we have 3 yrs of relationship and in that frm 2 yrs we are in long distance we have great bondings ,no issue on that but the major issue taht we have no future becos he belongs to bhramin family his family is very strict not accept intercaste marriage and also they dont want him to move out of house . right now he is pursuing mbbs and i am pursuing computer science . i live in bangalore as u know its tech hub and best place for me for career but he will make future in gujarat he is telling me to come over there after marriage still we have lot time to think but he dont want to hang me in middle of the situation as he is not able to promise me that he will make it work 100% . He now every time telling me ki if u come to gujarat then only it will work and convince his family and some time he tells me that even if u come their might be my parents not fully accept u and tell u something rudely and all stuffs as i belong to general and may be u will regret for ur career also . what should i do should i compromise my career and do remote job or stay in some small company just for him or otherwise leave him? even i have great fear of not getting any soulmate after this becos as my experiences my elder sisters and brothers are still dint get their perfect partners its hard to get married to unknown i know i am overthinking at this stage but am confuse. i also dont have much frnd to talk about my prsnl problems .its been 2 yrs i have been through my personal loss and family problems also some times i am in pain getting sucidal thoughts its not for the relationships .Please help me with this .

Ans:

Dear SS,

When his words and actions are not in sync, what exactly are you pushing for?

Are you hoping for him to see things your way? He seems to have made it clear that he wants this to be casual.

It could be one of two things:
1. He isn’t ready for a commitment as of now
2. He isn’t ready to stir the hornet’s nest back at home and face the music

Either case, this is holding you up and your movement in life. Why do that?

Ask yourself:

• How long do I want to wait for a strong commitment from him? After which, you most certainly must move ahead
• Will he ever be able to convince his parents of this relationship? Now, if it’s a NO, you know what to do
• How fair is it to keep my life on hold for him? – If it’s a NO, check what is this hold up costing you this very moment

Please have an honest discussion with him on how this is affecting you and what you exactly want.

Take a call based on his responses and his involvement in the discussion that concerns the future of your relationship.

Best wishes and take charge NOW.

Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

Ans: Hmmm lets simplify this, what would you tell your friend if she comes and tells you that she has met someone wonderful BUT his parents will not accept her and he will make no efforts to make it work...I am assuming you will tell her to put this relationship on hold for sometime...which means putting it on hold with no interaction, stopping all interactions - giving him space and time to think about it...do this for 6 months to 12 months, this does not mean dating someone else. Here he needs to find a solution, if he does its a win-win, if he does not then he may not be someone she may wish to be in a relationship with...and in the meantime you are likely to ask her to focus on her career. My response to your query will be on the same lines.