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Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 37yrs old, married for 6yrs now, my wife - 35yrs, having a kid of 14 months.We both are working. My wife is very dedicated person, and takes care of household . I respect her this attitude and try to contribute in whatever possible ways. My problem is - my brother in law(elder than my wife, and unmarried currently) is staying since 1.5yrs with us. Due to personality differences, it is not easy at all to get along in day to day activities with him. And, my wife gets upset if I hint her - to ask him stay separately. Please help me, how to make her realize this - as it is causing stress and it's not easy at all to continue like this for long.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am assuming that your brother-in-law is your wife's brother which explains why she may not want to ask him to move out.
But, if there is a general discomfort and personality clashes, I guess you must express your concerns to your wife. Too much of being on each others' faces only causes stress around the house.
See if there can be a WIN-WIN in this situation where the brother-in-law can visit over the weekends or your wife can visit him when she wishes to. That way, she will not feel the pain of asking him to move out.
If this also doesn't work out, do make her aware that this is putting a strain on the marriage. If she cannot talk about this without it upsetting her or understanding the impact of her decision to have her brother at home, then she needs to know that she has begun to take her marriage for granted.
So, talk to her on moving towards the WIN-WIN...that seems like the only way out through this situation.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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I’m 39 male, married for last 10 years and have 2 kids. We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot. We live in a joint family with my two elder sisters. One of my sisters got married in 2012 and got divorced. She lives with me and my other sister got married 4 years ago. She lives with her husband in the same house. We have a big bungalow. My 2nd sister’s husband’s house is very small and my sister doesn't want to live there that's why she lives in the same house with me. The problem is my wife doesn't want to live there with my sister. She always asks why your sister is not going to her husband’s house? Why is she living here? They don't like each other. They talk to each other for the sake of formality. I told my sister to go and live with her husband's house but she says 'I don't want to live there with their family; I will live here. This is my parents’ house.'Because of this I don't talk to her too much. My wife says I don't want to live here with them, let us stay in another house. But I cannot afford another home. I tell my wife that stay here because we cannot afford another home. This is our home. But she does not understand and we fight every week about this. I am stuck and cannot focus on my work because of this. Pls suggest what should I do?
Ans:

Dear C,

It’s a small crowd that you are all living in.

Too many people in one home can have its highs and lows. Privacy can be invaded and too many interferences from family members can cause a crack in the marriage.

Having said this, I do empathize with the fact that affordability of another home is an issue here.

So, have you tried getting back to the drawing board, bringing in all the members together and literally asking them to throw all that they have for and against one another.

If not, please initiate this. Simply explaining to your wife isn’t going to solve the problem.

If so many of you live under one roof, then it becomes everyone’s responsibility to pool in physically, financially and emotionally.

Your 2nd sister cannot cite reasons that she doesn’t want to live at her husband’s home. If she lives with you, how is she contributing to the home?

These are things that must be ironed out sooner than later. So, what are you waiting for?

Plunge in, bring everyone into the ring, talk, delegate responsibilities and ask them how they would like to contribute and share.

This will also allow your wife a feeling that you care, but that she needs to know your financial situation as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
HI mam, i am 55 year old married staying with wife & two daughters & i am earning a good salary, no loans nothing & we can live happily. My wife bit under educated ( 12 std) & she has some health issues also (arthritis from past one year) & getting treatment. We are living separately from my parents from the past 17 years. My wife does not like my mother ( 80 years with old age health issues) coming to my home since my wife commanded by my mother when we were staying with my parents 17 years back. Still she has that old days struggle in her mind & there is a clash between me & my wife whenever my mother comes to my home. So many times I told her to forget all old bad days memories live today's happy life which she never wants to forget. My father passed away 04 years back & my mother comes to my home whenever there is a function or due to health issue stays for hardly about 15-20 days in a year. How to resolve this issue & get back happiness in my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I wish it were easy to forget...and it's a matter of choice whether we want to keep the past behind us or bring it again and again in out present moment. If your wife does not choose to keep the past behind, it is going to be a huge nightmare for you and especially you constantly having to mediate between your mother and wife.
Yes, since your mother stays only for a few days with you in a year, it is fair of you to expect your wife to 'adjust'...But she is unwilling, so what do you do?
If you can afford to keep your mother in a separate room and have someone care for her just for those 20 days, it will keep your wife away and having to do anything with your mother. So, your mother's needs are taken care of AND your wife has nothing to do with her.
You cannot force anyone to like someone else and that's what is happening at your home. Your wife has her reasons and your mother would have had hers when she was playing the active role of a mother-in-law. Let bygones be bygones. You want your mother to be treated well for that short time in your home; then give her just that...But without expecting that your wife is going to agree to anything. Instead, do what you need to for your ageing mother but keep your wife off the responsibility...That should keep both sides satisfied...
Life is filled with curve balls; you just learn to navigate then better every time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

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Janak

Janak Patel  |20 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2025

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Money
Hello Sir, I am 42 years old IT professional. I have one son of 6 years and in class 1. My wife also works and our combined MF portfolio is of 1.1 cr. We both invest 90k per month in various mutual funds. I have purchased one flat which has 60 lacs of home loan and 58000 emi. I have sold my current flat in 80 lacs. I am in confusion of what to do with this money. Should I part close my home loan, should i invest it in mutual funds or should i go for PMS. I am in no hurry to pre close home loan as I can close the loan in next 6-7 years from our salary and my PPF. My goal is to maximize my returns to create wealth as I want to retire by 50. I have monthly expenses of 75K including my child fees for now. Please suggest. Thank you.
Ans: Hi Shaks,

Your query will resonate with many working professionals.

First and foremost, please check/calculate if you have capital gains arising out of the sale of your current flat. This is important for tax implication and will also help make your decision for utilizing the funds.

Lets assume you have some capital gains from this sale, then you can again have to confirm if the capital gains can be utilized without paying tax on it - this is possible if you have purchased the new flat within the last 1 year. If so, then you can utilize/adjust the capital gains towards payments made for the new flat and save tax on it. If you have purchased the new flat earlier than the last 1 year, then you have 2 options - pay tax on the capital gains and then use the funds as you wish OR invest the capital gains amount in NHAI bonds (locked) for the next 5 years (pay tax only on the interest earned).

Once you have sorted the above, you will know what is the amount in hand to make your decision, so lets dive into it.
You have a loan of 60 Lacs and you can manage the EMI from your salaries. Over the next 6-7 years, your salary will also see an increment of approx 7-8% annually, so I suggest you utilize this excess amount each year to prepay/topup your EMI payments. This will help reduce the loan burden over time. At the time of retirement, your loan outstanding can be paid with available options at that time.
You mentioned PPF as an option - I would suggest you do not utilize PPF amount towards this loan closure. The reason is PPF is a completely tax exempt asset and can be utilized well towards retirement income. Of course depends on how much you have accumulated in PPF.

So lets now consider paying the loan amount with the sale proceeds of the current flat. You have a loan today (assuming interest rate applicable is 8-8.5%), which you can manage and you are keen to continue it till retirement, so also recommend you do so. Keep the sale proceed amount available for investment and wealth creation as there are opportunities that can generate returns at a same rate (conservative options) and higher returns (with a slightly higher risk associated).

As you do not have any major liability which is outstanding or cannot be managed, and also you are investing 90k per month in Mutual funds, you can consider wealth creation options for the sale amount available.
PMS is an option but I feel its risks will out weigh the returns in the time frame you have, unless you have a known and trust-worthy option you want to consider.
As you are looking to retire early, at age 50, you should target to create a corpus that will sustain your retirement life (consider at least 30 years post retirement) and your child's education requirements.
Hence my recommendation would be to invest in Mutual Funds and continue with your PPF until retirement. A well constructed portfolio to create a retirement corpus and your child's education requirements would be required.

You can consult a Certified Financial Planner to help you with this plan. They can guide you with your Investments and Retirement planning and provide options to consider and provide advise on risk management (Insurance requirements).

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |954 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2025

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