My husband is very attached to his sister who is 32 and divorced. She visits our house daily and my husband discusses everything with her including our personal matters. She gives advice on what I should cook, how I should dress. I'm 26 married from one year. Every time the siblings talk, I feel like a third person in my own marriage. How to make husband understand this is wrong?

Ans: Cousins getting along well is normal; a wife feeling insecure as a result of that is not. Haven’t you got a brother or male relative you’ve bonded with since childhood? Still, giving the benefit of the doubt to your instinct as his wife, I would suggest you look out for subtle signs of anything more than familial ties. Does he look for any excuse to spend time with her? Do they meet alone very frequently? Do you pick up on any romantic vibes between them? Hugging between cousins is very normal, but are they overly tactile? Short of any of that, leave it alone and address your own insecurities.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am assuming that your brother-in-law is your wife's brother which explains why she may not want to ask him to move out.
But, if there is a general discomfort and personality clashes, I guess you must express your concerns to your wife. Too much of being on each others' faces only causes stress around the house.
See if there can be a WIN-WIN in this situation where the brother-in-law can visit over the weekends or your wife can visit him when she wishes to. That way, she will not feel the pain of asking him to move out.
If this also doesn't work out, do make her aware that this is putting a strain on the marriage. If she cannot talk about this without it upsetting her or understanding the impact of her decision to have her brother at home, then she needs to know that she has begun to take her marriage for granted.
So, talk to her on moving towards the WIN-WIN...that seems like the only way out through this situation.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why are you having grown-ups who can earn and fend for themselves in your home?
You want space, then make space by politely asking them to move out. Even they need to learn to live with one another whereby the niece can rely on her husband rather than on your husband. Obviously it also suggests that your husband is either being ignorant of her fancy for him OR he's enjoying all the attention. Whatever the case, it will be healthy for both the couples here to maintain a healthy distance so discuss this with your husband and tell him how uncomfortable you feel with her around you all the time. He may call your doubt as foolish, but stay firm and request him that together you both convey to them to find a space and move out. You may even offer to search for accommodation for them so that they don't feel that they are being rudely thrown out.
But, be firm with this...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Suganya,
Never let anyone make you feel low or less...So, if you are a homemaker, that's your choice and if that is the reason that your husband seeks the company of another woman, then he honestly does not deserve your attention and love. He will realize it over time...
What you can do in the meanwhile is to develop your identity, your personality that is different from your husband. have a friends circle where you not only have fun but also do something together which is besides what family responsibilities demand. Since your husband is caring towards you and your children, that is a huge plus point...request him one day or half day over the weekend, to take care of the children, where you can go along with these friends to trek or on a picnic or doing some voluntary work or just about anything...you will have something to look forward to and this will also give your husband a signal that you don't look to him for your happiness. This will surely make him wonder what he is doing with the other person and that realization will also have a positive effect on the marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello mam,
Yes it is sometimes tuf to handle such situation. You plz keep your calm and maintain your cool. Next step is to talk to your husband about this without saying anything bad about your sister in law. You can say that "I agree that your sister is caring about us and she is sharing hee motherhood experience with us and guiding us, but we should be handling our matters on your own now. She also has a family to take care. She should feel free from our side so that she can take care of her family without our tension."
This way he ll feel that you don't have any problem with his sister and will take into consideration your family's privacy.
Try this and revert back.
Take care!
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