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Widowed man seeking advice on relationship with late wife's sister

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1255 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am a 53 years male, widowed since last 3 years having grown up children pursuing higher studies, have been feeling very lonely since the demise of my wife and am unable to forget it, sometimes feel like having a female friend/ partner with whom i can share my thoughts, there is nobody to talk to since 3 years. My wife's sister who also got widowed since 4 years is also at the same stage i believe. Many a times I think of having her as my partner, though we both have never talked about it and we are mostly not in touch. Is this thinking of mine correct or is there something wrong with me. If it is ok then how to move ahead as she is a very conservative lady with 2 grown up children who have started their jobs recently. Please advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss...
There can be a huge void and there will surely be thoughts on in what way you can fill that void. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a life partner at this stage and having grown up children, there is a necessity to run it by them...
Initially, they may feel that you are trying to replace their mother and in this case, you need to provide them that reassurance to them that you are always going to keep their mother's memories alive. You maybe surprised that they may also willing be on your side...talk to them...
Now, in the context of your wife's sister...this becomes family and there are complications that may arise out of it as we are conditioned to only accept and live relationships that society has defined for us. But having said that, you and your wife's sister are adults...
Also, you have no clue on how she perceives all of this...so, before placing too much of hopes on this, do try and figure out where her mind is...if you even get a slight feel that she might be offended, DO NOT broach the topic at all...Within the family, these kind of talks can ruin relationships...so be very careful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I am a 53 years old male, lost my loving wife last year who was 46, I do have 2 kids who are into higher studies now aged 22 and 18, off late have been feeling very lonely and upset and have not been able to forget my late wife, life seems to be too useless now. Many a times i think of having a new partner for the rest of my life then these feelings also die down. Am quiet worried as to how I will be able to live second half of my life as sooner or later the children will be busy in their own lives, what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |383 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1255 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 16, 2024

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Hi, I'm Ritu from Patna. I've got two kids, 12 and 9, and we're covered under a family floater health insurance policy. But I'm wondering, should I also get a separate critical illness insurance policy for extra protection? Any pros and cons of it?
Ans: Hi Ritu! Having a separate critical illness policy could indeed provide an added layer of financial security. While a family floater health insurance plan typically covers hospitalization and medical expenses, a critical illness policy focuses specifically on major illnesses (like cancer, heart disease, or kidney failure), providing a lump-sum payout upon diagnosis. Here’s a look at the pros and cons:

Pros:

1. Lump-Sum Payout: Critical illness insurance provides a lump-sum amount on diagnosis, which can be used for treatment, lifestyle adjustments, or even household expenses if you or a family member cannot work due to the illness.
2. Income Replacement: If you or your spouse were unable to work due to a critical illness, this payout could cover lost income and help maintain your family’s lifestyle.
3. Flexible Usage: Unlike regular health insurance, the payout is not restricted to hospital bills. You can use it for any need, like home modification, recovery aids, or even travel for treatment.
4. Additional Coverage: It covers illnesses that often have high treatment costs that regular health insurance may not cover fully, especially if there are co-payments, sub-limits, or high deductibles.

Cons:

1. Limited Coverage: It only covers specified critical illnesses listed in the policy. If you’re diagnosed with a condition not on that list, you won’t receive a payout.
2. Waiting Periods and Survival Clauses: Many policies come with a waiting period (30 to 90 days), and you may need to survive for a certain period after diagnosis (usually 30 days) to claim the payout.
3. Premiums Increase with Age: Critical illness premiums can be higher as you age, so it’s usually more cost-effective if purchased early.
4. Can Overlap with Health Insurance: If your family floater policy has a large sum insured, it might cover most hospitalization costs even for serious illnesses, making a critical illness policy seem redundant in some cases.

Given that you have a young family and if your current health coverage isn’t very high, adding critical illness insurance could be a good idea. It’s worth discussing options with your insurer to tailor coverage to your family’s needs, ensuring a balance between adequate protection and affordability.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

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My daughter right now age is 24 . From her childhood days she has problem in understanding basic facts ...she was not good in studies and perhaps she realized that she was not going well in studies cornered herself , as a result no friendship was developed with anybody. IQ test was done in Nair hospital in Mumbai and found a touch of autistic but not severe and doctors said she has to build up social skill to improve herself . with help of writers she passed out ssc from JK School thane followed by HSC & bca As she not fit for higher studies and lacks interest for higher studies , we did not force her to do higher studies . Recent improvement is noticed in communication skill but lacks maturity in terms of her age ( vis a vis today's G age group) She perhaps sings more a less well and we admitted her in Suresh wadkar's Ajivadsn musical academy for sastriya sangeet programe in thane branch and perhaps with songs her language is developed a bit . Communication in eng , Hindi & Bengali as such ok but lacks speaking skills .. But , we think , if she is joined in a group where skill development takes place , where she can find girls of her category in which she may find a different skill suits her interest ( which we are not aware ) . We noticed her understanding skill & expression of thoughts are better but at 24 there is some obstacles Since , she is our only daughter , we are concerned and seek advise to meet right person / organisations for proper guidance for welfare of daughter as ,we think, if enrolled in a particular course / put into activities for skill development programmes ( of her interest) her self esteem factors can increase and better mould is possible Kindly understand n guide Thanks
Ans: It sounds like you’ve made thoughtful and supportive choices for your daughter’s growth, especially through music, which is helping her communication skills blossom. To further nurture her social skills, self-esteem, and interests, several steps might be particularly beneficial. Connecting with nearby NGOs and parent support associations could be a valuable starting point, as many offer structured programs that focus on building social skills, independent living skills, and even employment readiness for young adults with autism. These organizations can provide both community support and access to programs specifically tailored for people with similar abilities, allowing her to meet others and gain confidence in a comfortable setting.

Skill development centers in Mumbai and Thane, such as the **Ummeed Child Development Center** and **ADAPT** (Able Disabled All People Together), offer training in social integration and vocational skills for adults with mild autism. **Forum for Autism** also provides a network of resources, connecting parents to organizations that support developmental growth through group activities and workshops. In addition to these centers, social skills workshops are often very helpful for young adults, focusing on conversation skills, self-expression, and managing social interactions in a supportive group setting. These structured interactions can be key to building maturity and self-confidence.

If she has specific interests, vocational training programs that offer hands-on experience or internships can be valuable in exploring new strengths and areas of interest. If you’d like additional details on specific organizations or need help finding associations nearby, I’d be glad to assist further.

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