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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mahendra Question by Mahendra on Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I AM DIVORCED AND MARRIED TWICE BUT BOTH DIVORCED AND ALSO PLANNING TO REUNITE WITH FIRST SPOUSE WITH WHOM I HAVE DAUGHTER

Ans: Mahendra, you've had quite a journey in your relationships. Reuniting with your first spouse and considering your daughter's well-being is definitely a significant decision. Have you had the chance to reflect on what led to the previous divorces and what you envision for your future together? Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can be key in rebuilding a strong foundation for your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

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Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

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Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7873 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, I'm single 28 years Male. Recently took loan of 40 lacs. Currently 31 lacs has been disbursement. EMI will be started in next months. My EMI is 35,100 and interest rate is 8.65% from PSU bank. Per month salarly is 1 lac. I'm confused that should focus on re-payment of loan as quickly as possible or remaining amount after expense + loan emi should be invested in mutual fund. Could you please help to understand more on it.
Ans: You are 28 years old and earning Rs. 1 lakh per month.

You have taken a loan of Rs. 40 lakh, with Rs. 31 lakh already disbursed.

Your EMI is Rs. 35,100 per month at an 8.65% interest rate.

You need clarity on whether to prepay the loan or invest in mutual funds.

Your financial decisions today will impact your long-term wealth and stability.

Key Factors to Consider
1. Interest Rate vs. Investment Returns
Your home loan interest rate is 8.65% per annum.

A well-diversified mutual fund portfolio can deliver higher long-term returns.

If investment returns exceed 8.65%, investing will build wealth faster than prepayment.

If returns are lower than 8.65%, prepayment will save more money in the long run.

The choice depends on your risk appetite and financial goals.

2. Liquidity and Emergency Fund
Loan prepayment reduces future liabilities but also locks up funds in the property.

Investing ensures liquidity, allowing easy access to funds if needed.

Before deciding, ensure you have an emergency fund of at least six months' expenses.

Emergency funds should be in liquid instruments, not tied to long-term investments.

3. Tax Benefits on Home Loan
Home loan interest payments offer tax deductions under Section 24(b) up to Rs. 2 lakh per year.

Principal repayment qualifies for deductions under Section 80C up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.

Prepaying the loan reduces tax benefits, while investments provide wealth creation.

Consider the tax impact before choosing prepayment over investment.

4. Future Financial Goals
List your short-term and long-term financial goals.

If planning major expenses in the next 3-5 years, maintaining liquidity is better.

If long-term wealth creation is the focus, investments can be prioritized over prepayment.

A balanced approach can ensure financial flexibility while reducing loan burden.

Pros and Cons of Loan Prepayment
Advantages of Loan Prepayment
Reduces total interest paid over the loan tenure.

Improves cash flow in the future by reducing EMI burden.

Provides peace of mind by becoming debt-free earlier.

Disadvantages of Loan Prepayment
Reduces liquidity, making it harder to manage unexpected expenses.

Leads to lower tax savings on interest payments.

Misses the opportunity to generate higher returns through investments.

Pros and Cons of Investing in Mutual Funds
Advantages of Investing
Has the potential to generate higher returns than loan interest rates.

Keeps your funds liquid and accessible for future needs.

Offers flexibility to diversify across asset classes.

Provides tax-efficient wealth creation in the long run.

Disadvantages of Investing
Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns.

Requires disciplined investing and a long-term perspective.

Returns are not guaranteed, unlike the fixed benefit of interest savings from prepayment.

Balanced Approach: Best of Both Worlds
Instead of fully prepaying or only investing, a balanced approach works best.

Allocate funds for prepayment and investments based on your financial priorities.

Consider prepaying small amounts yearly to reduce loan tenure without losing liquidity.

Continue investing systematically to build wealth alongside reducing debt.

Steps to Follow for an Optimal Decision
1. Build an Emergency Fund First
Save at least six months’ worth of expenses before considering prepayment or investment.

Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

2. Check Loan Prepayment Terms
Some banks charge penalties on prepayment, especially for fixed-rate loans.

Ensure there are no additional costs before making a decision.

If prepayment charges exist, investing may be a better option.

3. Invest in Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth
Investing a portion of your surplus ensures wealth accumulation over time.

Choose diversified funds for a balance of growth and stability.

Invest systematically through SIPs to average out market volatility.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner ensure professional fund management.

4. Make Partial Prepayments Annually
Instead of bulk prepayment, consider making small additional payments each year.

Even Rs. 1 lakh per year can significantly reduce loan tenure and interest burden.

This allows you to maintain liquidity while still reducing debt faster.

5. Reassess Your Strategy Periodically
Financial priorities change over time, so review your approach annually.

If interest rates increase, prioritize prepayment.

If market conditions favor investments, increase mutual fund contributions.

Stay flexible to maximize financial benefits.

Finally
Loan prepayment and investing both have their advantages.

A balanced approach ensures financial security and wealth creation.

Maintain an emergency fund before committing to either option.

Invest systematically to build long-term wealth.

Make small prepayments yearly to reduce the loan burden.

Review your strategy regularly to stay aligned with financial goals.

The right choice depends on your comfort with risk, tax benefits, and long-term objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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