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Married Man, 53, Seeks Advice on Marital Conflicts and Property Disputes

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |73 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

hi iam 53 yhears old got married around 18 yearsw back to my wife she is no 39 years old good evening i got married and i have three kids elder is 18 years younger is 16 years and i have daughter of 10years old since my marriage there was always clash between me and my wife for small silly reasons it was going on but since 3 years the clash become very rash and she even gave complaint on me to lady police station she threated me and every night i come late that time i am taking drinks she started to quarrel even not allows me to have food she drive me wild and in my unconsious mind i oftenly i use to abuse her with bad words even my neighbours many time they came to resolve the problem now she is asking property which i have gained from my parents. and since one year she is treating me like stray dog and never allowes me to have sex routenly she sleep like a dead in my bed. she left my house taking my all kids since last 6 months i forced to live alone now by some how i manage to bring her to my house along with kids but she refused having sex with me and she neverhad sex with me since 7 months i have becom patient of depression i dont know what to do please help me in this regard thank you

Ans: Hello sir. I have read your message and I would first like to express my opinion that a partner is not always for sex. There are many other ways to take care of your partner. You could take your wife out for dinner, go out on a picnic, go with with her to her parents' house. But when we dont do all these things and just want sex from partner. That doesn't work. At this age she might be going through some hormonal changes also. I suggest you to start behaving nicely with your wife and start taking care of her. Slowly the things will improve between you too.
Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

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Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2025Hindi
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I am 34 years old, married, with no children yet, but we plan to start a family by the end of 2026. Our monthly household take-home income is 4.4 lakh. We have cumulative EMIs of 1.50 lakhs per month: (1) Home Loan (1 Cr Outstanding, 9 years left): 1.1 lacs per month, (2) Car Loan (8 lacs outstanding 4 years left): 25k per month (3) Personal Loan (4 years left) - 15k per month. Our investments include 50 lakh in stocks and mutual funds, and 30 lakh in PF. I have a term plan with cover till age 85, costing additional 1.3 lakh per year in premium for next 7 years. Me and my wife are covered by our employer for medical insurance, and our parents will also have PSU pension and medical cover after retirement. We spend around 1.2 lakh per month on household expenses in Gurgaon. We invest 1 lakh monthly having 20-90 split in stocks and MFs and keep 2 lakh in an emergency savings account. My long-term goal is to pay off all loans, build a financial buffer to move back to my hometown a tier 2 city and do remote work from there - this might reduce our househol income by 30-40%. Given these details, how should I plan our investments to achieve the goals and how many years are we looking to achieve this?
Ans: Hi,

You have done great investments at such age. Let us go through the details one by one:
1. You have a term cover and health insurance for yourself as well as family.
2. You should have emergency fund of 6 months' worth expenses in liquid mutual funds for uncertain times, 2 lakhs is way too less.
3. Currently 3 loans - Home, Car and Personal. All loans will be finished in 9 and 4 years respectively(total EMI - 1.5 lakhs). Overall loans are high. Try to close PErsonal loand first followed by car loan to reduce the EMI burden.
4. 50 lakhs current holdings in stocks and mutual funds.
5. 30 lakhs in PF.
6. 1.4 lakh monthly expenses.
7. Current SIP - 1 lakh permonth in stocks and mutual funds.

You have build a great wealth for yourself at your age. You are also planning to start a family. Keep your invesments like this with consistency and you will finish loans and be able to move to your home as well.

Although direct stock investment needs loads of time and research - hence not recommended. It is advisable for you to keep your investments limited to mutual funds only. And it would be great to take a professional's help as even a slightest mistake can break or make your wealth.

Before relocating after few years, try to maximize your investments at the maximum potential and let compounding do its magic. Try to invest more than 1 lakh per month in mutual funds for a secured future.

Doing and managing investments along with your job is not recommended. It is always better to go for professional advice when it comes to money.

You can connect with a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

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Ans: Hi,

It is great that you are investing since 2017. Long investments and patience always gives results.
You can easily achieve your goal corpus by the time you turn 58, if investment done correctly.

The funds you mentioned have so much overlapping and scattered. It needs rework and complete reallocation. Maximum of 5 funds should be there. Take the help of a professional to align your portfolio with your goal and customized profile.

A random portfolio like yours can create an opposite impact and generate negative to zero returns.

And try to increase the monthly SIP by 10% each year. This will take care of inflation power.

Hence do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

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Hello and namaskar.. I am 36 years old. Need your guidance in the following funds- (a) parag parekh flexi cap - 7500/- per month (B) GROWW nifty midcap 150 index fund -2500/- per month (C) mirae asset ELLS tax saver -5000/- (D) pGIM india mid cap opp. Fund -5000/- (E) quant small cap fund-4000/- (F) ICICI prudential equity and debt fund - 3000 (G) HDFC FLEXI CAP FUND - 4000 (H) Uti nifty 50 index fund - 5000 Additionally I want to invest 1lakh annually. Tell me where to invest this additional amount. These funds are ok or I should exit from any fund and invest in any other fund. I want to get 2 crore till the end of 2035. Am I going on the right track.
Ans: Hi Rajesh,

Appreciate your dedication in investing in mutual funds for long term. The funds selected by you are very random and not recommended for your goal. Overall investments are also not in alignment, this portfolio is a very random one.
Currently you are investing 36000 per month - keep your investments simple in largecap, midcap, smallcap and mutlicap fund. Keep additional 1 lakh as well in these funds.

You should consider exiting funds like quant and shift to more stable ones.

Your current funds are direct, but direct funds are over-rated. A random portfolio like this can instead give less returns than a professionally designed one. It is always better to go for a regular portfolio suggested by a professional. Proper funds with a designed dedicated plan will help you reach your goal of 2 crores in 10 years in an efficient way.

Hence do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
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I am 62 years old and I forgot to apply for a monthly pension from EPFO, even though I worked for my previous company for 13 years. I am currently working for another company, but when I try to apply online, I don't see Form 10D; only Form 31 is showing, even though I have left my previous company. pls confirm me what is a issue.
Ans: Hi,

The issue is that you are still employed and online application for monthly pension i.e. Form 10D is available only after you have left service and updated your date of exit on the EPFO portal.
But as you are currently active with a new employer, the system only permits Form 31 for partial withdrawals.

Since you meet the requirements for a superannuation pension (age 62 with 13 years of service), please follow these steps to proceed:

1. Verify Your Service History - Check the "Service History" section of your UAN portal. Ensure your previous employer has officially updated your Date of Exit. The online system cannot process a pension claim without this status update.
2. Use the Offline Application Method - If the online portal remains restricted or encounters technical errors, you must submit a physical application.
* Download Form 10D: Obtain the hard copy from the official EPFO website.
* Employer Attestation: Complete the form and have it signed by your previous employer.
* Alternative Attestation: If your previous employer is unavailable or the company has closed, you may have the form attested by a Gazetted Officer, a Magistrate, or your Bank Manager.
3. Submission Details - Submit the signed form to your regional EPFO office along with the following:
* Three passport-sized photographs.
* A cancelled cheque (for the account where you wish to receive the pension).
* Valid proof of age.

For real-time status updates or specific account queries, you can reach the **EPFO helpline at 14470.

Let me know if you need more help.

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