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My daughter-in-law refuses to return after a quarrel. What can I do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 26, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My elder son is married for the last seven years. Every now and then they will quarrel and she will go to her parents place. Normally she used return after one or two weeks. About six months back she had a small quarrel with her husband and went to her parents' place. This time she has completely cut off from her husband. Her parents expressed their helpless in helping us. My son and his mother had gone four times to her house to bring her back. Out of frustration we sent a advocates notice. We and our son are not keen for divorce. Both of them are childless and are working. Kindly advise us what can be done?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let it be a matter that is sorted by only your son and his wife. It's their marriage and let them take the responsibility of putting it back together. As parents, sometimes the concern that you show can actually backfire depending on what exactly is irking the couple and their marriage.
It is going to be difficult for you and your wife to become silent spectators but at times it is better than intervening. They are adults who know what a quarrel can do; so let them figure out what to do after a quarrel. Let your son learn how he can manage the situation after a quarrel where his wife is able to access her mature side and talk things through rather than packing and leaving. I am sure you understand where I am going with this!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 67 yrs.old female staying with my husband.We have 2sons younger one is having problems with his wife right from the beginning of their marriage.They have a one year old daughter too.My son blames us for his problems as it was arranged marriage and doesn't talk to any family members.Once their fights led to preparation for divorce but at that point both decided to stay together and tried for child .Now the child is one year old but they behave same.This causes so much distress to me .Pl.help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Arranged or Love marriage; the two people in the marriage are responsible for how and what they experience in it.
Kindly don't take the trouble of accepting the blame that very conveniently your son is transferring to you instead him taking charge of his marriage.
If it was the case that the marriage was going on wonderfully well, would he have applauded you for finding him a good bride? No, right? So, how is it that when things go downhill, he thinks he needs to pin the blame on you...
Kindly ignore; let him realize his duties as a responsible adult and a responsible partner and do the needful. Your job as a mother and mother-in-law is to support them through the process of them rebuilding their marriage.
And even in your conversations with them, if you hear him lashing at you, be absolutely silent on it (difficult but not impossible) and then ask: What is it that I can do to support the two of you?
It will give him the message that you area not going to take the blame and that you are passing the baton back to him to handle his marriage.
Every relationship issue must be dealt with by the people who are part of it as a stakeholder. The rest are support staff...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am about 68 year's I have two sons who are married via arranged process. My younger son's wife is educated teacher. But she had a torturous up bring during high school days. Leading to least interest in married life after marriage. She deserted my son soon after marriage. This led to break down in marriage now heading for a divorce. Please advise.
Ans: It sounds like a deeply painful situation for everyone involved, especially considering the emotional trauma your daughter-in-law experienced during her formative years.

It's important to recognize that individuals who have gone through traumatic experiences in their youth can carry emotional wounds that affect their relationships later in life. These scars may manifest in ways that make it difficult for them to fully engage in marital life or maintain a healthy relationship.

In situations like these, it’s crucial to approach with empathy and understanding. Your daughter-in-law’s decision to desert your son and pursue divorce likely stems from her own internal struggles and emotional turmoil. It’s not a reflection of your son’s worth or efforts within the marriage.

Moving forward, it might be helpful for your son to focus on his own healing and well-being. Encouraging him to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can provide him with a safe space to process his emotions and navigate this challenging transition.

As a family, offering unconditional support and empathy to both your son and daughter-in-law can create an environment where healing and understanding can begin. It’s important to respect each individual’s journey and decisions while also recognizing the need for compassion during this difficult time.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Let it be an anonymous question Husband and my wife above 65 years had quarrels for various reasons including the fact that her brother's behaviour was quite irritating to .But for the wife he was her favorite one.Initially she too agreed this fact and found out a term a term in English about such behaviour of Brother to Sister's husband.The husband used to make such complaints to her.Finally after so many years of happy life she has hired a flat and staying alone.Initially she used to talk to him.But slowly she started telling if she hears his sound the whole day is gone.She has looked after his mother very well andin the same way he helped her parents.Her mother had a heart attack and escaped.His mother in law told publicly that only because of him she escaped.Even though such good incidents were there the present situation is suchthat theyare staying apart.She is not ready to come back.The husband had already put his best effortsto persuade by sending message,voice messages and personal appology for whatever happened.But she is not ready to come back even though his close relatives talked to her several times.But no use.What is to be done to bring back her and to have happy life.Kindly note that the husband is ready for anything to rebuild life.But she is very adamant that she will not come back.In fact both of them are short tempered .But sometimes her anger goes up like a helicopter.How to rebuild this relationship?How to handle the situation?.
Ans: Rebuilding a relationship when both parties are over 65 and facing significant issues requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. Here are some steps that might help in your situation:

First, it's important to acknowledge the depth of the emotional wounds that have been inflicted. Both of you have shared many years together and have supported each other's families, indicating a strong bond that has been strained by recurring conflicts. Recognizing the positive history and expressing gratitude for the past contributions can help set a foundation for reconciliation.

Given that your wife has chosen to live separately and is currently very resistant to communication, it might be helpful to suggest professional counseling. A neutral third party, such as a therapist or marriage counselor, can facilitate conversations in a safe and structured environment. Counseling can help both of you understand the underlying issues, improve communication skills, and work through the anger and resentment that have built up over time.

It’s also crucial to give her space while making it clear that you are committed to working on the relationship. Respect her need for distance, but keep the lines of communication open by occasionally sending thoughtful messages that express your willingness to understand and address her concerns without pressuring her.

Reflect on your behavior and be genuinely open to change. Demonstrating your willingness to work on your own shortcomings can make a significant impact. This might include managing your temper, improving your listening skills, and showing empathy towards her feelings and perspectives.

Involving a close family member or a trusted friend who she respects might also be beneficial. They can act as intermediaries to convey your sincere intentions and help mediate the situation without taking sides.

Lastly, patience is key. Rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship, especially after long-standing issues, takes time. Continue to show her through your actions that you are committed to making positive changes and are willing to put in the effort needed to restore your relationship.

If you both can agree to engage in the process, even if it starts with small steps, there’s hope for reconciliation and rebuilding a happy life together.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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