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Anu Krishna |580 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2023

Question by Rankanidhi on May 28, 2023

I am 71 male. About 40 years back when I was not in a permanent job, my boss tried to exploit and black mail me. Had he succeeded, I would have no choice but to commit suicide. Fortunately I survived and prospered in my career. My family life is also happy and my two sons are well placed. However I am unable to forget his treachery. I am always thinking of this incident. Is this a sign that I am having mental disorder for which I need treatment?

Ans: Dear Rankanidhi,
So, are you looking for revenge so that you feel satisfied?
Is it too hard to look at all the good things you have and the love that you are surrounded with?

Yet you choose to talk and live that one incident so much that it is forcing you to overlook even the best things in life. Yes, you are choosing it and you are choosing it for a reason.
Instead, can you dull it out and come into the bright phase that you are in? Cherish all that has happened and live every moment with your friends and family.

Life is how we choose it and we live that reality every moment...So, you don't have a mental disorder, it's just that that one instance (treachery, as you call it), is being allowed by you to have great prominence in your mind and what you allow in your mind will grow.

When the garbage can is overflowing at home, what do you do? Do you throw more and keep it around? Do exactly the same with that 'treachery' episode what you would do with an overflowing garbage can at home.

All the best!

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Roopashree Sharma |174 Answers |Ask -Follow

Yoga, Naturopathy Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2022

Question by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2022

Hi Roopashree, I want to discuss about my mental issue. Last year my colleague died of a sudden heart attack. Since then, I always feel I am going to meet the same fate. I have done ECG and also consulted few doctors who said my blood pressure and heartbeats are normal. But regularly I get chest pains and feel I am going to have heart attack. I have spent most of my life stressful as mostly due to abusive childhood because of my stepmother. I wonder if it is a heart problem or a mental problem. Can you help?

Ans:

You should address this issue.

Let your mind relax since the reports are clear. Constant worrying will negatively impact on your otherwise healthy system.

Change your routine for a while. Pursue a hobby. If you know swimming, go for it as water is the best natural healer.

Learn meditation; you can start by chanting ‘Om’.

Further, for inner balance and peace, learn a musical instrument and/or learn to sing; it will bring out any suppressed emotions.

We should learn to let go, let the past remain in the past, take positive lessons and move on.

Bring positive affirmations into your life rather than holding on to the negatives.

Please stay away from any kind of addiction.

Consult a wellness expert in case you are not able to cope as suppressed emotions can result in physical ailments.

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Anu Krishna |580 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Question by RD - Sep 06, 2021

Hello Anu Ma'am, I don't know where to start. I don't know if there is anything wrong with me at all. It all started on 4th of July 2012. My father passed away that afternoon. I have been a single child raised by a single parent. My mother passed away during my birth due to a medical error. During my early childhood my father was distant and alcoholic. We barely bonded. I was a studious child turned rebellion for no particular reason. Getting into wrong circumstances and with wrong people. By the time I was in 10th standard, me and dad had a bond. He shared his feelings of loneliness and disappointments from life, friend circle, work, extended family, etc. It made me judgmental and opinionated towards everything and everyone. I never connected with my extended family and neither did any one of them. I moved to Bangalore in 2007 for a better career upon his insistence. I had goals, ambitions and desires and a place in life where I wanted to be. But after his death, life has been a mess for the last 9 years. The untimely death took me away from completing my engineering degree. I drifted back to hometown in a desperate effort to safeguard the home he built, where I grew up. If I quantify my 20 years with dad, it would sum up to barely 5 years of happy time. Rest of it is just marred by alcohol, abuse on his part and mine, distance, periods of no conversation or connection. I came up with ideas to keep the home and still pursue whatever was left of my dream. But it didn't work. For instance, the neighbors created problems for the tenants who I bought for that home. Some of my father's friends and my own had vested interests in that house and constantly created hurdles which damaged my efforts in my very first job. The lawyer I hired to transfer the property to my name played her own tricks to take the house. Lengthy government procedures, bribery, setbacks resulted in me losing my focus on the second job as well. As a last resort, in 2017, I sold the home and planned to settle down in Bangalore for good cutting all my ties with the place I called home. This also affected my relationship as my fiance's father questioned his faith on me and finally got her married to a guy in the States. Over the last 5 years, my career has marched forward aggressively. I travel to places cherishing the things I wanted to do -- travel, eat and gather new experiences. But when I come back home, there is a void. I don't feel happy about how far I have come and achieved despite everything. There is no one around to share my thoughts and feelings. There is no space to let out and let go. I am in a constant state of breakdown. I want to cry but I rarely do. Those moments of childhood, the experience of his demise the after effects still have a hold over me. I have become skeptical of trusting people and letting them in and trusting them. Then there is my own regret of not finishing my engineering and working towards the life I wanted and setting down for a normal degree and corporate life. I have started to indulge in excessive travel and bouts of poetic rant to let the hurt out but now I feel it ain't working. It's becoming difficult for me everyday. I don't feel suicidal because I know I won't take that step. But I feel very very lost and unable to find a way to move forward. I feel I am just there in the crowd without a purpose. What should I do?

Ans: Dear R, I can only imagine what you feel this moment.

Well of course, no achievements can possibly ever substitute for the sense of belonging that you perhaps crave for.

It’s unfortunate that many known people have tried to claim a stake in the property and possibly it might have offered you a respite when you sold the house.

What remains of all that you have gone through is memories and those 5 beautiful years with your father.

What if you heightened the happiness level in those memories by seeing them clearly and reminiscing the celebration moments with your father?

It’s easy to harp on what went wrong or what could have been better? But can anything substitute the few yet meaningful years that you had with your father?

And when it comes to the void that you currently feel, I do feel that it’s time that you extended your social circle.

The world is well connected and there is much in common that you can have with people across the globe in terms of mutual interests and discussions.

Develop a hobby or do something that you love everyday and remember to be with Mother Nature often. It helps clear the mind and keep you grounded.

Lastly and importantly, think of how you can add value to another person’s life.

When we think of something beyond us, it fills us with a lot of positive feelings and keeps us motivated from within.

Life can be filled with remorse or joy; it’s only a matter of choice!

My best wishes to you!

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Anu Krishna |580 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

Question by BS - Oct 06, 2020

Dear ma'am, I am going through a tough mental state right now. I do not know what state is this. It may be fear, lack of confidence or anything else. On 25th November 2019 I underwent surgery for anal fissure and piles. It took a long time to heal as I was suffering from constipation even after surgery. Every morning i would have a trauma like situation before going to bathroom. My stool would be hard enough to pass with blood both before and after surgery. I generally get nervous after seeing blood. In the meantime surgery has been healed. Even today I have constipation. I suffered from rhinitis like situation after surgery by consuming fruits and curd to make stool soft. feel difficulty in breathing With these medical conditions I developed a mental condition at which i always feel sick myself. No mood or energy to do anything. Fearing for life. When I wake up in midnight it gets very tough again to sleep. I sweat a lot. There is so much negative thought in my mind at night. I feel heavy in my head. I fear every sound I hear which disturbs and terrifies me. I consulted a psychiatrist 7 days ago; he told me that it is fear and lack of confidence. He has given me medicines to overcome fear. Kindly suggest ma'am at which state I am and help me. I am actually obsessed with my health and my life. Every moment I feel I would die. Nervousness grips me. I have lost weight of around 18 kg post surgery.

Ans: Dear BS, I can only imagine what you are going through and I truly hope that you feel better soon.

Fear is what can increase your physical symptoms and you will feel ill. Which is what is happening to you!

All the sounds and thoughts are a result of overworking the mind with your health and fearing the worst.

But do ask yourself: What if I have actually recovered?

It will be good to know when this problem exactly began; what triggered it. If there is an event or a situation that caused it, then you know you might have to work on that.

Sometimes, fear makes children’s stool hard too and as doctors treat constipation, it is also necessary not to keep being fearful of it.

I know the surgery might have made it worse in the mind which is why I suggest start waking up every morning by believing that your surgery has worked and that you are fully recovered.

The simple belief instilled in your mind can work wonders by positively influencing your body to support your whole health. Also, calm the mind with meditation and exercises to keep the body supple and healthy.

To keep the stools soft, eat a lot of food that high roughage content. Slowly, you will see your mood and energy come back and feel a lot better.

All in all, believe that you are healing. Wishing you a wonderful health.

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Anu Krishna |580 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2023

i am going through lot of depression and anxiety. It has made me violent. i feel like killing my father . he has done 2nd marriage and has kept no assets/property for me. I am worried someday i will take law in my hand and will be behind bars or may get injured in the fight. I am 41. From last 13 years staying away from family and living on my own. Presently my health is also not well, going through lot of mental and physical illness.after thinking about the future, I think I will be on streets in future and the reason is my *b**as**rd father. Please advise how do i control my anger and depression.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Focus on what you can control and manage and in your case, it's your anger.
It is destroying you and eating away your peace of mind.

Can you change the way your father is?
Is he going to transfer his property to you?
Why should he transfer what he has earned to you?
Are you not capable of standing on your feet?
What will you get by taking law in your own hands other than have a case against your name?
What is all this anger costing you healthwise?

You know the answer to each, but this anger and disappointment within is forcing you to blame your father (even if he solely to blame), but when you can;t do anything to change, that's the time to accept, else it has begun to destroy you.

Kindly work with an expert who can help you channel your anger into something more productive and in the meantime, focus on a lot of physical activities that help displace anger. Also spend time in Nature that helps you calm the mind. And yes, seek professional help NOW!
Best wishes!

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