I am 37 and my husband is 41....married for 13 years have a son ....12...and a daughter 10....want to have more kids ...but he has lots of familial...social and business responsibilities...also ...he smokes...but financially we both r comfortably well off..right now his business is a little difficult as he has to be in Mizoram...I am from central I doa n he is from Bangalore...I have lost both my parents....but have support of my siblings ..he has lots of issues with his mom sister...
He has another wife n two daughters from her 6 and 4...that was a situation it happened...which I can't explain...right now...but anyways ...I have come to terms with it...
What do I do to.convince him...he has already taken a lot of money and jewellery from me...plus inhave always been fulfilling joint family responsibilies...as all relatives kept coming to our house...wedding s engagements.and all...at our house....some wud even stay for months...now it's better but still our sex life...is very bad....very rare ..hardly any...he is good to me n is an upright man and an upright father ...
Ans: First, it’s important to take a step back and consider the broader context of your marriage. You’ve been together for 13 years and have built a life that includes managing extensive familial and social responsibilities. Your husband's current challenges with his business in Mizoram, coupled with his obligations from his other marriage and children, add layers of complexity. Recognizing and acknowledging these pressures is essential in understanding his potential hesitations.
When approaching the topic of expanding your family, try to create a space for open and honest dialogue. Choose a time when you both are relaxed and not distracted by daily stresses. Start by expressing your own feelings and desires gently. Share why having another child is important to you and how you envision it enriching your family. It’s helpful to frame this in terms of shared dreams and the joy that children bring, rather than focusing on it as a need or demand.
However, it’s equally important to listen to his perspective. Given the strain of his business and the complexities of managing multiple familial commitments, he might have valid concerns about adding more responsibilities. Explore these concerns with empathy and without judgment. Understanding his fears and pressures can open up avenues for finding solutions together.
Discussing his health, particularly his smoking, can also be a sensitive but necessary topic. Smoking can affect both his health and fertility, and it’s something that should be addressed openly. Encourage a conversation about his well-being, focusing on how improving health can benefit him personally and potentially improve your sex life, which you’ve noted has been infrequent. This could lead to exploring ways to enhance intimacy and connection, which might be a critical factor in your decision to have more children.
Financial stability, as you mentioned, is a positive aspect, but it’s essential to ensure that both of you feel emotionally and mentally prepared for another child. It might help to discuss how the financial aspects can support hiring help or making other arrangements to ease the burden of additional responsibilities.
Given the complexities with his other family, it's vital to consider how another child will impact all involved, including your existing children and his daughters from his other marriage. Ensuring that your household can provide the emotional support and stability for another child is crucial.
Given your supportive siblings, perhaps they could help in some ways, providing a bit of relief from your joint family responsibilities. This could potentially make the idea of expanding your family seem less daunting to your husband.
Finally, reflecting on your own needs and boundaries is equally important. If there are aspects of your relationship or family dynamics that feel unbalanced or unaddressed, consider seeking professional counseling. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore these issues and find a path forward that honors both your desires and the realities of your life together.
In conclusion, approaching this conversation with empathy, understanding, and a readiness to listen and compromise is key. It’s about finding a balance that respects both of your wishes and the practicalities of your shared life.
