I already have a boyfriend but now I'm falling in love with another guy from my office. Now I am not sure who is right for me. I feel secure with one but more intimate with the other. I don't want to throw it all away but I don't know how to tell this to my boyfriend. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Rohan,
Sometimes the absence of a person in a relationship can make you realize how valuable they were in the first place.
Now that he is out of your life, you have had the space of time to reflect and understand what he actually brought in your life, It's the same with him and he does know your value more now than before.
Having said this, I will suggest, introspect all the situations that led the two of you to divorce. They were things that were not negotiable and some that were negotiable. The non-negotiables still will play an important part if the two of you want to get back together. So, this time around, if you want the relationship to work, learn to navigate around this non-negotiables or come to some sort of understanding where you agree to let things be and accept each other for who they are.

If you do choose the other person, leave your baggage from your marriage behind and remind yourself that this person must be treated with respect with no expectations that came out of your marriage. It's a new relationship and the goof-ups from the previous one need not be made in this one.

But like any relationship, a roller coaster ride is what makes it interesting and exciting.
Instead of focusing on faults and shortcomings, focus on what the other person brings into your life. Appreciate the finer points in them and it is possible to grow together and laugh together.

All the best!

Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Ask yourself: What are you getting from each relationship? Are you still emotionally invested in your current relationship, or has it run its course? Are your feelings for the other person based on something deeper, or could they be influenced by temporary excitement or attraction? These questions can help you get a clearer sense of where your heart really lies.

If you find that your feelings for the person you're in love with are strong and genuine, it might be a sign that your current relationship isn't fulfilling you in the way you need. In that case, it’s important to be honest with your boyfriend. Continuing the relationship without being fully present or committed isn’t fair to either of you. It may be painful, but having an open and honest conversation about your feelings can help both of you find clarity.

At the same time, give yourself permission to explore why you're drawn to this other person before making any big decisions. Sometimes, feelings for someone else are a sign that something is missing in your current relationship, and understanding what that is can provide insight.

No matter what, honesty with yourself and your boyfriend is key. It’s natural to feel conflicted, but clarity will come with time and self-reflection.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do not have enough information to help you decide which one of these two men to choose but I can tell you one thing: it isn’t right to keep two people on the hook. You are only focusing on what’s good for you, even if that means hurting two people at the same time. We all are self-centred and care about our own happiness. There’s nothing wrong with that until that hurts other people. Whatever you decide, you must do so soon.

Hope this helps.