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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AM Question by AM on Jun 24, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 Hello!! I've been in a relationship since 13 years.
I'm a Christian and he is a Muslim. 
My parents don't agree to our marriage since beginning
I went many hardships to agree my parents. Recently they agreed..
My parents told him to bring his parents he declined
He is being offensive to bring his parents. He feels insecure when I talk to my own friends and even once I didn't cheat on him
He cheated me multiple times having sex with many other girls
He apologised and told me that he will not do it again
I trusted him again
He is not interested in bringing his parents to meet my family
What should I do now?

Ans:

Dear AM,

Imagine that all that you have shared with me is something that your friend is sharing with you.

What will you tell her? To forgive this person for their hurtful behaviour or to take charge of her life and do what’s right for her?

Have you thought of how much this must be messing with your mind and to not want to meet your parents with no real reason; is he even serious about the relationship?

And further complicate it by being with other women (I assume that this is something that you have evidence of) is disrespectful towards you and the relationship.

Doesn’t this prompt you to make a decision that brings back your peace of mind and allows you to be free to live life with more dignity and joy?

Be right by you and love yourself!

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have been dating a guy since last year and we are serious about each other. Our families know about us and are quite accepting towards our relationship. But there is a problem idk what to do. I'm single child and my father passed 10 years ago so its just me and my mom. I cant just leave her after marriage. I want all of us ( me my bf his parents and my mother ) to stay together after our marriage but he says that his parents will have a problem with it. Idk what to do i just cant leave my mother but i also love this guy.
Ans: It's understandable that you're facing a challenging situation with conflicting priorities. Balancing your commitment to your mother and your love for your boyfriend can be difficult, but open communication and compromise are essential in such casesTalk about your expectations for family life after marriage. Understand what he envisions and what compromises can be made to accommodate both your wishes. This may involve discussing living arrangements, responsibilities, and boundariesIf possible, involve both families in the discussion. Sometimes, concerns can be addressed more effectively when everyone is aware of each other's perspectives. This can also help in finding common ground and building mutual understanding. finding a solution that respects both families and allows for a harmonious marriage may take time and effort. Patience, understanding, and compromise are key. It's important to create an environment where both you and your boyfriend feel heard and valued.
Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for both of you as a couple. Consider what compromises are reasonable and whether there are creative solutions that can satisfy both your desire to care for your mother and your commitment to your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
hii im 18 yrs old ..my parents found out about my bf.. actually they have caught me 5 to 6 times and always told me to leave him.. and i used to leave him but after sometime we again get reunited .. my parents have snatched my phone and telling me whether to choose them or my bf.. they are telling me to live in their house according to them otherwise i should leave their house.. i love both of them so much i got my bf after lot of struggles and fights .. i dont know what should i do..my bf is also from another religion and now my parents are telling me that they will not let me study further and will take me to my hometown forever and will get me married their with someone else
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 18 when you are still emotionally immature and financially not yet stable, what else do you expect your parents to do?
They are doing what they think is the right thing for you to keep you safe. My suggestion would be to focus on what must matter to you most at this age; your studies...put down your goals and stick to them...
As cruel as it may seem to you that the whole world is against your association with the boy, remember that you have a life ahead of you that will give you the necessary space for such a relationship...so work towards yourself first, so that when you actually get into a relationship, you know that it is right for you!
Right now, you know that your parents may very well pull you out from studies and there goes your dreams of a better future...So, please stop being foolish and step up for yourself and do what's right for you!

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Can I invest Rs 40,000 per month in the National Pension Scheme? What kind of returns can I expect from the NPS in 10 years?
Ans: Yes, you can invest Rs 40,000 per month in the National Pension Scheme (NPS). There is no maximum limit on the monthly contributions to NPS.

Important to note about NPS returns:

• NPS returns are market-linked and depend on the chosen investment scheme. The NPS offers various investment options like Equity (E), Corporate Debt (C), Government Bonds (G), Alternative Investment Funds (A). Equity (E) scheme typically has higher returns than other schemes (C, G) but also comes with higher risk.
• It is difficult to predict the exact returns you will get in 10 years as the market is volatile.

Here's an example to give you an idea

Let’s assume you choose an equity scheme with an average annual return of 10%.

• Total investment over 10 years = Rs 40000 per month * 12 months/year * 10 years = Rs 48,00,000
• Estimated returns in 10 years = Rs 48,00,000 * 10% = Rs 4,80,000

This is just an estimate, and actual returns may vary.

Here are some resources that can help you make an informed decision:

• NPS calculator: You can use an NPS calculator to get a more personalised estimate of your retirement corpus and pension amount. These calculators consider factors like your age, investment amount, investment scheme chosen, and expected rate of return.
• NPS investment options: You can find more information about the different NPS investment options on the PFRDA website (https://www.pfrda.org.in/)

Remember, NPS is a long-term investment for retirement planning. Investing early and regularly will help you build a substantial corpus for your retirement.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1546 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Money
My mother have 10 laks. Currently in FD so whatever interst she got she manage home on that interst. She is living alone so need to ask what is the better way to keep her money safe but interst she got higher than current interst value. Is SWP is good option for her ?
Ans: Considering your mother's situation, using a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can be a good option to potentially earn higher returns while maintaining liquidity and safety for her funds. Here's why SWP could be beneficial:

Potential for Higher Returns:
By investing the funds from the FD into a suitable mutual fund or conservative investment option, your mother may earn higher returns compared to the current FD interest rate.
With SWP, she can periodically withdraw a fixed amount, which may include both the returns generated by the investment and a portion of the principal amount, depending on her withdrawal needs.
Liquidity:
SWP provides flexibility, allowing your mother to withdraw a fixed amount at regular intervals to meet her living expenses.
Unlike traditional FDs, where the entire amount is locked in for a fixed tenure, SWP allows her to access her funds whenever required, providing liquidity.
Safety:
While investing in mutual funds or other investment options carries some level of risk, your mother can choose relatively safer options such as debt funds or balanced funds to minimize risk while still earning potentially higher returns.
Ensure that the chosen investment aligns with her risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Regular Income:
SWP can provide your mother with a regular source of income, similar to the interest earned from FDs, but potentially at a higher rate.
By withdrawing a fixed amount at regular intervals, she can manage her expenses effectively without depleting her entire investment.
Professional Advice:
Before proceeding with SWP, it's advisable to consult with a financial advisor or Certified Financial Planner.
A professional can assess your mother's financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals to recommend suitable investment options and withdrawal strategies that align with her needs.
Overall, SWP can be a viable option for your mother to potentially earn higher returns while maintaining liquidity and safety for her funds. However, it's crucial to carefully evaluate the investment options and withdrawal strategy based on her individual requirements and consult with a financial expert for personalized advice.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1546 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
I invest 20% in nifty 200 momentum, 40% in midcap 150 momentum 50 and 20% in smallcap 250 momentum quality 50 remaining 20% i invest in debt fund I'm investing for more then 10years but I'm thinking of stoping my investment in 200 momentum and thinking of investing in smallcap is it a good idea
Ans: Switching your investment from Nifty 200 momentum to small-cap stocks can be a significant decision, so let's evaluate it:

Market Dynamics:
Small-cap stocks generally offer higher growth potential but come with increased volatility and risk compared to large-cap stocks.
Mid-cap stocks occupy a middle ground, offering a balance between growth potential and risk.
Risk Consideration:
Shifting your investment from large-cap (Nifty 200 momentum) to small-cap stocks could potentially increase the risk in your portfolio due to the higher volatility associated with small-cap stocks.
Ensure that you're comfortable with the increased risk and have a long-term investment horizon to ride out market fluctuations.
Diversification:
Review your overall portfolio diversification. If you already have exposure to mid-cap and small-cap stocks, adding more small-cap stocks may further increase concentration risk in your portfolio.
Consider maintaining a balanced allocation across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks to spread risk effectively.
Investment Horizon:
Assess your investment horizon and risk tolerance. Small-cap stocks are best suited for investors with a long-term horizon who can withstand short-term market volatility.
Ensure that your decision aligns with your financial goals and investment strategy.
Professional Advice:
Consider consulting with a financial advisor or Certified Financial Planner to evaluate your investment strategy, assess the impact of switching to small-cap stocks, and ensure it aligns with your overall financial plan.
A professional can provide personalized guidance based on your individual circumstances and help you make informed decisions.
Ultimately, whether to switch your investment from Nifty 200 momentum to small-cap stocks depends on your risk appetite, investment horizon, and portfolio diversification strategy. Evaluate the potential risks and rewards carefully and seek professional advice if needed before making any changes to your investment strategy.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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