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Anu Krishna  |1616 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SL Question by SL on Nov 30, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I am a 27-year-old govt employee. I was in a relationship for 4 years but the guy was never serious about getting a job.
If I talked about it, he used to say I am showing attitude due to my job profile and looking down on him.
My parents are now searching a match for my marriage. My parents also like him but the job thing is creating a hurdle for them too.
Still my parents are searching for me and I can’t find anyone like him.
I want a job for him even if it’s in any sector so that he understands the importance and struggles behind earning money.
Am I wrong in my expectation? Should I leave him and go along with my parents’ groom searching process?

Ans:

Dear SL,

So, you want to have a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of supporting himself; let alone supporting anyone else? And also, finger points and makes you feel guilty for doing well professionally.

So, how much longer before you realize that unless he makes drastic changes and acts like a grown up. There is no guarantee when he is going to move from this childish behaviour.

Short and sweet suggestion; see red flags in a relationship when they appear.

In your case they are: Making you feel guilty for doing well professionally and not being serious about growing up and getting a job to fend for himself.

So, decide whether by marrying him, you will be his caregiver (mother figure who teaches him the value of a job and money) or will you ever get a chance to be his wife. The decision is yours.

Do the right thing for yourself.

All the best!

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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2025
Relationship
I've been married for 19 years. We live in a joint family with my husband and in-laws. Since last year, my father has recently become bedridden and needs constant care. Since he lives in another city, I have been travelling constantly to take turns to attend him. I want to bring him to our home, but my mother-in-law strongly objects saying they will lose their privacy. My husband tries to mediate but often ends up siding with his mother, saying she's getting old too. I am not able to decide being a daughter and a daughter-in-law. Is it unfair of me to expect support for my father, or am I compromising too much in this marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You surely are walking on a thin rope trying to balance both sides...it seems unfair, yes!
What I can suggest to you is: Find out what exactly is your mother-in-law's concern? What does she mean by 'lose their privacy'?
Usually, these statements are just reactionary to a much deeper concern. Try to address what bothers her; it could be as simple as your attention moving away from home and other responsibilities...she may possibly feel awkward being around your father...all these facts get masked under broad statements which to you may seem like excuses...so instead of playing this dance being the daughter and daughter-in-law, dig out more information, so that you can address concerns and not the reactions from them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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