife but my husband is totally self centered and the most pathetic thing is he does not even realize this please suggest what can be done
Ans: Dear Richa,
You are financially independent and any decision you take for your life will be based on that, right?
Who knows what the future hold and one can only be hopeful that all that is done in the present times yield a good result in future.
So, whatever decision you want to take, do that keeping what it is right now...also, have faith in your capability to earn and hold your head high BUT do give your marriage a fair chance considering your son may also get rattled by any harsh decision. Do you not feel that it is time to actually confront your husband. What is he planning on doing? Sitting and waiting for something to happen for him?
He has possibly got into a place where it is comfortable not to work and things happen around him for him and everyone else. So, there really is no need for him to lift a finger. Urge your in-laws to talk to him and drive some sense into him. If he still makes no move to get proactive and take on his part of responsibilities within the marriage, think about how long and how far you want to go with this. A bit of coaching/therapy can help, but only if he willing to see that it's needed for him. More than anything, I want you to have faith in yourself and play to your strengths.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |107 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have been NRI for more than 20 years. If I return to India for how long can i keep my NRI status and will any money earned by me after my return to India from a foreign sources be taxable? If yes, how much tax will I have to pay?
Ans: When you return to India after being an NRI (Non-Resident Indian) for more than 20 years, your tax residency status will change. You will be considered a Resident but Not Ordinarily Resident (RNOR) for the first two financial years (April to March) after your return.

As an RNOR, your foreign income is generally not taxable in India unless it's derived from a business controlled or set up in India. So, any income earned from foreign sources during the RNOR period would generally not be taxable in India.

However, any income earned in India during the RNOR period will be taxable in India, along with any income from a business controlled or set up in India, regardless of whether it's earned domestically or abroad.

After the RNOR period, if you continue to stay in India, you will become a Resident and Ordinarily Resident (ROR) for tax purposes. In this case, your global income, including income earned abroad, will be taxable in India.

Tax rates in India vary depending on the income slab you fall into, and there are also various deductions and exemptions available. It's recommended to consult with a tax advisor in India who can provide personalized advice based on your specific financial situation and the prevailing tax laws at the time of your return.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear sir, I have following sip Hdfc defence 5000 Hdfc multicap 10000 Hdfc small cap 10000nippon small cap 15000 Sbi large and mid cap 5000 Hdfc balanced advantage fund lump sum 25000 Hdfc focused 30 fund lump sum 25000 Hdfc manufacturing fund lump sum 50000 Sbi conta fund lumpsum 1200000 Sbi psu fund lump sum 500000 Sbi energy opportunity fund lump sum 200000 Please advice
Ans: It's clear you've taken a proactive approach to investing, and you've built a diverse portfolio across various mutual funds. Let's assess your current holdings and provide some guidance.

Your SIPs in HDFC Defence, HDFC Multicap, HDFC Small Cap, Nippon Small Cap, and SBI Large and Mid Cap demonstrate a blend of large, mid, and small-cap exposure, which is commendable for diversification.

However, having multiple funds within the same fund house, such as HDFC, may lead to overlapping holdings and concentration risk. Consider diversifying across different fund houses to spread risk more effectively.

Your lump sum investments in HDFC Balanced Advantage, HDFC Focused 30, HDFC Manufacturing, SBI Contra, SBI PSU, and SBI Energy Opportunity Funds provide additional diversification across different investment themes and strategies.

While lump sum investments can be beneficial, especially during market downturns, it's essential to review your investment rationale for each fund and ensure they align with your long-term financial goals and risk tolerance.

Given the size of your lump sum investments, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to assess if your portfolio is appropriately diversified and if any adjustments are needed to optimize returns while managing risk.

Additionally, periodically review your portfolio's performance and make necessary adjustments to stay aligned with your financial objectives and market conditions.

In conclusion, while your current investments showcase a diverse portfolio, consider diversifying across fund houses and regularly reviewing your holdings to ensure they remain aligned with your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Money
What is reasonable and safe mode of investments for targeted minimum 12% return per annum
Ans: Achieving a minimum return of 12% per annum requires a strategic and diversified approach to investing. Here are some reasonable and safe investment options to consider:

Equity Mutual Funds: Investing in well-managed equity mutual funds with a track record of consistent performance can potentially offer returns higher than 12% over the long term. Opt for funds with a diversified portfolio across sectors and market capitalizations to mitigate risk.

Index Funds: While you mentioned not recommending index funds, they can still be considered for their lower fees and broad market exposure. However, actively managed funds may offer the potential for higher returns, albeit with slightly higher fees.

Diversified Portfolio: Building a diversified portfolio that includes a mix of equities, debt instruments, and alternative investments can help spread risk and optimize returns. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to asset classes like bonds, gold, and real estate investment trusts (REITs) to enhance diversification.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Investing regularly through SIPs in mutual funds allows you to benefit from rupee cost averaging and can potentially generate attractive returns over the long term, even during market fluctuations.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF offers a tax-efficient investment option with relatively stable returns and a long-term investment horizon. While the returns may vary, historically, PPF has offered returns higher than 12% in some periods.

National Pension System (NPS): NPS is a retirement-focused investment vehicle that offers the potential for attractive returns through exposure to equities, corporate bonds, and government securities. Opting for the Active Choice option allows you to customize your asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and return expectations.

Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs): Investing in REITs provides exposure to the real estate sector without the hassle of property management. REITs typically offer attractive dividend yields and the potential for capital appreciation over time.

Direct Equity: While direct equity investing carries higher risk, carefully selecting fundamentally strong companies with growth potential can potentially yield returns higher than 12% over the long term. Conduct thorough research or seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner before investing in individual stocks.

Remember, achieving a minimum return of 12% per annum requires patience, discipline, and a long-term investment horizon. It's essential to align your investment strategy with your risk tolerance, financial goals, and time horizon.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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