Dear madam, it’s about my daughter.

She is 22, completed Msc (economics) in IIT-Kharagpur and will join job in July at Gurugram. She 2nd of two kids, son being the 1st, also an IITian, now in the US

She is with us since March 2020, the longest period after 7 years.

She has average intelligence and follows her brother. We never exerted any pressure but always supported her. She strives very hard to reach her goals. In that process she always experiences very tense moments.

She shares all in detail with her mother (some very silly). My wife always listens patiently and extends all the required support.

She also excelled in cultural activities at IIT -- was cast in a lead role in a short film which stood first in the IIT meet.

She was affected by corona during which she did internship with Nomura.

She cleared CFA level 1 in Dec 20 and is continuing her last semester from home. She is very much attached to the family and always insists that we live with her.

At the same time, she is lazy and never inclined to share any work at home. She was and is busy with her studies then and internship now.

She spends most of the day sleeping; working at night, chatting and hardly communicates pleasantries with me and her mother. We do discuss about general things.

During conversations with her mother, she would shout and get upset with anything she dislikes. However she will be very normal with her friends.

I worry silently but my wife is not able to be passive which is resulting in verbal duels frequently for silly or no reason.

My concerns: 1. Her irregular timings – she wakes up at 1 pm,misses breakfast, lunch 2 pm, dinner 10 pm and sleeps sometime after 2 am.

2. She is not exercising.

3. She intervenes in our conversation (between me and my wife) and finds fault with the thinking of my wife.

I routinely console my wife that all will be OK soon. But I find it difficult to convince her.

Importantly I’ve become helpless and speechless whenever both of them indulge in verbal duels.

All my attempts to pacify them are useless.

My request to keep silence is not at all heeded. Both find fault with me for not supporting their points. Both are correct from their angles, however the issues are silly.

Later both shower so much of love and I always wonder whether they even indulged in fierce battle a little while ago.

My concern: How to handle the situation? How to make them silent?

Any advice will be appreciated and followed.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What according to you have caused these changes in him and that too after 11 years of courtship? Did any instance cause him to act differently than before? And were there no indications of him acting different during your courtship days?
Why I ask this is that it is difficult for anyone to pretend for 11 long years! He would have displayed his current behavior sometime in the past and maybe you simply decided to overlook it?
Courtship days and marriage days are vastly different and what seemed okay during the courtship time becomes an issue after marriage. If this is not the case, it's quite possible that some incident which was seemingly small became a huge issue in his head causing him to act different?
Now, why am I going into this so much is because most often we overlook reasons that can be worked on. So, do think hard on this...
It is also time to involve your parents who can talk to his mother and figure out why her son is acting all weird. Surely, your mother-in-law needs to know that her interference the way it is, is going to destroy her son's marriage. So, get your parents to talk to her. And in the meantime, as hard as it may seem, do take care of your health for yourself and your baby.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address the most important thing first, does she really love you? I am not sure about that. It's neither a solid yes or a solid no. But therein lies the challenge. If there is confusion, there is concern. Moreover, the habit of drawing comparisons with other people and how they treat their partners is an indication of a toxic relationship. I would urge you to rethink this relationship.

There will always be someone better out there- with a better car, a better-paying job, or even better looking, but that doesn't mean we stop loving our partner and leave them for that "better someone." Loving your partner is a choice you make every day. Having said that, it is okay if she wants someone "better." Let her. You deserve better too.

Please reconsider this relationship, especially if it is causing you so much sorrow.

Best wishes.

Ans: Dear Raj,
Your concerns are valid, but it is not limited to online dating apps. Regardless of online and offline, cheaters will be there. But technically, the chances of getting scammed online are less because most dating apps have strict security policy and features. Despite these measures, people sometimes find a way to scam or cheat; that's why it is always recommended to be cautious while dating, and it goes for both online and offline- for instance, stay away from money talks, do not share sensitive details, be careful while sharing pictures, etc.

Moreover, most profiles are genuine people trying to find love or companionship.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There isn't really a timeframe "set in stone." It's all about comfort. Everyone has their own pace; if she says that she isn't ready to be intimate in real life, then respect that. Do not rush her. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow. Also, you have to understand that there is a big difference between texting about intimacy and doing the same in reality. While she might be comfortable with the first one, she might not be ready for the latter. Please respect that.

Hope this helps

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that your virginity is important to him and you should not have kept this from him, but do you understand that your virginity is your choice? Why does he have a say in it? He is your partner- he loves you, but he doesn't own you. And what you did in your past is not something he can judge you by; why should that affect your relationship? I know that you love him but it's better to tell him the truth and accept the outcome than to keep lying and feel guilty about something you should not even be worrying about.

I am sure he has many great qualities but being so concerned about your virginity seems a little concerning. You are a person with so many other attributes. Why would he ignore all of that and care only about something that you have no control over? I suggest you tell him, but please remember, no matter what he says, you are not at fault here. It's in your past, a time when he did not exist for you.

Best Wishes

Ans: There could be underlying iron deficiency or allergic rhinitis

Ans: Hello dear.
Your cast certificate from Telangana state will not be accepted in the Maharashtra admission process. For state quota counseling, a domicile in Maharashtra is typically required. Your cast certificate will be valid for 15% of All India quota seats. To use your SC category benefits under AIQ, ensure your caste is listed in the Central Government's SC list. If you have been living in Maharashtra for a substantial period, then try to obtain a fresh domicile and cast certificate from the competent authorities to apply for MBBS in reservation quota.
Steps for NEET Counseling: For All India Quota:
(1) Use your Telangana-issued SC certificate, provided your caste is in the Central List.
(2) No need to convert or domicile in Maharashtra for AIQ.
For Maharashtra State Quota:
(1) Convert your caste certificate as mentioned above and obtain domicile certification if necessary.
(2) Register for Maharashtra state NEET counseling with the converted certificate and domicile proof.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Ans: Your plan to invest Rs 25,000 monthly in equity mutual funds and stocks is commendable.

A 12-15 year horizon is ideal for equity investments.
Investing through your mother’s Demat account is possible but requires careful attention.
Let us examine the key aspects and potential issues in this approach.

Fund Source and Ownership Implications
Using rental income from property owned by your father raises ownership considerations.

Ensure the rental income is legally transferred to your mother’s account.
If your father remains the legal owner, document the transfer as a gift or allowance.
This clarity avoids tax-related complications in the future.
Proper documentation ensures that the funds in your mother’s account are not questioned.

Taxation of Rental Income
Rental income received by your father will be taxed under his name.

Transferring funds to your mother does not change the tax liability.
Your father will continue to report this income in his tax returns.
Ensure all transactions are clear and traceable for compliance.
This ensures transparency and avoids potential legal issues.

Taxation on Investments in Your Mother’s Name
Investing in your mother’s name offers certain tax advantages.

If your mother has no other significant income, her tax liability will be lower.
Long-term capital gains on equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
This can reduce the overall tax burden on the portfolio returns.

Choosing the Right Investment Vehicles
Your strategy includes equity mutual funds and stocks. Diversify carefully for consistent growth.

Allocate a significant portion to actively managed equity funds for steady returns.
Avoid index funds due to their passive nature and lack of adaptability.
Use multi-cap or diversified funds to manage risks effectively.
For stocks, focus on blue-chip and fundamentally strong companies for long-term wealth creation.

Avoiding Risks with Direct Funds
Direct funds lack the guidance of an expert.

Without a Certified Financial Planner, portfolio decisions may not align with goals.
Regular funds through a trusted distributor offer better support and insights.
This ensures professional management of your investments.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investments require periodic monitoring to stay aligned with goals.

Review the portfolio annually for performance and sector allocation.
Rebalance to maintain the desired equity-debt ratio as market conditions change.
This keeps your portfolio on track over the long term.

Legal and Practical Considerations
Using a separate Demat account in your mother’s name is acceptable.

Ensure that account documentation reflects her as the sole holder.
Clearly separate her investments from your personal portfolio.
This avoids confusion and ensures clarity in ownership.

Suggestions for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Your investment horizon of 12-15 years supports growth-focused strategies.

Allocate 60% to actively managed equity mutual funds for high potential returns.
Reserve 20% for hybrid funds to balance risks and provide stability.
Keep 10% in international equity funds for diversification.
Use 10% for direct stocks in stable and high-growth sectors.
This diversified approach balances risks and maximises returns over time.

Final Insights
Your investment strategy is promising and aligns with long-term wealth creation. Document the fund transfers clearly to avoid tax and legal complications. Avoid index funds and direct funds due to their limitations. Engage a Certified Financial Planner to optimise fund selection and monitoring. A diversified portfolio will help you achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment