Dear Anu Madam,Please help me with your urgent advice. I am a 23-year-old good-looking girl from well-to-do Marwari family. Since 2017 I am in relationship with a 37-year-old who I met in a gym. He is a small-time model. Within 1 month of meeting, we got physical. However, in August 2021, to my dismay, I came to know that he has two wives and children and that he is in physical relationship with several other girls. This pained me a lot and we broke up. But somehow we got back. He pleaded sorry for hiding his marriage and cheating with other girls but he said that the other girls had forced him for a physical relationship. He says he is unhappy in marriage and if I marry him, it will give him new way of life. I loved him and decided to get married (he can legally have more wives). But still I felt absurd on my decision because I will face severe parental resistance as he is from different religion and has less money. Yet I made up my mind on marriage and so, six months ago I revealed this to my closest cousin and introduced her to him. I followed up with her to guide me on right decision but my cousin kept buying time. About two weeks ago, while accidentally checking her mobile messages, I found that though I introduced my cousin to my BF to help me, she was cheating on me. From her messages I could see that she persuaded my BF to get physical with her. This shattered me completely and I fought with her. Madam, please advise me. I love this guy and want to marry him. He is my 1st and last love. I am sure he will be a changed guy after our marriage, which will make us both Happy.
Ans: Dear SK,
So, you want to marry a man who cheats, hides his escapades, and disrespects you?
What kind of life do you think you are going to have with a man who has no respect for women and sleeps with women to gain his self-esteem?
Talking about how you can be a saviour, only makes you a victim, so that you are constantly under his control.
It’s possible that you haven’t been able to see his intentions and that you have reached out to me.
Listen, you have a beautiful life ahead, so not waste it on a man who thinks of nothing and only himself.
Your friend also was able to sell you out so easily only suggest that this man is some sort of a charmer and women easily fall into his trap.
Beware, kindly step up first and respect and honour yourself.
Learn to Love yourself else you will keep falling into the same trap of falling for such men who have nothing to do with women other than use them.
Step out NOW and no explanations required…You are not obligated to give him any.
He will behave like a victim and place you on a pedestal so that you go back to him, STAND your GROUND…Love is pure and this cannot be your first or last love….selfishness cannot be love.
There are more beautiful relationships waiting to embrace you only if you first move on from this toxic relationship, love yourself and use your strength appropriately.
You can do this…be an example for all those girls who choose to celebrate men who are toxic to them. Be a source of strength to all of them.