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Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My son is 20 years old. Few days ago he went to my parents place. He stole 60K from my fathers account. I am disturbed by this act, dont know how to handle this situation. How should I talk to him regarding this, please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ooops...it is very concerning. Are you absolutely sure or has there been some misunderstanding on this?
If you are sure, then he needs to be called out on what he has done, I would also want you as a parent to work with him on this.
Ask him:
- Did you need the money for anything specific?
- What could you have done instead of stealing the money?
- Are we not approachable as a family that you needed to steal the money?

The word, 'steal' is a strong one...but it must be used for him to understand that what he did was not correct at all. But do refrain from calling him a 'thief' or any other word that can be damaging. Since this might be the first mistake on his part (which is something I am assuming), he must be given a chance to explain his actions and told that it is unacceptable.

I hope through this exercise, he will feel remorse and DO the right thing in future. If you see nothing change, kindly consult with an expert who can decode this and help him out further. But, it must be stopped.

All the best!

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, my teenage son has been acting weird since the last few months. He has been caught lying and smoking after school hours. He has bunked school and been spotted by a friend but when I casually checked on him he lied that he is at school. I don't know how to address this. I feel like I don't know my son anymore
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Teenage time is the most confusing time for children and parents alike. And with the digital age, it's only getting tougher. Dealing with butter fingers, yet being firm with them, works at times and doesn't at other times.
If this behaviour change of his is sudden, something could have triggered it.
Check points:
- What is the company of friends that he keeps?
- How is the environment at home? Peaceful and loving OR Restless and agitated?
- What is the relationship that he shares with either of his parents?
- Is the channel of communication at home such that he can share anything?
- Is there any pressure on academic performance from home or school?
- Has there been any instance around him or with him that has been emotionally draining? Like a loss of a loved one or a friend?

Do go over this list and be spot on while answering them. It will allow you to get to the source of the problem rather than just focus on his behaviour. Instead of reprimanding him for his behaviour, watch for it closely while you get to the source of it all.
If it's challenging to go through this all by yourself, please without any delay seek the help of a professional who specifically works with adolescents and adolescent behaviour. Be compassionate through the process as he needs both his parents while transitioning back. It is worrisome, I fathom it, but he needs you on his side and not against him.
So, do the right thing and act immediately.
All the best!

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2023

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Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

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