I have lost my wife last year due to illness. I am now 71 years and both daughters settled abroad and staying alone resulting in depression. suggest me what to do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

Ans: I understand that you're in a very difficult situation and feeling frustrated. It's admirable that you're trying your best to provide for your family financially and emotionally while dealing with your health challenges. However, the lack of support and understanding from your wife and children must be incredibly painful.

Here are some suggestions that might help you navigate this challenging situation:

Seek Support:

Talk to a therapist or counselor: Talking to a professional can help you process your emotions, understand your options, and develop coping mechanisms to deal with the stress.
Connect with support groups: There are support groups for kidney patients and for families dealing with chronic illness. These groups can provide valuable emotional support and connect you with others who understand what you're going through.
Reach out to friends and family: Talk to trusted friends and family members about what's happening. Their support and understanding can be a source of strength.
Communicate openly:

Try to talk to your wife: If possible, have a calm and open conversation with your wife to understand her perspective. Share your feelings and needs honestly, and listen to hers as well. See if there's a way to improve communication and build a more supportive relationship.
Talk to your children: Have open and honest conversations with your children. Explain your health condition and the challenges you're facing. Encourage them to express their feelings and concerns as well.
Consider professional help:

Couples therapy: If you and your wife are willing, couples therapy can help you improve communication, address resentments, and work towards a more positive relationship.
Family therapy: Family therapy can help all of you communicate more effectively, understand each other's needs, and develop healthier family dynamics.
Take care of yourself:

Prioritize your health: Manage your kidney disease properly by following your doctor's instructions.
Engage in self-care: Make time for activities you enjoy, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is crucial during this challenging time.
Explore legal options: If the situation is not improving, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and options regarding visitation with your children or separation from your wife.
Remember, you are not alone in this. There are people and resources available to help you through this difficult time. Don't hesitate to reach out for support and take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.

Here are some additional resources that may be helpful:

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
It isn't easy to live alone and the fear of doing that all your life can be very intimidating indeed. Both your children and grown up enough to understand what this loneliness is doing to you. Sit with them and express exactly how you are feeling...initially, they may find it difficult and may even resist the idea, blame you, be fearful that you may forget their mother...
Use this conversation not to convince them of anything but hearing from them, expressing yourself and reassuring them that it is not to replace their mother...do not expect them to warm up to the idea of you having a new partner immediately...change of mind and heart takes time; go slowly and steadily...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.