I'm around 54 years married to a widow who had two kids around 14 years back. Her behaviour towards me most of the time is very rude. she doesnt keep anhy relation with my family members and always has a grudge on them without any reason, due to which i have no physical relation with her, just Im staying in the house. Now I have met a female who is married with two kids and working as a cleaning staff, her husband is useless and not working for the last four years and she is running her house with her salary. I have been meeting her for the last eight months and would like to continue the relation, even she is very much interested, but due to family constraints she is not able to come out of the married relation she has. I take care of her and her kids day to day needs. So how do I go ahead with is relation ? Im a bit confused

Ans: You are having an emotional affair, not a physical one. You have a choice — you say you love your wife, so one option is to try and salvage your marriage. The other one is closing that chapter and moving on with your extramarital partner — but is she willing to do the same as well? No point remaining stuck in limbo for years to come. Make a decision as to your future and move ahead.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am glad you found a genuine companion. I understand that you both care a great deal about each other and that is rare in today's day and age. Now coming to your questions-

1) It most definitely can. But that depends on the course of action your partner is willing to take. I assume that neither one of you would like to formally tag it as a relationship till she is married to another man, no matter how the marriage is. So, in that case, your partner must have a clear discussion about the same with her husband and you can proceed from there. But going ahead and having a romantic relationship while she is married to someone else would not be ethical and even when she has every right to seek happiness in her life, it would be her who faces all the societal judgment.

2) You can be two friends chatting with each other. Friends do share a lot, even personal matters. Having said that, it did not sound to me that you are in that platonic friend zone anymore. You have grown to like each other a little more and given the circumstances, it is perfectly alright. But to be more than friends, it is important for your partner to first speak to her current husband and consider separating. But at the end of the day, it is her decision. If she doesn't want to formally end it, you would have two options. One, love each other in secret and never have the chance to show off your love to the world. Two, break it off and either try to remain friends or sever ties altogether.

3) Don't have unrealistic expectations. We are all guilty of it time and again. In this case, even though her marriage isn't perfect- you know and she knows it too- it isn't easy to let go of a relationship people spend years to build. Take things slow and let her make her own decisions. If you expect she will leave her marriage for you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It might happen, but then again, it might not. Focus on being each other's companion. You can't help how you feel, but that does not mean you have to act on it right now.

One more thing- if you can see yourself getting hurt, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship. Every relationship has in its capacity to cause emotional trauma. That's the thing about romance- it can make or break you.

Best Wishes.