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My daughter-in-law hates my wife, what should I do?

Anu Krishna |1471 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear Anu, my only son (40), settled in USA, choose a girl of his choice and we agreed for their marriage in 2012. They are blessed with a son on 8 years. My daughter in law developed deep hate and repulsive feelings for my wife (65) is behaving extremely bad with my wife everytime, whenever we visit them. However she is just OK with me. My son is also observed all this but could not do any thing. My wife looks towards me for my intervention. What should I do in this situation? Kindly advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is the reason for your daughter-in-law to develop such feelings towards your wife? Has it been brewing or is it all of a sudden with no warning?
My suggestion would be: The 4 of you could sit down as adults and have an honest conversation. if you intervene, your daughter-in-law might feel picked on and that could make matters worse. It has got to be a discussion between 4 grown-ups and in a very mature way that leads to an outcome of interacting with one another in kindness. This conversation will also help in bringing out what could have possibly been hiding for a long time.
Honest Communication is one of the best ways of mending relationships.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Oct 23, 2024 | Answered on Oct 24, 2024

We both came from rural background and my wife was not comfortable with girl from different culture and delayed our approval for marriage. This may be the reason.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly leave no room for assumptions...it will only get you stuck even more.
Have that conversation and real soon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi

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Hello Pooja madam, my wife began hating her mother in law since last 15 years . They dont speak and dont see eye to eye. The issue was ancestor property division... Now my daughter has grown up. She will get married next year, my wife does not want to invite mother in law or even talk about them.. My wife earns more than me ... my mother in law is a widow .. how can I solve this marraige inviting problem , kindly suggest a remedy..

Ans: In this case, your wife is the one who needs to decide what sort if relationship she wants with her mother. If she feels, the relationship cannot be mended, then my suggestion is that you may just want to have a conversation with her and give your suggestion. Pls let the final decision be of your wife as she would not like to be forced into anything, no matter even if it is the relationship with her mother. It is also not your sole responsibility to mend their relationship. Pls take a measured approach.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Question by Subhash - Mar 01, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 81 yrs old, married for the last 52 yrs. living in a joint family. Have had good working life in Indian and foreign companies for almost 45/50 yrs. Facing health problems for the last 18 yrs. Had angioplasty three times and open heart surgery once. Son and his wife looked after me so well and gave me another lease of life. Wife did not bother much because she is mostly either talking to her mother, who is 93 yrs old, and is not taken care of by her daughter in law because of their lack of understanding for the last many years. Both of them always live in their past and are in the habit of ruining their present My wife is always inclined towards her sisters and mother and never had good relations with her daughter in law and would always find fault with her. My daughter in law is a working professional and is very much sincere and devoted and took care of me always during my post many surgical operations. Kindly suggest what to do and change thinking of my wife at this late period of my life and live peacefully for the remaining period of my life.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your family life. It's understandable that you would like to live peacefully during the remaining period of your life. While changing someone's thinking and behavior can be difficult, there are a few steps you can consider taking to address the situation:

Open and honest communication: Arrange a calm and private conversation with your wife where you express your feelings and concerns. Let her know that you value her and your daughter-in-law, and that you wish for a peaceful and harmonious family life.
Seek professional help: If the communication between your wife and daughter-in-law has been strained for many years, it might be beneficial to involve a professional mediator or family therapist. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and provide guidance on resolving conflicts.
Encourage empathy and understanding: Try to foster understanding and empathy between your wife and daughter-in-law by encouraging them to see things from each other's perspectives. Emphasize the importance of family unity and the positive aspects of their relationship.
Focus on positive experiences: Remind your wife of the care and support she has received from your daughter-in-law over the years. Highlight the positive moments and express gratitude for the love and attention you've all received.
Encourage shared activities: Suggest engaging in shared activities or hobbies that can help strengthen the bond between your wife and daughter-in-law. This could be something as simple as going for walks together or participating in a hobby that they both enjoy.
Promote family harmony: Reinforce the importance of family unity and encourage everyone to work towards a peaceful and harmonious living environment. This may require compromises and understanding from all parties involved.
It's important to remember that change takes time and effort, and not all situations can be completely resolved. However, by fostering open communication, seeking professional guidance, and encouraging empathy, there is a possibility of improving the relationships within your family.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Question by Subhash - Sep 09, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Question by Subhash - Sep 09, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

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Ans: Hello Govinda.
Thanks for sharing the important information with us and our readers.

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi

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IIT is not the only pathway to a great career in Computer Science. You can also consider other entrance exams or explore studying abroad.

Considering a Gap Year for Studying Abroad:

If you’re aiming for top universities like UCL but missed application deadlines, taking a gap year can be a strategic move. It allows you to:

1. Strengthen your academic profile (SAT/ACT, TOEFL/IELTS, subject tests)
2. Gain experience through internships, research, and open-source contributions
3. Improve your programming skills and competitive coding performance
4. Apply for better scholarships and multiple global universities

Challenges & How to Overcome Them:
A gap year requires discipline and planning. Challenges include:
1. Social expectations – Overcome doubts with a clear action plan
2. Staying productive – Engage in structured learning, internships, and projects
3. Financial planning – Research scholarships and funding opportunities

What You Can Do in a Gap Year?: 1. Retake JEE (if needed) 2. Prepare strong applications for international universities

If you secure a good CS seat in India, that’s a great option. However, if you wish to explore global opportunities, a well-planned gap year can help you gain admission to top institutions like UCL. All the Best for your Prosperous Future.

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Radheshyam Zanwar |1172 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Question by Jayesh - Feb 01, 2025Hindi

Career

But sir I literally promised my parents when I took PCM in class 11th that I am taking PCM and I will promise that I will do B Tech only from IIT. Now what about my promise? I know all IITians are not successful but if I will not complete my promise my parents will lose faith in me. I am literally sad now what should I do please give me advice please suggest me way should I contact IIT's professor/chairman and should I ask him for repeating 10th or 12th with other name just for completing my parents promise is legal or not? Please understand my situation I am very depressed from so many months

Ans: Hi Jayesh, please ask your queries in the follow-up so that it would be possible for me to get the exact reference of the previous question and answer (reply)

Radheshyam Zanwar |1172 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Question by Jayesh - Feb 01, 2025Hindi

Career

Even IITs are playing with Student's career why they released press release regarding 3rd attempt for JEE advanced on 5th November and again on 18th November why JAB restored 2 attempts for JEE advanced Is it not illegal by changing rules after declaring official press release? Even NEET has unlimited attempts for AIIMS then why IITs are stopping us by adding limits on number of attempts? Atleast IITs should give 3rd attempt for this year because they promised us on 5th November by declaring press release

Ans: Hi Jayesh, please ask your queries in the follow-up so that it would be possible for me to get the exact reference of the previous question and answer (reply)

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |226 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Question by Pawan - Feb 02, 2025Hindi

Career

सर मेरी बेटी ने 10वीं की परीक्षा उत्तर pradesh से CBSC board से दी है क्याव्ह १२ वी की परीक्षा दिल्ली से दे sakti है और उसके बाद नीट की परीक्षा यूपी से दे या दिल्ली से

Ans: According to NEET UG2024, the following answers address your query:

Choice of Centre Cities will be limited to the State of Permanent Address or State of Present Address only.
For convenience, the candidates may select their own city or neighbouring cities in their State of Residence only and not for far away cities in other States. NTA will not be responsible for any inconvenience due to the incorrect selection of cities by the candidates.

Please note that the selection is NOT based on where your daughter completed her +2 education. It is strictly based on either the permanent address or the present address of the state (which may be determined by the Aadhar card) where you reside. Therefore, it is crucial to be very careful when filling out the application form.

BEST WISHES.

POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |226 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi

Career

In cuet pg if we have selected for two test papers will we get different slots and different dates

Ans: According to the eligibility criteria of the universities where you plan to seek admission, you can choose up to four different test papers. The examination will be conducted in 2-3 shifts, with a duration of 90 minutes for each shift. Every candidate will have the opportunity to participate; thus, the NTA will organize the CUET without any controversies. You will receive more clarity during the application process.
ALL THE BEST.

POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

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