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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 29, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am Anuj. I did everything for my wife. but she was under the influence of her mother left me and now filed a wrong complain in the court. tell me how can I came out and is this really advisable to stay with her again after the 3 years.

Ans: You need a lawyer to address the court complaint; if it is without merit then you don’t need to worry about it. Have you tried talking to her directly; someone influencing her is no excuse. She is an adult at the end of the day and knows right from wrong. And where does the question of staying with her arise if such is the current situation?

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |968 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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Relationship
Dear AnuWe got married in December 2015. It was love marriage arranged by our parents.From the first day of marriage my spouse started irritating me. But I love her from the bottom of my heart.She always disrespects my parents but they also didn't say a single word because they don’t want any dispute in our relationship.In July 2017, she forced us to shift to a new home. She’s always fighting with everyone in office, in train and in our society also.I told her to work on her anger otherwise some day we will lose our relationship.From 2017 to Nov 2021 I tried very hard to save my relationship with her but she never understood my love.At the end of 2021 I left my home. There are many complaints register by her in the police station, she harassed me and my family members.Now the divorce case is going on (don't know how many more days it will be)But what is my fault?I loved her truly.Why did she do this to me?How should I manage my life? I can't concentrate anywhere.Every day I am in tears.I want to keep this confidential.Thank you very much in advance.RegardsLR
Ans:

Dear LR,

What happened is beyond my comprehension.

Any relationship crumbles due to the weight of ego and misunderstandings.

Only the two of you will know what, why and how this happened. No point going behind this as all you will end up with is more resentment and sadness which isn’t going to help you anyway.

Divorce cases can go on for years if not settled mutually and amicably. So, it is quite possible that this might drag on.

What you need is resilience to put up a strong fight against all the cases registered against you and your family members.

Hire a good lawyer who understands the case not just as an ordinary one as cases against the husband and his family can be quite serious in a divorce situation.

In the meantime, you need to clear your mind to be less anxious and more productive.

I believe in changing the present for a better future rather than digging the past and robbing oneself of their peace of mind.

So,

  • Get deep into work and give it your all
  • Join a gym or anything that is a workout for the body
  • Indulge in a hobby that calm down the mind
  • Find joy in simple happenings
  • Express gratitude for everything and anything
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings daily
  • Spend a lot of time with Nature
  • Be with people who help you stand tall

Mind and body work in tandem and keeping both in the best condition is what is going to help you tide over this challenging phase.

Respect this and create a regimen of the above. It works. And be resilient and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and so focus on believing in that.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |968 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 44 years old man and I have unsuccessful married life as my wife didn't like be in the relationship with me within 7 months of our marriage. We married in the year 2013 and she annulled me in the year 2014. She is hyper sentimental and egoistic. She only loves money and her parents. We had exchanged some words (just like it happens in every married life). I tried to make her understand that if she don't get a job I will support her so that she can get a job. But she didn't pay attention to my request. She filed Mat suite for divorce with false allegations and I have filed a restitution of conjugal right case . She lost her divorce case and I won the RCR case. But despite magistrate order and my request she didn't turn up and filed 498A, DV Act and 125 CrPC tagging most my relatives with false evidences two years back. I fought all cases and during this time I lost my father. However again she lost DV case and Supreme Court ordered lower court to discharge everyone if they do not found us guilty as we have sufficient proof. Her lawyer started taking tricks by requesting for short span for each hearing date. As my mother's health is not well and I leave in South India, it was difficult for me to attend every hearing date. So, I decided to give up and signed the divorce petition on mutual consent. I tried my best to bring her back, but I failed. Everyone is asking to start the life in new way, but I am really shocked and in trauma of the mental torture and harassment. I am thinking that is it good start the life again in this age ? Will the new life partner take similar steps to harass me again ? Please advice.
Ans: Dear Sanju,
I can only imagine the unrest that you must be feeling right now.
Regarding your question on mental torture and harassment; I do understand how unnerving it must be for you to wake up every morning and stare at the harsh reality of what it is for you. Nevertheless, beaten down but not yet given up is something you must always remember.
It is natural to think that history repeats itself; but you cannot assume that the next person you meet will be the same. Do not enter into a relationship or marriage with this assumption; what might tend to happen is that you will hold yourself back and your partner will always feel that you are being distant from them.

Do understand that the context of marriage is the same, but the persons in question are different. It's like saying: I failed in Math, so Math is a bad subject and I will always fail! Get a hang of what I am referring to?

Take some time off to heal and be at peace and remind yourself that you deserve happiness and marriage form of a beautiful relationship that can make you happy. For now, tell 'everyone' who is asking you to start a new life to give you space to reflect on:
- What can I do different in the next relationship that I pursue?
- What more can I do for my partner that I didn't in the previous marriage?
- What are a few core values of mine that I want to see in my partner as well?

And no use starting a new life by thinking if your new life partner will harass you as well. Instead step in telling yourself: New relationship, new person, new thoughts, new life goals, new...The word NEW, should give your brain something NEW to chew on discarding the old.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |252 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.
Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |252 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |229 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 29 year old bengali female married to a Bihar guy. We know each other since college and we have been married for 3 years. Things began to turn bitter after few months of our marriage. My husband is a govt. Employee has seen extreme poverty in his childhood. I belong to upper middle class family. Both of our parents were against our marriage. Now his family especially mother pressurise him for money that is beyond our reach. She thinks I stop him to give money. She constantly abuses my husband. He has two elder brother who are good for nothing,both are married have kids and even they expect financial help from us. I am very tensed we can't even think of spending a penny for our personal enjoyment. My husband understands all these but everytime falls into prey of my MIL'S emotional drama. She fakes illness or fights for money. I can't even share this with my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear that you are in such a situation. It is indeed a very complex situation. Financial troubles can disrupt marital bliss. But it has to be addressed, even if it leads to conflicts. Speak to your husband about your concerns. Politely tell him that his family's demands and his response to them are causing a financial crisis in your home. Sit together and discuss how much financial support can you provide to his family and what's beyond reasonable. Have a monthly budget and since his family will continue asking for money, keep some money (what you have decided together) for the same. Keep an emergency fund and most importantly, have a decent amount of savings.

After all these discussions, if things still don't change, consider going for marriage counseling. You gave up an affluent life to be with him; he can surely give up certain things that are clearly unreasonable. A third neutral party can point this out without you having to say it.

You can also suggest your husband push his family members to get better jobs so that they can provide for themselves. Besides everything, don't forget to take care of yourself. Be in touch with your family and share your worries with someone close to you. And maintain regular check-ins with your husband. It can't be easy on him either.

Best Wishes.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Which institution is best to subscribe for online prepation of JEE. Candidate here has also joined a offline/regular classes in a small town. Please suggest.
Ans: ALLEN Online Test Series. User-friendly / Instant Result with Answers and Time Taken for Each Question.

Some IMPORTANT Preparation Strategies for JEE Preparation: (Wherever the Subject 'You' is used here, it refers for your Candidate). (1) Whenever you study at home, study for 45-minutes. Then take a break of 10-minutes when you can move away from your study table, walk, have some water & relax. If you continue studying beyond 45-minutes, your concentration power will go down, resulting to low output. Most students commit this mistake. (2) On daily basis (morning or evening whichever will be convenient to you), do yoga or meditation or physical exercises or play any games / sports for at least 30-45 minutes. This will further reduce your stress / distractions. (3) Study tough topics / tough subjects (applicable to you) early morning with your fresh mind. (4) Eat a lot of green vegetables / fruits which you can afford for & avoid soft drinks (5) Every day nigh, before going to bed, revise whatever you have studied during the day. (6) Also, revise every week whatever you have covered till date (here your short-notes which you should prepare will be helpful). (7) Keep practizing questions on topics which you have covered either offline or online (8) Give utmost importance to wrongly answered / difficult / complicated / tough questions and have a separate note-book specially for this for each subject (PCM) (8) You might be aware that JEE rank is allotted on the basis of highest score in Maths, followed by Physics & Chemistry. Practice more and more in Maths, till you reach Speed & Accuracy (9) By the end of 11th / 12th standard (December-January), attempt fully syllabus online test series, evaluate and analyze your performance such as, (a) which topic / unit / concept you are weak which needs your revision and improvement as this will disturb you when you appear in actual JEE exam (b) abnormal time taken to attempt any question which you can come to know from Online Test Series which you should reduce (c) which questions you skipped and why? (10) Make 100% utilization of 'Doubt Clearing Sessions' of Offline Class you have joined. All the BEST.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, please ask / FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

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Money
I am 37 years old , and having 2.10 lacs salary in hand, I have SIP of Rs. 20k, apart from SIP I have invested in stock current market value is 10L, I have three flats which is cost approx 2.5 cr, i have a home loan as well of 35 lacs. Kindly guide me how I can achieve the milestone of 10 crore corpus in next 15 years.
Ans: Achieving a significant corpus like Rs. 10 crores in 15 years requires careful planning, disciplined investing, and leveraging various assets and investment avenues. Let's explore a comprehensive strategy to reach this financial milestone.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Investments
At 37 years old, with a salary of Rs. 2.10 lakhs per month, you have a solid foundation. Here's a snapshot of your current investments:

SIP Investment: Rs. 20,000 per month
Stock Investments: Current market value of Rs. 10 lakhs
Real Estate Holdings: Three flats valued at approximately Rs. 2.5 crores
Liabilities: Home loan of Rs. 35 lakhs
Strategic Roadmap to Achieve Rs. 10 Crore Corpus
1. Optimize Investment Portfolio
Review Existing Investments
Evaluate the performance and alignment of your current investments with long-term goals:

Stocks: Assess the potential for growth and consider diversification if necessary.
Real Estate: While real estate is valuable, ensure it aligns with your liquidity needs and financial goals. Consider rental income potential versus capital appreciation.
SIPs: Continue disciplined investing. Evaluate if the current SIP amount needs to be increased to meet the Rs. 10 crore target.
2. Increase Savings and Investments
Maximizing Monthly Contributions
Increase SIP Amount: Depending on your surplus income, consider increasing the SIP amount gradually. This accelerates wealth accumulation.
Bonus and Windfalls: Direct any windfall gains towards investments rather than discretionary spending.
3. Diversification and Risk Management
Balancing Risk and Return
Asset Allocation: Diversify across asset classes such as equity, debt, and possibly alternative investments like gold or international funds.
Risk Management: Regularly review and rebalance the portfolio to mitigate risks associated with market volatility.
4. Debt Management
Addressing Home Loan
Early Repayment: Explore options to accelerate home loan repayment to reduce interest burden and improve cash flow for investments.
Debt Consolidation: Consolidate high-interest debts if applicable to streamline finances and improve liquidity for investments.
5. Investment Avenues
Exploring Options Beyond SIPs
Equity Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can potentially outperform passive funds like index funds due to strategic decisions by fund managers.
Debt Instruments: Consider debt funds for stability and regular income, balancing the portfolio against equity market fluctuations.
Systematic Transfer Plans (STP): Utilize STPs to stagger lump sum investments into equity funds, reducing timing risks.
6. Professional Guidance and Monitoring
Leveraging Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Holistic Financial Planning: Engage with a CFP to develop a customized financial plan considering income, investments, goals, and risk appetite.
Periodic Reviews: Regularly review investment performance and adjust strategies based on changing life circumstances and market conditions.
Addressing Existing Policies and Investments
7. Insurance and Investment Policies
Surrender and Reinvest
LIC, ULIPs, Investment cum Insurance Policies: Evaluate existing policies for surrender value and consider reinvesting in more lucrative investment avenues like mutual funds for better returns.
Legal and Recovery Aspects
8. Recovering Debt
Legal Recourse
Documentation: Gather all evidence and communication related to the debt owed by your friend.
Legal Consultation: Seek legal advice to explore options like sending legal notices, mediation, or filing a suit in a court of law if necessary.
Financial Impact: While pursuing legal action, continue focusing on building your financial assets through disciplined investments.
Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in 15 years demands a balanced approach involving disciplined savings, strategic investments, and proactive debt management. Leveraging existing assets like stocks and real estate alongside increasing SIPs and exploring diverse investment avenues is key. Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner ensures a structured approach, optimizing your path towards financial independence and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  |194 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

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Health
I am 77 years old. I was taking medicine for high BP from the age of 50 years.I was very active doing yoga regularly in the morning and doing walk in the evening. I do not smoke and do not drink as well. I am a person with height weight normal as per the standard chart. I was very active doing my job and never use to get tired. I worked for six years in Central Govt, thirty years in PSU and seventeen years in Private Organisations. I used to believe that " a Person should never retire from work". I stopped going to work from March 2020 after the Covid 19 spread in India. During a routine check up, my doctor mentioned on my prescription as "Stable Angina". I asked about it but he replied, it is nothing, do not worry. I was not having any pain etc. But this remark of Stable Angina. was written on my prescription on every visit. In June 2022, I got a CT Angiography done just to know the deposits in my arteries. It was found to be more in all the five arteries. But I had no symptoms of any pain or breathlessness while moving or working.In August 2022, I got some problem in my left eye, went to eye specialist, he observed a little deposit in eye nerve. He tried to break it but could not. I went for Angiography. All the arteries were found with deposits but still I had no pain etc. I was operated for Heart By pass Surgery on 22.9.22 and released from Hospital on 1.10.22. I was put on High Protein Diet. During Jan 23 to July 23, my Blood Urea Nitrogen & Urea got up the required level.High Protein Diet was stopped and advised take more Fruits. BUN & Urea came normal. More fruits were being taken. It caused potassium level to go up. Then in fruits also restriction imposed on banana, coconut water & citrus fruits. Now I am on restricted diet. BUN & Urea are normal but potassium remains fluctuating. Now I am alright but feel very weak. I do little walk but get tired soon. I am not able to do yoga due to low energy. Vitamin supplements are being taken but not getting strength. Even feels stability problem. While standing feels giddiness and feels that i may fall. I am also feeling severe pain in my arms muscles. Now I am taking medicines for BP, Cholesterol, Blood Thinner, Enlarged Prostrate Gland, Vitamin supplement. I always think why I am feeling so many problems after Heart Bye Pass Surgery. Please advise.
Ans: I feel you need your medications adjusted. They're probably making you feel like this.

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