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Anu

Anu Krishna  |982 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 67 yrs.old female staying with my husband.We have 2sons younger one is having problems with his wife right from the beginning of their marriage.They have a one year old daughter too.My son blames us for his problems as it was arranged marriage and doesn't talk to any family members.Once their fights led to preparation for divorce but at that point both decided to stay together and tried for child .Now the child is one year old but they behave same.This causes so much distress to me .Pl.help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Arranged or Love marriage; the two people in the marriage are responsible for how and what they experience in it.
Kindly don't take the trouble of accepting the blame that very conveniently your son is transferring to you instead him taking charge of his marriage.
If it was the case that the marriage was going on wonderfully well, would he have applauded you for finding him a good bride? No, right? So, how is it that when things go downhill, he thinks he needs to pin the blame on you...
Kindly ignore; let him realize his duties as a responsible adult and a responsible partner and do the needful. Your job as a mother and mother-in-law is to support them through the process of them rebuilding their marriage.
And even in your conversations with them, if you hear him lashing at you, be absolutely silent on it (difficult but not impossible) and then ask: What is it that I can do to support the two of you?
It will give him the message that you area not going to take the blame and that you are passing the baton back to him to handle his marriage.
Every relationship issue must be dealt with by the people who are part of it as a stakeholder. The rest are support staff...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |982 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

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Hi Anu, I have been reading your articles for quite some time. I am 40 years old in a marriage for last 12 years. I have a 11.5 year old son.My marriage is going through a very rough phase. My husband doesn't leave any chance to abuse me, doesn't matter where and with whom we areMy husband proposed to me knowing I have Vitiligo (discoloration of skin). Plus I was not as rich as him. I did make him aware of this before going ahead. His family was against our marriage still he went ahead. From the day of marriage he suddenly changed, and started abusing me in and out. First I thought my mother-in-law is creating problems which she did every time we came together. Infront of every maid and in the absence of my husband she tried to humiliate me based on my skin condition and financial status. But she'd become caring in his presence.After five years of marriage, for a few years we were away from family. It was peaceful and we had a nice time. But during the lockdown and online school we were back with the same problem. Now the condition is that I cannot stay with my husband. My family is very supportive but suggest that before taking any step I should think of my child. And that we should both sit and talk.If I try talking to my husband I know it will end in a fight. Kindly suggest which way should I go?
Ans:

Dear KB,

Maybe someone from the family or his friends have commented on your condition and made him feel that he made the wrong choice.

Even if it’s that, when he knew and had no objection, what is a man’s word is that he keeps it no matter what!

Now that he has gone back on it, it’s natural for others to take advantage of it and mock you for what the society considers as ‘not beautiful’.

In a way, we are obsessed with some sort of standards for what’s beautiful and what’s not. Beauty standards, you might call it so!

He seems to be a different person with his family and without, it suggests that he may not have a very strong mind to back up the decision of marrying you in the first place possibly against the wishes of his family.

Abuse, at no point is justifiable and you need to take a strong stance and draw a boundary as this is going to continue.

Your family has made a wise suggestion and for the sake of the child, it might be worth the effort to sit down have that chat with your husband however hard that might be.

Do not compromise on the fact that this so-called beauty standards and labels within his family will continue. Be unapologetic about who you are and own your beauty your way.

This is non- negotiable and you need to state this clearly when you have that conversation with him. Period!

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 66 yrs old retired having two sons, both married according to their choice. My wife 60 going to retire in a couple of months. My elder son who is a Bank executive married since 10 years and issueless. The younger son working as an executive in KPMG married since 4 years and having a child. Due some misunderstanding with the their wives the sons are at times not in talking terms with us. My sons are also not in talking terms with each other. In the recent days the elder son directly instigated not to keep contact with the younger one because he did not like our closeness with him. We are put into dilemma and unable to convince both the children to reconcile the situation. Please advise.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the strained relationships between your sons and their wives, as well as the tension between your sons themselves. Here are some suggestions that may help:

Open and honest communication: Encourage open and honest communication between all family members. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental environment where everyone can express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Act as a mediator, actively listening to each party and facilitating productive discussions.

Family counseling: Consider seeking the help of a family counselor or therapist who specializes in resolving family conflicts. A professional can provide guidance and help navigate the complexities of the situation, facilitating healthier communication and promoting understanding among family members.

Individual conversations: Have one-on-one conversations with each of your sons to understand their perspectives and concerns. Encourage them to share their feelings openly and without interruption. This can help you gain insight into their individual experiences and provide a foundation for finding common ground.

Encourage empathy and understanding: Emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding in resolving conflicts. Help your sons and their spouses see things from each other's perspectives, fostering compassion and promoting reconciliation.

Promote shared experiences: Find opportunities for your sons and their families to spend time together in a neutral and relaxed environment. Encourage activities that promote bonding, such as family outings, celebrations, or vacations. Creating positive shared experiences can help rebuild connections and mend relationships.

Set boundaries: While it's important to encourage reconciliation, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Ensure that everyone understands the need for respect and mutual consideration, both within the family and between the spouses. Reinforce the importance of maintaining healthy relationships while respecting individual autonomy.

Lead by example: Show your sons and their spouses that you value and prioritize healthy relationships. Demonstrate positive communication, respect, and understanding in your own interactions with them and with your wife. Lead by example and encourage them to do the same.

Remember, resolving family conflicts takes time, effort, and understanding from all parties involved. It may be helpful to seek professional guidance from a family therapist who can provide tailored advice based on a deeper understanding of your family dynamics.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, I am 52 years handicapped with a good govt. job. I have been married for 27 years now. My son also married recently and he is in USA. I dont know where to start. Mine was arranged marriage. But my husband and his family cheated us regarding his job. He was jobless after our marriage. I had a son in the first year of our marriage. I stayed with him for only 2 months then I was send to my fathers house for delivery. He never visited me during this time nor he had called me. As he was jobless, I tried hard to build my carrier for sake of my son. I had managed all these years financially. I never received any financial support or emotional support from him past 27 years. We had fought badly accusing each. He will physically abuse me every time. He is addicted to alcohol and watching prone movies. My son once saw his mssg to call girls and other such women in his mobile. I was shocked too. Later I discovered he had many such connections. He had been spending his merger salary for all this self enjoyment and never shared anything for HL or son education. However, I had stayed with him for social security and status. Now I have completed all my duties. My son is safe and far from him. Even after my sons marriage, he behaved violently after consuming alcohol. I am really fed up with him. I have my income and properties. But I have no one to share my emotions as my son also has left and busy with his life in USA. I don't need any physical needs but need emotional support for rest of my life. I am in total depression for all I have undergone for 27 years. I currently having my father who is 80 years with me in the house. My husbands behaviour towards my father is very bad. Now my fathers health is getting affected because of my husbands shouting. I have no other friends or relations to relate to. My health also is getting slowly affected and I my mobility is very much restricted. Sometimes I was having succidal ideas. I have no life goals now. I have achieved all my goals. I have completed all my duties now. What should I do now?
Ans: Hats off to you my dear lady. You need to file for divorce and get this vile man out of your life and home once and for all. You have the means and the economic upper hand as well — consult a strong divorce lawyer and kick him to the curb! And there is life, love and companionship out there for you, so don’t give up on finding your own happiness — 52 is not old, you have a lot of years ahead with the potential to fulfill your happiness. Go for it!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |982 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 20 years and my in laws staying with us for over 14 years now. I'm ok with my mother in law but have a very stressful relationship with my father in law. 13 years back he tried to overstep his boundaries in FIL-DIL relationship and i created lots of noise about it and told everyone in no unclear terms that such overture are not acceptable. However due to their complete financial dependency on my husband, they have still continued to stay with us. My FIL tried a couple of time to apologize personally but after sometime he has started telling that he is the aggrieved party and misunderstood. I strictly avoid speaking with him unless totally necessary wrt some house issue or child related issue. He interferes in my decision related to my child, like taking him off the activity classes where i enrolled, allowing him to eat junk food when i have strictly told no because of IBS related problem etc. I've also told my husband in no unclear terms that i want a separate household, but unfortunately because of their old age and for fear of society norms he isn't doing it. The environment in my house is quite stressful because of this to me, everyone else is just continuing without bother. How to deal with this? I tried living in other city with my child as well but then felt my house is breaking without any fault in our relationship (husband- wife), and my child was feeling emotional so i returned. This situation and stress has given me health conditions and made me irritable as well. I just don't want to live like this but have no option but to continue it seems. I need suggestion how to handle this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What society says is more important that actually safeguarding his wife from a predator father? Seriously?
Your husband needs a lesson or two in responsibilities in marriage and that also includes 'protecting' his wife...
Now, if he is worried that they are old and what will the society say, ask him what the same society will say when they know what his father is up to?

Your father-in-law is just trying to punish you for your refusal by interfering in how you should be raising your child...
Please do not put up with this kind of nonsense! Someone needs to drive sense into your husband and yes, you need to live separately from your in-laws. Your father-in-law is not a great influence at this point in time and your husband needs to move beyond his 'blind' love and sense of duty towards them.

You and your child are also his priority and when a wife feels unsafe, the husband has no option but to address it and make her feel safe again. Your husband is conveniently avoiding the confusion that will emerge from living separately and hence is taking the easy way out.
Talk to him and put your foot down. If he is still unwilling, please ask your family members to drive some sense in him. He can take care of them living a few blocks away, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4049 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 35 and having 2 kids with an age 4 and 7. I earn 1.3 per month with an home loan of 20 lakhs. I would like to build a corpus of 2 crores in the next 15 years. Please advise.
Ans: Let's break down your financial plan in a clear and structured way. Here's a comprehensive guide to help you build a corpus of Rs 2 crores in the next 15 years:

Current Financial Overview
You earn Rs 1.3 lakhs per month.

You have a home loan of Rs 20 lakhs.

You have two children, aged 4 and 7.

Your primary goal is to build a corpus of Rs 2 crores in 15 years.

Balancing between current expenses, loan repayment, and future goals is crucial.

Your current savings and investments will play a key role in achieving your goal.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Setting specific financial goals helps in creating a focused plan.

Your primary goal is to accumulate Rs 2 crores in 15 years.

Secondary goals include your children's education and marriage expenses.

Break down your goals into short-term, medium-term, and long-term.

This will help in prioritizing and allocating funds effectively.

Monthly Savings and Investment Strategy
Your monthly income is Rs 1.3 lakhs.

It's essential to allocate a portion of this income towards savings and investments.

Aim to save and invest at least 30% of your income.

This amounts to Rs 39,000 per month.

Distribute these savings across various investment options.

Home Loan Repayment Strategy
You have a home loan of Rs 20 lakhs.

Review the interest rate and tenure of your home loan.

Consider prepaying a part of your loan if possible.

This will reduce your interest burden and loan tenure.

Allocate a part of your savings for loan prepayment.

Ensure it doesn't compromise your investment goals.

Diversified Investment Portfolio
Creating a diversified investment portfolio is crucial.

This reduces risk and maximizes returns.

Consider a mix of equity mutual funds, debt funds, and other options.

Equity mutual funds provide higher returns over the long term.

Debt funds offer stability and lower risk.

Equity Mutual Funds
Investing in equity mutual funds is essential for wealth creation.

They offer higher returns over the long term.

Choose funds with a good track record and performance.

Allocate a significant portion of your savings to equity mutual funds.

Review and rebalance your portfolio periodically.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds provide stability and lower risk.

They are suitable for short to medium-term goals.

Allocate a portion of your savings to debt funds.

This ensures a balanced portfolio.

It also provides liquidity and reduces overall risk.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs help in disciplined and regular investing.

Investing through SIPs in mutual funds is effective.

It averages out the cost and reduces market volatility impact.

Set up SIPs in both equity and debt mutual funds.

Ensure you invest a fixed amount regularly.

Children's Education and Marriage Fund
Your children’s education and marriage are significant expenses.

Start saving for these goals early.

Consider child plans and education savings plans.

Allocate a part of your savings towards these goals.

Review and adjust your investments as needed.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for unforeseen expenses.

Aim to save at least 6 months’ worth of expenses.

Keep this fund in a liquid and accessible form.

This ensures you don't dip into your investments during emergencies.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning helps in maximizing your savings.

Invest in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C.

Consider options like PPF, ELSS, and NPS.

These provide tax benefits and help in long-term savings.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your financial plan and investments.

Market conditions and personal circumstances change.

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner if needed.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Avoid high-risk and speculative investments.

Don’t chase past performance of funds.

Stay disciplined and stick to your financial plan.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers.

They aim to outperform the market.

They offer better returns compared to index funds in many cases.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply replicate market indices.

They don't aim to outperform the market.

They may not provide optimal returns in the long term.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management and monitoring.

They may not suit everyone, especially those with limited time and knowledge.

Investing through a CFP provides professional guidance and support.

Regular Funds and Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Investing through regular funds with a CFP adds value.

CFPs offer personalized advice and expertise.

They help in creating and managing a well-diversified portfolio.

Financial Discipline and Consistency
Financial discipline is key to achieving your goals.

Stick to your savings and investment plan.

Avoid unnecessary expenses and lifestyle inflation.

Consistency in investing will yield significant results over time.

Future Financial Security
Building a corpus of Rs 2 crores provides financial security.

It ensures a comfortable retirement and meets future expenses.

Stay focused and committed to your financial goals.

Monitoring Your Progress
Regularly monitor your investment performance.

Adjust your strategy if needed.

Stay informed about market trends and opportunities.

Leveraging Professional Advice
Seek professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner.

They provide valuable insights and expertise.

They help in creating a tailored financial plan.

Final Insights
Building a corpus of Rs 2 crores in 15 years is achievable.

It requires disciplined saving, investing, and planning.

Diversify your investments and seek professional advice.

Stay focused on your goals and review your progress regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4049 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 29 years old, married with no children. I have 2 houses each valuing 1.5cr. inherited land worth 5cr. Investment in Fd 1cr, equity 70lakh, mf 30lakh, gold 100gms, ppf 51lakh(started by my father) and other investments worth 50 lakh in nsc, kvp etc. I invest 70k per month in sips (balance advantage, elss, top 100, bluechip, small and midcap). I earn monthly 1.5 lakh and household expenses including my mother's medicine is 85k. I have a young sister for whom I need 1cr after 5years. How can I plan my funds to achieve financial independence? All have health insurance and I have a term insurance of 1.75cr which will cover md till 85 years age.
Ans: You’ve built a solid financial foundation. It’s impressive, and you're already ahead in your financial journey. Let's dive into how you can achieve financial independence, secure your sister’s future, and ensure a comfortable life for your family.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
First, let’s look at where you stand financially. You have a diverse portfolio and multiple income streams, which is fantastic. Your assets include:

Two houses worth Rs. 1.5 crore each.
Inherited land worth Rs. 5 crore.
Fixed Deposits worth Rs. 1 crore.
Equity investments of Rs. 70 lakh.
Mutual funds amounting to Rs. 30 lakh.
100 grams of gold.
PPF account with Rs. 51 lakh.
Other investments (NSC, KVP) worth Rs. 50 lakh.
Your regular investments are also strong with Rs. 70,000 per month in SIPs across balanced advantage, ELSS, top 100, bluechip, and small & midcap funds. You have a stable monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh, and household expenses, including your mother’s medication, are Rs. 85,000.

You also have:

Health insurance for the family.
Term insurance of Rs. 1.75 crore.
Setting Financial Goals
Your main goals are:

Achieving financial independence.
Providing Rs. 1 crore for your sister in 5 years.
Ensuring a comfortable lifestyle for your family.
Let’s break down how you can achieve these goals.

Planning for Your Sister's Future
You need Rs. 1 crore for your sister in 5 years. Here’s how you can plan:

Dedicated Investment Fund
Consider a dedicated investment plan for this goal. A mix of debt and equity can provide a balance of safety and growth. Given the 5-year timeframe, a balanced fund or a mix of short-term debt funds and bluechip equity funds could work well.

Regular Contributions
Allocate a portion of your monthly investments towards this goal. Since you already invest Rs. 70,000 per month, you might consider directing part of this to the dedicated fund. Ensure this amount grows steadily to meet the Rs. 1 crore target in 5 years.

Building Towards Financial Independence
Diversified Investment Portfolio
You already have a well-diversified portfolio. Continue to diversify across different asset classes. Your current mix of real estate, equities, mutual funds, fixed deposits, and gold is good. However, regular reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential to align with market conditions and personal goals.

Increase SIP Contributions
If possible, increase your SIP contributions annually. Even a small increase can significantly impact your wealth over time. This helps in capitalizing on the power of compounding.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your expenses. Given your expenses are Rs. 85,000 per month, aim for an emergency fund of around Rs. 10 lakh. This can be parked in a liquid fund for easy access.

Enhancing Retirement Planning
Review Your PPF and EPF
Your PPF is already substantial at Rs. 51 lakh. Continue contributing to this as it provides tax-free returns and security. If you have an Employee Provident Fund (EPF), ensure regular contributions there as well.

Long-term Equity Investments
Equities are vital for long-term growth. Continue your investments in diversified mutual funds. Focus on funds with a good track record and consistent performance. Avoid direct stocks unless you have the expertise.

Avoid Annuities and Real Estate
Avoid annuities due to lower returns and lack of flexibility. Also, real estate as an investment can be illiquid and involve high transaction costs.

Insurance and Risk Management
Health Insurance
Your family’s health insurance is crucial. Ensure the coverage is adequate to handle any medical emergencies without depleting your savings.

Term Insurance
Your term insurance of Rs. 1.75 crore is good. It provides a safety net for your family in case of any unforeseen events. Ensure this coverage remains adequate as your financial obligations grow.

Tax Efficiency
Optimize Tax Savings
Make the most of tax-saving instruments. Continue investing in ELSS, which offers tax benefits under Section 80C. Also, consider other tax-saving avenues like NPS for additional benefits.

Tax-efficient Investments
Choose investments that offer tax efficiency. For instance, PPF and ELSS provide tax-free returns. Balanced funds and long-term equity investments are also tax-efficient.

Regular Financial Review
Annual Review
Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments. This ensures you stay on track to meet your financial goals.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can provide insights tailored to your financial situation and goals.

Avoid Common Pitfalls
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds may not always beat inflation or provide superior returns. Actively managed funds, with professional management, can offer better returns and adjust to market changes.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management and market knowledge. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers professional guidance and better fund selection.

Conclusion
You've done an excellent job building a strong financial base. With a few adjustments and strategic planning, you can achieve financial independence and secure your sister’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1091 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

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Career
Can you provide good govt college list, i am expecting around 620-630 score. I am from marashtra so preffering college inmaharashtra.
Ans: hi there are 32 Govt Colleges in MS.
1 B.J.Government Medical College, Pune 1964 250
2 Dr. Vaishampayan Memorial Medical College, Solapur 1963 200
3 Government Medical College, Baramati 2019 100
4 Grant Medical College, Mumbai 1845 250
5 Government Medical College, Jalgaon 2018 150
6 Government Medical College, Sangli,Miraj 1962 200
7 H.B.T Medical College &Dr.R.N.Cooper Muncipal General Hospital,Juhu, Mumbai 2015 200
8 Lokmanya Tilak Muncipal Medical College, Sion, Mumbai 1964 200
9 Rajashree Chatrapati Sahu Maharaj Govt. Medical College, Kolhapur 2001 150
10 Rajiv Gandhi Medical College & Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj Hospital, Thane 1992 100
11 Shri bhausaheb Hire Government Medical College, Dhule 1988 150
12 Seth GS Medical College, Mumbai 1925 250
13 Topiwala National Medical College, Mumbai 1964 150
14 Government Medical College, Akola 2002 200
15 Government Medical College, Chandrapur 2015 150
16 Government Medical College, Gondia 2016 150
17 Government Medical College, Nagpur 1947 250
18 Indira Gandhi Medical College & Hospital, Nagpur 1968 200
19 Shri Vasant Rao Naik Memorial Medical College, Yavatmal 1989 200
20 Dr.Shankarrao Chavan Government Medical College 1988 150
21 Government Medical College, Aurangabad 1956 200
22 Government Medical College, Latur 2002 150
23 Swami Ramananda Teertha Rural Gov Medical College, Ambajogi 1974 150
24 GMC Sindhudurg 2021 100
25 GMC Satara 2021 100
26 GMC Parbhani 2023 100
27 GMC Osmanabad 2022 100
28 GMC Nandurbar 2020 100
29 GMC Ratnagiri 2023 100
30 GMC Alibag 2021 100
31 AIIMS Nagpur 2018 125
32 AFMC Pune 1962 150

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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