Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sanju Question by Sanju on Mar 27, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Anu, I am 44 years old man and I have unsuccessful married life as my wife didn't like be in the relationship with me within 7 months of our marriage. We married in the year 2013 and she annulled me in the year 2014. She is hyper sentimental and egoistic. She only loves money and her parents. We had exchanged some words (just like it happens in every married life). I tried to make her understand that if she don't get a job I will support her so that she can get a job. But she didn't pay attention to my request. She filed Mat suite for divorce with false allegations and I have filed a restitution of conjugal right case . She lost her divorce case and I won the RCR case. But despite magistrate order and my request she didn't turn up and filed 498A, DV Act and 125 CrPC tagging most my relatives with false evidences two years back. I fought all cases and during this time I lost my father. However again she lost DV case and Supreme Court ordered lower court to discharge everyone if they do not found us guilty as we have sufficient proof. Her lawyer started taking tricks by requesting for short span for each hearing date. As my mother's health is not well and I leave in South India, it was difficult for me to attend every hearing date. So, I decided to give up and signed the divorce petition on mutual consent. I tried my best to bring her back, but I failed. Everyone is asking to start the life in new way, but I am really shocked and in trauma of the mental torture and harassment. I am thinking that is it good start the life again in this age ? Will the new life partner take similar steps to harass me again ? Please advice.

Ans: Dear Sanju,
I can only imagine the unrest that you must be feeling right now.
Regarding your question on mental torture and harassment; I do understand how unnerving it must be for you to wake up every morning and stare at the harsh reality of what it is for you. Nevertheless, beaten down but not yet given up is something you must always remember.
It is natural to think that history repeats itself; but you cannot assume that the next person you meet will be the same. Do not enter into a relationship or marriage with this assumption; what might tend to happen is that you will hold yourself back and your partner will always feel that you are being distant from them.

Do understand that the context of marriage is the same, but the persons in question are different. It's like saying: I failed in Math, so Math is a bad subject and I will always fail! Get a hang of what I am referring to?

Take some time off to heal and be at peace and remind yourself that you deserve happiness and marriage form of a beautiful relationship that can make you happy. For now, tell 'everyone' who is asking you to start a new life to give you space to reflect on:
- What can I do different in the next relationship that I pursue?
- What more can I do for my partner that I didn't in the previous marriage?
- What are a few core values of mine that I want to see in my partner as well?

And no use starting a new life by thinking if your new life partner will harass you as well. Instead step in telling yourself: New relationship, new person, new thoughts, new life goals, new...The word NEW, should give your brain something NEW to chew on discarding the old.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I have 28 + years of frustrated and abusive and absolutely unsatisfied marriage. It was arranged but involved bitterness from both sides. My father did my relationship because of temptation and so many false facts from the in -laws' side. I was not interested but due to family compulsions I couldn't resist. Somehow i feel sad that my father got trapped due to greed and always feel bad about him, my mother was illiterate and did not have much opinion on anything. It was full of falsehood and cheating. I am very simple and minimalist persons, just after marriage wife and inlaws started torturing me to breakaway from my parents, being alone son and with the help of sisters managed parents with lot of difficulties but thought time will heal. I was thinking of separation just after 6 months but somehow was in difficult shape, couldn't ask. Meanwhile Father in law died and i thought it's inhuman to give separation at this critical time and accepted my destiny, My wife was very clever and managed balanced relation till her brother and sister got settled and we decided to welcome kids and blessed with two sons but after all her responsibility over, she again showed same behavior rather more aggressive and color and i almost separated from parents. I am in Govt service and was threatened to file a false case, with all difficulties, managed with balancing, hiding something here and there. After the death of parents , things worsened and she is eying on all property of inheritance to be sold . I don't trust her at all , I want to give all to my sons and then quit. She always threatens , i want to be separated and live my old age peacefully alone without any property but all I want to give to my sons , not to her . Please suggest a way , I am afraid she can file a false domestic violence case or even to give me poison . I am very tense nowadays and my health is deteriorating.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Never live in fear because that can always be used by someone who is searching for an opportunity to meddle with your life.
Deal with this fear in two ways:
1. For fear of false case filing against you, kindly approach a lawyer who will guide you on how to protect your assets
2. For fear of the way your life is moving about in an unsettling manner, do work on it rather than fear it
- Separation or not, will have to be decided by you and your wife and make it as amicable as possible...
- If there are chances of reconciliation, do lay down some ground rules for both of you which includes deeper level of communication, deeper listening, trust building...

Most relationships sour over a period of time, because 'taking for granted' seeps in, there are unrealistic expectations for one another, children become an excuse for not spending enough time each other, family members somehow get into the equation which allows little room for the couple to understand one another...
the list goes on...
It simply means: Marriage is something that needs constant working on...it requires time, energy and effort...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.
Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10854 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.
Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
Career
Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x