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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Siuli Question by Siuli on Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello. I am married woman of 50 years. My husband has an extramarital affair and is threatening me to divorce for last 2 years. I am financially dependent on him and also depend on him for my daughter's studies. My daughter is in 12 th isc computer science. My narcissist husband torturese a lot . I want to get rid of him. Please help

Ans: Dear Siuli,
Talk to a lawyer who will guide you on the separation process; also he/she will draft the terms and conditions keeping in mind that you are dependent financially on your husband and how he will provide for you and your daughter.
Be strong through all of this and slowly start thinking about yourself and how you will lead a life by yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

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Relationship
Dear mam, I am a working woman married for 14 years with two kids. Ours was a love marriage. But immediately after my marriage I noticed that my husband was over aggressive and very possessive. He wants me to be under his control all the time. Whenever I say something against his will he starts abusing me and family. He has suicidal tendencies and has attempted in the past also. When his anger gets controlled he starts conversation with a sorry. This situation will continue for a few days and after that he will start again. This has been my life for the past 14 years. Sometimes he does manhandle and indulges in forced sex. I am fed up with this nature of his. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s time someone showed the man what a MAN truly is.

Do you have a close family member who can talk to him?

If NO, this is your husband. No one knows him better that you do…

Notice:

  • What actually triggers him to become aggressive and possessive?
  • What situations have led him to attempting suicide?

If there is a mental illness that we are looking at, it needs intervention ASAP.

Never be afraid to push back when you are forced into sex…It is called ‘Marital Rape’ just in case you didn’t know.

It’s not Okay and it is definitely not mandatory that a woman needs to give in to satisfy her husband’s sexual urges.

If he continues forced sex, you can approach a local NGO that supports women with domestic violence, and they can help you with the next course of action.

Do not feel obliged to put up with things that eat your soul away.

Make sure you keep your sanity intact by surrounding yourself with the best people who care and love you.

Pick up a hobby that fills you with joy; this joy can help you think with a clear mind when you step into your marriage for the day.

One step at a time, but take that STEP…You are important.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

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Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?
Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, Im 29 male,earning 75k post deductions, Im having 1.6Y baby,Ive term insurance and corporate health insurance. Ive set my goals as below Daughter education anount-(50-60 Lakhs) Considering the current fee structure assuming it would be this much Note:Amount mentioned for her whole education carrer. House purchase: It a long term goal I wanted to purchase own house. Not sure how much cost it would be in Bangalore after 10y.Kindly suggest how much one should save for the same. Retirement goal: For Retirement I would like to have a corpus of 2CR. Considering the above goals How can I achieve,Im doing investments as below 14K SIP Started from this year At present invested around 73K Direct stock value:65K SSY: 2K per month Emergency fund: Holding 6 month expenditure Liquid Amount 1L And I have a personal loan which will be completed by APR 2025. This is my current financial condition. Please suggest how can I achieve my Goals as per the current financial plan.
Ans: Hello;

I hope your term life cover is adequate (1.35-1.8Cr).
Apart from corporate health insurance it is always better to have personal health care cover as a precaution.

Glad to note that you reckoned these as important aspects of financial planning and mentioned about it upfront.

Now I recommend you the following:
Kid's higher education: 1 Cr (50-60L is less)
Retirement Corpus: 2 Cr
House: 1.75 Cr (Approx cost of 2 bhk flat in decent locality of Bengaluru 10 years hence)

Investments to fund these goals:
1. Kid's education:
Two investments will work in parallel to reach the goal.
12.5 K per month in SSY
10 K SIP in a aggressive hybrid mutual fund. Both these investments will yield corpus of around 46 L and 54 L in 15 years from now.(8% and 13% returns assumed respectively). So 1 Cr target achievable.

House: 14 K monthly sip will grow into a corpus of 35 L(=20% down payment for house worth 1.75 Cr; Balance through home loan)

Retirement corpus:
Start a monthly sip of 5 K flexicap mutual fund which will give corpus of 2.21 Cr, after 30 years.

Retirement corpus estimated on relatively lower side so request you to top it up as and when possible. Ofcourse you may have EPF which may complement it.

Do not dabble into direct stocks unless you have the knowledge and temperament to trade.

If you still want to do it earmark a fixed amount as your risk capital which you wouldn't mind even if it becomes zero and use it to deal in stocks, but strictly based on self knowledge and/or guidance from an investment advisor. Not based on TV and social media tips!!

6 month emergency fund provision in liquid funds is a good strategy.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 years old........ I am earning approximately 1.7 lakh per month...... My family liability is approximately 50000 per month.......i have a liability of 10 lakh home loan for which i am paying 12500 monthly EMI.......my investment include 40000 per month in PPF, 4200 in NPS and 3 lakh invested in mutual funds......I own a house worth 70 lakh and a plot of land worth 30 lakh.......please guide me for my forther planning as i will retire at age of 54 on 2037.
Ans: Hello;

If you are sure about not using the land plot in future then I suggest you sell it and invest the proceeds into mutual funds.

So land sell proceeds(30 L) + existing corpus of 3 L if stays invested in pure equity mutual funds for next 13 years, it will yield you a corpus of 1.62 Cr.

Also I recommend you to start a monthly sip of 50 K into pure equity fund for 13 years. At the end of 13 years it may yield you a corpus of around 2.04 Cr. (A modest return of 13% is assumed for all mutual fund investments)

NPS investment will not mature till you reach 60 so I am keeping it out of our working.

Your contribution of 40 K per month to EPF+PPF(PPF contribution cannot be more then 1.5 L per person per year) will grow into a corpus of 1.1 Cr after 13 years.(A modest return of 8% is assumed)

So your comprehensive corpus in 2037 will be 1.62+2.04+1.1= 4.76 Cr.

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 4.76 Cr, you may expect a monthly payout of 1.66 L(post tax) considering annuity rate of 6%.

If you don't want to sell the land parcel then I recommend you to start an sip of 60 K per month for 13 years. This may yield you a corpus of 2.45 Cr after 13 years.

3 L current MF corpus will grow to 0.1469 Cr after 13 years

So your comprehensive corpus now is 2.45+1.1+0.1469=~3.70 Cr

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 3.7 Cr then you may expect to receive a monthly payout of 1.3 L(post tax).

Further NPS will yield you a corpus of 25.5 L at the attainment of 60 years of age.(9% return considered; hoping you will continue to contribute after your retirement at 54 age)

I am sure you have adequate term life insurance and healthcare insurance for yourself and family.

You are ready to retire at 54 as planned.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |968 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

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Career
My son is doing his XII Standard in CBSE Curriculum with Maths,Physics, Chemistry and Biology as his group. He is yet to decide on what next after XII with his mind wavering between Astro Physics or Micro Biology with NEET in mind. Any guidance is welcome.
Ans: Hello Srinivasan.
I am glad to hear that your son is exploring diversified fields at this early stage. Astrophysics and Microbiology both are fascinating and rewarding paths, but they differ significantly in terms of the career options and the type of studies involved.
My suggestion for your son would be to focus only on the NEET examination at this stage. There is no need to divert the mind without any reason at this stage. After the NEET examination is over, you have ample time to discover more career options along with Astrophysics and Microbiology. The inclination toward career options of a student changes multiple times during the 11th and 12th. If he is brilliant, a hard worker, and dedicated to his studies, then set a goal of Min 650 marks in the NEET examination.
For Astrophysics: Focus on excelling in Physics and Maths in XII. He can apply to top institutions like IISc, IITs, or IISERs for B.Sc. programs.
For Microbiology: Prepare for NEET if he wants to take the medical path. Otherwise, he can explore a B.Sc. in Microbiology at a reputable university.

Best of luck for his future career and upcoming NEET examination.

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Now I'm 43 years old, but next 5 year's I need 3cr with best mutual funds to invest and son education, marriage and my retirement, currently I have housing loan commitment. 70lakhs, how should I close my loan ASAP and I should have 3cr in my hand. Kindly help me, I'm in scary situation, I'm working in private sector 95k my take home and current home loan emi is 63k, 4500 recently started investment through groww app in parakh Parikh small fund, 12500 in PPF etc, kindly help. I'm completely in debt trap.
Ans: Hello;

General Comments:
People always delay retirement planning for later stage but this is not ok.

Because when you are young the investible surplus amount maybe less but you have the biggest resource, time on your side.

A mere 25K monthly sip can achieve 3 Cr in 20+ years

Query Specific Comments:
If you need this corpus in 5 years then you need to make a monthly sip of 3.55 Lacs Minimum to reach 3 Cr corpus in 5 yrs.(modest return of 13% considered).

Focus on improving your earning because then you can earmark larger amounts for investing towards your goals.

Also try to prepay the home loan as early as possible through EPF corpus or some asset sale.

Do not panic if you diligently pre-close the home loan you have ample time to invest and create a comfortable corpus for your goals.

Continue investing in MFs with increasing allocation, PPF to reach your goals.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 24 years old and earn a monthly salary of Rs.65,000. I am interested in investing some of my funds for future financial security and am also planning to marry in two years. As I have no prior knowledge of investment, I would greatly appreciate guidance on this matter.
Ans: Hello;

First and foremost buy a good term life cover including riders for critical care and accident benefit.

Ensure that you can top-up the sum assured later when you grow your responsibilities after marriage.

For retirement planning you should consider investing in NPS. If your office provides it well and good but otherwise also you can open NPS account and contribute regularly for financing your retirement. It's an E-E-E type of scheme. Charges are quite low and you can decide to select allocation to the asset classes like equity, corporate debt or sovereign bonds as per your risk tolerance. It allows limited withdrawal before 60.

If you decide to contribute to NPS per month an amount of 20 K, it will grow into a corpus of 6.51 Cr by the time you are 60 years of age.(A modest return of 9% is considered)

For all other goals such as marriage, house, kid's education, car, vacation you can use mutual funds as your mode of investments.

If you do a monthly sip of say 15 K into a pure equity mutual fund then at the end of 5 years you may expect to receive a corpus of 12.72 L considering moderate return of 13%.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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