Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

How Can I Overcome My Deep Insecurities?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello Anu, I want to talk about my something that has been bothering for a long time now. I am 28 years old now. I had immense body image problem as a child because I was often made fun of because of my obesity. With time I became active in school, participating in various events and was good at studies. When I was about 15 years old I started to experience hair loss as well but not too noticeable at the time. After the 1st semester in college I was able to shed excess weight and I started to feel good about how I looked, but the hair loss also continued and my confidence took a massive hit. I also found it quite difficult to commit to a relationship because I was afraid how others would perceive me and I would not be able to handle it. I was not able to keep myself happy so how could I keep someone else happy. Over the years I have kept myself occupied with my job and tried to be as social as I can be, but there has never been a moment where I could just switch off the feeling of being bothered by my hair loss, I did not let go of what I wanted to be, I just wanted to have a time where I would not be made fun of. I was quite sensitive emotionally and this aggravated after hair loss. I always feel that I could not enjoy my teenage life the way I wanted because of something that I don't know how it started. It's frustrating. I feel this huge gap between how am I supposed to be at my current age and what I actually feel as a person right now. Although I have tried to introspect even more this year and tried to accept that I will just have to find a match with what I have, I just don't understand how should I approach this. Sometimes I simulate it as business deal. My hair loss is not really something that a partner may be looking forward to. I still feel like I am not 28 years old. I am not supposed to be like this at 28. I know that there are others out there in the world in my age group who have also experience this, but I feel so isolated here just like how I used to feel as a child when someone would make fun of my weight among a group of kids. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's misshapen identity...Ultimately the only person who can accept you for who you are, is YOU. People are always going to have something to say about the way you look, what you eat, how you speak...
So, building your identity has to come from you, within you.
- how do I see myself in the mirror?
- what words do I use when I describe myself?
- what happens when I meet people?

A few questions that will give you a reality check. Self-talk is so undermined and we are the first ones to put down ourselves. Obviously, there are parts of your personality that you have overlooked as you have only focused on hair loss. Maybe you have a beautiful smile or you can hold conversations at length.

Actually do this:
Make a questionnaire that will help you figure out what people think of you. Ask these to at least 15 people. You will see the gap between how you see yourself and how others see you. This will help you when you are actively seeking a life partner as you will approach the same thing with confidence and assurance.
And maybe you can see a doctor who can help you with regaining the lost hair. Yeah?
You feel isolated because of your self-talk; so, be kind to yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 37 year woman still trying to clear competitive exams. I am doing these and facing all challenges of life so that i can guide my future offerings well and be a better parent. I have never had serious relationship jst a little bit talking on the phone and social media and nothing more. This is because i am having plenty of body hair in my body and want to get rid of them permanently befire entering into serious relationship and was thinking of doing it after reaching a decsent place i mean careewise. But my decision is taking plenty of time . Plus no emotional support from closed ones is taking toll in my mental health. And a feeling of lagging behind in all aspect oflife is causing me unrest. Pls suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The day you start accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are, that's the day you will see changes in your life.
You are unhappy with your appearance, you feel inadequate with your academic strengths, you are unsure about how to take care of your emotional health, you feel like you are lagging in all aspects of your life...
Can you spot a pattern of non-acceptance here?
Having said that, when you see gaps in any area of your life, you don't go around feeling sorry for yourself but lay down a plan to fill that gap. One by one you can fill those gaps and then feel happy that things are moving in your favor.
Also, everything in life moves on in parallel and not sequentially. So, to wait to make a decision till something happens or not, will only push you back or keep you stuck. Free yourself by having more useful and positive thoughts and move in a positive dierction.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 29, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I need help to be ok with my self image...I am a working women with kids , have hair thinning since age of 22 years ( now in my early 40s)and was fed up with the way I looked due to penetrating eyes of anyone I met...Some were so rude that while talking they would continuously stare at my head and all eyes were like seem to be asking why you are like that... So since last change of place I started using hair patch to hide my bald patch and it enhanced my look ...but now the problem is social media...I kind of ignore new friend request anticipating gossips about my look ...may be I am not ok with 2 identities I am having at different place...though I started uploading my new picture with good hair in social media but still let new people know how I looked earlier by accepting their friend request does not feel ok. What should I do to feel free of these feelings. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your opinion of yourself matters the most!
People will judge anywhere; social media, within friends and family circle, at your work place...are you planning om running after each and change the way you are for them? That will be a huge energy drainer and time consuming activity; oh, and not to mention very stressful as you are experiencing it now.

This is YOU...now, you can do what you like to change your appearance; but own it...whether you wear a wig or not is noone's business except yours...do you need to justify why you do something? And if new people are going to judge you if theys ee your older pictures, then you can please say goodbye to them and if the current people in your life have an issue with your wearing a wig, then you really need to evaluate if these people are actually nurturing you. If it's a core relationship like that with your spouse, I guess you and he need to sit down and have a conversation on it. If you feel that he is judging you, truly find out if that is the case.

Also, guard yourself against unwanted assumptions...your self-esteem is going to define your self-image. So, feeling good and worthy and doing things in that effect will give you a positive self-image. So, cut all the assumptions and OWN your truth...it will not just set you free but also let you define your space your way...try it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Ma'am. Can you tell how can I forget my childhood memories. In my childhood everyone taunts me that I don't look like my mother. I don't look good. My mother has fair skin and I don't have fair skin like her. I have listened to this many times and from many people. So all this words is deeply rooted in my mind and I feel less confidence about myself. I am not confident in approaching someone to chat because at the back of my mind this thing's comes automatically. Due to this I have very low self-confidence. I always feel that I am not good looking. This thought automatically comes to my mind. How can I solve this. How can I increase my self-confidence about myself. Please show me ways
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
And by being fair, there's some great advantage that they all have, is it?
I know that it has been pretty unfair on you that you are not 'fair' and the obsession that some families have over skin color is pretty sickening.
Now, this part of your life is under your control. Either ruin it by bringing the past and 'color' it bad or make it 'colorful' by actually challenging what had happened to you. And how do you do that? By actually not reacting to the past labels; they were in your past. If you accept the way you look and flaunt it, then all these comparisons do not matter. But if you keep replaying the saem music from your past, this is going to continue and make it only worse.
So, accept yourself and every time you feel bad, make sure you tell yourself that your past does not define how your present is...again like any mindset change, this will take time to take effect BUT keep powering on...
Only you can be your best friend and hero, that's it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4699 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 21, 2025

Career
Sir, I have got 87% marks in mains. Please tell me a college where I can get a branch.
Ans: Aditi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Also, please have some other back-up options instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA/NITs/IIITs/GFTIs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x