Hi Anu, my teenage son has been acting weird since the last few months. He has been caught lying and smoking after school hours. He has bunked school and been spotted by a friend but when I casually checked on him he lied that he is at school. I don't know how to address this. I feel like I don't know my son anymore

Ans: Continue being there for him. Teens try to find themselves during adolescence creating an identity for themselves.
2. Find out about his friends- what are they spending time on to support safety of your child.
3. Monitor sleep quality- sleeping late affects cognitive functioning making teens cranky.
4. Avoiding sarcastic remarks, having family time at dinner table.

Ans: Hello. As a parent, I can understand your hurt, disappointment and fear.

It's natural to feel betrayed when your child deceives you and engages in risky behaviour.

Here are some steps you can take to set clear boundaries and help your 14-year-old make responsible choices:

1. Talk about the lies and sneaking out

Once you've calmed down, initiate a conversation without yelling or shaming. Explain how his actions have affected you and why trust is crucial in your relationship.

Set consequences. Grounding or restricting technology access are some options. Be clear about the duration and expectations.

Encourage him to express his feelings and motivation for sneaking out. Listen actively without judgment and validate his emotions.

Emphasise safety. Address the dangers of unsupervised parties and explain why knowing his whereabouts is important for his safety and your peace of mind.

2. Address the vaping

Stay informed. Educate yourself about the risks of vaping, its health impacts, and potential addiction.
Have an open conversation. Discuss the dangers of vaping openly and calmly. Share your concerns and listen to his reasons for trying it.

Set clear expectations. Clearly state your disapproval about vaping. Explain the consequences of continuing, emphasizing both health and disciplinary considerations. Ask him to stop doing it.

Let him know you're there to help him quit the habit. Explore resources like hotlines, support groups or therapists specialising in teen substance abuse.

3. What you can also do

Have a safe space for open communication where he can express his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Regular, open communication builds trust and allows you to guide him through challenges.

Establish clear expectations for behaviour, homework, chores and technology use. Discuss them openly and ensure he understands the reasoning behind them.

Acknowledge and praise responsible choices and positive behaviour. Reinforce positive actions to encourage him to make good decisions.

Teach him healthy coping mechanisms for stress, peer pressure and difficult emotions. Encourage activities like sports, hobbies or creative outlets.

Lead by example. Be mindful of your own behaviour and choices. Teens learn by observing so be conscious about how you behave.

Remember, this process takes time and patience. Be consistent, stay calm and be open to working together with your son to build trust and encourage responsible choices. If you feel overwhelmed or need additional support, seeking professional guidance from a family therapist or counsellor can be very helpful.

Ans: Hello Jay!!

This is such a phase of your life with a teenager, that I cannot give you a "to do list" to conform to and whoosh the problems go away!!
What I suggest is this -
1. a teenager is tough to deal with. You have been a teenager once too..it is a very tough phase of life for the teen too, raging hormones, mood swings , a body that is constantly changing every day. Today's teen has it tougher, what with social media and peer pressure to deal with. Your son needs is an understanding parent ,be one pls
2. take care of his physical well being and mental well being. Good food, mental rest ( away from social media and gaming), good sleep and engaging in worthy pursuits( channelize his energies in learning an instrument, singing, debating, football, tennis, anything where he can expend his mental and physical energies... either enrol him in theses classes or have tutors coming home)
3.if making him study is getting difficult, hire tutors to teach him, physical classes, not online.
4. you said he has a brilliant mind... it is time to engage him in worthy pursuits
5. every day is a challenge with a teenager, you , being the parent has to keep changing strategies based on the need/mood of the day
6. as a parent read up on how to deal with a teenager and act accordingly
7. no confronting or criticizing openly, talk to him with all respect..do not tolerate his shouting and scolding...tell him it is unacceptable, nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit. You start dealing with problems and finding a solution in a calm manner, he'll start doing the same, he is learning from everyone around . It is good if adults around him behave properly
8.you are the adult here, set boundaries regarding screen time and stick to it. You all adults at home also need to have control over screen time.
9. talk to his teachers, counsellors, psychologist and anyone who can bridge the gap between you and your child, to help you communicate effectively with each other
10. channelize your son's energies, be with him, understand him( keep telling him that you and he are in the same team),love him, cherish him, guide him, be there for him and create WIN WIN situations!!

All the best to both you and your son!! Happy parenting..

Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.