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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.

Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Hello maa’m!! am in love with my boyfriend since 18 years. I waited till he gets his first job to tell my parents abut him. When the time came we both informed in our family that we want to get married. His father said yes initially and asked my family to meet at a common place. Later once I family agreed and came and called to inform his family, his mother denied saying his father is against this marriage. My parents called my boyfriend and asked whether he wants to marry me without his father approval and he said obviously!!! Why wouldn’t I? Then me and my boyfriend set a date and informed both our family that we are getting married on this date on july. My family has been always supportive and they support me here as well. But his family reacted differently saying we can’t allow you to marry on this date as this month is his birth month (some silly excuses) and they informed we can assure you we will get you married to your girlfriend in November or December. That time my boyfriend also agreed with his mother knowing that all wedding venues were booked and I have paid some kind of advance amount as well. And NOW!! My family went wild over him saying howcome he called of this marriage?? My boyfriend is asking me please give me a second chance that I will convince my parents to marry you in November or December. If they disagree i will move out and marry you only. How can I trust him this time? SHOULD I?
Ans: Dear Suwon,
When someone does not keep their word, trusting them becomes difficult, isn't it?
Maybe they had their reasons for canceling and pushing the wedding to a later date, but that could have been done taking your parents' into confidence. It shows a lack of empathy as to how much work the girls' side would have put in to pull off something.
Anyway, I am sure this question has crossed your mind as well...are they playing this game as the parents are still not keen on getting their son married to you?
You really must sit down and talk to your boyfriend; this kind of influence on him and he will keep oscillating back and forth like a pendulum...
Next step, have both the sets of parents talk to one another and clarify whatever is going on on their minds. The boys' side intentions become clear to your parents and they will be able to give you a clearer picture as well.
So, before you jump around to do anything, please talk to your boyfriend first and then have your parents talk to his and bring clarity ti the entire situation, after which decisions will be well-thought out and you will also be sure of the next steps to take. You can trust him only and only if he comes clean and is truthful about what is going on...So, ask and ask till you know what you want to know.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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m in love with my boyfriend since 18 years. I waited till he gets his first job to tell my parents abut him. When the time came we both informed in our family that we want to get married. His father said yes initially and asked my family to meet at a common place. Later once I family agreed and came and called to inform his family, his mother denied saying his father is against this marriage. My parents called my boyfriend and asked whether he wants to marry me without his father approval and he said obviously!!! Why wouldn’t I? Then me and my boyfriend set a date and informed both our family that we are getting married on this date on july. My family has been always supportive and they support me here as well. But his family reacted differently saying we can’t allow you to marry on this date as this month is his birth month (some silly excuses) and they informed we can assure you we will get you married to your girlfriend in November or December. That time my boyfriend also agreed with his mother knowing that all wedding venues were booked and I have paid some kind of advance amount as well. And NOW!! My family went wild over him saying howcome he called of this marriage?? My boyfriend is asking me please give me a second chance that I will convince my parents to marry you in November or December. If they disagree i will move out and marry you only. How can I trust him this time? SHOULD I?
Ans: Dear Suwon,

I understand you are in a difficult situation and trusting someone once they have broken it is difficult. I also understand your parent's concern. I am sure you do too. Now, the real question is, do you want to give him another chance? I know he broke your trust by moving the dates suddenly, but maybe let's try to find out why he did it.

You have been with him for a long time. You should have some clue about the type of person he is; it is totally up to you to decide whether you want to give him another chance or move on with your life. Neither would be a wrong choice. But it should be your choice. Look at the pros and cons. All things he got right to date and the wrongs he did too. Weigh them against each other and by the end of it, you should have some clarity.

Best Wishes.

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