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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1536 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 37 year woman still trying to clear competitive exams. I am doing these and facing all challenges of life so that i can guide my future offerings well and be a better parent. I have never had serious relationship jst a little bit talking on the phone and social media and nothing more. This is because i am having plenty of body hair in my body and want to get rid of them permanently befire entering into serious relationship and was thinking of doing it after reaching a decsent place i mean careewise. But my decision is taking plenty of time . Plus no emotional support from closed ones is taking toll in my mental health. And a feeling of lagging behind in all aspect oflife is causing me unrest. Pls suggest

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The day you start accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are, that's the day you will see changes in your life.
You are unhappy with your appearance, you feel inadequate with your academic strengths, you are unsure about how to take care of your emotional health, you feel like you are lagging in all aspects of your life...
Can you spot a pattern of non-acceptance here?
Having said that, when you see gaps in any area of your life, you don't go around feeling sorry for yourself but lay down a plan to fill that gap. One by one you can fill those gaps and then feel happy that things are moving in your favor.
Also, everything in life moves on in parallel and not sequentially. So, to wait to make a decision till something happens or not, will only push you back or keep you stuck. Free yourself by having more useful and positive thoughts and move in a positive dierction.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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A bit long story I'm 21 student preparing for medical competative entrance exam for past 3 years (21-24).2 year ago this phase I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a girl I met in my class .But it didn't last long due to the problems created due to distance as she couldn't understand myself and I couldn't understand herself.so there was a misunderstanding and I couldn't hold on as I was in heavy pressure by exams and financial problems.so I couldn't handle and I felt like too early and broke up with her by losing my mind.she was completely disappointed as I didn't speak to her for more than an year due to one more year preparation.i missed her very much but I didnt tell her.I missed govt seat in border mark and the same year she got into a relationship with another guy in her class.i don't blame her. But I feel like my entire life is shattered and I couldn't move on from that girl till now.I couldn't concentrate on my career too.im kind of person who is always confident in all aspects but I have totally lost my mind .I can see that in an danger situation as age is running and family pressure, everyone of my classmates are far ahead of me I couldn't withstand this situation and couldn't make proper decision in any aspect. Mam please help me out.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna  |1536 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I want to talk about my something that has been bothering for a long time now. I am 28 years old now. I had immense body image problem as a child because I was often made fun of because of my obesity. With time I became active in school, participating in various events and was good at studies. When I was about 15 years old I started to experience hair loss as well but not too noticeable at the time. After the 1st semester in college I was able to shed excess weight and I started to feel good about how I looked, but the hair loss also continued and my confidence took a massive hit. I also found it quite difficult to commit to a relationship because I was afraid how others would perceive me and I would not be able to handle it. I was not able to keep myself happy so how could I keep someone else happy. Over the years I have kept myself occupied with my job and tried to be as social as I can be, but there has never been a moment where I could just switch off the feeling of being bothered by my hair loss, I did not let go of what I wanted to be, I just wanted to have a time where I would not be made fun of. I was quite sensitive emotionally and this aggravated after hair loss. I always feel that I could not enjoy my teenage life the way I wanted because of something that I don't know how it started. It's frustrating. I feel this huge gap between how am I supposed to be at my current age and what I actually feel as a person right now. Although I have tried to introspect even more this year and tried to accept that I will just have to find a match with what I have, I just don't understand how should I approach this. Sometimes I simulate it as business deal. My hair loss is not really something that a partner may be looking forward to. I still feel like I am not 28 years old. I am not supposed to be like this at 28. I know that there are others out there in the world in my age group who have also experience this, but I feel so isolated here just like how I used to feel as a child when someone would make fun of my weight among a group of kids. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's misshapen identity...Ultimately the only person who can accept you for who you are, is YOU. People are always going to have something to say about the way you look, what you eat, how you speak...
So, building your identity has to come from you, within you.
- how do I see myself in the mirror?
- what words do I use when I describe myself?
- what happens when I meet people?

A few questions that will give you a reality check. Self-talk is so undermined and we are the first ones to put down ourselves. Obviously, there are parts of your personality that you have overlooked as you have only focused on hair loss. Maybe you have a beautiful smile or you can hold conversations at length.

Actually do this:
Make a questionnaire that will help you figure out what people think of you. Ask these to at least 15 people. You will see the gap between how you see yourself and how others see you. This will help you when you are actively seeking a life partner as you will approach the same thing with confidence and assurance.
And maybe you can see a doctor who can help you with regaining the lost hair. Yeah?
You feel isolated because of your self-talk; so, be kind to yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hye, I am Raj Good evening Ma'am, I am very terrified to get married, cause my body is fully hairy, so I am afraid about it that if my partner neglect to me for my unwanted body hair. I need some suggestions about whether I need to marry or not.
Ans: Good evening, Raj.

It's understandable that you're feeling anxious about your body hair and how it might affect your future relationship. It's important to remember that every person has unique physical traits, and what truly matters in a relationship goes far beyond physical appearance.

First, self-acceptance is key. Embracing your body and its natural characteristics can boost your confidence and make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Confidence often makes a significant difference in how others perceive you. If your body hair is something you feel strongly about, there are options for managing it, but it's essential to make any changes for yourself, not just to meet someone else's expectations.

When it comes to marriage, mutual respect, love, and understanding are the foundation of a strong relationship. A loving partner will accept you for who you are, including your physical traits. It's also crucial to communicate openly with your future partner about your feelings and concerns. This openness helps build trust and intimacy, allowing both of you to feel secure in the relationship.

Ultimately, the decision to marry should be based on your emotional readiness, shared values, and a deep connection with your partner, rather than solely on concerns about physical appearance. If you find someone who values you for who you are, these worries about body hair will likely become insignificant. Trust that the right person will see and appreciate the entirety of who you are, not just the surface.

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Hi. I am a BITS pilani graduate (2017) but i haven't achieved massive success when compared to my peers. I am preparing of UPSC for past 3 years along with my job, hoping to crack UPSC in 2025 or 2026. I am ashamed to meet my juniors and seniors of my college. Do you think by cracking upsc my fortunes will change and have a reputation among the alumni?
Ans: Hello
The real success is being at peace with oneself. This may sound bit philosophical but it is a profound stuff.
Unfortunately our societal orientation has so strongly imbibed the outside-in approach for most aspects of our life while it should be exactly opposite i.e. inside-out. To simplify, real success is not about meeting benchmarks set by someone else rather striving for leading a wholesome life as per own yardsticks wherein material/career elements are only one part of it. It is not to demean/undervalue something but assigning equal/appropriate weightage to all aspects of what makes us alive - health, family, relationships, sharing/caring etc. hence there is absolute no reason for you to feel ashamed merely basis some perceived/incomplete notions. Yes we should continue to strive for enhancements in life in all areas but do it for personal satisfaction and not for others hence there is no reason to feel stressed rather our goals if set right should energize us & give us a larger purpose in life.
Therefore look at things from a larger prism & not merely to gain some 'random perceived gains' that will again be shor-tlived.
All the Best!!
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