In a 10-year relationship, but he won't marry me due to caste issues. What should I do?

Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

Ans: Hi Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Albatross,
Inter-religion marriages are still a taboo in society; so you are dealing with what has been normalized in society.
If you looking at your parents' approval, it may never happen. So decide how you want to go about it...Of course, you can try to patiently work with your parents and your partner. Think about how to get the two of them together so that your parents get a chance to meet him and interact with him.
Still, be prepared for things not to work out, but do make that humble attempt!
Make a decision that seems the best and stick with it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I am also glad you found someone to share your pain with at that moment. Coming to your dilemma- whether you should be in touch with him- I understand that it is a great relief to talk to him, but that is momentary, isn't it? You cannot continue doing this if you two are broken up. Even though he is not planning to get married right away, the problem is that he will someday. Plus, more often than not, one person moves on faster than the other, and in your case, if it's him, it will hurt more. The right thing to do is sit and have a clear conversation. Discuss the possibility of getting back together. Ask what is in his mind and express what's in yours. But going in this circle will only hurt you more; maybe not today, but someday it will.

Now, coming to your depression, I would suggest sharing your pain with close friends but you mentioned you have none. That is not uncommon. Not all of us are blessed with it. In that case, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it. Rather it will help you in sorting your feelings. Finally, you can take care of them without relying on your ex. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job in managing your depression but a professional counselor can help you come out of this in a more structured way. Please consider it. If you are not comfortable seeing someone in person, there are several counselors available online. Just try it once and see how that makes you feel.

Remember we all need help occasionally. You are amazing and you do not have to hold everything together alone.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/