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My daughter-in-law hates my wife, what should I do?

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear Anu, my only son (40), settled in USA, choose a girl of his choice and we agreed for their marriage in 2012. They are blessed with a son on 8 years. My daughter in law developed deep hate and repulsive feelings for my wife (65) is behaving extremely bad with my wife everytime, whenever we visit them. However she is just OK with me. My son is also observed all this but could not do any thing. My wife looks towards me for my intervention. What should I do in this situation? Kindly advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is the reason for your daughter-in-law to develop such feelings towards your wife? Has it been brewing or is it all of a sudden with no warning?
My suggestion would be: The 4 of you could sit down as adults and have an honest conversation. if you intervene, your daughter-in-law might feel picked on and that could make matters worse. It has got to be a discussion between 4 grown-ups and in a very mature way that leads to an outcome of interacting with one another in kindness. This conversation will also help in bringing out what could have possibly been hiding for a long time.
Honest Communication is one of the best ways of mending relationships.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Oct 23, 2024 | Answered on Oct 24, 2024

We both came from rural background and my wife was not comfortable with girl from different culture and delayed our approval for marriage. This may be the reason.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly leave no room for assumptions...it will only get you stuck even more.
Have that conversation and real soon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

RelationshipReply

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Pooja Khera | Answer |Ask -Follow

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hello Pooja madam, my wife began hating her mother in law since last 15 years . They dont speak and dont see eye to eye. The issue was ancestor property division... Now my daughter has grown up. She will get married next year, my wife does not want to invite mother in law or even talk about them.. My wife earns more than me ... my mother in law is a widow .. how can I solve this marraige inviting problem , kindly suggest a remedy..

Ans: In this case, your wife is the one who needs to decide what sort if relationship she wants with her mother. If she feels, the relationship cannot be mended, then my suggestion is that you may just want to have a conversation with her and give your suggestion. Pls let the final decision be of your wife as she would not like to be forced into anything, no matter even if it is the relationship with her mother. It is also not your sole responsibility to mend their relationship. Pls take a measured approach.

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Question by Subhash - Mar 01, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

Kanchan Rai |405 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 81 yrs old, married for the last 52 yrs. living in a joint family. Have had good working life in Indian and foreign companies for almost 45/50 yrs. Facing health problems for the last 18 yrs. Had angioplasty three times and open heart surgery once. Son and his wife looked after me so well and gave me another lease of life. Wife did not bother much because she is mostly either talking to her mother, who is 93 yrs old, and is not taken care of by her daughter in law because of their lack of understanding for the last many years. Both of them always live in their past and are in the habit of ruining their present My wife is always inclined towards her sisters and mother and never had good relations with her daughter in law and would always find fault with her. My daughter in law is a working professional and is very much sincere and devoted and took care of me always during my post many surgical operations. Kindly suggest what to do and change thinking of my wife at this late period of my life and live peacefully for the remaining period of my life.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your family life. It's understandable that you would like to live peacefully during the remaining period of your life. While changing someone's thinking and behavior can be difficult, there are a few steps you can consider taking to address the situation:

Open and honest communication: Arrange a calm and private conversation with your wife where you express your feelings and concerns. Let her know that you value her and your daughter-in-law, and that you wish for a peaceful and harmonious family life.
Seek professional help: If the communication between your wife and daughter-in-law has been strained for many years, it might be beneficial to involve a professional mediator or family therapist. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and provide guidance on resolving conflicts.
Encourage empathy and understanding: Try to foster understanding and empathy between your wife and daughter-in-law by encouraging them to see things from each other's perspectives. Emphasize the importance of family unity and the positive aspects of their relationship.
Focus on positive experiences: Remind your wife of the care and support she has received from your daughter-in-law over the years. Highlight the positive moments and express gratitude for the love and attention you've all received.
Encourage shared activities: Suggest engaging in shared activities or hobbies that can help strengthen the bond between your wife and daughter-in-law. This could be something as simple as going for walks together or participating in a hobby that they both enjoy.
Promote family harmony: Reinforce the importance of family unity and encourage everyone to work towards a peaceful and harmonious living environment. This may require compromises and understanding from all parties involved.
It's important to remember that change takes time and effort, and not all situations can be completely resolved. However, by fostering open communication, seeking professional guidance, and encouraging empathy, there is a possibility of improving the relationships within your family.

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Question by Subhash - Sep 09, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Question by Subhash - Sep 09, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?

Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

Latest Questions

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Dr Chandrakant Lahariya |156 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist, Consultant Physician, Vaccine Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Question by aman - Nov 21, 2024Hindi

Health

Hi, Sir My fasting sugar is 298 and after fasting 1.5hr its 326.. What to do.. Please give ur advice.. Don't Know how this happened.

Ans: These readings are indicative that you have diabetes. It will be useful to know how you developed diabetes but that is secondary. Key is you need to start on medications immediately.

Diabetes control require lifestyle modifications in terms of weight reduction, atleast 30 min of moderate intensity physical activity five days of week or more. Dietary modifications and possibly low calories diet.

In addition, you would need anti diabetic medications in consultation with a physician.

Best,
Dr Chandrakant Lahariya
Centre for Health: The Specialty Practice
Safdarjung Enclave, New Delhi

Dr Chandrakant Lahariya |156 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist, Consultant Physician, Vaccine Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi

Health

Hello i am 53 old last month my HbA1c 63 mmol /mol, what should i do in food items which its includes or excludes . how much excercise or walking, or any other best idea for control the sugar.

Ans: You have diabetes and this require lifestyle modifications in terms of weight reduction, atleast 30 min of moderate inetsnity physical activity five days of week or more. Dietary modifications and possibly low calories diet.

In addition, you would need anti diabetic medications in consultation with a physician.

Best,
Dr Chandrakant Lahariya
Centre for Health: The Specialty Practice
Safdarjung Enclave, New Delhi

Anu Krishna |1321 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Question by Sukhvinder - Nov 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My wife has a younger sister who is staying with her parents along with one son aged 12 years . She has troubled marriage from Day 1 though she is not divorced. She is non working. My In-laws are well off with Pension /rental income closing to 1.25 lacs/month from 3 properties worth 5.5 cr . Since sister in law is non -working , I have strong fear and hint that my in laws will give the major portion of property to her so as to give her sustainable rental income while my wife might get only 20% of property share . My wife has soft corner towards her sister and parents and i know she wont utter a word for this. I need to understand how can the interests of my wife be safeguarded with equal distribution of rights and property . Am also skeptical of my father in law putting legal document too with an arrangement as I mentioned above.

Ans: Dear Sukhviner,
Why should you have a strong fear? Is the money yours? Have you earned it? If your wife herself is not bothered by it, what makes you worry?
What you earn through your effort belongs to you and what is given to you is a bonus. So, do not bank much on that bonus as you have no control over it. Focus on your work and put in efforts in it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Milind Vadjikar |680 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi

Money

Epfo me father name mismatch hai kaisa hoga dahi

Ans: Hello;

To correct a mismatch in your father's name in your EPF account, you may;

1. Update online
Go to the "Manage" section in EPF portal, and update your father's name. Make sure the name matches with that in your Aadhar card. This request will have to be validated by your employer.

2. Submit a joint declaration
Submit a joint declaration with your employer to the Regional PF Commissioner. You will need to include valid supporting documents.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |680 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Question by guru - Nov 16, 2024Hindi

Money

I have worked in 2 company's, at 1 company they remitted eps even though am not eligible for pension scheme becouse of higher wages, second company also contributed to eps, by submitting nesesary documents i withdrawn both epf and eps amount from both the accounts, now the problem is, if I started a new job in a company how can I approach the company to not contribute on eps, what if contribution was made again because of eps account? Please help me ????

Ans: Hello;

You can talk to the HR team of your new employer and discuss these aspects. Submit a written request over mail/letter, if need be.

Check with you peers in the new establishment.

Such errors are not expected from professional organisations.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |680 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Question by K - Oct 07, 2024Hindi

Money

My details are not correct in my uan when I am trying to activate my uan it shows details are mismatched with aadhar...I need to recorrect it but my previous employer was not responding for the joint declaration form.....what i have to do now sir

Ans: Hello;

Get it corrected vide joint declaration through your current employer.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |680 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2024Hindi

Money

Am 47 with a corpus of 5 crores spread across PF, NPS, PPF and Equity MF. Approximately 50% in MF and rest in debt instruments. Can I retire now considering a life expectancy of around 90 years. If I can retire how should I plan for my cash flow to provide for 12 lacs per year ? Flat is paid for and future expenses for the kids are included in this, future education also is a seperate corpus of fifty lacs additional planned for. Please advise.

Ans: Hello;
What is the extent of future expenses for kids included in the retirement corpus of 5 Cr?

Kindly clarify so as to advise suitably.

Thanks;

Milind Vadjikar |680 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Question by AV - Nov 21, 2024Hindi

Money

Sir, we are 60+, my husband retired from IAF 15 years tenure, at present we get pension and rent our gross income is 12 l per annum. We live in rented accomadation. We have not finished our children marriage. Son 33 daughter 26. We don't have any other savings. Please guide us.

Ans: Hello;

If you begin with a monthly sip of 30 K in a combination of large cap fund and balanced advantage fund (50:50) then you may expect a corpus of,
25 L after 5 years
48 L after 8 years and
70 L after 10 years.

A return of 12% is considered.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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