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Married Man, 53, Seeks Advice on Marital Conflicts and Property Disputes

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |77 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

hi iam 53 yhears old got married around 18 yearsw back to my wife she is no 39 years old good evening i got married and i have three kids elder is 18 years younger is 16 years and i have daughter of 10years old since my marriage there was always clash between me and my wife for small silly reasons it was going on but since 3 years the clash become very rash and she even gave complaint on me to lady police station she threated me and every night i come late that time i am taking drinks she started to quarrel even not allows me to have food she drive me wild and in my unconsious mind i oftenly i use to abuse her with bad words even my neighbours many time they came to resolve the problem now she is asking property which i have gained from my parents. and since one year she is treating me like stray dog and never allowes me to have sex routenly she sleep like a dead in my bed. she left my house taking my all kids since last 6 months i forced to live alone now by some how i manage to bring her to my house along with kids but she refused having sex with me and she neverhad sex with me since 7 months i have becom patient of depression i dont know what to do please help me in this regard thank you

Ans: Hello sir. I have read your message and I would first like to express my opinion that a partner is not always for sex. There are many other ways to take care of your partner. You could take your wife out for dinner, go out on a picnic, go with with her to her parents' house. But when we dont do all these things and just want sex from partner. That doesn't work. At this age she might be going through some hormonal changes also. I suggest you to start behaving nicely with your wife and start taking care of her. Slowly the things will improve between you too.
Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

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Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
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However, at present your salary and expenses are almost equal, and you are still carrying financial commitments. So this is not the right time to explore investments or market exposure aggressively.

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You have built an excellent corpus over time. A 16%+ XIRR since 2010 reflects disciplined investing and strong fund performance.

Redeeming around ?4 Lakhs to realise ~?1.25L LTCG and utilise the annual tax exemption is a valid tax-harvesting strategy. If you reinvest the same amount immediately, even at a similar NAV, it will not affect your future wealth creation. Your market exposure remains the same, while your purchase cost resets higher, helping reduce future taxable gains.

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2026Hindi
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I'm male on the verge of completing 32 years ... Doing currently md from prestigious medical college and completed my mbbs from topmost medical institute in india... I'm into relationship for almost about 5 years when se was 20 and I was 27 ... I know there is a age gap of 7 years but we never felt that there is a age gap between us.. currently her age is 25 years ... We both loved each other ... Her parents is very conservative and from orthodox family .. i know that majority have those mindset and I can't blame it by saying derogatory words like narrow mindset and very cheap thinking even in my family some members have conservative mindset ... So when I don't call my family members by using derogatory then why I am to use cuss words about them also... Khair ... Baat yeh tha ma'am aapse ki mere andar hichkhichat bilkul nhi h lekin bs thoda sa nervousness feel ho rha ki apni baat ko kaise samne rkhe ... Hm toh khud yeh chahenge ji woh bhi samay le apna kyuki apni ghar ki Lakshmi apni jaan se bhi pyari ladki ko kisi ko saupne ki baat h .. lekin hm dono different caste se h ... We both belong to obc but having different communities or caste whatever you say ma'am .. ma'am aapse bs yahi puchna chahte h ki aap hme kya suggestion de skti h agar dena ho toh... Apni kabiliyat pe bharosa h unko hm smjha skte h apni financial stability bta ke apne chizo ko honestly aur transparently rkhte hue lekin phir bhi halka sa dar lgta h ki kai woh na maane toh... Dhanyawad aapka meri baato ko padhne aur smjhne ke liye..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Financial stability ho toh bahut kuch aasaani se suljhaaya jaa sakta hai.
Apni mann ki baat apne parents aur ladki ke parents ke saamne rakhna; ab ya toh maan jaayenge ya toh bawaal mach sakta hai...
Par agar aapko lagta hai ki koi bhi samasya saame aaye toh aap aur ladki dono milke suljhaa paaoge, toh befikr hoke unhe sab bataa dena. Kuch dino tak shaayad naarza bhi rahein, kabhi na kabhi maan jaayenge yeh mere maanna hai...par kuch aisi communities hoti hain jahaan doosre caste mein koi baat nahin uthaate shaadi ka. Mere sujhaav phir yeh hoga ki aap jisse bahut kareeb ho ghar mein unse pehle baat karein taaki koi toh hohga aapke saath...uske baad poori family ko is baat ka khulaasa karein...ladke wale ladki aur uske pariwaar ke baare mein janna chahenge toh yeh baat acche se jaan lijiye...
Dekhiye aage hota hai kya!

All the best!
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Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11025 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2026

Money
Dear Ramalingam Sir.......I had invested in the NFO (in February 2021) of SBI Retirement Fund. After completion of five year locking period in February, 2026, the Units will now be available/free, for redemption. The investment was aimed for long term to built up a retirement portfolio for my two children who works in private without any pension provision in their employment. This fund has so far given moderate returns during last five years. Please suggest whether I should continue the investment in the same above SBI Retirement fund OR to have better investment returns I may redeem existing single portfolio in above SBI MF and re-invest the redemption value in different category of Mutual funds with obvious goal of a long term investment of over 20-25 years, for a Gift to my two childrens. Diversification in different MFs will also facilitate to avail yearly benefit of long term capital gain on redemption and then re-investment. Please also suggest names of MFs in different categories. With Regards.
Ans: » Understanding your current retirement fund holding
– You invested in a retirement-oriented mutual fund in February 2021 with a 5-year lock-in
– The fund follows a hybrid structure, combining equity and debt for balanced growth
– Returns over the first five years have been moderate, which is not unusual for this category
– With the lock-in now completed in February 2026, you have full flexibility to continue or restructure

» Rechecking the goal and time horizon
– The objective is long-term wealth creation of 20–25 years for your two children
– Since your children work in the private sector without pension benefits, growth becomes more important than short-term stability
– Over such a long period, portfolios with higher equity orientation generally have better wealth-building potential

» Continue with the same fund or switch – how to think about it
– Continuing in the same fund offers familiarity and avoids any transition effort
– However, retirement and hybrid funds are designed more for stability and discipline than for maximum long-term growth
– With a long horizon ahead, relying on a single hybrid fund may limit return potential
– This is a good stage to reassess structure rather than judge only past returns

» Why diversification now makes sense
– Holding the entire corpus in one fund increases fund-specific and strategy risk
– Diversifying across multiple mutual fund categories improves consistency over market cycles
– It also allows flexibility in partial redemptions and tax planning in future years

» Suggested mutual fund categories for 20–25 year horizon
– Instead of remaining in a single retirement fund, consider spreading across:

Flexi-cap oriented equity funds for long-term core growth

Large and mid-cap oriented funds for stability with growth

Select mid-cap oriented funds for higher long-term potential

One balanced or aggressive hybrid fund for risk control
– This combination helps balance growth, volatility, and discipline over decades

» About naming specific mutual funds
– Fund selection should be based on consistency of investment process, fund management stability, and portfolio quality
– Chasing recent top performers or NFO themes is not advisable for such long goals
– A Certified Financial Planner usually shortlists schemes based on suitability rather than popularity

» Tax planning perspective
– Equity-oriented mutual funds allow long-term capital gains benefit beyond the holding period
– Using diversification, you may plan staggered redemptions over different years to utilise the annual exemption limit effectively
– This improves post-tax outcomes over time without disturbing the long-term goal

» How to execute the transition smoothly
– Avoid redeeming and reinvesting in a hurry based on short-term market movements
– If you decide to exit the existing fund, a phased approach can reduce timing risk
– Continue long-term SIP discipline in the restructured portfolio

» Final Insights
– Your original investment decision was sensible for discipline and lock-in
– With the lock-in completed and a very long horizon ahead, restructuring into a diversified, growth-oriented mutual fund portfolio is worth considering
– The focus should now shift from product label to portfolio design
– A well-diversified mutual fund structure held with patience can meaningfully support your children’s retirement needs

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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