Widowed Dad, 56: Can I Find Love Again with Grown Children?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry for your loss. Coping with the loss of a loved one is a deeply personal journey, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. And it is understandable that you are feeling lonely and struggling with the idea of moving on. Your friends mean well, but you need to give yourself the time and space to heal and mourn the loss before thinking about a relationship. People tend to bury their grief with new love and relationships, but it would be like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches. But once you feel you have moved on, there is no harm in finding a companion. That would not be an injustice to either your new partner or your late wife. You can hold her in your heart and still love someone new.

In the meantime, try out new activities or hobbies. Engaging in something new can provide a sense of purpose and help fill the void.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear J,
I am truly sorry for your loss and can only imagine how this has been affecting you!
The world has opened up through the power of the Internet and
- You can access various groups that boast of like-minded people who share interests similar to yours
- You can also take up teaching through the virtual medium so that the next generation can benefit from your expertise
- Reach out to old colleagues and connect with them and come up with an idea of doing a joint project together
- Hit a nearby park where you might find a Laughter Club, Yoga Club and other activities that will also keep you physically fit
- if you have ever thought of writing a book, NOW is the time
You get the drift? It's all about being part of a group or team that has a strong purpose that keeps you physically and mentally fit. You are only as lonely as you think...it feels real BUT when you channelize your time productively and purposefully, you will feel a sense of fulfilment!

All the best!

Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.