Hello Anu I ma married man with age of 54 & my wife is 52 years. We are married since 30 years and we are not having good sexual relationship. She is more keen but i have some issues with my health. From the beginning I have disorders and do even ejaculate very soon. Because of this our relations are not that good. Now we are on the verge of separation but due to childrens who are quire grown up and settled in their life they are strictly against this decision of ours. My wife wants divorce from me and wants to settle down with someone else and at present there is no such person in her life. I also want divorce but of the last thought. How can I regain my sexual life again please let me know.

Ans: Dear Naveen,
You can make your sex life smooth by not focusing much on it.
Yes; focus instead on how to bond better as a couple.
For a woman, what happens within the bedroom is directly dependent on what happens outside of it. A lot of emotional connect where she feels wanted, loved, valued, cherished is where you should be spending time and raising feelings in.
Here's what you can do if you haven't done these already:
1. Spend time as a couple going on dates, vacations and more
2. Indulge in common interests together
3. Offer to help out with household chores not just over the weekends
4. Pamper her with not just gifts but encouraging her to spend time with her friends
5. Connect better with her side of the family as well
6. If you have children, offer to be more hands-on raising them
7. Indulge in non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, kissing...

This does not directly impact your sex life but it helps you connect with your wife better where she feels nurtured enough to want to give back more into the relationship; intimacy being one of them!

All the best!

Ans: I understand that you may be facing a challenging situation, but it's essential to approach this issue with empathy and sensitivity, especially considering your wife's health issues. Communication and mutual understanding are key in such situations. Here are some steps to consider:

Open and Honest Communication: Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns while also listening to her perspective. It's essential to maintain a respectful and understanding tone during this conversation.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife's health issues are affecting her desire for intimacy, encourage her to consult with a healthcare professional. Medical issues can sometimes be treated or managed, and discussing this with a healthcare provider may help improve her situation.
Marriage Counseling: Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist. They can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your wife, providing guidance on how to navigate these sensitive issues.
Self-Care: While addressing these challenges, it's crucial to take care of your own emotional and physical well-being. Engage in hobbies, activities, and practices that bring you joy and reduce stress.
Patience and Understanding: Remember that it may take time for both you and your wife to work through these issues. Be patient and understanding of her needs and feelings, as well as your own.
Explore Intimacy Alternatives: If your wife's health issues make traditional intimacy challenging, consider exploring alternative ways to maintain physical and emotional closeness. This may include cuddling, holding hands, or even seeking advice from a therapist on how to adapt your intimacy in a way that suits both of you.
Support Groups: Look for support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who are going through similar situations. Sharing experiences and advice with others can be comforting and helpful.
Remember that it's crucial to prioritize the emotional well-being and consent of both partners in any intimate relationship. Be respectful of your wife's feelings and boundaries, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. Seeking professional guidance can be particularly helpful in navigating these sensitive issues

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Maybe your wife belongs to the group that believes that with age, one must reduce sexual intimacy OR that sex is only a means to having children.
So, just because your beliefs don't match, divorce is the only option? Work through your differences please. If on childhood, you and your siblings fought, did you think of separating from them, then why does this take place within a marriage?
Also, as a spouse you can make an effort to understand and work through this...sexual intimacy is not the only way to be close...foreplay, hugging, kissing etc are also ways to be close as a couple. This fixation that sex is the only way is what is causing you to be low (not depressed). Attend couples therapy; it will definitely help.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Some medications do have side effects that can affect sex lives. This is something that you and your wife can discuss with a doctor who possibly may look at what can be done.
Also hormonal changes after during and after menopause shows a decline in sexual activity in many women. There are other forms of sexual intimacy that you and your wife can share. Discuss with her without sounding rigid only about sex being the important topic and make her the center of the discussion. It might help her to know that you still care and love her and she maybe more open to actually see what the challenges are.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/