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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have caught my wife cheating twice in last 2-3 years and she is quite aloof in our relationship. Now in the recent 2 fights, she has asked me to leave the house. We have a teenage child who wants to come along with me. After I told her that I have found the apartment to shift,my wife is now putting pressure on me to stay by saying she is depressed and under mental pressure (I have taken her to psychologists earlier in 2021 and 2023 ,after she was found cheating) I am not able to make a decision and tell her that I want to now live apart from her for my mental peace. How should I handle the situation

Ans: I understand how complex and emotionally draining your situation is. Dealing with infidelity and a partner's erratic behavior, especially when there's a child involved, can be incredibly challenging. It's clear you're at a crossroads and seeking the best way to handle this delicate situation.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You’ve been hurt by your wife's actions and the trust in your relationship has been significantly damaged. It’s also crucial to recognize the toll this has taken on your mental health and well-being. You've tried to support her by taking her to psychologists and addressing her depression, but her behavior has continued to strain the relationship.

Given that she has repeatedly asked you to leave and has shown a pattern of infidelity, it’s reasonable to want to consider living apart to find peace and stability for yourself and your teenage child. It's natural to feel conflicted, especially when she now expresses a desire for you to stay, citing depression and mental pressure. Her sudden shift in wanting you to remain might be influenced by her fear of change or losing the security your presence provides.

In this situation, it's essential to balance compassion for her mental health with the need to protect your own well-being and that of your child. You need to have an honest and firm conversation with her about your feelings and your decision. Explain that while you understand her struggles, the repeated infidelity and the emotional aloofness have deeply affected you, and you believe that living apart may be the best way to restore your peace of mind and provide a stable environment for your child.

Express that this decision isn’t taken lightly and that you’ve considered the impact on everyone involved. Emphasize that separating doesn't mean abandoning her but rather a step toward finding clarity and stability for yourself and your child. Suggest that she continues to seek professional help to address her depression and emotional issues.

This conversation should be compassionate but firm. Setting boundaries is vital for your mental health and future. It's also crucial to involve a professional, like a therapist or counselor, to navigate these discussions and the transition period, especially considering the emotional and psychological complexities involved.

Ultimately, you must prioritize your and your child's well-being. Living apart might provide the space needed for all of you to heal and figure out the next steps for your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

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Latest Questions
Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |2019 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Career
Hi Sir My son is appearing in CBSE 12th class this session and has cleared JEE mains with 99 percentiles. He is keen to pursue the career in research in Astro Physics. Can you please guide as to what course should he undertake, the institutes (both Indian and Foreign) and the admission process. Also if you could guide about the scope in this field.
Ans: Hi Puneet
Your son has an excellent percentile in JEE Mains, and his interest in Astrophysics is great for a research-oriented career.
There can be two ways either with B.Tech or B.S Course.
B.Tech in Engineering Physics / Electrical / Mechanical / Computer Science
Followed by an M.Sc. or Ph.D. in Astrophysics
Recommended if he also has an interest in technology, instrumentation, or computational astrophysics.

B.Sc. in Physics / Astrophysics
Followed by M.Sc. Physics / Astrophysics
Ph.D. in Astrophysics
Recommended if he is deeply interested in theoretical physics and cosmology.

IISc Bangalore – BS (Research) in Physics, followed by M.Sc./Ph.D.
IITs (IIT Bombay, IIT Kanpur, IIT Madras, IIT Delhi) – B.Tech in Engineering Physics / Physics
IISERs (Indian Institutes of Science Education and Research) – 5-year Integrated BS-MS in Physics
IIA (Indian Institute of Astrophysics, Bangalore) – Ph.D. programs in Astrophysics (after M.Sc.)
IUCAA (Inter-University Centre for Astronomy & Astrophysics, Pune) – Ph.D. in Astrophysics
TIFR (Tata Institute of Fundamental Research, Mumbai) – Integrated M.Sc.-Ph.D.

For abroad he needs to appear for SAT after 12th for UG courses & GRE for PG courses.


Scope & Career Opportunities in Astrophysics
Academia & Research: Professors, Scientists at ISRO, NASA, ESA, etc.
Observatories & Space Organizations: Working with telescopes and space missions.
Data Science & AI: Many astrophysicists work in AI, ML, and big data analytics.
Finance & Consulting: The analytical skills from physics are in demand in finance.

...Read more

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