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Seeking Advice: Will I reunite with my first spouse and daughter after two divorces?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mahendra Question by Mahendra on Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2023

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Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Dear Mahendra,
It is unfortunate that you had to go over marriage twice to understand what could have been avoided.
Now, whether your wife from the first marriage also shares the same feelings of love and affection towards you cannot be assumed. She might have moved on in her mind and heart, so to build up a fairy tale life with her and your daughter may cause you pain.
Maybe instead of building stories, why not have a frank discussion with them (your daughter is old enough to be a part of this). Kindly keep an open mind as they may not be willing to reunite. If they are also willing to, then take things slow...Don't suggest them moving in with you and try and create the same environment like the way it used to be when you were married.
Time changes a lot of things and this must be handled with a lot of care and caution. Your ex-wife, will also be very watchful about all the things that have hurt her previously. So, be very patient with her.

But if the answer is a firm NO from them, kindly respect it and let it be...2009 is a long time ago and much would have changed in them and you; cherish what you have with them...focus on building a good relationship with your daughter. After all, you can't assume that one letter of apology will change their hearts.

Bring up the topic with your ex-wife, but be prepared for an answer either way.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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Hello Anu Ji, Thanks for giving Your valuable time and Precious advice & feedback on my Question. I have no words to express my feeling that after so long somebody tried to understand me & my POV and above all helping in raising my moral & recognizing my ability in this messy and confusing state of mind. In your response you ask me to introspect few questions and tell u honestly I did that in alone . In those answer few were as clear as Crystal. But few of them confused me. I will be mentioning what u asked me to asked myself ……and what I have answer for that Questions. 1. - how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage? Answer :As in my divorce settlement she will be staying with her mother and since Nov2016 I have not seen her and not knowing nothing about her But praying to the almighty for the wellbeing for here all the time. 2. - am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage? Answer: Yes, it is. There is lot anger, frustration which I have buried in the grave yard of my Heart . but the soul is still alive. its really very easy in words to say “MOVE ON”, try to forget the past , Forgive the person …. Let the karma do its course. It’s not easy ,when a person’s life has change 360degree.Madam ,since 2010 to 2017, I had face so much , u can’t imagine and I wouldn’t be able to describe. Those 8 yrs. are hell for me and for my parents. U know the saddest Part of this separation is who suffer the most after me is my Daughter . She & myself is and will be missing each other as Father &Daughter. After my divorce in 2017 , I have moved on so long in my life but there is something which dragging me back. 3. am I completely ready to commit to a marriage? Answer : this is the question which is annoying me, I’m not able figure it out . About my commitment , yes I am very much clear about this , I was, am & will be committed , to my relationship. But I have Trust issue’s. Right now I can say this only . Getting Married is just settling down in life is the core issue presently in my life ,not pleasing someone. I am not in that state of mind to please anybody as I am already seeking help to be Happy and in the search of the happiness which I lost .U know Time is great healer…….. & heal the biggest of the biggest wounds………but in the end leave with scar on ur mind for rest of the life . In the end , I would say I have a lot to share , lot to discuss , but there are some constraints. Hoping that ……I may have able to give You my POV to understand my current state of mind . Thanks R@@J
Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for reaching out again.
You seem to have done your bit to reflect deeper which is amazing. Yet, with my experience of working with people on relationships, I can tell you one thing...
Never get into a relationship till you find the heart to trust again as trust is the only thing that will keep any relationship strong and that will happen only after the ANGER eases into something more useful. Is this possible, YES! Kindly seek the help of a professional who will help with this inner work on releasing anger and building trust. This person will be able to fathom your POV and guide you aptly.
Remember, the next person who you are seeking to engage with, will expect a person who trusts and loves; so, that's why heal from one before you get into another relationship. I am sure you understand this well.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 29, 2024

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Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4329 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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I got 89 percentile in jee mains 2025 which branch of nit rourkela can i go into . I am from st category other state
Ans: Adnan, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile (Convert your percentile into All India Rank with the help of a formula available in Google).
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide help s! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4329 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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Career
Sir I have got 155 marks in jee mains obc-ncl category uttar pradesh can I get cse or ecce in NIT
Ans: Vashu, please provide percentile please. Based on your percentile, here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile (Convert your percentile into All India Rank with the help of a formula available in Google).
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4329 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 12, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
97.08 percentile in JEE main, hyderabad kota. OC , EWS category. Which NIT or IIIT I will get CSE or ECE branch all over India. Any chance I will get CSE or ECE in warangal NIT
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile (Convert your percentile into All India Rank with the help of a formula available in Google).
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

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