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Anu Krishna |1236 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024

Hi, i m married and i have a kid . my wife works for one of the companies in Bangalore. the problem is that she wants me to have sex every day. but i m not able to. i love her so much. but i m upset with myself that i cant do that every day.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's common for couples to have very varied libidos and ideally this should not cause any issues. The problem starts when you start feeling inadequate and that leads to a host of other issues.
Instead of feeling upset, why not find a way by which you can be intimate and close and not move it to sex everyday. This will require you to talk to your wife and find a way where she feels satisfied and you don't have the stress of performing.
Be clear and honest with her and work towards finding a way where she feels wanted and loved which need not be through sex but also by other forms of intimacy which will give you some respite, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Question by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2022Hindi

Dear Love Guru, I want to stay Anonymous. I am 26 year old Man, been married for 6 years and have a 5 year old daughter. My wife is pregnant right now and we haven't have sex for 7 months now. For my sexual life information, i need sex every 2-3 days because somehow i feel i need it, hell i want sex every day to be honest and I can't help it.  But my wife don't want to have sex right now because of her pregnancy, she basically fears that sex will harm our child in the womb of which I have assured her many times that its safe and i will make sure that we will do it safely but she won't understand. She wouldn't even ask or let me ask to our doctor if it's safe to have sex while pregnant to clear her doubts and won't trust me that its safe.  She also doesn't feel the need of sex and feels anger and irritation when i approach her for sex. Now I completely understand that she doesn't want it because of mood swings or change in hormones but God it is killing me right now by not having sex. I don't know but i am made that way and she hates me now for approaching her for sex every other day and bursts in to anger and tears. It makes me feel ashamed about myself and makes me cry inside too. But again somehow i need sex which is completely making me this lustful a***e in my wife's eyes. I try to release my sexual tension by masterbating but the guilt of wanting sex and also anger towards my wife rejecting me every night never leaves from my head. All i think about whole day is sex and it's making me angry towards my wife hence i stopped sleeping next to her so that I can't annoy her while she is sleeping because whenever i sleep next to her I can't control my hands which always finds their way on her body making her more angrier. She hates me because i don't sleep next to her and doesn't take care of her but i explained her that I can't stop my self from touching her and she won't understand. She wants me next to her and also doesn't want me to touch her which i am not able to do honestly. I know there is something wrong with me but i am confused if it is all my fault or it is some of hers too. All i want to be is a  good husband but i have my sexual needs too. What should i do? P.S. I am not sex addict as i never have touched any other women in my entire life even right now when i need sex badly, and that's makes me wonder Do I really deserve this?

Ans:

You do sound like you're struggling with a bit of an addiction.

I agree that your wife's fears are unscientific and, to be honest, a discreet conversation with the gynaecologist would allay her feelings.

A lot of couples speak to the doctor before resuming sexual relations during pregnancy; it's a very common question to ask.

Most medical practitioners would warn you in case of a risk in individual cases and the fact that your doctor hasn't said anything to you both means you're likely in the clear to do so.

But the fact is, she just doesn't want to have sex at the moment, whatever be the reason, and you can't force her.

Pregnancy is a very challenging time for a woman. So either speak to the doctor or practice a little self control for a couple of months longer.

I think the more she's denying you, the more desperate you're becoming. You could see a therapist and explain your predicament if it is making you so miserable.

What did you do when she was expecting your daughter the first time around?

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Anu Krishna |1236 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2023