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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Arifa Question by Arifa on Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 37 and my husband is 41....married for 13 years have a son ....12...and a daughter 10....want to have more kids ...but he has lots of familial...social and business responsibilities...also ...he smokes...but financially we both r comfortably well off..right now his business is a little difficult as he has to be in Mizoram...I am from central I doa n he is from Bangalore...I have lost both my parents....but have support of my siblings ..he has lots of issues with his mom sister... He has another wife n two daughters from her 6 and 4...that was a situation it happened...which I can't explain...right now...but anyways ...I have come to terms with it... What do I do to.convince him...he has already taken a lot of money and jewellery from me...plus inhave always been fulfilling joint family responsibilies...as all relatives kept coming to our house...wedding s engagements.and all...at our house....some wud even stay for months...now it's better but still our sex life...is very bad....very rare ..hardly any...he is good to me n is an upright man and an upright father ...

Ans: First, it’s important to take a step back and consider the broader context of your marriage. You’ve been together for 13 years and have built a life that includes managing extensive familial and social responsibilities. Your husband's current challenges with his business in Mizoram, coupled with his obligations from his other marriage and children, add layers of complexity. Recognizing and acknowledging these pressures is essential in understanding his potential hesitations.

When approaching the topic of expanding your family, try to create a space for open and honest dialogue. Choose a time when you both are relaxed and not distracted by daily stresses. Start by expressing your own feelings and desires gently. Share why having another child is important to you and how you envision it enriching your family. It’s helpful to frame this in terms of shared dreams and the joy that children bring, rather than focusing on it as a need or demand.

However, it’s equally important to listen to his perspective. Given the strain of his business and the complexities of managing multiple familial commitments, he might have valid concerns about adding more responsibilities. Explore these concerns with empathy and without judgment. Understanding his fears and pressures can open up avenues for finding solutions together.

Discussing his health, particularly his smoking, can also be a sensitive but necessary topic. Smoking can affect both his health and fertility, and it’s something that should be addressed openly. Encourage a conversation about his well-being, focusing on how improving health can benefit him personally and potentially improve your sex life, which you’ve noted has been infrequent. This could lead to exploring ways to enhance intimacy and connection, which might be a critical factor in your decision to have more children.

Financial stability, as you mentioned, is a positive aspect, but it’s essential to ensure that both of you feel emotionally and mentally prepared for another child. It might help to discuss how the financial aspects can support hiring help or making other arrangements to ease the burden of additional responsibilities.

Given the complexities with his other family, it's vital to consider how another child will impact all involved, including your existing children and his daughters from his other marriage. Ensuring that your household can provide the emotional support and stability for another child is crucial.

Given your supportive siblings, perhaps they could help in some ways, providing a bit of relief from your joint family responsibilities. This could potentially make the idea of expanding your family seem less daunting to your husband.

Finally, reflecting on your own needs and boundaries is equally important. If there are aspects of your relationship or family dynamics that feel unbalanced or unaddressed, consider seeking professional counseling. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore these issues and find a path forward that honors both your desires and the realities of your life together.

In conclusion, approaching this conversation with empathy, understanding, and a readiness to listen and compromise is key. It’s about finding a balance that respects both of your wishes and the practicalities of your shared life.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 24, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Sir/Mam. Just we have completed 20years of married life,but we dont have bonding since beginning nor any husband wife relation last 10years as several times he tortured me physically,also we dont have child.....he forced me to leave job for his home food and his clothes as he is in good position,although he fulfill all household neccessity but not giving single penny in hand....pls help me....now I want to proceed further wants to join a job,also want a child...it's essential for life... .lots of opportunity comes but I m unable to manage home chores as well as job...at a time I can do one thing only...may b its my demerit.....guide me
Ans: Dear Bhavana,
Firstly, think about getting on your feet first before bringing a child into the world.
You need to pull yourself out of the darkness first and brighten yourself up with simply bringing back the confidence of simply looking after yourself and doing things for yourself.
1. Join a gym or a class that allows you to interact with other people
2. Re-start a hobby that keeps you busy and inspired
3. Start looking for a job that matches your skill sets and prepare yourself for it
4. Re-work the marriage in a manner that your spouse is able to support you and your dreams (think hard on this one as from your question it seems clear that it might not be possible)
5. Place a lot of trust and confidence inside you that: I CAN DO THIS

You are simply out of touch and it will take a small step, a small nudge, a small push for you to walk your path. Seek the help of a close friend who can do this and keep you on the path. Do this for yourself; stand up for yourself! You know you got this, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hai Anu I am a 40 year old woman living separate from my husband ,divorce proceedings ongoing after a long 12 years of believing his lies of making our life beautiful..now last two years he cheated me and my mother financially..he pledged my car without my permission to two people at a time and finally now I lost the car..he has built himself a large debt of nearing 1 crore..this was never forget me or my two girl kids ..we don't own a house nor did he buy us a car ..car I am using now is the one I have purchased on loan..I'm a Bank manager myself..my life is very frustrating and there was less physical relationship and finally he has asked me to use my fingers ..and after getting to know he has even borrowed money from my colleague I filed for divorce and already two hearings are over . I can never ever trust such a fraud who dared to put my signature in stamp paper while pledging my car.. and in the court I have made it very clear my decision of not going back to him but he keeps calling me and my colleagues daily and finally i had to block him.even in my office phone also he calls and i blocked him there also..I'm a person who wanted a beautiful partnership and family.this man destroyed everything..he don't even have a decent job and it was me who gave for his livelihood also ,then also he cheated me without any regret..now the situation is I had a class mate who is already divorced and he was a pillar of support for me during this crisis and eventually i fell for him and confessed my love for him..now he don't believe in marriage and I want a marriage.either him or no one else is my line of thought..what can I do to get him believe in marriage institution again..he too have confessed his feelings for me..after divorce I need a supportive partner ,I don't want to be alone in life..Anu please advise am I correct in my approach to life or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you had to go through what you did.
But time to look ahead and far ahead. If your classmate is not a believer in marriage, what can you do? Convincing someone will go against their belief systems and this will go against you. Being divorced, there are wounds and fears that he carries that makes him have this belief. Let it be...Let him figure it out over time...
Focus on spending more time together; someday the two of you may want to be married. Do not hasten the process, it will not be a good idea. Let him flow with his thoughts and feel comfort and trust in you. So, simply think of spending quality time together keeping thoughts of marriage aside for the time being.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Is unrated safe to invest Sbi advantage Icici pru opportunities????
Ans: Unrated funds, like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities, lack official ratings from agencies. This doesn't necessarily mean they are bad options. It simply means they haven't been evaluated by rating agencies yet. This could be due to the funds being relatively new or less popular.

Risks and Considerations
Higher Risk
Unrated funds come with higher uncertainty. They do not have a track record to assess their performance and risk profile. This makes it challenging to predict their future performance.

Potential Rewards
Despite the higher risk, unrated funds can offer potential rewards. New funds often aim to attract investors by performing well initially. However, this is not guaranteed and requires careful consideration.

Investing in Funds with Better Track Records
Proven Performance
It is advisable to invest in funds with a proven track record. These funds have historical data showing how they perform in different market conditions. This provides more confidence in their future performance.

Stability and Reliability
Funds with better track records have demonstrated their ability to manage market volatility. They offer more stability and reliability, which is crucial for long-term investment goals.

Active vs. Index Funds
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market. Skilled fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This can lead to higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
Advantages of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides professional guidance. CFPs help with fund selection and portfolio management. This ensures your investments align with your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing in unrated funds like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities carries higher risk due to the lack of track record. It is generally safer to invest in funds with proven performance and a stable track record. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help you make informed decisions and build a diversified portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 30, married 2 years back. I earn around 1.08 lacs and wife earns around 70k. House rent is 30k. Car rent is 18k pending for 4 years more.Have almost no savings just emergency fund of 3L. Invest only in MF 18k pm and LIC 5k per month. Give 30-40k to parents monthly. Possible to generate 2 cr in 15 years? If yes then pls suggest
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You and your wife have a combined monthly income of Rs. 1.78 lakhs. Your monthly expenses include house rent of Rs. 30,000 and car rent of Rs. 18,000 for the next four years. You have an emergency fund of Rs. 3 lakhs and invest Rs. 18,000 per month in mutual funds and Rs. 5,000 per month in LIC. Additionally, you provide Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000 to your parents monthly.

Goal Assessment

You aim to generate Rs. 2 crores in 15 years. This is achievable with disciplined savings and strategic investments.

Income and Expenses Analysis

Your combined income is Rs. 1.78 lakhs per month. After deducting rent (Rs. 48,000) and parental support (Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000), you have around Rs. 1 lakh left for other expenses, savings, and investments.

Current Investments

Mutual Funds: Rs. 18,000 per month
LIC: Rs. 5,000 per month
Investment Strategy Recommendations

Increase Monthly Savings

Try to increase your savings rate. Even a small increase in monthly savings can significantly impact your long-term goals.

Maximise Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with your mutual fund investments. Consider increasing the amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, can offer higher returns over the long term.

Review LIC Policy

Review your LIC policy. If it is not yielding good returns, consider surrendering it. Reinvest the amount in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner before making any decisions.

Emergency Fund

Maintain your emergency fund. Ensure it covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid or easily accessible account.

Debt Management

Car rent will continue for four more years. Once completed, redirect this amount to your savings and investments. Reducing debt will free up more funds for investments.

Retirement and Contingency Planning

Consider investing in a mix of equity and debt funds for a balanced portfolio. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor this mix to your risk tolerance and goals.

Action Plan to Achieve Rs. 2 Crores

Increase Mutual Fund SIPs: Gradually increase your monthly SIPs in mutual funds. Aim to invest a higher portion of your surplus income.

Review Insurance Needs: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Review and adjust your policies as needed.

Long-term Investments: Focus on long-term equity investments. These can provide higher returns compared to other instruments.

Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Lifestyle Adjustments

Control Discretionary Spending: Reduce unnecessary expenses. This will help you save more.

Joint Planning with Spouse: Work together with your spouse on financial planning. Joint efforts can amplify your savings and investments.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs. 2 crores in 15 years is possible. Increase your savings and strategic investments. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 years old , with In-hand salary of 1.26L , Wife salary 79K , Home loan remaining 22 Laks for 11 years , Started Saving recently in Mutual Funds with Target of 40-50K investment per month , Invested 40K in HDFC small cap fund direct , Quant Focused 30K , Quant infrastructure 35K , quant small cap 60K , 50K in Quant ELss. Please suggest the Investment proportion and suggestive investment amount for comfortable retirement and Child Higher education
Ans: Overview of Current Financial Situation
You are 41 years old with an in-hand salary of Rs. 1.26 lakhs and your wife earns Rs. 79,000. You have a home loan balance of Rs. 22 lakhs for 11 years. You have recently started investing in mutual funds with a target of Rs. 40-50k per month. Your current investments are:

Rs. 40k in a small cap fund
Rs. 30k in a focused fund
Rs. 35k in an infrastructure fund
Rs. 60k in a small cap fund
Rs. 50k in an ELSS fund
Investment Proportion Analysis
Diversification
Your portfolio is heavily skewed towards small cap and sector-specific funds. This strategy can be risky. Diversification is essential to balance risks and returns. Consider a mix of large cap, mid cap, and hybrid funds. This approach provides stability and growth.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds. Fund managers use expertise to navigate market conditions. This advantage can outweigh the typically higher expense ratios.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has benefits. CFPs offer professional advice, ongoing support, and portfolio adjustments. This guidance can help you achieve your financial goals effectively. Direct funds lack this personalized service and can be challenging to manage alone.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds provide stability. Allocate 25-30% of your monthly investment here. They are less volatile and offer steady returns over time.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. Allocate 20-25% here. They have the potential for higher growth compared to large caps.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds combine equity and debt. They provide a cushion against market volatility. Allocate 15-20% of your investments in hybrid funds.

Small Cap and Sectoral Funds
Limit your exposure to small cap and sectoral funds to 20-25%. They can be volatile and should be balanced with more stable investments.

ELSS Funds
ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. They also provide growth opportunities. Allocate 10-15% here, considering your tax-saving needs.

Monthly Investment Plan
Given your target of Rs. 40-50k per month, here is a suggested allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 10-12k
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 8-10k
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Small Cap and Sectoral Funds: Rs. 8-10k
ELSS Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Planning for Retirement and Child's Education
Retirement Planning
Estimate your retirement corpus based on your current lifestyle. Aim for a corpus that can sustain you comfortably. Consider inflation and rising expenses. Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in diversified funds. Regular reviews with a CFP can keep your plan on track.

Child's Higher Education
Calculate the future cost of education. Consider inflation and rising fees. Start an SIP in diversified funds focused on education goals. ULIPs or other insurance-linked investments may not be ideal. Mutual funds offer better returns and flexibility.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is aggressive. Balancing it with large cap and hybrid funds will reduce risk. Investing regularly and reviewing your portfolio periodically is crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. This ensures your goals of comfortable retirement and child's education are met.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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Hello Sir I am Naveen and i am 31 years old, I am planning to retire at the age of 50 with 5 Cr and monthly income 1 L My Investment is PPF 400000 ULIP 250000 FD 100000 EPF 300000 NPS 200000(every year 50000 ) Stock 800000 MF 700000 Child plan Own house, taken Health insurance 20 L and Term insurance 1 Cr . Please advise me how much i need to increase my investment for my better retirement
Ans: Assessment of Current Financial Situation

You have diversified your investments across various financial instruments. Your goal to retire at 50 with Rs. 5 crore and a monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh is achievable with proper planning.

Current Investments

PPF: Rs. 4,00,000
ULIP: Rs. 2,50,000
FD: Rs. 1,00,000
EPF: Rs. 3,00,000
NPS: Rs. 2,00,000 (Rs. 50,000 yearly)
Stock: Rs. 8,00,000
Mutual Funds: Rs. 7,00,000
Child Plan: Amount not specified
Own House
Health Insurance: Rs. 20 lakh
Term Insurance: Rs. 1 crore
Financial Goals Analysis

Your goal requires disciplined saving and strategic investments. Let’s evaluate each aspect:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a safe investment. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. However, its limit restricts the amount you can invest yearly.

Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP)

ULIP combines insurance and investment. It may not be the best for high returns. Consider reviewing its performance and charges.

Fixed Deposit (FD)

FDs provide security but lower returns. Inflation can erode their value. Consider keeping only a portion in FDs.

Employees' Provident Fund (EPF)

EPF is a stable option for long-term savings. It provides decent returns and tax benefits. Continue contributing.

National Pension System (NPS)

NPS is beneficial for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and tax benefits. Your current contribution of Rs. 50,000 yearly is good.

Stock Market

Stocks can yield high returns but come with risks. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Diversify to mitigate risks.

Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are good for wealth creation. Choose funds based on your risk appetite. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for advice on fund selection.

Child Plan

Ensure the plan meets your child’s future education needs. Evaluate its performance and adjust if necessary.

Health and Term Insurance

You have sufficient coverage. Ensure to review and increase if needed with inflation.

Additional Investment Recommendations

To achieve your retirement goal, you need to increase investments. Here’s how:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Mutual funds offer potential for high returns. Increase SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to choose the best funds.

Review and Adjust ULIP

Evaluate the charges and performance of ULIPs. If returns are low, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for advice.

Maximize NPS Contributions

Increase your NPS contributions. It will enhance your retirement corpus and provide tax benefits.

Invest in Stocks Wisely

Continue investing in stocks. Diversify across sectors and regularly review. Stay updated with market trends.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund. Ensure it’s 6-12 months of your expenses. Park it in liquid funds for easy access.

Retirement Corpus Calculation

Without specific calculations, aim to increase your investments by 10-15% annually. This will help you reach your Rs. 5 crore goal.

Final Insights

Your current investment strategy is strong. However, regular review and adjustments are crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Stay disciplined and focused on your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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