Hi..I am a 45 years widow lady and having a son. I am widowed since ten years. One person age of around 50 years is asking about love and may be marriage who is a divorcee and having no kids. Problem is that I am good looking and he is just an average looking person but his nature is good and he continuously asking me for my companionship. I am in a very much confusing state of mind. I love his talks, his concerned towards me except his looks. Kindly tell me what should I do. I know everything that he may be good for me but my mind is not allowing me. does the looks of a person matters if I choose him? kindly clear my confusion.

Ans: Dear SSV,

I guess you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

Marriage or a casual relationship? Both require mindsets that involves different priorities and a different set of behaviours.

Honestly, it is quite possible that you might find someone who is not just interested in a physical relationship but also might be willing to progress into marriage if that’s what you want as well.

So, please clear your mind before complicating your life any further.

There are a lot of dating apps for you to find someone interesting, attractive and with a similar mindset once you know what you truly want.

Best wishes!

Ans: Dear SSV,

I guess you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

Marriage or a casual relationship? Both require mindsets that involves different priorities and a different set of behaviours.

Honestly, it is quite possible that you might find someone who is not just interested in a physical relationship but also might be willing to progress into marriage if that’s what you want as well.

So, please clear your mind before complicating your life any further.

There are a lot of dating apps for you to find someone interesting, attractive and with a similar mindset once you know what you truly want.

Best wishes!

Ans:

Dear Unknown,

It seems like you have moved away in mind and heart.

It does happen in few relationships as there might have not been a strong emotion attached when the relationship began, or the emotion ceases to exist as you have moved on and changed.

Good or bad? Neither…it happens.

Be rightful and do not lead him on.

It is not his fault that you feel the way that you do. But you do owe it to him to tell him how you feel now, so that he is not living in a love bubble.

So, break it to him gently and wait for his response. It maybe anger, sadness, disappointment.

Be with him through the process. He may not want to speak with you for a while till he gets a chance to process it fully; accept that. He may blame you; accept that as well.

It is not your fault, but he will not have any other safe space to vent out his feelings. And once this stage has passed, discuss it very maturely together as to what the next steps can be.

Till then, it will be only you dealing with this in the relationship when it has to be the business of both.

And as far as sexual issues go, I don’t find any relevance of it as age gap never hurt anyone’s sex life.

And what do his relatives have to do in your relationship? It’s the two of you (if you choose to be together mutually) and anyone else is just an unnecessary add-on piling on to make more mischief. Draw boundaries and live happy.

Now, time to come out clean and then maturely process and decide the future course of action.

My best wishes to you!

Ans: I read your question a few times...I will respond it in 3 parts
Part 1:
Current relationship with someone who is not available - You are 36 and are smart to take life decisions. You can do as you wish but incase you get intimate - keep it to that only. Do not let your emotions come to play and get used to him - treat this relationship as a casual relationship which it is already. As for getting pregnant - take precautions, but more than pregnancy you should be worried about STD's hope this man is clean. As for you stopping your search because of this man - Remember - He is NOT AVAILABLE - so rethink why are you being available for someone who is not available to you. You and only you are responsible for your current situation. You have the mind to decide if you wish to continue to know or him or stop this relationship.

Part 2:
Finding someone compatible/ likeminded can become easy if you are (a) not in a hurry (b) know your dealbreakers and negotiables (c) feel confident and good about yourself...if you have these things in place then you would need patience and with that you will find your person - online or offline.

Part 3:
Its unfortunate you lost your parents - a virtual hug coming your way. While parents and sibling do help in introducing their people to others its wrong to Expect them to help - its your relationship and its ok to find your person, in fact its awesome to do so.