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Relationship dilemma: Boyfriend unstable, parents want me to marry someone else, what do I do?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |579 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am in a relationship for 5 years now. My bf has never been academically and financially stable but I have always supported him and given him time to focus on his career. But now my parents are looking for a guy for my marriage. My family is a very decent and well educated family. But my boyfriend's family status is a matter of concern for my family. Plus my boyfriend doesn't earn anything and says that he won't be able to do and earn what parents look for their daughter's marriage. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Financial stability is extremely important in life. If your partner is not earning at all, that could be a problem. I am unclear on whether you are earning enough to support a family. Even if you do, I completely understand your parent's concerns. It would be best to have a discussion with your partner and ask him to put in more effort to find a decent job if he wants a future with you. And if you are not working, you should do the same. Love is great, but money is also important to live a comfortable life. Please consider this before making any decision.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1199 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Money
I am 41 years old male working in a private firm and investing from 2017 in MFs and accumulated around 20 lakhs. My target is to achieve 3 crores in 15 years ( from 2025 ) . My portfolio is given below , Apart from MF investing NPS & PPF and some times in Direct equity. Question : 1) Is my fund selection ok , With this current Portfolio along with 10 % Stepup can i achieve my goal. 2) Is SBI blue chip & HSBC small cap funds ok or do I switch to other funds ? 3) Want to invest 5000 more, in which fund should I allocate ? 4) Shall I stop PPF and that money I divert to a mutual fund? 5) Some other funds are also there in my portfolio which I stopped SIP but did not withdraw the amount. What is the best strategy in this case? Mutual Funds S/no Fund name Amount (RS) /month 1 SBI Blue Chip fund 5000 2 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund 10000 3 Kotak Multicap Fund 5000 4 Motilal Oswal Mid Cap fund 10000 5 HDFC Mid Cap opportunities 5000 7 HSBC Small Cap fund 5000 8 Nippon India Small Cap fund 5000 Total 45000 S/no NPS Amount (RS) /month 1 Tier -1 7000 2 Tier -2 3000 PPF Amount (RS) / year 1 ICICI PPF 60000
Ans: Hello;

Please find pointwise reply to your queries:

1. You already have allocation to small and mid caps through Flexi cap and multicap funds. Despite that you may have additional allocation to One dedicated mid and small cap fund but not two!

The monthly sip's into second small cap and midcap fund may instead be moved to an aggressive hybrid type mutual fund and multi asset allocation type mutual fund.

You may achieve your target with the proposed step up(10%) planned even considering 10% modest returns from MF investments.

2. Funds are okay however you need to review risk-adjusted performance every year with reference to the benchmark and category average and then decide suitably.

3. You may invest additional 5 K in gold mutual fund.

4. Keep contributing to PPF. It's a social security scheme and goes towards sovereign debt in your overall asset allocation.

5. Review past MF holding in line with your overall asset allocation, portfolio overlap, risk adjusted performance and decide as appropriate.

You may select and avoid funds from suggested categories based on risk adjusted performance criteria.

This being a neutral forum we are prohibited to recommend xyz fund.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8314 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Money
Hi Madam, I purchased 200gm of RBI Sovereign gold bond in August 2020. Should i go for early redemption or wait for 8 years .Regards Puneet Dave
Ans: You have invested in RBI Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) in August 2020. You hold 200 grams, which is a sizeable investment. You are now considering whether to redeem early or hold till maturity. Let’s assess from all angles.

 
 
Understanding Your SGB Investment

 
 

You bought it in August 2020. The 8-year maturity will be in August 2028.

 
 

So, 3.5+ years are over. Around 4.5 years are still left.

 
 

You earn 2.5% annual interest on the issue price. That is paid half-yearly.

 
 

At maturity, you get full market value of gold (as per RBI price on maturity date).

 
 

Gains at maturity are fully tax-free if held till 8 years. This is the biggest advantage.

 
 
Early Redemption – What You Should Know

 
 

RBI allows early exit only after 5 years, and that too only on interest payout dates.

 
 

If you redeem before 8 years, capital gains are taxable.

 
 

Gains will be taxed at 20% after indexation if held more than 3 years.

 
 

That reduces the post-tax returns. You lose the full tax-free benefit.

 
 

Also, if you sell in the secondary market, prices may be lower than actual value.

 
 
Why It’s Better to Hold Till Maturity

 
 

The biggest reason to hold is zero tax on capital gains after 8 years.

 
 

You also continue to earn 2.5% annual interest, which is over and above gold price return.

 
 

The longer you stay, the more you benefit from compounding on gold price growth.

 
 

Your total return = Gold appreciation + 2.5% interest + Zero tax. This is unmatched.

 
 

Selling now will only give you part of this benefit. You will lose long-term compounding.

 
 
When Early Exit Can Be Considered

 
 

If you are in urgent need of money, then only consider early redemption.

 
 

If you are switching to another asset for a defined financial goal, then it's acceptable.

 
 

But even then, use the RBI redemption window (after 5 years), not the market.

 
 

Don’t sell SGBs on stock exchange. It gives lower price and liquidity is poor.

 
 
Suggested Action Plan for You

 
 

You have waited for 3.5 years. Just wait for the remaining 4.5 years.

 
 

You will get full value with 0% tax, which no other gold investment gives.

 
 

Keep the 2.5% interest going to your bank account. Use it or reinvest it.

 
 

Review again after August 2025 (5 years). But likely, maturity will be best option.

 
 

Holding till August 2028 will give you the maximum financial benefit.

 
 
Final Insights

 
 

Your SGB investment is in the right direction. It gives safe, tax-efficient, and stable returns.

 
 

Holding it till maturity is almost always the best choice unless there is urgent need.

 
 

Don’t be influenced by short-term gold price movements. Let it grow tax-free.

 
 

You have made a smart decision in 2020. Just give it the full 8 years to reward you.

 
 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
 
Chief Financial Planner
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
 
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8314 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2025
Money
I am 43 years old and an aggressive investor and I started investing 1 lac per month in SIP in 2019. These are my current funds of 20k each per month : 1. CANARA ROBECO EMERGING EQUITIES 2. HDFC MID-CAP OPPORTUNITIES FUND 3. SBI FLEXICAP FUND 4. ICICI PRUDENTIAL BLUECHIP FUND 5. NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP FUND In 2024, i started to invest another 1.8 lacs per month split in the following funds : 6. Quant Small Cap Fund 7. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund 8. Canara Robeco Infrastructure 9. Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund 10. Bandhan Small cap Fund 11. Quant Commodities Fund 12. LIC MF Manufacturing Fund 13. Quant Dynamic Asset Allocation Fund 14. INVESCO INDIA LARGE AND MID CAP FUND 15. SBI Automotive Opportunities Fund 16. Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Could you share your views on my overall portfolio please, and if I should change any of them ? I am a long term investor and not in any hurry to sell. Thanks
Ans: You have shown strong commitment. Investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly since 2019 is highly disciplined. Adding Rs. 1.8 lakh more monthly in 2024 further shows your aggressive mindset and future planning.

Let me assess your portfolio thoroughly, from all angles. I will explain every layer of your mutual fund selection and offer insights for improvements. Your portfolio has both strengths and gaps. Let’s examine it part by part.

 
 
Your Risk Profile and Time Horizon

 
 

You are 43. Retirement may still be 15+ years away. Time is on your side.

 
 

You have clearly defined yourself as an aggressive investor. That’s good.

 
 

You are not looking for short-term exits. That’s ideal for equity investments.

 
 

You are mentally strong for market ups and downs. Patience is your strength.

 
 
Your Monthly Commitment and Fund Spread

 
 

You invest Rs. 2.8 lakh per month. That’s a huge amount. Very few do this.

 
 

You are split across 16 funds. That’s on the higher side. Needs review.

 
 

Too many funds reduce focus. You don’t get full advantage from each fund.

 
 

There’s fund overlap. You’re holding multiple funds in similar categories.

 
 
Fund Category Allocation Overview

 
 

Let’s look at your fund categories. We will see where you are strong and where things are scattered.

 
 

Small Cap Funds – You hold 4 small cap funds. That’s too many.

 
 

Mid Cap Funds – You hold 3 mid cap funds. That’s slightly high.

 
 

Flexicap / Large & Mid Cap – You have 4 funds here. Needs cleanup.

 
 

Bluechip / Large Cap – Only 1 fund here. Slightly under-represented.

 
 

Thematic / Sectoral Funds – You have 4 funds here. That is risky.

 
 

Dynamic Asset Allocation – You have 1 fund here. That adds balance.

 
 
Your Portfolio Strengths

 
 

Let’s appreciate what’s working well in your portfolio.

 
 

You have shown long-term vision. Most investors can’t hold on patiently.

 
 

You have a good mix of mid, small and flexicap funds. Growth-oriented.

 
 

You have started SIP early and maintained consistency. That builds wealth.

 
 

Your fund choices include a few high-quality performers. That’s commendable.

 
 

You have added new funds in 2024. That shows adaptability and planning.

 
 
Areas That Need Immediate Attention

 
 

Now let’s look at areas which need a clean-up or some correction.

 
 

Too Many Funds: 16 is too many. Even 8 to 10 is enough. Reduce clutter.

 
 

Too Many Small Cap Funds: 4 small caps can add high risk and volatility.

 
 

Overlapping Categories: Some midcap and flexicap funds behave similarly.

 
 

Too Much Sector Exposure: Infrastructure, Commodities, Auto, Manufacturing – that’s high sector risk.

 
 

Unstable Funds: Some thematic funds do well in cycles. Not suitable for SIP always.

 
 

Missing Debt Allocation: Even aggressive investors need some debt buffer. None seen.

 
 
Suggested Adjustments to Your Portfolio

 
 

Let’s work on a 360-degree improvement plan. Keep it practical and action-oriented.

 
 

Reduce Fund Count: Bring it down to around 8-10 funds. Better tracking and performance.

 
 

Limit Small Cap Funds: Keep only 2 small cap funds. Choose based on past 5-year track.

 
 

Mid Cap Funds: Keep only 2 best-performing midcap funds. Avoid redundancy.

 
 

Flexicap or Large & Mid Cap: Keep 2 funds from this group. Review performance, not names.

 
 

Sector Funds: Choose only 1 or max 2. Prefer long-term stable sectors.

 
 

Add a Balanced Fund: Include 1 balanced advantage or dynamic allocation fund. That helps in market correction phases.

 
 

Review Every 6 Months: Don’t hold laggards. Evaluate every 6 months with your MFD with CFP credential.

 
 

Avoid Direct Plans: Stick to regular plans. You get advisory, service, and emotional coaching.

 
 

Direct funds seem cheaper, but long-term mistakes cost more. Regular funds through a qualified CFP help in discipline.

 
 
Understanding Sector and Thematic Funds

 
 

You hold infrastructure, commodities, auto, and manufacturing funds. These sectors are cyclical.

 
 

These can give sudden highs, but also long flat phases. SIP in sector funds may not suit everyone.

 
 

Keep exposure limited to 10-15% of portfolio. Don’t exceed this.

 
 

Sectoral funds need regular review. If the cycle turns, exit and shift to diversified funds.

 
 

Infrastructure and auto can be held longer term. But commodities and manufacturing are highly volatile.

 
 
Importance of Professional Guidance

 
 

You are handling Rs. 2.8 lakh monthly. That’s a large portfolio in the making.

 
 

A certified financial planner helps in making fund selection efficient.

 
 

They offer risk alignment, taxation insights, rebalancing strategy and emotional handholding.

 
 

Avoid trial and error. Stick with a long-term plan. Don’t get influenced by social media noise.

 
 

Emotional investing hurts performance. A CFP brings clarity and structure.

 
 
Asset Allocation for 43-Year-Old Aggressive Investor

 
 

Let’s look at a suggested structure for you.

 
 

Large Cap + Flexicap + Large & Mid Cap Funds: Around 40-45%

 
 

Mid Cap Funds: Around 25-30%

 
 

Small Cap Funds: Not more than 15%

 
 

Sectoral + Thematic Funds: Around 10%

 
 

Balanced / Hybrid Fund: 5-10% for cushioning market corrections

 
 

This brings balance, growth and flexibility.

 
 
Avoiding Common Pitfalls

 
 

You are already advanced in your investing. Still, let’s watch out for some key mistakes.

 
 

Don't Chase Past Returns: Every year’s winner won’t repeat. Look at long-term consistency.

 
 

Avoid Frequent Switching: Let SIPs run for 5-7 years to show full potential.

 
 

Don’t React to Market News: Volatility is natural. Stay calm. Don’t stop SIPs in correction.

 
 

Monitor Fund Manager Changes: If a top-performing fund loses its manager, review it closely.

 
 

Track Portfolio, Not Just Individual Funds: Overall performance matters, not one or two funds.

 
 
MF Taxation Update as per 2024 Rules

 
 

New tax rules are important. Let’s simplify them for you.

 
 

Equity MF LTCG: Above Rs. 1.25 lakh gain per year taxed at 12.5%

 
 

Equity MF STCG: Short-term capital gains taxed at 20%

 
 

Debt MFs: All gains taxed as per your income tax slab. No LTCG benefit now.

 
 

So it’s even more important to hold funds for 3-5 years minimum.

 
 
Finally

 
 

You have done the most important part – start early, invest regularly, and increase investment over time.

 
 

But now the next step is to simplify, consolidate and add structure.

 
 

Cut down fund count. Avoid theme overload. Maintain allocation. Stick to long term.

 
 

Have a goal-based approach with a certified financial planner. Stay calm in market corrections.

 
 

Your portfolio can create real wealth. Just stay disciplined and focused.

 
 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
 
Chief Financial Planner
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
 
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8314 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2025

Money
Hello. should i continue investing in Hybrid equity funds or should i shift those funds to midcap and index funds??
Ans: You are currently investing in hybrid equity funds.
Now you're thinking of shifting to midcap or index funds.

Let’s analyse each of these based on your possible goals and situation.

First, Let’s Understand Hybrid Equity Funds
Hybrid equity funds balance equity and debt in one fund.

They offer stability from debt and growth from equity.

They are good if you want moderate returns with lower volatility.

Suitable if your goal is 3 to 5 years away or if you are conservative.

Gives a smoother ride during market ups and downs.

What Happens If You Move to Midcap Funds?
Midcap funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential.

But midcap funds are very volatile in the short term.

Risk is much higher, though potential return is also higher.

If your goal is more than 7 years away, and you can handle ups and downs, only then consider midcap funds.

Don’t shift to midcaps just because of recent past returns.

Midcaps require strong patience and discipline during market corrections.

What About Index Funds?
Index funds are passive funds that copy the market index.

They do not try to beat the market returns. They only match it.

They look attractive due to low cost, but they come with no downside protection.

When market falls, index funds fall fully with the market.

No active manager is there to protect you or take advantage of opportunities.

Returns are limited to index performance. No extra gain possible.

In fact, when markets are sideways or falling, index funds underperform active funds.

Key Disadvantages of Index Funds (You Must Know)
No flexibility during market ups and downs.

Zero risk management by fund manager.

Index funds follow index blindly, even if companies in index are poor.

If market goes down 30%, index fund will also fall 30%.

You are on your own, with no expert adjusting portfolio.

Index funds underperform actively managed funds in India over long term, especially in mid and small caps.

Index investing may look attractive in theory, but in real-world, it is less flexible and more risky.

Why Staying in Hybrid Equity Funds May Be Better
You get a good balance of risk and reward.

Debt portion cushions fall during market crash.

Better suited for income generation, goal planning, and retirement strategy.

Actively managed hybrid funds give better flexibility and better returns in volatile markets.

Hybrid funds have performed better than index funds in falling markets.

If You Want to Grow More Aggressively
You can slowly start investing a small part into actively managed midcap funds.

Start with 10%-15% of your portfolio in midcap.

Keep rest in hybrid funds for stability.

Increase midcap exposure only if you are comfortable with the volatility.

Don’t move entire amount to midcap or index funds at once.

Don’t Invest in Direct Funds (Important Insight)
Direct funds may look like they give more returns.

But in reality, you miss professional guidance and ongoing review.

Investing without a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and MFD support leads to poor choices.

Many people choose wrong funds or wrong time to exit.

Regular plans with a good CFP and MFD help you stay disciplined and goal-focused.

Advice matters more than saving 0.5% cost in direct plans.

Final Insights
Hybrid funds give balanced growth and peace of mind.

Midcap funds are good, but only for long-term investors with high risk capacity.

Index funds look simple, but have no risk control and no potential to outperform.

Don’t shift completely from hybrid to index or midcap funds.

Stay in hybrid funds, and add midcap gradually under expert guidance.

Always invest through regular plans with support from a CFP-qualified MFD.

Ensure your portfolio is aligned with your goals, risk profile, and timeline.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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