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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu I am in relationship and have 2 male best friend . My my best friend dosent know about my bf and we are very much close to each other that sometime we say love you kind of words but pure friendship but my bf dosent understand this he is like pls stop talking to them but i cant do that What should i do ? Pls help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
We are in relationship with so many people in different ways throughout our lives.
When you say one of them is your best friend and that you are very close, why are you keeping the fact that you have boyfriend? What are you afraid of? Will he stop being your best friend because of that?
And on the other hand, what is the issue your boyfriend have with your best friend? Does he doubt you or are you showing more than signs of just being a best friend?
Clearly, you seem to be confused with both your 'relationships' and don't know which one is what!
My suggestion:
Please tell both of them about each other and how important each one is to you. Watch their reactions and yours as well. It's a clear-cut way of easing out of the confusion and knowing your true feelings for both of them rather than just play under relationship 'labels'.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, my boyfriend and I are school mates. We studied in the same class. We have been in a relationship for more than 10 years and currently we are working.There is a girl in his life whom we know through common friends. Through one of his friends we got to know that there were a lot of rumours about my BF and her being together earlier. However my BF explained that he treats her like a sister and there is nothing between them.I got the same explanation from that girl as well. So I accepted their relationship stance and went ahead without any doubt.Right now our relationship is very less lively and sparkling. We spend less time together as we are committed in our work and trapped in debt too. Due to family responsibilities, he spends less time with me. He says he has lot of work and hardly meets me. I have been learning over the past few months that my bf and the girl are seemingly growing closer. She calls him daily to ask about his whereabouts and every detail of our life. She knows more about him than me. Recently my BF was out with his family and he was not reachable for a day.When he is out with family, I would give time to let him update me but the girl messaged me to check if my BF updated me where and what he is doing, whether he is safe or not and what time he will be back. For me this concern seems little fishy. Pls advice on this. I am thinking about talking to my BF. I need advice on how to manage the situation and get proper explanation out of it.
Ans:

Dear A,

What more does he need to do for you to see what he is worth at this moment?

Dilly-dallying in the current relationship by relying on external relationship, ain’t fun, yeah?

‘Sister’ is a convenient label used when a man isn’t sure about his feelings for her, or he is sure and doesn’t want his current partner (namely, you) to go nasty on him.

Why she is keen on his whereabouts is anyone’s guess! Did you tell her off and ask her to find out herself? What are you, a messenger between the two of them?

And when you do talk to him, ask him: where is his mind on your relationship and what he plans on telling his ‘sister’?

Oh and if his answers don’t satisfy you or he still comes across as evasive, you know what to do then.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |521 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024
Relationship
I love my boyfriend very much but the thing is i am not a virgin and my boyfriend doesn’t know that , he thinks i am a virgin and he wants me to be virgin only , i am completely loyal to him I don’t have any type of contact from my ex boyfriend and i really want to marry my boyfriend and live a healthy and loyal life , my boyfriend doesn’t like lies but i really can’t tell him the truth as it will affect my relationship which i don’t want to happen, he will come to know that i am not a virgin but the main problem is my ex bf what if he comes in my life again and tries to spoil my relationship by telling my bf the truth? And i really don’t want this to happen what should i do? I myself don’t want to loe to my bf but this is the thing i really can’t tell him it will break my relationship and other than this there is nothing that i lied i am just afraid what if my ex blackmails me and when my bf comes to know and he will be heartbroken i don’t want to break his trust
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that your virginity is important to him and you should not have kept this from him, but do you understand that your virginity is your choice? Why does he have a say in it? He is your partner- he loves you, but he doesn't own you. And what you did in your past is not something he can judge you by; why should that affect your relationship? I know that you love him but it's better to tell him the truth and accept the outcome than to keep lying and feel guilty about something you should not even be worrying about.

I am sure he has many great qualities but being so concerned about your virginity seems a little concerning. You are a person with so many other attributes. Why would he ignore all of that and care only about something that you have no control over? I suggest you tell him, but please remember, no matter what he says, you are not at fault here. It's in your past, a time when he did not exist for you.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7887 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Money
I am 47 years old and currently working in software, while my wife is employed with BSNL. Together, we have accumulated around ₹3 crore and are considering retirement. My wife is willing to continue working for another five years, but due to the pressure from my job, I am thinking of retiring now. We have a 14-year-old son, and I am happy to say that we have no outstanding loans. Additionally, we have health insurance coverage of ₹15 lakh, as well as personal and term insurance ₹1 crore. Below are the details of our savings: PPF: ₹32,65,920 FD: ₹20,60,820 Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: ₹72,73,750 EPF: ₹69,98,400 Gold: ₹10,60,900 ICICI Pru: ₹15,14,240 Real Estate: ₹31,21,200 LIC: ₹21,63,200 HDFC ERGO: ₹3,30,750 Cash: ₹5,20,200 My Gratuity: ₹7,28,280 Wife Gratuity : ₹4,16,160 Given these savings, could you please advise if our corpus will be sufficient for retirement? Or would you recommend that I continue working for a few more years? I feel like I am ready to retire, but I need your guidance.
Ans: Your financial planning is already strong. You have a well-diversified portfolio, no liabilities, and a supportive spouse who is willing to work for five more years. This puts you in a comfortable position to consider early retirement. However, we need to assess whether your current corpus can sustain your retirement needs for the next several decades.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Your Age: 47 years
Wife’s Age: Not mentioned, but assuming similar age
Son’s Age: 14 years
Total Corpus: Around Rs. 3 crore
Health Insurance: Rs. 15 lakh coverage
Life Insurance: Rs. 1 crore term insurance
Wife’s Job Stability: Will continue for five more years
No Outstanding Loans: Financially stress-free situation
Your financial discipline is strong. However, early retirement requires careful planning to ensure long-term financial security.

Breakdown of Your Assets and Their Role in Retirement
1. Liquid and Fixed Income Assets
PPF: Rs. 32.65 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 20.60 lakh
EPF: Rs. 69.98 lakh
Cash: Rs. 5.20 lakh
These funds provide stability but have limited growth potential. They can help with short-term needs but should not be over-relied upon for long-term wealth creation.

2. Market-Linked Investments
Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: Rs. 72.73 lakh
These investments can generate high long-term returns. However, market volatility can impact short-term liquidity. A proper withdrawal strategy is essential.

3. Precious Metals and Insurance Policies
Gold: Rs. 10.60 lakh (Good for diversification but should not be considered for regular income)
ICICI Pru: Rs. 15.14 lakh (If it is a ULIP or endowment plan, consider exiting)
LIC Policy: Rs. 21.63 lakh (Check surrender value and shift to better options if it’s a traditional plan)
HDFC ERGO: Rs. 3.30 lakh (Assuming this is a general insurance policy, it is not an investment asset)
4. Real Estate Holdings
Real Estate: Rs. 31.21 lakh
Real estate is an illiquid asset. It should not be relied upon for regular retirement income unless it is rental property generating passive cash flow.

5. Retirement Benefits
Your Gratuity: Rs. 7.28 lakh
Wife’s Gratuity: Rs. 4.16 lakh
These funds will be received at retirement and can act as a financial cushion.

Retirement Feasibility Analysis
1. Expected Expenses in Retirement
Your current expenses need to be evaluated. Retirement expenses may include:

Household expenses
Medical costs
Child’s education
Lifestyle expenses
Travel and leisure
Inflation will erode purchasing power. A corpus that looks sufficient today may not last 30+ years without proper planning.

Major future expenses:

Son’s higher education: Can range from Rs. 30-80 lakh depending on domestic or international education.
Medical expenses: As you age, medical costs will rise.
2. Income Sources Post-Retirement
Your wife’s salary for five more years provides financial support.
Your investments need to generate passive income.
Health insurance is in place but may need enhancement.
Life insurance (term plan) is for dependents, not for investment.
Key Action Points for a Secure Retirement
1. Decide Whether to Retire Now or Work a Few More Years
If you retire now:

You must rely on investments to cover expenses.
You need a withdrawal strategy to sustain a 30+ year retirement.
You must ensure your portfolio can beat inflation.
If you work for a few more years:

You can build a bigger corpus.
You can cover your son’s higher education expenses comfortably.
You can retire with more financial security.
2. Restructure Investments for Growth and Stability
Exit underperforming insurance policies. LIC, ICICI Pru, and any endowment or ULIP plans should be surrendered, and funds should be reinvested in mutual funds.
Enhance your equity exposure. Keep a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for steady growth.
Increase debt exposure selectively. Use short-duration debt funds or bonds to generate stable returns.
Create a systematic withdrawal plan. This ensures a steady cash flow during retirement.
3. Build an Emergency and Health Fund
Keep at least two years’ expenses in a liquid fund. This helps manage any immediate financial needs.
Increase health insurance beyond Rs. 15 lakh. Medical inflation is high. Consider adding a super top-up plan.
4. Plan for Child’s Education
Keep a dedicated fund for your son’s education. A mix of mutual funds and fixed-income assets is ideal.
Ensure adequate coverage. If something happens to you, your son’s future should be secure.
5. Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Planning
Mutual fund capital gains taxation:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt fund taxation:
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
PPF and EPF withdrawals are tax-free. These should be used strategically.
Finally
Retiring now is possible, but you must have a strong withdrawal plan.
If you work for a few more years, your retirement will be financially safer.
Reallocate low-return assets into high-growth investments.
Ensure medical and emergency funds are sufficient.
Plan your withdrawals tax-efficiently.
If you feel mentally ready to retire, you can do so with a clear financial strategy. However, working for a few more years will provide greater long-term stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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