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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SSV Question by SSV on Sep 12, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu
Myself is widow. But I am in a physical relationship with a guy who is a divorcee.
He made me feel that he will marry me after a few years. He never expressed his love but was good in bed.

I like another guy who is married but not happy. Daily we chat till 3 am. He too likes me. He doesn’t want any physical intimacy from but likes to touch my hands.
I am confused what to do.
Please help.

Ans: Dear SSV,

I guess you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

Marriage or a casual relationship? Both require mindsets that involves different priorities and a different set of behaviours.

Honestly, it is quite possible that you might find someone who is not just interested in a physical relationship but also might be willing to progress into marriage if that’s what you want as well.

So, please clear your mind before complicating your life any further.

There are a lot of dating apps for you to find someone interesting, attractive and with a similar mindset once you know what you truly want.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

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Relationship
Heloo I have been a single mother for the last 10 years. Last year I found a guy to retain he loves me and had a physical relationship with me. Six months it was good. suddenly he realized that he had family and started ignoring me, and stop chatting meeting me. I am waiting for him till date. But in the last four months, I start liking another guy who is married with two children and who also loves me a lot. We had a long-distance relationship. He comes from Pune to meet me. We talk a lot on calls. But still, I am confused about what to do. I cannot forget my first guy and also don't know what I feel for the second guy. but I like to talk to him. Please guide me. I don't want to be alone.
Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Shalini

Shalini Singh  |61 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am 36 yrs old girl, working in central govt, I lost my parents long back, all my siblings are elder & busy in their family, brothers doesnt even talk to me, so there is no one who is seriously finding boy for my marriage, I tried through matrimonial apps, it didnt work. Based on my colleague advise, I tried through dating apps but nobody is genuine there, most of them are looking for hook up. Finally I found one guy who is 3 years elder than me but come to know within 3months that he too married but we are in touch through calls & msgs from past 6 years, since I stay alone at quarters, he met me more than 30 times at my place, even spent nights with me but never forced me for anything that I dont like. I love him a lot but he is married so I dont want have physical relationship with him but I too have biological urges but I am scared of getting pregnant or even loosing virginity which might affect my marriage, at the same time I dont have any hopes left on my marriage. This guy has lots of patience , we meet, drink together , do all things except intercourse , could you pls advise me whether I should have sex with him? also I stopped using dating apps as I love this guy.
Ans: I read your question a few times...I will respond it in 3 parts
Part 1:
Current relationship with someone who is not available - You are 36 and are smart to take life decisions. You can do as you wish but incase you get intimate - keep it to that only. Do not let your emotions come to play and get used to him - treat this relationship as a casual relationship which it is already. As for getting pregnant - take precautions, but more than pregnancy you should be worried about STD's hope this man is clean. As for you stopping your search because of this man - Remember - He is NOT AVAILABLE - so rethink why are you being available for someone who is not available to you. You and only you are responsible for your current situation. You have the mind to decide if you wish to continue to know or him or stop this relationship.

Part 2:
Finding someone compatible/ likeminded can become easy if you are (a) not in a hurry (b) know your dealbreakers and negotiables (c) feel confident and good about yourself...if you have these things in place then you would need patience and with that you will find your person - online or offline.

Part 3:
Its unfortunate you lost your parents - a virtual hug coming your way. While parents and sibling do help in introducing their people to others its wrong to Expect them to help - its your relationship and its ok to find your person, in fact its awesome to do so.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!
(more)
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi, i have completed my masters in food technology and want to work as freelancers as a auditor in food industry could you guide how to go about doing.
Ans: Transitioning to freelance work as a food industry auditor can offer you flexibility and autonomy in your career. Evaluate your qualifications, experience, and skills in food technology, quality assurance, and auditing. Identify areas where you have expertise and experience that are valuable to potential clients in the food industry. Familiarize yourself with the requirements and standards for food auditing, including regulatory requirements, industry standards (such as ISO 22000, HACCP), and customer specifications. Understand the auditing process, documentation requirements, and audit protocols. Consider obtaining relevant certifications or training in food safety auditing, such as Certified Food Safety Auditor (CFSA), Lead Auditor Training, or other accredited programs. These credentials can enhance your credibility and qualifications as a freelancer. Network with professionals in the food industry, including food manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and regulatory agencies. Attend industry conferences, seminars, and networking events to connect with potential clients and collaborators. Determine the specific services you will offer as a food industry auditor, such as food safety audits, quality management system audits, regulatory compliance assessments, or supplier audits. Identify your target market, including food manufacturers, processors, retailers, or food service providers. Develop a professional brand identity for your freelance auditing services, including a business name, logo, website, and marketing materials. Highlight your expertise, qualifications, and unique value proposition to attract potential clients. Determine your pricing structure based on factors such as the complexity of audits, scope of services, and industry standards. Establish clear policies regarding payment terms, project timelines, and confidentiality agreements to protect both your interests and those of your clients. Promote your freelance auditing services through online channels, social media platforms, industry forums, and professional associations. Create content related to food safety, quality assurance, and auditing best practices to showcase your expertise and attract potential clients. Cultivate relationships with potential clients by offering value-added services, such as training, consulting, or ongoing support. Build trust and credibility through transparent communication, professional conduct, and delivering high-quality audit reports and recommendations. Establish systems and processes for managing your freelance business, including client communication, project management, invoicing, and record-keeping. Prioritize time management and organization to balance your freelance work effectively. 

Keep learning, networking, and refining your approach to meet the needs of your clients and achieve your professional goals as a freelancer.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
I retired earlier now at 53. Invested 7L in ELSS and using 60L on short term equity trading (with monthly average gain 2L) and having own apartment home worth 40L. Having dependent widowed mother, wife with 13 yrs old daughter. Intended to raise daughter as doctor. Please suggest better investment options.
Ans: Congratulations on your early retirement! It sounds like you've made some good initial decisions, but there's definitely room for improvement to secure your family's future, especially considering your dependents. Here's how you can optimize your investments:

Reduce Risk in Short-Term Equity Trading:

While a ?2 lakh monthly gain from short-term trading sounds impressive, it's a very risky strategy. The market can be volatile, and these gains may not be sustainable. Consider allocating a much smaller portion (maybe 10-20%) to short-term trading and focus on more stable options for the majority of your investable assets (?60 lakh currently in trading).
Focus on Long-Term Growth and Stability:

Increase Investment in ELSS: ?7 lakh is a good start, but for your daughter's education and your retirement needs, you'll likely need a much larger corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount in ELSS or similar diversified equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon (10+ years).
Explore Debt Options for Regular Income:

You mentioned having a dependent mother and daughter's education to plan for. Consider investing a portion (maybe 20-30%) of your investable amount in safer debt options like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for your mother (if she's above 60), or fixed deposits to generate a regular income stream.
Plan for Daughter's Education:

Doctorate studies can be expensive. Start an SIP in a dedicated child education plan or invest in aggressive equity funds specifically for this goal. Talk to a Certfied Financial Planner for personalized recommendations based on the estimated cost of medical education.
Utilize Your Apartment:

While your apartment fulfills your housing needs, consider if it could generate additional income. Explore options like renting a room if feasible.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Given your multiple financial goals and risk tolerance, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be highly beneficial. They can create a personalized investment plan considering your risk appetite, time horizon, and financial goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir My age is 34 yrs. I have working alredy 10 yrs and my average total income till date 40L minimum. Still I did not save 1rs till now. Request you please advice how to start savings also make future retirement plan. My expected retirement age is 55yrs.
Ans: It's never too late to start saving for retirement, and kudos to you for taking this important step at 34! Here's how to get on track:

1. Assess your situation:

Track your expenses: For a month, track where your money goes. This will help identify areas to cut back and free up savings.
Emergency fund: Aim for 3-6 months of living expenses in an easily accessible savings account for emergencies.
2. Start saving:

Automated savings: Set up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a mutual fund. Start small, even with ?1,000 per month, and gradually increase as you get comfortable.
3. Retirement plan:

Employer benefits: Check if your employer offers a retirement plan like a Provident Fund (PF). Contribute the maximum allowed for tax benefits and long-term savings.
Individual options: Explore options like National Pension System (NPS) or Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for long-term growth. Talk to a Registered Investment Advisor (RIA) for personalized advice based on your risk tolerance and goals.
Here's a breakdown based on your income:

You mentioned an average annual income of ?40 lakhs. Aim to save at least 10-15% of your income, which translates to ?4,000-?6,000 per month.
Remember: Consistency is key! Starting early, even with a small amount, allows time for your savings to grow through the power of compounding. Don't be discouraged if you can't save a lot initially. Every little bit counts!
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I'm 45 years old investing for retirement corpus and plan early retirement at 55. Below is my portfolio and current value-23 lacs 1.Nippon small cap 2.quant ELSS 3.Kotak flexicap 4.UTI nifty 50 index-new 5.Motill Oswal midcap150 index-new 6.HSBC midcap am doing a sip of 50k-is it enough? to reach Target of 1 crore in 10 years.
Ans: It's fantastic that you're already thinking about retirement at 45. Life has a way of whizzing by, doesn't it? Having a 10-year plan towards a ?1 crore corpus for early retirement at 55 shows real foresight.

Now, looking at your portfolio with a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, it's clear you've diversified across market capitalizations. That's a smart approach! But with a goal ten years down the line, have you considered how much risk you're comfortable with? Remember, the ride might get bumpy closer to retirement, and you might want to consider a chat with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help you fine-tune your asset allocation to balance growth potential with stability as you near your retirement mark. Think of it like planning a trek to the Himalayas – you want the right gear for every stage of the climb!
(more)
Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Career
I am 62 years old healthy person having more then 30 years experience in commercial field I want a job. Is it is possible to get job anywhere in this age.
Ans: Yes, it is possible to find employment opportunities at any age, including 62 years old. While some employers may have preferences for younger candidates, many organizations value the experience, wisdom, and expertise that mature professionals bring to the table. Leverage your professional network and connections to explore job opportunities, gather insights, and seek referrals. Attend industry events, networking mixers, and professional association meetings to expand your network and connect with potential employers or recruiters. Be open to flexible work arrangements, such as part-time roles, consulting opportunities, contract work, or project-based assignments. Many companies are willing to hire experienced professionals on a flexible basis to leverage their expertise without committing to full-time employment. Research companies or industries that value and prioritize experienced professionals. Look for organizations known for their inclusive workplace cultures, diversity initiatives, and appreciation of older workers' contributions. Customize your job search approach to align with your career goals, preferences, and lifestyle. Focus on opportunities that match your skills, interests, and desired work environment, whether it's a small business, a nonprofit organization, or a corporate enterprise. Approach your job search with confidence, positivity, and enthusiasm. Highlight your unique strengths, accomplishments, and value proposition to prospective employers, and convey your eagerness to contribute and make a difference in a new role.

Remember that finding a job at any age requires persistence, patience, and resilience. Stay proactive, adaptable, and open-minded throughout your job search journey, and remain optimistic about the opportunities that lie ahead. With determination and effort, you can find a fulfilling job that aligns with your skills, experience, and career aspirations, even at 62 years old.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2023Hindi
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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