Hi, after long intolerable nuptial relationship I stay separated while my two kids with her. I am a professor, rational, educated preferably remain alone. i love to spend life in scholastic pursuit and making the lives of people better. Now i feel need to have someone around me to take care and be taken care by me and lead a meaningful rest of life. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is unfortunate that you had to go through what you have.
It is also understandable why you would feel unsteady and unwilling to trust the process again...
But, let it not rob you of opportunities of exploring a new connection and this will be possible only if you allow yourself to trust...
Because if you don't, you will end up sinking into work to distract yourself. This is unhealthy as it will lead to loneliness and despair. You surely wouldn't want that, would you?
Allow yourself to Let Go...It takes a lot to do that but once you do, it will open your eyes to numerous possibilities. Having said that, do this when you ready...it maybe now, next year or whenever BUT tell yourself that someday you are willing to open your heart to a possibility of a connection. This thought will keep you feeling safe and happier. This will also help you face your job pressures better as all areas of our lives are all linked to one another.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Once bitten, twice shy!
It happens and someday hopefully you move out of this 'hurt' phase into a 'trust' phase and when you cover that journey (it takes time and a lot of resolve to be able to want to trust again), you will be ready to get into another relationship.
So, decide for yourself when you want to make that journey and as you start, you will encounter insecurities and doubts...stick with it and it will all pass helping you reach a place of calm peace which will enable you to invite another person into your life.

All the best!

Ans: Ashok Ji,
First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and needs. Losing a spouse is incredibly difficult, and it's a positive step that you're looking to find companionship again. Your desire for a life partner who can share your lifestyle and provide mutual support is completely understandable.

To start this journey, consider what qualities and values are most important to you in a partner. Reflecting on your past relationship experiences can help you identify what worked well and what you might want to avoid this time around. Understanding your own needs and preferences will guide you in finding someone who is truly compatible with you.

Given your professional standing and lifestyle, you may want to explore avenues where you can meet like-minded individuals. Networking within your social and professional circles can be a good start. Friends and colleagues might know someone who is also seeking companionship.

Online platforms specifically designed for senior dating could also be helpful. These sites allow you to specify your preferences, such as looking for a partner without children, and can connect you with potential matches who share similar interests and values.

Another option is engaging in social activities, clubs, or groups that align with your interests. Whether it's a hobby, a sport, or a community service group, participating in these activities can naturally lead to meeting new people who share your passions.

When you meet someone who seems like a potential match, take the time to build a genuine connection. Open and honest communication is key. Share your thoughts, feelings, and expectations for the future, and encourage your partner to do the same. Building a strong emotional bond and mutual understanding will lay a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. Finding the right person can take time, but maintaining a positive outlook and being open to new experiences will make the journey more enjoyable.

If you feel comfortable, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or counselor could also provide personalized support and advice as you navigate this new chapter in your life.