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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Sir - I ama 50 Year old person. My wife is 44 yearsd old. She hates lies and i know very well that she gets wild if i lie and I have been used to the soft lies which she gets irritated about. Last week she caught me telling a lie about a certain happening which started with the starcase light of our society. She had told me not to request anyone to replace the light as there are other members of the society(who are never get involved in any social things). I said ok but had messaged a committee member to change it via chat and forgot all about it. My wife saw the chat and got wild and told me as why i lied to her that i did not tell anyone in the society to replace the bulb... she got really wild about this and is not talking to me for the past 3-4 days.. she does not want to and wants to separate.. Can you advise me as to how i can convince her.. i have tried apologising many times and reterating that this willnot happen again..

Ans: I understand this situation is very challenging for you. It’s clear that you care deeply about your wife and want to repair the relationship. The key here is to show her that you truly understand why this incident was significant to her and to demonstrate a genuine commitment to change.

First, it's important to acknowledge the impact of your actions. Sit down with your wife and express that you understand why she feels hurt and betrayed by your lie. Let her know that you recognize how important honesty is to her and that you see why this situation has caused her so much distress. Use this conversation to validate her feelings without trying to defend your actions or make excuses.

When you apologize, make sure it's heartfelt and sincere. Instead of a simple "I'm sorry," explain what you are sorry for and how you plan to ensure this doesn’t happen again. For example, you could say, "I deeply regret lying to you about the light bulb situation. I understand that my actions hurt you and damaged your trust in me. Moving forward, I am committed to being completely honest with you, no matter how small the matter may seem."

Next, demonstrate your commitment to change through actions, not just words. This might involve openly communicating about small things that you might have previously brushed off. Showing consistency in your behavior over time can help rebuild trust.

Also, consider exploring why you feel the need to tell "soft lies." Understanding this about yourself can help you address the root cause and change this behavior. You might find it helpful to talk with a therapist or counselor to get to the bottom of this tendency and develop strategies to overcome it.

Lastly, give her space and time if she needs it. Pressuring her to forgive you immediately might push her further away. Show her through your actions and your patience that you are committed to making things right.

Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort, but by demonstrating genuine remorse, understanding, and a willingness to change, you can start to repair your relationship. Your commitment to honesty and openness moving forward will be crucial in showing her that she can trust you again.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |450 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024
Relationship
Hi Sir, I met my wife in a matrimonial website.Our parents discussed our profiles and then we exchanged our numbers.We met once and then remained in contact for almost 9-10 months and during this period we became friends and met 3-4 times in public places.After that we both realised that we should see each other and get married.Then our courtship period started and I told her about my past and also told her that i had sex with my sex girlfriend.She also told me that she had 2 boyfriends and never had sex with anyone.I believed her and we met couples of times during our courtship period in cafes and hotels but never had sex.We discussed almost everything during that period and she confirmed that she is a virgin.After 6 months courtship period we got married and things were going good.After 10 months of marriage I found a chat backup on her phone and it was with her ex.They were discussing sex and with those messages it was clear that they had sex multiple times and she even took an Ipill due to unprotected sex... When i confronted her she again lied and denied the allegations.When i showed her the messages she confessed that they had sex thrice. I am broke now and this lie is taking all my peace and I am overthinking about this which is impacting my work as well.Though i am trying to be normal with her but somewhere in my conscious mind i keep on thinking this.The problem is that she lied not about the virginity. One fact that from the day we decided she never cheated on me and even i am very much loyal to her. need your help sir!!!!please suggest what to do now....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad you found your person. I understand that it is difficult for you to accept that she hid something that was important for you to know, especially when you shared your past experiences honestly. Your feelings are valid. But let's just take a second to think of this from a woman's perspective- it can be difficult for women to share certain details of their lives because of how easily society will judge them harshly for the same thing that they will ignore if a man does. I suppose she was afraid you would judge her too. Nevertheless, it was not right.

There are a few things to do now- first, focus on the positives. As you mentioned, she has been very loyal and loving to you- focus on that. Let the past be in the past; it can't be changed, but it can ruin your present and future if you let it. Second, if this revelation is causing extreme turmoil in your relationship, please consider seeing a marriage counselor together, or you can also see a therapist alone. They are professionals and can help you navigate your feelings in a more structured way.

Best wishes

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |741 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

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What happens when a Mutual Fund company shuts down / gets sold off?
Ans: Hello;

If a mutual fund company gets sold or fails, the process is prescribed by SEBI:

In case MF company is Sold,
The new fund house may:
1. Continue the scheme with a new name and management.

2. Merge the scheme with similar funds and offer investors the option to exit without any exit load.

In case MF company shuts down,
The fund house will:
1. Pay out investors based on the fund's last recorded Net Asset Value (NAV) and the number of units the investor holds, after deducting expenses.

2. If the company is not in a position to do so then SEBI may liquidate the funds assets and distribute the proceeds to unit holders.

It is also pertinent to note that mutual fund regulation in India is one of the most stringent and hence best, from investor's point of view, globally.

This is not just in theory. We have seen how the Franklin Templeton abrupt closure of debt funds was handled with surgical precision, by SEBI, with no loss to unitholders.


Skin in the game regulation mandates that 20% salary of key mutual fund personnel and fund managers is paid in terms of units of their funds with a 3 year lock-in.

The stocks and bonds purchased by the AMC for the fund are held by a custodian, appointed by the trust that administers the fund.

The trust engages into a investment management agreement with the AMC for managing the fund as per their mandate and within regulatory guidelines.

Registrar and Transfer Agents handle the investor registration,kyc, maintaining records, providing account and tax statements etc.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

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