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Dating Anxiety: 34-Year-Old Woman Panics at the Thought of Marriage

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 34 F , whenever topic of marriage comes, I get panic irrespective of the thing what situation I am in, good bad favourable or unfavorable What is better to take charge of finding husband for you or just let parents find one In any case the one who has to deal will be me. Just in first I will be fully responsible.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Marriage is indeed a significant decision and it can be scary to many people. First of all, I want you to understand that you are not alone. Coming to your next question, see there are advantages to both methods- on the one hand, if you find your own partner, you can pick a more compatible person. Whereas, parents have better judgment, most of the time. So, why don't you try a mix of both? For instance, you can create a profile on a dating app and find yourself someone compatible from there. It doesn't immediately have to be for marriage. You can simply get to know each other first and then move things forward. The way to make sure that you find someone who would be interested in marriage is to mention that in your bio- "seeking a connection that can lead to marriage." Once you think you both are ready to talk marriage, you take it to your parents and let them use their years of experience to double-check if the connection is worth pursuing.
Hope this helps.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2023Hindi
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Dear Mam, Kindly note that i am a 39 yrs old guy who is not married yet. The reason behind me not getting married are basically coz i m unable to get a match at my age and none of proposals that i have seen so far, none of dem have turn positive. Now i feel like even though i want to get married, i ll end up alone in life coz at 39 i feel i will not get any match. I am very scared to living the rest of life alone.So mam i want you to help me out ways to live life alone. How to cope up with peers, relatives and colleagues pressure to get married?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address your concerns:
1. "I want to get married or I'll end up alone.": This is not a reason to get married and you know that. Get married to build a team, a family together where you help each other grow. Incidentally, you also have a companion and lonely days instead become days filled with happy cheer and sometimes challenges as well. So, change your mindset while looking for prospects for marriage so that when you are in conversation with someone who is a match, you don't come across needy but instead focus on how the two of you grow together.
Your fear is right now pulling you into marriage rather than for more positive reasons.

2. Pressure from relatives and peers: Is it their life that you are leading? NO! Then stop focusing on what they tell you and focus on how you can make the best use of matrimonial sites or dating apps (if you choose that). Also, request your friends to set you up with someone that they might know since they know you well.

You can also join groups and communities online (beware of scams and scamsters here) where you might find like-minded people to meet and interact with. Being part of some hobby class or adventure camps may also allow for similar meeting points where you can hit it off with people who hold similar interests as yours.

Lastly, don't give up...when the time is right, it is...So, don't lose hope BUT certainly lose your current fearful mindset and embrace a mindset that is joyful and cheerful and selfless.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Hai. Anu ji. I am at 30 and my parents want arranged marrg for me. I am ok with that. But how do I take my own decisions regarding boys whom I talk. I am intrested in a match where boy is 6 months younger to me and my parents don't want to marry me for a younger guy . They r stuck with old traditions. And how can we convince parents... Also while having discussion with boys how to belive what they say is true. How to decide which guy suits me .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Compatibility in terms of values and mind is something that you must look for.
Looks are a part of liking or not liking someone, I agree BUT do draw focus to whether your value systems on family, money, career, children, food etc match...
This is not about being choosy BUT about gathering necessary information before making a decision. These values are the ones that later go on either to cement the bond or create issues within the marriage. This is a way that you can decide whether a particular boy can be a life partner for you.
As far as convincing parents, in many of my responses I have mentioned: convincing someone against their wishes is a short-live phenomenon. Sooner than later, your parents will end up finding faults and making it harder for you and the boy.
Instead you and your partner attempt to gain your parents' favor by actually showing them why he is the right match for you.
It's easy to talk and convince, but when you actually need to demonstrate it, there's a chance of a WIN.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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I have utilised my sale proceedings and hence the entire capital gains by registering a new flat, but the entire payment is not released to the builder. It will be released in a phased manner as per progress of the building. Do I still need to open a CGAS account and put the unutilized capital gains money there?
Ans: Since you have already registered the new flat and fully committed the capital gains towards its purchase, you do not need to open a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS) account. However, there are some key points to consider:

1. Conditions for Capital Gains Exemption (Section 54 or 54F)
You must invest the capital gains in a new residential property within 2 years (for resale property) or within 3 years (for under-construction property).
Since you have registered the property, your investment is considered "committed" even if payments are made in phases.
The Income Tax Department typically considers the date of agreement/registration as the date of investment, not the date of actual payment.
2. When is a CGAS Account Needed?
A CGAS account is required only if the capital gains money is not used before the Income Tax Return (ITR) filing deadline (July 31st) of the respective financial year.
Since your funds are already allocated towards the flat purchase, you are not required to park them in CGAS, even if disbursement is pending.
3. Ensure Proper Documentation
Keep records of the flat registration, builder agreement, and payment schedule.
Retain proofs of capital gains utilization from the sale proceeds.
If assessed, you can justify that the gains were committed for the property purchase.
Final Insights
Since you have already registered the new flat and the payment schedule is fixed, you do not need a CGAS account. However, ensure that all payments are completed within 3 years to comply with exemption rules. Keep all documents handy in case of future tax scrutiny.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025Hindi
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Is it wise to switch between debt and equity composition within a mixed fund/ULIP depending on the market, for a long term investor? Considering that NAVs will be lower in equity components during market lows and more units could be purchased for the same SIP amount? When the market moves up switch back to get a larger NAV r equity components.
Ans: Switching between debt and equity within a mixed fund or ULIP based on market movements may seem like a smart strategy. The idea is to buy more equity units when the market is down and shift to debt when the market is high. However, in practice, this approach has several risks and limitations.

Here’s a detailed analysis:

1. Challenges of Market Timing
Difficult to Predict Market Lows and Highs

Markets do not move in a straight line.
A dip may continue further, and a peak may not be the highest point.
Many investors switch at the wrong time, missing out on gains.
Emotional Biases Impact Decisions

Fear and greed affect switching decisions.
Many investors switch to debt in panic during a crash and miss the recovery.
Staying invested in equity gives better long-term returns.
ULIPs Have Lock-ins and Charges

ULIP switching may have limits and charges.
Not all ULIPs offer unlimited free switches.
Frequent switching can increase costs and reduce returns.
2. Impact on Long-Term Growth
Compounding Works Best with Consistency

Switching in and out disrupts long-term growth.
Staying in equity for 10+ years gives better returns.
Debt Returns Are Lower

Equity outperforms debt over the long term.
Shifting to debt may reduce overall returns.
Systematic Investments Work Better

SIPs average out market ups and downs.
No need to manually switch between equity and debt.
3. Better Alternatives to Switching
Asset Allocation Based on Goals

If retirement is 20+ years away, equity should be dominant.
If retirement is near, gradually move to debt.
Hybrid Funds Handle Allocation Automatically

Some hybrid funds adjust between debt and equity based on market conditions.
This reduces the need for manual switching.
Investing More During Market Lows

Instead of switching, increase SIPs when the market falls.
This allows more unit accumulation without timing risk.
Final Insights
Switching between debt and equity in a mixed fund or ULIP based on market timing is risky. Long-term investors benefit more from staying invested in equity. Instead of switching, follow a structured asset allocation strategy. Use SIPs to take advantage of market lows rather than manually shifting between asset classes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Money
I am 33 years old and married, currently earning an in-hand salary of ₹1.6 crore per annum. My financial portfolio consists of: Stock investments: ₹2.2 crore Mutual funds: ₹70 lakh ULIP portfolio: ₹60 lakh (annual premium ₹22 lakh) Gold holdings: ₹50 lakh Loans: ₹23 lakh car loan (EMI ₹38,000) and ₹40 lakh home loan (EMI ₹38,000) I want to ensure that I am on the right path toward financial growth and early retirement. My goal is to achieve financial freedom while maintaining a comfortable lifestyle. Could you provide guidance on: How to optimize my portfolio for higher returns and passive income?
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Your salary is high, and you have a diversified portfolio. However, there is scope for better returns and passive income. A structured plan will help you reach financial freedom faster.

Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Review of Your Current Investments
Stock Investments: Rs 2.2 crore
You have a large stock portfolio.

Stocks give high returns but carry risk.

Review the portfolio for weak stocks.

Ensure a mix of large, mid, and small-cap stocks.

Check if some stocks need profit booking.

Reinvest gains into high-potential stocks or mutual funds.

Keep 15-20% of the portfolio in dividend-paying stocks for passive income.

Mutual Funds: Rs 70 lakh
Mutual funds provide stability with growth.

Avoid over-diversification with too many schemes.

Actively managed funds can outperform passive funds.

Check fund performance over 5+ years.

Increase SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

Ensure a balance of equity, hybrid, and debt funds.

Debt funds help with stability but are taxed at your income tax slab.

ULIP Portfolio: Rs 60 lakh (Annual Premium Rs 22 lakh)
ULIPs combine insurance with investment.

Charges are high, reducing overall returns.

Returns from ULIPs are lower than mutual funds.

Consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Use a pure term plan for life insurance instead.

Gold Holdings: Rs 50 lakh
Gold is a hedge against inflation.

It does not generate passive income.

Physical gold has storage and security issues.

Consider gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds.

Sovereign gold bonds provide interest income.

Loans: Rs 63 lakh (Car Loan Rs 23 lakh, Home Loan Rs 40 lakh)
Your EMIs are Rs 76,000 per month.
Interest on a home loan is tax-deductible.
Car loan interest is an expense, not an investment.
Consider repaying the car loan early.
Continue home loan if the rate is low.
2. Steps to Optimize Your Portfolio
Increase Passive Income
Invest in dividend-paying stocks.

Add high-dividend mutual funds.

Consider corporate bonds for steady returns.

Invest in REITs for rental income without buying property.

Use sovereign gold bonds for extra interest.

Enhance Mutual Fund Investments
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds.

Ensure sectoral and market cap diversification.

Hybrid funds offer stability and good returns.

Debt funds help balance the portfolio.

Review fund performance every year.

Improve Liquidity
Maintain an emergency fund of Rs 25-30 lakh.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.

Avoid locking funds in long-term ULIPs or endowment plans.

Reduce Unnecessary Costs
ULIP charges are high; shift to mutual funds.

Car loan has no tax benefit; consider prepayment.

Ensure you are not overpaying for insurance.

Avoid investing in low-return insurance products.

Maximize Tax Efficiency
LTCG on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments like ELSS funds.
Use HUF and spouse’s name for tax-saving investments.
3. Financial Freedom Plan
Target Passive Income for Early Retirement
Aim for passive income of Rs 1 crore per year.

Invest in high-yield assets like dividend stocks and debt funds.

REITs and bonds provide stable income streams.

SIPs in equity mutual funds create wealth for future income.

Portfolio Allocation for Financial Growth
Equity: 60-65% (Stocks + Equity Mutual Funds)

Debt: 20-25% (Debt Mutual Funds + Bonds)

Gold: 10-15% (SGBs + Gold ETFs)

Emergency Fund: 5% (Liquid Fund + Savings)

Review and Adjust Yearly
Review stocks and mutual funds yearly.
Exit underperforming investments.
Rebalance portfolio as per risk appetite.
Adjust allocation based on market conditions.
Final Insights
Your financial position is strong. Your income allows you to invest aggressively. Focus on increasing passive income for early retirement.

Shift from ULIPs to mutual funds for better returns.
Increase investments in actively managed equity funds.
Reduce high-interest loans and unnecessary costs.
Diversify across asset classes while maintaining liquidity.
Aim for tax-efficient investments to maximize post-tax returns.
If you follow this structured approach, financial freedom is achievable. A well-balanced portfolio with growth and income assets will ensure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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I have taken a floating home from Axis Bank for 30 lakh last year, with a interest rate of 8.5%, i have also prepaid 5 Lakh within five months, now i have an outstanding amount of arround of 24 lakh, as the RBI reduced the repo rate, Bank is refusing to reduce interest rate from 8.5% to 8.25%. please suggest what should i do now?
Ans: You took a floating-rate home loan from Axis Bank at 8.5% interest.
You prepaid Rs 5 lakh within five months, reducing your outstanding amount to Rs 24 lakh.
RBI reduced the repo rate, but Axis Bank refuses to lower your rate to 8.25%.
Why Your Interest Rate Is Not Reducing
Banks do not always pass repo rate cuts immediately to all borrowers.
Some loans are linked to MCLR (Marginal Cost of Funds Based Lending Rate), which adjusts slowly.
New loans might be under RLLR (Repo Linked Lending Rate), which reacts faster to RBI rate cuts.
Your loan agreement decides how and when rate cuts apply.
What You Can Do
1. Ask for a Rate Reduction
Request Axis Bank to switch your loan to an RLLR-based loan.
Banks charge a conversion fee, but it might save you lakhs in interest over time.
2. Compare with Other Banks
Check other banks' home loan rates for balance transfer options.
If a bank offers a lower rate, consider switching the loan.
Ensure the processing fee & charges don’t negate the benefit.
3. Negotiate with Axis Bank
If you have a good repayment record, negotiate for a lower spread or margin.
Mention that other banks offer better rates, increasing your bargaining power.
4. Make Partial Prepayments
If you have extra savings, consider small prepayments to reduce interest burden.
Prepaying reduces the principal, which lowers total interest paid.
5. Use a Home Loan Overdraft Account
Check if Axis Bank offers a home loan overdraft facility.
You can park surplus money and withdraw when needed, reducing interest payments.
Best Action Plan
Contact Axis Bank and request a switch to an RLLR-based loan.
Compare other banks for balance transfer options.
Negotiate for a lower spread if staying with Axis Bank.
Consider prepayments to reduce long-term interest costs.
By taking the right step now, you can save a significant amount on interest payments.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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I have sold a plot worth for 1.85 cr... I have bought a plot worth 1.4 cr... can i keep the remaining in my saving account for house construction or do i put the balance amount in a cgas account
Ans: Since you sold a plot for Rs 1.85 crore and purchased another plot for Rs 1.4 crore, you have a balance of Rs 45 lakh.

Capital Gains Tax Implication
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): If the plot you sold was held for more than 2 years, the profit is considered long-term capital gains (LTCG) and is subject to tax.
Tax Rate: LTCG on real estate is taxed at 20% with indexation benefit.
Reinvestment for Tax Saving: You can save tax by reinvesting the gains in a residential property under Section 54F of the Income Tax Act.
Can You Keep Rs 45 Lakh in a Savings Account?
No, if you intend to claim tax exemption under Section 54F, you cannot keep the balance amount in a savings account beyond the due date for filing your Income Tax Return (ITR).
If you don't invest in a residential house before filing your ITR, you must deposit the unutilized amount in a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS).
You must use the CGAS amount within 3 years for house construction.
What Should You Do?
If You Are Constructing a House
Deposit Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before the due date of filing your ITR.
Use this amount within 3 years for house construction to claim full tax exemption under Section 54F.
If You Are Not Constructing a House
The Rs 45 lakh will be taxed as LTCG, and you must pay 20% tax (after indexation benefits).
Consider other tax-saving options, like investing in bonds under Section 54EC (with a 5-year lock-in).
Final Insights
If you plan to construct a house, deposit the Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before filing ITR.
If you don’t use this amount within 3 years, it will be taxed as LTCG in the year of expiry.
If you don’t want to construct a house, be ready to pay LTCG tax or invest in 54EC bonds for tax saving.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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