Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, I have a good husband but we barely have sex. His excuse always is that he is tired. I do everything he wants so he comfortable I have tried the things said in the magazines. I dress nicely, even sexily, but he is not interested. We have sex for the sake of it once a month. Though he is a good man, I am very unhappy. It is too embarrassing to talk to the family and friends about this. K
Ans:

Dear K,

I can understand you being too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this problem, but you could try speaking to your husband about it directly instead?

Be frank about how your sex life is leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed.

If there is a physical issue, you could both visit a medical expert and then a marriage counsellor if there’s a psychological problem.

For your part, you need to realise that, in a long-term relationship, the frequency of sex does reduce over time.

It can’t always be forced, although I do understand that once in a month is leaving you frustrated with the lack of attention from your husband.

The key to a good sex life is good communication. You have to be honest about how you feel.

Also, I don’t understand the ‘for the sake of it’ part you’ve put in there -- that one time every few weeks, is it he who initiates it or is he only doing so to satisfy you? That information may hold a clue as to why your sex life is on the down low.

It could be simply that his drive doesn’t match yours, in which case you both need to compromise and maybe give in to each other from time to time. Say, once every two weeks to start with?

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Deepa

Dr Deepa Suvarna  |139 Answers  |Ask -

Paediatrician - Answered on Jan 12, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4039 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
Dear experts, I was reading about V Narayanan’s journey from a Tamil medium school to ISRO chief. I’m an engineering student from a modest background. My father works in a private firm and mother is a housewife. Finances are a major hurdle. Are there specific scholarships or support programmes for students aiming to get into prestigious institutions like Anna University?
Ans: Pursuing higher education at Anna University is a commendable goal, and there are several scholarships and support programs available to assist students from modest backgrounds. Some of these include the Tamil Nadu Government Scholarships, which provide financial assistance to cover tuition fees, the DHAANISH BC/MBC/DNC Scholarship, SC/ST Scholarship, Central Government Scholarships, AICTE Pragati Scholarship for Girls, and Institutional Scholarships at Anna University. The application process involves eligibility verification, documentation, application submission, and tracking deadlines. Additional support includes educational loans at subsidized interest rates for economically weaker sections and fee waivers for meritorious and needy students. It is advisable to regularly check Anna University and the Directorate of Collegiate Education, Tamil Nadu, for the latest updates on available scholarships and application procedures. Also please visit buddy4study website & explore, You will get a lot of inputs about Schoarhsips. All The BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ‘Careers | Finance | Health | Relationships’.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4039 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 12, 2025

Listen
Career
Help Needed: Unable to Login to JEE Mains Portal Due to Mistaken DOB Entry Hello Everyone, I’m reaching out to seek advice and support from anyone familiar with handling issues on the JEE Mains portal. Despite entering my correct application details, I’ve been unable to log in to download my admit card, and I believe it’s due to a mistake I made during the application process. The Problem During registration, I mistakenly entered the wrong date of birth. My correct date of birth is 12/08/2008, but I accidentally entered 22/08/2008. Now, neither date works when trying to log in, and I keep getting the error message: "Invalid Application No or Date of Birth." My Details: Name: Shivam Srivastav Application Number: ...................... Registered Contact Number: ...................... Registered Email ID: ................. Request for Help If anyone has faced a similar issue or knows how to resolve this problem, please share your suggestions. I’ve already emailed the authorities but am waiting for a response. I’m also prepared to provide necessary documents, such as my Class 10th marksheet, to verify my correct date of birth. Any help or guidance would be highly appreciated! Thank you for your time and support. Warm Regards,
Ans: Satyam, First step: Verify the following right away: Any SMS on your Registered Mobile Number from NTA from the date you registered in the NTA portal; your Registered email Inbox for any mails from NTA from that date. There's more likely you missed it or the mails ended in SPAM/JUNK Folder.

The second step is visiting NTA Jee Main Website. Click Contacts US Menu. around 4-5 Helpline Numbers can be tried and also send REMINDER MAILS to all mail IDS supplied there from your Registered eMail ID, by providing the following information: (a) Your Application Number (2) Your Registered Mobile Number (3) The nature of the problem & (4) Scanned copy of your Class 10 Marksheet for your DOB proof.

Please be advised; admit cards will only be released on January 19 or 20.

Third step: You have not indicated you are from which place? If you know of any colleagues or family friends in Delhi, ask them to personally visit the NTA Office and try to settle the matter this week; by next week, the Admit Card would be issued.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x