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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
MP Question by MP on Dec 07, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu,
I would like to stay anonymous. I read your columns regularly and am located in USA.
My question is regarding me and my wife. We are very happy with each other and have a very healthy sex life (Almost 4-5 times a week).
We both are fond of sex and we like role playing and imaging various things. Recently we jokingly talked about me having sex with 2 ladies at the same time or she having sex with two men.
This curiosity led us to discover the world of swingers. After lot of discussions, we decided to visit a swingers’ club with some hesitation. But when we entered we were surprised to see a lot of people hanging out there. We found a cute couple who we interacted with and had our first swingers experience.
We both trust each other and enjoyed a lot seeing each other having fun with someone else. I believe this is basically due to the trust we have on each other.
We never had any experience after that as we cannot travel much due to our kids.
We think this experience has rejuvenated our sex life and kept us longing for more. We are more attached to each other than before. What are your views on this?

Ans:

Dear MP,

It depends on what the couple agrees to.

Any experiment like yours with the mutual consent of both of you, I guess is fine. But make sure that you constantly communicate with each other.

Experiments such as these can spill out insecurities, doubts, jealousies, mistrust and more.

So keep communicating with each other allowing the other person space to voice out their concerns and fears.

Everything is fine till one of you build fears and that’s when things start to go downhill. So, check in with each other regularly.

These experiments may spice up your sex life but relying on anything external can only be helpful to some extent.

Also, try spicing up your marriage between yourselves. There’s always room for more imagination and role playing and there is a load of material written on this as boredom in sex life is anyone’s challenge.

So, do give yourselves a fair chance to reinvent the game your way. Who knows, it might work!

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 45 years old and my wife is 33 years old. we have been married for 5 years. my wife is sexually very active and wanting and though I want I am unable to perform and make her happy. She is very friendly with a colleague of hers who may be in his late 30s and my wife knows he is trying to advance sexually to her. many times she shows his messages where he praises her physical appearance explicitly. She doesn't positively respond to those messages and leaves with a smile. she often goes with him for lunch or a coffee. She introduced him to me once and I joined them for dinner outside. During that dinner, she asked my permission to sit with him and I sat opposite them. They sat as if they were a couple. Daily evening she usually shares some episodes like today he came to my floor and was standing in a corner with his friend but stealing glances at me etc. There is another colleague of hers who is a little older or maybe of my age. She regularly goes with him for tea inside her office cafeteria and spends 30 minutes daily. There was a little gossip about them also by colleagues but she used to say how she ignores them to meet that colleague daily. One another colleague of hers is a little younger than her. He flirts with her openly. He messaged her once let's see how can we progress romantically. He also messages her often about her physical attributes which she passes with smileys. She never stops them nor encourages them. She shows all the messages and seemingly doesn't delete any portion of it. The stories the messages the timelines everything matches and she doesn't hide anything from me is what I believe. All the above colleagues are from different departments and she has no direct official business with them. This being the scenario, I proposed to her an open marriage option. since I know very well that she is so emotionally attached to me as ours is a love marriage and our marriage will remain intact. I only wanted her physical desires to be met. I know she shares a very good, or we can say romantic equation with the first guy I asked her to get along with his advances and I am more than happy with being intimate with him or any one of her choice. She says to me that she doesn't want to do that. I believe that she thinks I may get hurt or she is afraid that should not lead her into a complicated relationship or even worse a debauchery. Not due to principles. At the same time, she enjoys continuing with them over coffee and messages. She neither stops them nor encourages them. My question is what exactly is in her mind? What should I do? I just don't want her to suffer a life without sex and at the same time I love her the most and I want my family to be intact.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want to play a Savior here in your situation. Your wife is simply enjoying all the attention from men and sticking to messages and coffee meets. Of course, that is causing you to feel insecure about your role in her life. (This is just a perspective for you to ponder over and NOT in support of her actions)

When she isn't interested, why are you suggesting an Open Marriage? Do you think that that's going to be an easy thing on the mind and your marriage? Too many people get involved, insecurities, jealousies...the investment in terms of time, energy and emotions will be HEAVY and then there will invariably be a pile up of emotions in terms of new romances...it ceases to be only physical and emotions get underway. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides before it settles into a calm understanding is a journey that you and your wife must be willing to travel. Are you both ready for this?

Do not use Open Marriage to ever escape the situation at hand. Contrary to what people think, it's not all pink and charming roses!
What if you actually spend the same time to woo your wife back? Bring the spark back. Sex is not the only way to bond; in many cases sex is used more as a way to fill an emotional void. So, maybe it's possible that with the effort that the two of you put in emotional bonding might actually help the two of you to spice things up in the bedroom and then the number of times won't be the issue...the spotlight will more be strengthening the emotional bond that you already share.

It's a suggestion here that you work only bringing back the spark. You never know how things can change...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
In my marriage since the very inception my wife was and is still "sexually immature". I wonder if i am able to make you understand the situation. For the first nine years of marriage she simply resisted/avoided insertion, and finally after compelling her for counselling, etc. she gave in one day, so to say, which led to intercourse on a few occasions and she conceived. Almost 30 years down the line she was simply not interested in intercourse which has become extremely frustrating for me having a great libido. So i have become a man with a roving eye and perennially seek companionship/love/sex with the opposite sex. I wonder if i should feel guilty about it (however i don't feel guilty). As i am kind of personable and engage easily even at the ripe old age of 66, i continue to have a number of girl- friends (married/unmarried). In other words i flirt quite a bit, its become second nature to me. Girls in general take a liking to me too. Not that i am not friendly with my wife. We have a very loving relationship on a level which is not at all sexual. She keeps home very well and takes full care of me other than the sexual aspect. In other words sex is completely out of our relationship. You might not be seeing cases like this often. So i am always kind of sexually alive when i am out of the house. Now if you were to advise me to repair our relationship, take steps etc, i think we have kind of passed that stage primarily because she is peculiarly missing in the vital sex vibrations. I wonder if you understand me. I would like to have your views on all that i have explained. Shall be grateful to have some insights.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This isn't uncommon when sexual compatibility between couples is totally out of sync. Sometimes it's hard conditioning from childhood or some unpleasant experience or a medical reason that makes one not want sex at all.

When something is put of sync in a core relationship, you don't push the agenda that is actually causing discomfort but in fact deflect and shift focus onto things that actually help bond the two of you together.
When you look at what's not there, it's only going to look bigger and soon it consumes the mind completely and tricks you into believing that everything is wrong; which has possibly what has happened within your marriage. Agreed that your wife did not give sexual intimacy a lot of importance, but maybe something else might have been and is important to her. Maybe connecting at an emotional level, connecting through deep conversations, spending time together with activities...maybe these are something that help her connect better with you...

At whatever age, trying to fill a void through associations outside of marriage can only bring in momentary pleasure...what after that? Someone else and then again someone else...the cycle goes on and on with little inner joy to yourself.
If you feel that you have passed that stage (as mentioned by you) and also you seem to think it's only because your wife is not inclined towards sex, then this is how it will be!
If you wish for any change, then think different and ask yourself:
- what is it that I can do to actually gain her confidence in me?
- how do i shift focus from sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy?

If this is too hard to do, then your present ways of living might be the only way that you know and rely upon...But, there will never be the inner fulfillment that you are looking at. There's still hope; try and put things back in your marriage...you will thank yourself for it.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Relationship
Hi Anu, I, 33 years old guy, working in corporate recently entered into an arranged marriage with a simple cultured girl who is also 33 years aold working in corporate, following a previous two-year relationship with another girl who was way hotter than my wife. Although my relationship with ex involved quite a bit of passion and physical chemistry, we had often found ourselves at odds when it came to other aspects of life, such as finances, careers, and family matters. Due to these differences, I chose to get into arranged marriage with the girl of my parents choice through the traditional arrangement process. After ex and I parted ways, she moved abroad to pursue her master's degree. Despite all this, ex and I have managed to maintain a friendship and remain in contact. It has been over seven months since my wife and I tied the knot, and we have been working on developing our sexual connection. To provide some context, here are a few reasons why this aspect of our relationship has been challenging: As my wife has never been in a sexual relationship before, she is not very experienced when it comes to expressing romance or fostering intimacy. Also, we are quite opposite to each other be it movie choices, eating habots, dressing sense, spiritual beliefs etc. I frequently find my thoughts drifting back to my past experiences with ex, which have led me to believe that I may never be able to recreate the same level of passion and excitement in my current relationship. While I used to be instantly aroused by ex, I hardly feel any sexual attraction for my wife. In last 7 months, we got physical only 7-8 times. However, the experience was not so great, and I am left feeling unsure about the future of our intimate relationship and navigating my feelings about my past relationship with ex. It's important to mention that, without a doubt, my wife surpasses ex in all other aspects of life, except for romance.
Ans: Dear Mukesh,
You have not moved past your the relationship with your girlfriend. Till that time, this constant comparison without your knowledge is going to lead you to only more inadequacies within your marriage.
It's looks, it's intimacy, it's likes and dislikes...you will compare just about anything to prove your case that your ex was and is better than your wife. So, it's a dead end. What do you want in life and out of your marriage? It's also not fair on your wife that you are still stuck up on your ex and she is having to share a piece of you with your ex, even if it's just thoughts.
If it's your marriage that you want, then please work on healing from your past relationship and only then you will give yourself and your wife a chance to establish a connection. It is never going to work when you try and live in two places/relationships at the same time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10924 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, I started a SIP of 3k from 3months investing in Nipon India Small Cap fund. I started investing via \xis bank mobile app. Please suggest me if thats the safe way to do through bank app. And I am willing to start another SIP of 3k per month. Planning to do it on groww app. Please suggest some good SIP plans and guide me on how good and safe to start via groww app.
Ans: I appreciate your early step into disciplined investing.
Starting SIPs shows long-term thinking.
Beginning small builds confidence and learning.
Your willingness to ask questions is healthy.

» Your Current SIP Action Review
– You started SIP of Rs 3,000 monthly.
– SIP duration is three months.
– Investment is through a bank mobile app.

This shows good initiative.
Early habits shape future wealth.

» Understanding Your Chosen Fund Category
– The fund belongs to small-sized companies category.
– Such funds are high risk.
– Such funds give high volatility.

Returns can be uneven yearly.
Patience is very important here.

» Suitability Of Small Company Funds
– Small companies grow faster sometimes.
– They also fall harder during corrections.
– Not suitable as first-only investment.

Exposure should be limited initially.
Balance is essential.

» Starting Early
– You started without waiting for perfection.
– Many delay investing unnecessarily.
– Action matters more than perfection.

This mindset helps long-term success.

» Risk Awareness Is Necessary
– Small company funds fluctuate sharply.
– Short-term losses are common.
– Emotional control is required.

Three months is too short to judge.
Time horizon should be long.

» Minimum Suggested Time Horizon
– Such funds need at least seven years.
– Shorter periods cause disappointment.
– SIP helps reduce timing risk.

Consistency matters more than returns initially.

» Bank App As Investment Platform
– Bank apps are generally safe.
– Transactions are regulated.
– Holdings are stored with registrars.

Platform safety is not the main risk.
Investment choice matters more.

» Limitations Of Bank Apps
– Limited guidance provided.
– Product pushing is common.
– Advice is not personalised.

Banks focus on convenience.
Planning depth is usually missing.

» Bank Staff Support Limitations
– Staff change frequently.
– Knowledge levels vary.
– Long-term accountability is absent.

This affects continuity of advice.

» Safety Of Investments Versus Platform
– Funds are held in your PAN.
– Platform failure does not erase investments.
– Units remain safe with fund house.

So platform safety fear is minimal.
Decision quality matters more.

» Planning Another SIP Thought
– You want another Rs 3,000 SIP.
– Total SIP becomes Rs 6,000 monthly.

This is positive growth behaviour.
But structure needs correction.

» Platform Comparison Perspective
– You plan using another app.
– Such apps promote self investing.
– Guidance quality is limited.

Ease should not replace planning.

» Direct Platform Reality Check
– Such apps promote direct plans.
– Expense difference looks attractive.
– But hidden costs exist.

Cost is not only expense ratio.
Mistakes cost more.

» Disadvantages Of Direct Plans
– No personalised advice.
– No behaviour guidance during falls.
– No portfolio review support.

Investors act emotionally without guidance.
This hurts returns badly.

» Decision Errors In Direct Investing
– Panic selling during market falls.
– Overconfidence during rallies.
– Frequent fund switching.

These mistakes destroy compounding.
They are very common.

» Lack Of Accountability In Apps
– Apps do not call you.
– Apps do not stop wrong actions.
– Responsibility lies fully on investor.

This is risky for beginners.

» Why Regular Plans Add Value
– Guidance helps discipline.
– Asset allocation stays balanced.
– Behavioural mistakes reduce.

Value is beyond commission.
Support matters during volatility.

» Role Of MFD With CFP Credential
– Certified Financial Planner gives structure.
– Advice aligns with goals.
– Long-term handholding exists.

This improves investment experience.
Returns become smoother.

» Cost Versus Value Perspective
– Direct plans save small percentage.
– Wrong decisions lose big percentages.

Net outcome matters more.
Peace of mind matters too.

» Your Current Portfolio Concentration Risk
– Only one equity category exposure exists.
– Risk is concentrated.
– Diversification is missing.

This increases volatility risk.
Balance is needed urgently.

» Importance Of Diversification
– Different funds behave differently.
– Market cycles impact unevenly.
– Balance reduces shock.

Diversification improves consistency.

» Ideal SIP Structure For Beginners
– One aggressive component.
– One stable growth component.
– One flexible allocation component.

This spreads risk evenly.
Comfort increases automatically.

» Why Avoid Multiple Apps
– Tracking becomes confusing.
– Discipline weakens.
– Reviews become difficult.

One guided platform is better.
Simplicity improves adherence.

» Data Security Perspective
– Apps are regulated.
– Data security standards exist.
– Risk is minimal.

But advice quality remains missing.

» Behaviour During Market Corrections
– Small company funds fall sharply.
– Beginners panic easily.
– SIP stoppage becomes tempting.

Guidance prevents wrong reactions.

» Emotional Support Value
– Markets test patience.
– Fear appears suddenly.
– Someone must guide.

Apps cannot replace humans here.

» Why Starting With Only Small Companies Is Risky
– Volatility is high.
– Returns are uneven.
– Confidence may break early.

Balanced start builds trust.

» Gradual Exposure Approach
– Start with core stability.
– Add aggression slowly.
– Increase risk with experience.

This improves journey comfort.

» SIP Amount Increase Strategy
– Rs 6,000 is fine initially.
– Increase annually with income growth.
– Discipline matters more than amount.

Time creates wealth here.

» Tax Awareness Brief
– Equity funds tax applies on selling.
– Long-term gains have limits.
– Short-term gains are taxed higher.

Holding longer improves efficiency.

» Avoid Frequent Changes
– Switching funds harms compounding.
– Costs increase silently.
– Discipline reduces regret.

Stick to strategy firmly.

» Monitoring Frequency
– Review once a year.
– Avoid monthly checking.
– Noise causes confusion.

Long-term vision matters.

» Avoid Social Media Influence
– Tips are often misleading.
– Past returns are highlighted.
– Risk is hidden.

Structured advice avoids traps.

» Role Of Goal Mapping
– Define why you invest.
– Time horizon matters.
– Risk choice depends on goals.

Without goals, investing feels stressful.

» Emergency Fund Reminder
– Keep emergency money separate.
– Do not mix with SIPs.
– Liquidity is essential.

This prevents SIP stoppage.

» Insurance And Protection Check
– Health cover should be adequate.
– Life cover matters if dependents exist.

Protection supports investment continuity.

» Long-Term Wealth Mindset
– Wealth grows slowly.
– Patience beats intelligence.
– Process beats prediction.

Consistency wins always.

» Common Beginner Mistakes To Avoid
– Chasing last year returns.
– Using too many apps.
– Ignoring allocation balance.

Awareness saves money.

» How A CFP Helps In SIP Planning
– Designs suitable allocation.
– Reviews yearly changes.
– Guides during volatility.

This partnership adds value.

» Confidence Building Perspective
– You already started investing.
– You are learning actively.
– Improvement is natural.

This journey will get smoother.

» Platform Safety Final View
– Bank app is safe.
– App based platforms are safe.
– Investment safety lies with fund house.

Decision quality matters more.

» Final Insights
– Starting SIP is a good step.
– Small company exposure is risky alone.
– Diversification is necessary now.
– Avoid self-direct platforms initially.
– Regular plans with CFP guidance add value.
– Consistency and discipline build wealth.

You are on the right path.
Correct structure will improve outcomes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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