Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Siuli Question by Siuli on Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello. I am married woman of 50 years. My husband has an extramarital affair and is threatening me to divorce for last 2 years. I am financially dependent on him and also depend on him for my daughter's studies. My daughter is in 12 th isc computer science. My narcissist husband torturese a lot . I want to get rid of him. Please help

Ans: Dear Siuli,
Talk to a lawyer who will guide you on the separation process; also he/she will draft the terms and conditions keeping in mind that you are dependent financially on your husband and how he will provide for you and your daughter.
Be strong through all of this and slowly start thinking about yourself and how you will lead a life by yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

Listen
Relationship
 Hi Anu Mam, I am married for 4 and half years now and have a 3 YO daughter. It was an arranged marriage and the families were not familiar before.My husband started behaving very rude to me since my delivery. He verbally abused me a lot and finally I felt something was not right and opened up to my parents, that I cannot live with him, after 3 years of the marriage.My parents supported me and took care of my daughter and me for a year, after which my husband's family convinced me to move back in with him. When I came back to him I realised he has been cheating on me with his colleague since before my delivery. When I probed the issue further, without his knowledge, I got to know that he was a polygamous person for 10 years before marriage. And this shook me. I also got to know he is meeting one of his female friends after work hours, lying to me. He used to lie to me that he's going out for work and talk to his other female friend on phone for an hour or so, once every 2-3 days.He watches porn every day.I slowly realised he was just exploiting me for his physical needs.Our relationship turned cold within 3 months of restarting it.I was not happy being with him. I knew he was still cheating me, but he never obliged when I confronted.I could not let him even touch me.Finally, out of his frustration, he physically attacked me in front of our daughter, tried to strangulate my throat, but by god's grace I could save myself.That day, 30th of August 2021, I left that place with my daughter and came back to my parents.I filled a domestic harassment complaint against him, for which we're attending counselling sessions now.I cannot think of a life with him anymore.I have made up my mind to file an FIR against him soon.I must say I'm at peace now.But I still have a lot of anguish whenever those thoughts cross my mind. Is there a way where I can make peace with my past?
Ans:

Dear VT,

Physical abuse is an absolute NO and so is emotional abuse. I am glad that you have decided to end this misery for yourself and your daughter.

Please proceed with the FIR and also seek help on filing divorce if that is something that you have considered.

On the emotional part of it, it will take a toll on you and your health as you are unprepared at this moment. So start by:

1. Visualizing your life without him by your side

2. Working out granular details like finances and where you will live

3. Chalking out a plan of how your daughter will be cared for if you choose to start working

4. Listing down which close family member will be by your side (emotionally) always

As daunting as this may seem, it is possible to be in a space of strength which you already have experienced and move ahead to a better life.

And as you do this, do remember that you are important, so take care of your thoughts and feelings as well.

  • Spend time in Nature observing and appreciating
  • Surround yourself with people and friends who care and love you unconditionally
  • Exercise and eat well
  • Pamper yourself by caring for your physical appearances
  • Do what you love every day at least for 30 minutes

Situations maybe tough to handle but building strength within at the right time is what is the need of the hour.
I wish you the best in life always.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear mam, I am a working woman married for 14 years with two kids. Ours was a love marriage. But immediately after my marriage I noticed that my husband was over aggressive and very possessive. He wants me to be under his control all the time. Whenever I say something against his will he starts abusing me and family. He has suicidal tendencies and has attempted in the past also. When his anger gets controlled he starts conversation with a sorry. This situation will continue for a few days and after that he will start again. This has been my life for the past 14 years. Sometimes he does manhandle and indulges in forced sex. I am fed up with this nature of his. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s time someone showed the man what a MAN truly is.

Do you have a close family member who can talk to him?

If NO, this is your husband. No one knows him better that you do…

Notice:

  • What actually triggers him to become aggressive and possessive?
  • What situations have led him to attempting suicide?

If there is a mental illness that we are looking at, it needs intervention ASAP.

Never be afraid to push back when you are forced into sex…It is called ‘Marital Rape’ just in case you didn’t know.

It’s not Okay and it is definitely not mandatory that a woman needs to give in to satisfy her husband’s sexual urges.

If he continues forced sex, you can approach a local NGO that supports women with domestic violence, and they can help you with the next course of action.

Do not feel obliged to put up with things that eat your soul away.

Make sure you keep your sanity intact by surrounding yourself with the best people who care and love you.

Pick up a hobby that fills you with joy; this joy can help you think with a clear mind when you step into your marriage for the day.

One step at a time, but take that STEP…You are important.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |977 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

Listen
Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?
Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello sir, I am 52 years handicapped with a good govt. job. I have been married for 27 years now. My son also married recently and he is in USA. I dont know where to start. Mine was arranged marriage. But my husband and his family cheated us regarding his job. He was jobless after our marriage. I had a son in the first year of our marriage. I stayed with him for only 2 months then I was send to my fathers house for delivery. He never visited me during this time nor he had called me. As he was jobless, I tried hard to build my carrier for sake of my son. I had managed all these years financially. I never received any financial support or emotional support from him past 27 years. We had fought badly accusing each. He will physically abuse me every time. He is addicted to alcohol and watching prone movies. My son once saw his mssg to call girls and other such women in his mobile. I was shocked too. Later I discovered he had many such connections. He had been spending his merger salary for all this self enjoyment and never shared anything for HL or son education. However, I had stayed with him for social security and status. Now I have completed all my duties. My son is safe and far from him. Even after my sons marriage, he behaved violently after consuming alcohol. I am really fed up with him. I have my income and properties. But I have no one to share my emotions as my son also has left and busy with his life in USA. I don't need any physical needs but need emotional support for rest of my life. I am in total depression for all I have undergone for 27 years. I currently having my father who is 80 years with me in the house. My husbands behaviour towards my father is very bad. Now my fathers health is getting affected because of my husbands shouting. I have no other friends or relations to relate to. My health also is getting slowly affected and I my mobility is very much restricted. Sometimes I was having succidal ideas. I have no life goals now. I have achieved all my goals. I have completed all my duties now. What should I do now?
Ans: Hats off to you my dear lady. You need to file for divorce and get this vile man out of your life and home once and for all. You have the means and the economic upper hand as well — consult a strong divorce lawyer and kick him to the curb! And there is life, love and companionship out there for you, so don’t give up on finding your own happiness — 52 is not old, you have a lot of years ahead with the potential to fulfill your happiness. Go for it!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3970 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 43 yr old My wife age 42 we are earning 3.25 laks per month our goal is to save 10 cr at the age of 50 we have property 70 lakh FD 12 laks Mutual Funds 30 lakhs We pay 2 laks per year for LIC 18 thousand in MF per month Stocks worth 3 lakhs Housing Loan of 44 lakhs Housing loan installment 40000 How can we achieve our target..
Ans: Achieving a target of Rs. 10 crore by the age of 50 requires careful financial planning and strategic management of your current assets and income. Here’s a comprehensive plan to guide you towards achieving your financial goal:

Assessing Current Financial Status
Income and Assets
Combined Monthly Income: Rs. 3.25 lakhs
Current Assets:
Property: Rs. 70 lakhs
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 12 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs. 30 lakhs
Stocks: Rs. 3 lakhs
Liabilities:
Housing Loan: Rs. 44 lakhs (EMI: Rs. 40,000 per month)
Savings and Investments
Annual Premiums:
LIC: Rs. 2 lakhs
Mutual Funds (SIP): Rs. 18,000 per month (Rs. 2.16 lakhs annually)
Pathway to Achieving Rs. 10 Crore Goal
1. Review and Optimize Investments
Consolidate Stocks: Evaluate your current stock holdings and consider consolidating them into a diversified mutual fund portfolio for better risk management and potential returns.
2. Strategic Mutual Fund Investments
Diversification: Continue systematic investment plans (SIPs) in mutual funds but focus on actively managed funds that align with your risk appetite and financial goals.
Asset Allocation: Allocate investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
3. Optimize Insurance and Expenses
Review LIC Policies: Assess if the existing LIC policies are aligned with your current financial goals. Surrendering policies with low returns and redirecting those funds into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds may be beneficial.
Minimize Expenses: Continuously monitor and reduce unnecessary expenses to increase savings potential.
4. Systematic Financial Planning
Goal-Based Investing: Establish clear financial goals with specific timelines. Adjust your investment strategy to ensure each goal is adequately funded.
Emergency Fund: Maintain a liquid emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of living expenses to cover unforeseen circumstances without disrupting your long-term investments.
5. Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus: Alongside your Rs. 10 crore goal, prioritize building a retirement corpus that ensures financial independence post-retirement.
Age and Risk Profile: As you approach 50, gradually shift towards more conservative investment options to safeguard accumulated wealth.
6. Real Estate and Other Considerations
Avoid Additional Real Estate Investments: Given the complexities and illiquidity of real estate, focus on optimizing existing property holdings rather than acquiring new ones.
7. Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Financial Check-ups: Conduct periodic reviews of your portfolio’s performance and make necessary adjustments to stay on track towards your financial objectives.
Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner periodically to reassess your financial plan and incorporate market changes and life events.
Final Insights
To achieve your ambitious financial goal of Rs. 10 crore by age 50, it’s essential to adopt a disciplined approach towards savings, investments, and expense management. By consolidating investments, optimizing your mutual fund portfolio, and ensuring strategic asset allocation, you can maximize returns while managing risks effectively. Prioritize long-term wealth creation and retirement planning to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1010 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |258 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hellow, I'm retired 77.My wife never liked me but pretended well for 47 years. I have only one son who is well settled in his business. I had givn enough money to my wife and son, keeping some money for my survival. Fed up with my wife's behaviour I joined Old age home. My all requirements are borne by my son. He, his wife and children respect and love m. One old lady in the old age home approached me for companion ship. I'm depressed without a sincere partener. Shall I accept the offer?
Ans: After many years in a marriage where you didn't feel truly loved, it’s natural to feel apprehensive but also hopeful about forming a new connection.

Given your current situation, accepting the companionship offer from the lady at the old age home could be a positive step towards finding the sincere partner you’ve been missing. Before making any decisions, reflect on your own feelings and what you truly seek in a relationship. Take your time to get to know her better. Share conversations and moments to see if this companionship brings you joy and comfort. It's important to move forward at a pace that feels right for you, ensuring that the relationship is built on mutual respect and genuine care.

Remember, it’s okay to desire companionship and to seek happiness. Your past experiences shouldn’t hold you back from exploring new, fulfilling connections. Given your supportive family, it might also be helpful to share your thoughts with your son and seek his perspective, as he knows you well and might provide valuable insights.

Embrace the opportunity to build a relationship that aligns with your needs and brings you happiness. It's never too late to find meaningful companionship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |258 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Listen
Relationship
my sister is not talking to me im in over dipression because of this i cant able consentrate on my busines . pls help me to talk with me .. important im heart patient she is doctor in gynocology .. she is very close to my heart ..
Ans: Start by gently reaching out to her. Since she’s close to your heart and knows your health condition, a sincere, heartfelt message might be the best way to open the door to communication. Write her a letter or a text where you honestly express how much you miss her and how deeply her absence is impacting you. Let her know how important she is in your life, not just as a sister but as a vital emotional support.

Explain that you’re feeling overwhelmed and that your current stress and sadness are affecting your health and your ability to concentrate on your business. She might not realize the full extent of how her not talking to you is affecting you. Sometimes, people need to hear directly how their actions (or inactions) are impacting others.

Make sure to approach her without assigning blame or bringing up past conflicts, if there are any. Focus on expressing your feelings and your need to reconnect. Emphasize your desire to understand any reasons behind her distance and your hope to work through them together.

It might also be helpful to give her some time and space to process your message. Doctors often have very busy and stressful lives, and she might be dealing with her own pressures.

Ultimately, the goal is to reopen lines of communication with kindness and understanding. Reaching out with a genuine, open heart can often be the first step in healing a strained relationship. If things don’t resolve quickly, consider seeking the help of a counselor or mediator to facilitate the conversation.

Take care of yourself, especially considering your heart condition. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family who can help you through this difficult time.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x