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Kanchan Rai  |255 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mahendra Question by Mahendra on Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I AM DIVORCED AND MARRIED TWICE BUT BOTH DIVORCED AND ALSO PLANNING TO REUNITE WITH FIRST SPOUSE WITH WHOM I HAVE DAUGHTER

Ans: Mahendra, you've had quite a journey in your relationships. Reuniting with your first spouse and considering your daughter's well-being is definitely a significant decision. Have you had the chance to reflect on what led to the previous divorces and what you envision for your future together? Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can be key in rebuilding a strong foundation for your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 43 years old . My wife passed away 3 years ago. I have a 13 years old child.My relatives are asking me to get re-married. I am in confused state. Should I remarry or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss; the passing on of a spouse almost feels like you live that grief everyday.
Your relatives are simply reacting to what they see as loneliness that you are living and that you can bring a Mother for a child.
Now, the choice of remarrying is a decision that solely must be made by you and your daughter. Relatives think for you but they do not know the consequences of such an important step.
Who is this person that you will be marrying?
Are you okay to take on another lady as your wife?
Will she be fine raising your daughter as her own?
What happens when the two of you decide to have a child of your own?
Is your daughter willing to see another person as a 'mother' figure?

If you choose not to remarry?
Being a girl, will you commit to caring for your daughter in more ways than a father?
How will you associate with her emotions as she goes through puberty and needs you to step in to do what her mother would have done for her at this time?
Do you see yourself going through life by yourself once your daughter leaves home to live her life?

These are just a few questions for you to get you started. You can add many more to both scenarios and play them out in your mind. The answer will emerge from within you.
But let me warn you, never ever remarry to temporarily erase your emptiness OR simply to yield to the demands of relatives to bring a new Mother for your daughter. This is a Disaster Zone and everyone will turn out unhappy.
Second shot at living or creating a life must be taken once you are aware that it will never be compared to your earlier life and that both the women are unique and will be respected by you and all as someone who brings forth new energy and wisdom.

Hope this helps. All the best to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

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Relationship
Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |122 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
Ours is a family of 3 people -- My wife, I and my daughter who is 15. I am 39, my wife is 37 and our monthly expenses are Rs 90K. I own my house and expect to have no fixed income after 65 years, and expect to live till 75. Considering the ever increasing price rise what should be my corpus at 65 for me to continue living the life style I am living today?
Ans: Calculating your retirement corpus:

Here's how to estimate the corpus you'll need to maintain your current lifestyle after retirement:

1. Retirement period:

You plan to retire at 65 and expect to live till 75. So, your retirement period is 75 - 65 = 10 years.

2. Inflation adjustment:

You've rightly considered inflation. To estimate future expenses, we need to factor in inflation. A safe assumption for India is 5-7% inflation. Let's take an average of 6%.

3. Current monthly expenses:

You spend Rs 90,000 per month currently.

4. Future monthly expenses:

To find the monthly expense at retirement (at 65), we need to consider inflation for 26 years (39 years till retirement + 10 years retirement).

You can use an inflation calculator online or a simple formula:

Future monthly expense = Current monthly expense * (1 + Inflation rate)^number of years

In your case, Future monthly expense = Rs 90,000 * (1 + 0.06)^26 ≈ Rs 3,28,550 (approximately Rs 3.29 lakh)

5. Total corpus calculation:

Now you can calculate the total corpus needed. Here's a common approach:

Total corpus = Monthly expense * Number of years in retirement * 12 (months)

However, this method doesn't consider the fact that you'll be withdrawing money every month, reducing the corpus. A more accurate method is using the Time Value of Money (TVM) concept. There are online TVM calculators or Excel functions you can use.

Here's an alternative approach that provides a reasonable estimate:

Multiply the future monthly expense (Rs 3.29 lakh) by a factor considering inflation over the period. This factor can vary depending on your risk tolerance and investment strategy. A factor of 200 is often used as a conservative estimate.
Total corpus = Rs 3.29 lakh/month * 200 (factor) = Rs 6.58 crore (approximately Rs 658 million)

Additional factors to consider:

• Daughter's future expenses: Your daughter will be an adult by the time you retire. While she won't be financially dependent, consider any potential future support you might want to provide for her education or marriage.
• Healthcare costs: Healthcare expenses tend to increase with age. Factor in potential medical needs during retirement.
• Debt: If you have any outstanding debt by the time you retire, you'll need to account for its repayment in your corpus calculation.
• Investment returns: The corpus amount assumes a certain rate of return on your investments. Research different investment options and their potential returns to refine your calculations.

Recommendation:

Consult a financial advisor for a personalised retirement plan considering your specific financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals. They can help you create a more comprehensive plan and suggest suitable investment strategies to achieve your corpus target.

Remember, this is an estimate. Regularly review your plan and adjust it based on changing circumstances.

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1003 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

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