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Seeking Advice: Will I reunite with my first spouse and daughter after two divorces?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mahendra Question by Mahendra on Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

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Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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Hello Anu Ji, Thanks for giving Your valuable time and Precious advice & feedback on my Question. I have no words to express my feeling that after so long somebody tried to understand me & my POV and above all helping in raising my moral & recognizing my ability in this messy and confusing state of mind. In your response you ask me to introspect few questions and tell u honestly I did that in alone . In those answer few were as clear as Crystal. But few of them confused me. I will be mentioning what u asked me to asked myself ……and what I have answer for that Questions. 1. - how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage? Answer :As in my divorce settlement she will be staying with her mother and since Nov2016 I have not seen her and not knowing nothing about her But praying to the almighty for the wellbeing for here all the time. 2. - am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage? Answer: Yes, it is. There is lot anger, frustration which I have buried in the grave yard of my Heart . but the soul is still alive. its really very easy in words to say “MOVE ON”, try to forget the past , Forgive the person …. Let the karma do its course. It’s not easy ,when a person’s life has change 360degree.Madam ,since 2010 to 2017, I had face so much , u can’t imagine and I wouldn’t be able to describe. Those 8 yrs. are hell for me and for my parents. U know the saddest Part of this separation is who suffer the most after me is my Daughter . She & myself is and will be missing each other as Father &Daughter. After my divorce in 2017 , I have moved on so long in my life but there is something which dragging me back. 3. am I completely ready to commit to a marriage? Answer : this is the question which is annoying me, I’m not able figure it out . About my commitment , yes I am very much clear about this , I was, am & will be committed , to my relationship. But I have Trust issue’s. Right now I can say this only . Getting Married is just settling down in life is the core issue presently in my life ,not pleasing someone. I am not in that state of mind to please anybody as I am already seeking help to be Happy and in the search of the happiness which I lost .U know Time is great healer…….. & heal the biggest of the biggest wounds………but in the end leave with scar on ur mind for rest of the life . In the end , I would say I have a lot to share , lot to discuss , but there are some constraints. Hoping that ……I may have able to give You my POV to understand my current state of mind . Thanks R@@J
Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for reaching out again.
You seem to have done your bit to reflect deeper which is amazing. Yet, with my experience of working with people on relationships, I can tell you one thing...
Never get into a relationship till you find the heart to trust again as trust is the only thing that will keep any relationship strong and that will happen only after the ANGER eases into something more useful. Is this possible, YES! Kindly seek the help of a professional who will help with this inner work on releasing anger and building trust. This person will be able to fathom your POV and guide you aptly.
Remember, the next person who you are seeking to engage with, will expect a person who trusts and loves; so, that's why heal from one before you get into another relationship. I am sure you understand this well.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

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Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8330 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2025
Money
Hi Sir, I am 42 years old private employee and around 1lakh salary per month. I have 2 kids of 7yrs and 4yrs each. I have savings like in NPS as 11lakhs, PPF as 8lakhs, Sukanya as 2lakhs, 1 term policy and lic policy. Medical insurance is from company and no person health insurance. And I have 72k in MFs till now. I have started it and regretting as I ignore MFs as I don't have much financial knowledge on this. So requesting you to please give a suggestion for my family future needs like education, marriage etc. and importantly pension fund after retirement. Hope you will reply and help me.
Ans: You're doing well so far. You have started important savings and protection steps. You are rightly thinking about your children and retirement. Let’s now look at your full financial picture step by step. This is to guide you in building a solid future for your family.

Current Financial Overview – Evaluation
Your monthly income is Rs.1 lakh. This gives you decent capacity to plan.

You are 42 now. That gives you around 15 to 18 years for retirement.

You have Rs.11 lakhs in NPS. This is a good start.

PPF of Rs.8 lakhs is useful for long-term needs. Well done.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana of Rs.2 lakhs is good for daughters. Keep it up.

You have term insurance. This is a very important safety net.

You have company medical insurance. But you must take personal health cover too.

Rs.72,000 in mutual funds is a good beginning. You should continue.

You have a LIC policy. This is a mix product. We need to check its usefulness.

Children’s Future – Education and Marriage Planning
Your kids are 7 and 4 years old. Their higher education starts in 10-14 years.

For education and marriage, equity mutual funds are best suited.

They can give better growth than PPF, Sukanya, or fixed options.

Continue Sukanya Samriddhi. It is safe and tax-free.

But add mutual funds as major part for education goals.

Use regular plans through MFDs with CFP support. This gives proper guidance.

Avoid direct plans. They miss out expert monitoring and adjustment support.

Direct plans seem cheaper. But lack handholding and ongoing advice.

Choose child-focused mutual fund portfolios with 10+ years view.

Invest monthly through SIPs. This builds wealth slowly and safely.

Target two separate funds: one for elder, one for younger child.

Review goals every year with your CFP and adjust SIPs.

Your Retirement – Pension Planning Steps
NPS of Rs.11 lakhs is a decent beginning. You should continue it.

But don’t depend only on NPS for full retirement.

Add mutual funds as second pillar for retirement.

Invest in balanced and multi-cap equity mutual funds via regular plans.

Regular plans through CFP and MFDs will give review and corrections.

Avoid direct funds. You may miss right fund changes and rebalancing.

Equity funds can help you beat inflation over next 15-20 years.

Don’t invest in annuity plans. They give low income and low flexibility.

Increase your SIP amount every year by 10%-15%.

Consider retirement planning as your most important goal.

Estimate a comfortable monthly need after retirement.

Plan now to reach that amount by 60.

Maintain separate SIPs for children’s education and for your retirement.

Life Insurance – Policy Review and Action
You already have a term insurance. This is perfect. Continue it.

If your term insurance is below Rs.1 crore, increase it now.

Avoid traditional LIC endowment or ULIP policies.

These mix insurance with investment. Gives poor return.

If your LIC is traditional or ULIP, plan to surrender it.

Take surrender value. Invest that amount in mutual funds.

Pure term plans protect your family better than endowment plans.

No need to mix insurance and savings.

Health Insurance – Important Next Step
Company insurance is not enough. Buy personal family health insurance.

After leaving job, company cover may stop. Risk is high without personal cover.

Take a Rs.10 lakh floater plan now for your family.

Add super top-up of Rs.15-20 lakhs later. Premium is low.

This gives peace of mind against big medical bills.

If you delay this, you may get exclusions or waiting period.

Emergency Fund – Safety Cushion Plan
Keep at least 6 months of expenses in savings or liquid mutual fund.

This is your safety net during job loss or medical need.

Use sweep-in FD or liquid funds for better returns.

Don’t touch emergency fund for any investment.

Keep it ready and separate from regular savings.

Mutual Funds – Growth Engine for Long Term Goals
You have Rs.72,000 in mutual funds now. Good first step.

Continue investing monthly through SIPs. Choose regular plans.

Use the help of MFDs and CFPs for fund selection and review.

Avoid index funds. They don’t beat market. No fund manager support.

Actively managed funds perform better with expert fund management.

Also avoid direct funds. You need handholding and goal tracking.

Regular funds cost little more. But give huge benefit of expert advice.

Equity mutual funds should be used for all long-term goals.

For short-term needs, use short duration or hybrid funds.

Review your portfolio yearly. Adjust based on life changes.

PPF, Sukanya and NPS – How to Use Them Properly
PPF is safe and tax-free. Continue till maturity.

Use it as part of your retirement strategy.

Sukanya is good for your daughters. Continue till they reach 21 years.

NPS is useful for building retirement money. Continue your contributions.

But NPS has lock-in. So don’t make it your only retirement tool.

Mix it with equity mutual funds to create balance.

Review asset allocation with a certified planner every year.

Tax Planning – Smart Use of Instruments
Use Section 80C fully with PPF, Sukanya, Term Insurance, ELSS.

ELSS mutual funds give tax benefit and growth potential.

Don’t put too much in low-yield tax-saving policies.

Use HRA and NPS also for tax savings if available.

Equity mutual funds: LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%. So, hold equity funds for more than 1 year.

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per income slab. Plan accordingly.

Action Plan – What You Can Do Next
List your goals: retirement, kids’ education, their marriage.

Estimate time left for each goal.

Assign investments to each goal. PPF, NPS, Sukanya for retirement and kids.

Start or increase SIPs in regular equity mutual funds.

Take personal health insurance without delay.

Check and surrender LIC if it is traditional or ULIP.

Build an emergency fund equal to 6 months of salary.

Increase your term insurance if less than Rs.1 crore.

Review all investments yearly with a certified financial planner.

Finally – Insights to Keep in Mind
You are doing many right things. Just needs better alignment.

Don’t feel regret about delay. You are now taking steps forward.

Invest in mutual funds regularly with expert guidance.

Avoid direct and index funds. Go with regular plans via CFPs.

Plan each goal separately. Don’t mix children and retirement funds.

Protect your family with term insurance and health cover.

Stay consistent with SIPs. Wealth builds over time.

Review once a year. Track goals and adjust your plan.

Always take advice from certified financial planners.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8330 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2025

Money
I am 31 years, unmarried bachelor and lead celibacy. I have investment in equity mutual fund growth option cost of which is 20 lacs now valued at 45 lacs. I don't require this for next 30 years and reserve it for my retirement. Do I need to save now for retirement, or can I spend 99% of my current earning as I have a retirement corpus of Rs.45 lacs at current value. I have life cover of 1.5 cr and for health Rs.40 lacs and comfortably earning from MNC for my survival, healthy with no bad habits and lead a disciplined and minimalist life style. Please guide me do I need more retirement corpus, or the accumulated Corpus is enough for retirement. If so how much more corpus do i need?
Ans: You have shown excellent discipline. At age 31, you already have Rs.45 lacs in equity mutual funds. That’s a rare position to be in.

You lead a minimalist life. You are healthy. You don’t have dependents. You are earning well. You are living with purpose and clarity.

Still, retirement planning is not only about a lump sum today. It also needs a 360-degree analysis.

Let us now evaluate in detail if this Rs.45 lacs is enough for your retirement.

We will assess from lifestyle, inflation, investment risk, tax rules, personal values, and health perspective.

We will also answer your main question: Can you spend 99% of your earnings now?

Retirement Planning Is Not Only About Current Corpus
Rs.45 lacs looks large now. But you are 31. Retirement is 29 years away.

A rupee today won’t have the same value 30 years later.

With inflation, prices can rise 5x or even more by then.

Your current Rs.45 lacs may not buy much in 2054.

So it is not enough to just grow. It must grow faster than inflation.

What If You Don’t Add Any More Investment?
If you don’t invest any more for retirement now, your Rs.45 lacs must grow for 30 years.

Let us assess few key points:

If the investment is fully in equity, volatility is high.

Long-term returns can be rewarding, but not always predictable.

Also, equity mutual funds attract capital gains tax.

New rule: LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

This will reduce the final retirement corpus.

So you cannot assume all returns will be tax-free.

Impact of Inflation on Lifestyle
You are minimalist today. But that may not be the case at 60.

Even basic costs like food, rent, medicine, utilities will go up.

At 6% inflation, Rs.25,000 monthly expenses today may become Rs.1.5 lacs after 30 years.

Medical inflation is higher. You may need Rs.5 lacs per year for healthcare alone at retirement.

So the same Rs.45 lacs will lose value every year.

What If You Live Longer?
Longevity is increasing in India. You may live till 90 or 95.

That means 30 years working and 30+ years retired.

So retirement may last longer than your working life.

Your money has to work for you after 60.

Even a Rs.3 crore corpus at retirement may fall short if not planned properly.

Health Cover and Life Cover Are Good
Rs.1.5 crore term insurance is good.

Rs.40 lacs health cover is excellent. Keep renewing it.

But insurance is not a substitute for retirement planning.

Also, insurance does not build wealth.

You Have Time on Your Side
You are 31. That gives you 30 years to grow your corpus.

That is your biggest strength.

Small, consistent investing now can multiply your corpus over 30 years.

Even Rs.10,000 per month extra can change your future.

Can You Spend 99% of Earnings?
It is not wise to spend 99% of earnings even with Rs.45 lacs corpus.

It makes your life dependent on just one investment.

Also, it leaves no buffer for job loss, health crisis, or early retirement.

Spending most of your income will reduce your financial freedom later.

Risks of Not Saving Enough
Future jobs may not pay this well.

You may face burnout or wish to retire early.

Markets may not perform as expected.

Emergencies may force early withdrawal.

Expenses can rise unexpectedly.

What Should Be the Ideal Retirement Corpus?
There is no fixed number. It depends on your lifestyle.

Still, we can estimate based on some broad assumptions:

A basic retirement needs at least Rs.4 to 5 crores at age 60.

A comfortable life with travel, hobbies, and good healthcare needs Rs.6 to 8 crores.

A rich life with freedom and legacy needs Rs.10 crores or more.

You may not need all of it. But you must aim higher and stay flexible.

How Much More Corpus You Need?
You already have Rs.45 lacs.

Assuming 10% annual return, and no withdrawal for 30 years:

Your current Rs.45 lacs can become Rs.8 crores in 30 years.

But tax and inflation will reduce its value.

After adjusting, this may be worth only Rs.3 to 4 crores in real terms.

So yes, you are on the right path. But you are not done yet.

Should You Stop Saving Now?
No. Stopping now is not safe.

You should continue to invest at least 20% to 30% of income.

You don’t need to be aggressive.

But you must not stop completely.

Advantages of Continuing SIPs in Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed funds are more responsive to market changes.

They are driven by research and fund manager insights.

They can beat inflation better than passive options.

They help create real wealth over time.

You can invest through mutual fund distributor with CFP. That gives expert help.

Disadvantages of Direct Mutual Fund Investing
Direct funds seem cheaper. But they miss the human touch.

No professional reviews. No behavioural guidance.

You may exit in panic or enter at wrong time.

Mistakes in direct investing are costly.

Regular funds via a Certified Financial Planner offer support, reviews, and strategy.

Financial Planning Is Not Just About Corpus
Financial planning is lifelong.

You need a written retirement plan.

Include health, taxes, estate, and liquidity in that plan.

Set goals every 5 years and review progress.

Don’t think of corpus only. Think of financial independence.

Your Current Strengths
Strong investment of Rs.45 lacs

No dependents or liabilities

High income and low expenses

Health insurance and term cover

Discipline and minimalism

What You Can Do Now
Continue SIPs in actively managed funds via expert help

Review portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner

Create a written retirement plan

Don’t touch your Rs.45 lacs till 60

Save 30% of income. Enjoy 70%.

Finally
You are doing well. You already have Rs.45 lacs at age 31. That shows foresight.

But retirement is not a fixed-point goal. It is a moving target with inflation and uncertainty.

You must not stop saving. Keep adding regularly. Small steps now can lead to a rich future.

Aim to build a Rs.6 to 8 crore corpus. That gives you safety, comfort, and peace.

Spending 99% now is risky. Don’t do that. Instead, reward yourself within limits. But keep investing for freedom.

Discipline today gives freedom tomorrow.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8330 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Money
Sir, we had a dispute in our ancestral property we approached the court and the verdict said we are entitled to a portion of the property The dispute was the land was sold without our knowledge etc., after getting the verdict we got patta, registration in our name. Now we are planning to sell the land, a lawyer said get a ratification deed, I don't know what it is and also weather it is needed or not. The lawyer called us and said the the other party who has purchased the land illegally is not agreeing to sign and is asking money to settle the matter as he has purchased the land. Even after receiving court orders this kind of dodging is happening. The amount of money he is asking is senseless, even if I sell the land I wouldn't get that much amount, I am unable to put in writing many other problems kindly advise what next steps to take. also let me know what are all the documents to have as a owner. Thank you
Ans: You have taken rightful steps. Court verdict is in your favour. That shows your legal ground is strong.

But still, the other party is asking for money. That too, an unfair amount. You also mentioned a lawyer suggested getting a ratification deed. Let us try to understand the full situation and assess all possible options. We will also cover what documents are needed to prove your ownership.

This reply gives you a 360-degree view. It will help you make a sound and confident decision.

Understanding Your Current Legal Standing
You said the land was sold without your knowledge. That makes the original sale illegal. The court has agreed with you. That is a key win for you.

You now have patta and registration in your name. These are strong documents. They show you have legal title.

Based on this, you are now the legal owner. That means you have the full right to sell the land. But the buyer must also be confident. So legal clarity is very important.

What Is a Ratification Deed?
A ratification deed is a It confirms a past act done without proper authority. The current party gives approval to that act.

In your case, it seems the buyer who bought the land earlier is being asked to “ratify” that sale. That is, to agree that you are the rightful owner now.

This is not a mandatory document by law. But it is sometimes used to make the title stronger. Some buyers or their banks ask for it.

However, since the court has already ruled in your favour, you may not legally need it. You already have the stronger claim.

Why Is the Buyer Still Causing Issues?
The person who bought the land earlier might feel he lost money. He may think the sale to him was legal. But since the court disagreed, he now holds no right.

His demand for money is unjust. It is a pressure tactic. He is trying to recover his loss by troubling you.

You are not legally required to pay him. He has no power to stop your sale.

Assessing Options Now
You can now evaluate your next steps from three angles – legal, practical, and financial.

Legal Options
Talk to your lawyer again. Ask: is a ratification deed mandatory in your case?

Get a written legal opinion. This should clearly mention your rights and position.

File a complaint if the other party is threatening you or asking money.

Send a legal notice through your lawyer to that person. Mention that he has no right now.

Practical Options
Try selling to a buyer who trusts the court order. Show them all documents.

Explain clearly that title is clean. Show the judgment, patta, and registration.

Use a reputed real estate lawyer for the sale. That gives buyers more confidence.

Financial Assessment
Do not agree to pay huge amounts. It may cause loss for you.

If needed, consider a small settlement. But only after full legal review. And only if it makes the sale smooth and quick.

Ask yourself: Even if I settle, will the person agree to give in writing? If not, don’t pay.

Must-Have Documents to Sell the Land
As a rightful owner, you must hold the following papers:

Patta in your name (this is land ownership proof)

Registered sale deed or title deed (issued after the court judgment)

Copy of the court verdict

Encumbrance Certificate (EC) (shows your name as the current legal holder)

Legal heir certificate, if you inherited the land

Property tax receipts in your name

Aadhar and PAN card copies

Suggested Steps to Make Sale Smooth
Get a detailed Title Certificate from a lawyer. It should mention the court case and outcome.

Keep a summary note ready. It should explain how you became owner.

Ensure name match across all your documents.

Keep a certified copy of court order with you at all times.

Use a reputed property consultant or broker only if needed. Prefer buyers who are local and familiar with such cases.

Emotional and Mental Pressure
You also mentioned you are facing many other issues. That is understandable. Land disputes take a heavy toll on health and peace of mind.

Please do not worry. You already have legal strength.

You have cleared a big milestone by getting the court’s support.

Don’t allow fear or threats to stop you.

Stay strong. Keep family informed. Talk regularly with your lawyer.

How Certified Financial Planner Can Help
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you better with your sale proceeds.

If you plan to sell, prepare a written cash flow plan.

Think about your family’s short-term and long-term needs.

Keep emergency funds aside. Don’t invest all money at once.

Mutual funds managed by professional advisors can be considered. They offer long-term wealth building.

What Not To Do
Do not deal in cash. Always use cheque or bank transfer.

Do not sign any paper without lawyer check.

Do not get emotionally disturbed by their false threats.

Do not delay your next steps due to confusion or fear.

Finally
You have shown good courage. You followed the legal process. You now own the land as per law.

The other party is only trying to misuse your fear. Do not fall for it.

If the buyer still refuses to cooperate, avoid them. Choose another buyer.

If a ratification deed is insisted by your new buyer, ask your lawyer: Is it really needed?

If not needed, move ahead without it.

If needed, try again to convince the other person. If they demand unreasonable money, don’t agree.

Let your lawyer send notice. You can also explore police help if needed.

Always work with proper documents. Keep everything in writing.

Keep calm and move forward. With legal support and proper documents, you will win.

If you need help with managing the money after sale, we can help with a long-term financial plan.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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