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Should I continue my SIP investment plan as a 37-year-old with a long-term goal?

Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Rohit Question by Rohit on Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi ulhas, I am rohit, 37yrs, my horizon is 10-11yrsand goal is 3cr as retirement. Started MF from last 6months, 1Lakh per month SIP in below funds Quant small cap-40k Quant infra -20k Motilal mid cap-20k Icici FoF - 10k SBI long term ELSS-10k Please suggest whether i can continue Investment

Ans: Hello Rohit & thanks for writing to me.

The funds you have selected are good, however assuming a 12% XIRR, you may not be able to generate a generate a 3 Crore corpus & will have to increase your SIP by Rs.30,000 to Rs.1.3 Lakh every month.

You can also consider stopping investments in the sectoral funds & FoF's and instead invest in flexicap and multicap funds. Flexicap funds & multicap funds have flexibility to invest across sectors.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

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Sir, i am 62 yrs . i am investing 65,500/ per month in Regular Mutual Fund SIP since last two years : 1.ICICI Blue Chip Fund : 12000/-, 2. Canara Robeco Blue Chip Fund: 20000/-, 3. Mirae Asset Large Cap: 2000/-, 3. Quant Active Fund : 10000/-, 4, HDFC Flexi Cap: 5000/-, 5. PGIM Flexi Cap : 3000/- , 6. Canara Robeco Emerging Equities: 5000/-, 7. Mirae Asset Emerging Blue Chip: 2500/- 8. Axis Growth Opportunities: 3000/- and 9. Kotak Small Cap: 3000/-. I have also lump sum investment of Rs. 17,57,000/- since last 2 yrs. : Rs. 75,000 Canara Robeco Small Cap. Rs. 390000/- HDFC Balanced Advantage, Rs. 4,00,000/- ICICI Equity & Debt Fund, Rs.235000/- PGIM Balanced Advantage, Rs. 190000/- PGIM Midcap Opportunities Fund, Rs. 150000/- Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund, Rs. 125000/- Quant Active Fund, Rs. 1,62,000/- SBI Flexi Cap Fund and Rs. 30000/- UTI Flexi Cap Fund. Please let me whether : 1. With my above investment 2 Crore corpus can be achieved in next 5 yrs. 2. My investment in above funds are required to be continued or not. I am looking forward your valuable advice. With warm regards, Tapan
Ans: Your commitment to investing is commendable. With a strategic approach, we can assess your portfolio and determine the feasibility of achieving a Rs. 2 crore corpus in the next five years. Let’s delve into the analysis and provide recommendations.

Evaluating Your SIP Investments
Your current monthly SIP investment of Rs. 65,500 is diversified across various funds, which is a positive approach. Here’s a brief evaluation:

ICICI Blue Chip Fund (Rs. 12,000)
Blue-chip funds are stable and provide steady returns. They are less volatile and suitable for long-term investments.

Canara Robeco Blue Chip Fund (Rs. 20,000)
Another blue-chip fund, enhancing the stability of your portfolio. It’s good to have a significant allocation here.

Mirae Asset Large Cap (Rs. 2,000)
Large-cap funds are relatively safe and provide consistent returns.

Quant Active Fund (Rs. 10,000)
Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market, but come with higher risk.

HDFC Flexi Cap (Rs. 5,000)
Flexi cap funds provide diversification across market caps, offering a balance of growth and stability.

PGIM Flexi Cap (Rs. 3,000)
Another flexi cap fund, adding to the diversified approach.

Canara Robeco Emerging Equities (Rs. 5,000)
Emerging equity funds target mid and small-cap stocks, providing higher growth potential but with increased risk.

Mirae Asset Emerging Blue Chip (Rs. 2,500)
This fund balances between large and mid-cap stocks, providing a mix of stability and growth.

Axis Growth Opportunities (Rs. 3,000)
Growth funds aim for higher returns through aggressive investment strategies, suitable for a balanced risk profile.

Kotak Small Cap (Rs. 3,000)
Small-cap funds can deliver high returns, but they also come with significant risk.

Evaluating Your Lump Sum Investments
Your lump sum investments also show a good mix of fund types. Here’s an assessment:

Canara Robeco Small Cap (Rs. 75,000)
Small-cap funds, while risky, can provide substantial returns over time.

HDFC Balanced Advantage (Rs. 3,90,000)
Balanced funds provide a mix of equity and debt, offering moderate risk with steady returns.

ICICI Equity & Debt Fund (Rs. 4,00,000)
This hybrid fund further balances your risk and return profile.

PGIM Balanced Advantage (Rs. 2,35,000)
Another balanced fund, enhancing stability in your portfolio.

PGIM Midcap Opportunities Fund (Rs. 1,90,000)
Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential than large-cap but are riskier.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 1,50,000)
Flexi cap funds provide diversification and can adapt to market changes.

Quant Active Fund (Rs. 1,25,000)
Active funds aim for market outperformance but come with higher volatility.

SBI Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 1,62,000)
Flexi cap funds add to the diversified nature of your portfolio.

UTI Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 30,000)
Another flexi cap fund, maintaining diversification.

Assessing the Feasibility of a Rs. 2 Crore Corpus
Given your current investments, achieving a Rs. 2 crore corpus in five years is possible but challenging. It depends on market performance and consistent returns. Historically, equity mutual funds can offer 10-12% annual returns, but this is not guaranteed.

Recommendations for Continued Investment
Maintain Diversification
Your portfolio is well-diversified. Continue this strategy to manage risk effectively.

Increase Equity Exposure Cautiously
Consider slightly increasing your SIP amounts in high-growth funds like small-cap and mid-cap funds if you are comfortable with higher risk.

Review and Rebalance Annually
Regularly review your portfolio’s performance and rebalance annually to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Consider Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
As you approach your goal, consider shifting some investments to safer options and use SWPs to manage withdrawals systematically.

Stay Informed
Keep abreast of market trends and economic factors that might impact your investments.

Evaluating Specific Fund Choices
Blue Chip Funds
Blue-chip funds are a safe bet. Ensure that you have a substantial allocation here for stability.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds provide flexibility and diversification across market caps, which is beneficial.

Small and Mid-Cap Funds
These funds offer high growth potential but be mindful of their volatility. Balance their proportion to match your risk tolerance.

Balanced Advantage and Hybrid Funds
These funds are excellent for maintaining a balance between growth and safety. They should form a core part of your portfolio as you near your goal.

Aligning Investments with Financial Goals
Short-Term Goals
For any short-term financial needs, consider safer investment options like debt funds or fixed deposits.

Medium-Term Goals
Balanced funds or hybrid funds are suitable for medium-term goals, offering a balance of growth and stability.

Long-Term Goals
Continue with your equity investments for long-term goals. Equities typically provide higher returns over a long period.

Ensuring Tax Efficiency
Invest in funds that provide tax benefits under Section 80C to optimize your tax savings. Balanced funds and equity-linked savings schemes (ELSS) can be considered for this purpose.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice. They can help you adjust your portfolio based on your financial situation and goals.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is robust and well-diversified. With careful planning and regular monitoring, achieving a Rs. 2 crore corpus in the next five years is within reach. Continue your disciplined investment approach and consider professional guidance for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi Ulhas sir,I am 40 years old, my goal is retirement with 5 cr. I am investing 25k through SIP in the following Funds. 5k- icici pru bharat 23fof 5k-motilal oswal mid, 5K-Quant large and mid, 5k-Nippon Small cap 5k-Quant small cap, All Direct Funds. Investment Horizon - 20 to 22 Years. Goal -please check my portfolio,Wealth Creation, Risk Appetite- High. Please advise if I should pause or continue with these mutual funds.
Ans: You've chosen direct MFs, which can be a cost-effective way to invest. However, there are some things to consider:

Strengths of Your Portfolio:

Diversification: Your portfolio has a good mix of funds across market capitalizations (large, mid, small). This helps spread risk and capture growth potential across different sectors.

High Risk Appetite: Given your high-risk appetite, the small-cap allocation provides the chance for potentially higher returns, but also comes with higher volatility.

Direct vs. Regular Funds:

Lower Cost: Direct MFs eliminate advisor fees, resulting in a lower expense ratio. This can potentially lead to higher returns over the long term.

Do-It-Yourself Approach: Direct MFs require you to research and select funds yourself. You'll also need to monitor your portfolio and make investment decisions independently. Actively managed funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Areas for Potential Review (with a CFP):

Asset Allocation: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can analyze your risk tolerance and investment horizon in detail. They can recommend an ideal asset allocation between equity and debt funds to optimize your portfolio for your retirement goal.

Fund Selection: While your chosen funds are from reputable fund houses, a CFP can assess their performance history, investment strategies, and fees to ensure they align with your goals.

Benefits of a CFP:

Personalized Plan: A CFP can create a comprehensive retirement plan considering your income, expenses, existing investments, and risk profile.

Expert Guidance: They can provide valuable insights on investment strategies, asset allocation, and navigating market volatility.

Remember:

Market Fluctuations: The stock market is volatile. Stay invested for the long term to ride out market ups and downs.

Regular Review: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with your CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving goals.

Overall, you've built a good foundation! Consulting a CFP can help fine-tune your portfolio and potentially maximize your chances of achieving your retirement goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir,I am 40 years old, my goal is retirement with 5 cr. I am investing 25k through SIP in the following Funds. 5k- parag parikha flexi cap 5k-motilal oswal mid cap 5K-Quant large and mid cap 5k-Nippon Small cap 5k-Quant small cap, All Direct Funds. Investment Horizon - 20 to 22 Years. Goal -please check my portfolio,Wealth Creation, Risk Appetite- High. Please advise if I should pause or continue with these mutual funds.
Ans: It's fantastic that you're planning ahead for your retirement, and your investment strategy reflects your goal of wealth creation with a high-risk appetite. Let's review your portfolio:
1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: This fund follows a flexible investment approach, investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. It's known for its diversified portfolio and has a track record of delivering consistent returns over the long term.
2. Motilal Oswal Mid Cap Fund: Mid-cap stocks have the potential for higher growth but also come with higher volatility. This fund focuses on mid-cap companies with strong growth prospects, suitable for investors with a higher risk tolerance.
3. Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund: This fund combines large-cap and mid-cap stocks, aiming to provide capital appreciation over the long term. Quantitative techniques are used for stock selection, which can add a unique flavor to your portfolio.
4. Nippon Small Cap Fund: Small-cap stocks have the potential for significant growth but are more volatile. This fund focuses on small-cap companies with growth potential, aligning with your high-risk appetite.
5. Quant Small Cap Fund: Similar to the previous fund, this one specifically targets small-cap stocks using quantitative methods for stock selection.
Considering your investment horizon of 20 to 22 years, your portfolio seems well-diversified across different market segments, aligning with your high-risk appetite and wealth creation goal. However, it's essential to regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments if necessary.
I recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to ensure your investment strategy remains on track with your retirement goal and risk tolerance.

Shifting from direct to regular mutual funds can offer several advantages, especially for investors seeking personalized support and guidance:
Regular mutual funds provide access to the expertise of a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who is often a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can offer valuable insights, emotional handholding, and personalized guidance tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.
MFDs can assist with asset rebalancing, helping you maintain an optimal allocation of assets based on market conditions and changes in your financial situation. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your investment objectives over time.
Scheme selection can be overwhelming with numerous options available in the market. An MFD with CFP credentials can help navigate this complexity by recommending suitable funds that align with your risk profile, investment horizon, and financial goals.
By opting for regular mutual funds through an MFD, you not only gain access to professional advice but also benefit from ongoing support and assistance throughout your investment journey. This can instill confidence and peace of mind, knowing that you have a trusted advisor by your side.
Consider making the switch to regular mutual funds to leverage the expertise and guidance of a Certified Financial Planner through a Mutual Fund Distributor. It can enhance your investment experience and increase the likelihood of achieving your retirement goal of 5 crores.

Keep up the good work with your disciplined SIP investments, and stay focused on your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 30 years now. I have started my Mutual fund in July 2024 portfolio by investing in several mutual funds. I am investing for long term gain and to accumulate a corpus or min. 2 Cr in other 30 years. Please advice if i can continue my investing. Here are my investments - 1. Index Fund - UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund Growth - 3000 2. Large Cap Fund - ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Direct Growth - 2000 3. Midcap Fund - HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund - 1500 4. Small Cap Fund - Nippon India Small Cap Fund - 1500 5. Flexi Cap Fund - Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth - 2000 Please advise sir
Ans: At 30 years of age, your decision to start investing in mutual funds is commendable. Your goal of accumulating a corpus of Rs 2 crore over the next 30 years is achievable with disciplined investing.

However, it is important to regularly review and align your portfolio with your financial objectives. This ensures that your investments remain on track towards achieving your desired goals.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio consists of a mix of index funds, large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. Let’s assess the pros and cons of each and see how they contribute to your long-term goal:

1. Index Fund (UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund Growth)

Disadvantages of Index Funds: While index funds offer low-cost exposure to the market, they may not outperform actively managed funds over the long term. Index funds simply mimic the market index and do not have the flexibility to adapt to changing market conditions. In times of market downturns, index funds can also suffer significant declines without the ability to cushion losses.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds, on the other hand, offer the potential for higher returns as they are managed by experienced fund managers who can make strategic decisions based on market trends. These managers aim to outperform the benchmark index, giving you the potential for better returns in the long run.

2. Large Cap Fund (ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Direct Growth)

Large Cap Exposure: Large-cap funds are known for their stability and lower risk compared to mid and small-cap funds. They invest in well-established companies with a strong track record. However, the "Direct" plan of this fund means you are investing without the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD).

Disadvantages of Direct Plans: Direct plans require investors to be more hands-on, with regular monitoring and decision-making. Many investors might miss out on timely advice, leading to missed opportunities or increased risks. Regular plans, through a CFP or MFD, ensure that you receive professional guidance, helping you make informed decisions aligned with your goals.

3. Midcap Fund (HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund)

Growth Potential: Midcap funds offer a balance between risk and reward. They invest in companies with the potential for high growth. However, they can be volatile, especially during market downturns. It's essential to have a longer investment horizon for mid-cap funds, as you do, to ride out the volatility and capture long-term growth.
4. Small Cap Fund (Nippon India Small Cap Fund)

High Risk, High Reward: Small-cap funds invest in emerging companies with high growth potential. However, they are also the most volatile and carry higher risk. These funds can experience significant fluctuations in short periods. While they can generate substantial returns, it's important to balance them with more stable investments.
5. Flexi Cap Fund (Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth)

Diversification and Flexibility: Flexi-cap funds invest across market capitalizations (large, mid, and small-cap stocks). This provides a diversified approach, reducing the risk associated with investing in a single market segment. However, as with the large-cap fund, the "Direct" nature of this investment means you are managing it without expert guidance.
Recommended Adjustments to Your Portfolio
Given your long-term horizon and financial goals, consider the following adjustments:

1. Switch from Index Funds to Actively Managed Funds

Replace the index fund with an actively managed large-cap or multi-cap fund. This could offer better returns over the long term, as fund managers can make informed decisions based on market conditions.
2. Move from Direct to Regular Plans

Consider switching your direct plans to regular plans. A CFP or MFD will provide professional advice and regular portfolio reviews. This will help you make the most of your investments and adjust your portfolio as needed.
3. Rebalance Your Portfolio

Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified across asset classes. You may consider adding a mix of debt funds to reduce risk. This will provide stability, especially during market downturns.

Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and ensure you are on track to achieve your financial goals.

Importance of Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is crucial. The financial market is dynamic, and periodic reviews will help you make necessary adjustments. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals.

Tax Efficiency and Investment Tenure
Tax Implications: Keep in mind the tax implications of your investments. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds are taxed at 10% on gains exceeding Rs 1 lakh per financial year.

Investment Tenure: Given your 30-year horizon, equity funds are suitable due to their potential for high returns over the long term. However, consider the tax benefits and implications when choosing funds and investment durations.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Expert Guidance: A CFP can help you navigate the complexities of investing, offering personalized advice and ensuring your portfolio aligns with your goals. They will help you stay disciplined and avoid common pitfalls that can derail your financial journey.
Final Insights
Your current portfolio has a solid foundation, but with some adjustments, it can be optimized for better long-term performance. Replacing index funds with actively managed funds, switching to regular plans, and ensuring a balanced portfolio will help you achieve your goal of accumulating Rs 2 crore in 30 years.

Investing in a well-diversified portfolio, guided by a Certified Financial Planner, will ensure that you are on the right path to financial success. Remember to stay disciplined, review your portfolio regularly, and make adjustments as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

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