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Kanchan Rai |499 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi

Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.

Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.