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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 25, 2023

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2023Hindi
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Hi I’m investing 20k every month to Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund, is that ok?

Ans: This fund is a nice choice if you're looking for only one well-managed, long-term investment with the potential for strong returns. It can be a good fit it can invest across market caps, seeking opportunities in both large and small companies. This helps navigate market ups and downs. It has consistently outperformed its peers and market benchmarks over the past few years.

Even though it's one fund, it offers diversification within its holdings, mitigating overall risk. Of course, every investment carries risk, and this fund is no exception. It's important to consider your own risk tolerance and investment goals before making any decisions as all mutual fund are subject to market risk. Suggestion totally depends on investment time frame, risk taking capability and goal.
Asked on - Dec 29, 2023 | Answered on Dec 30, 2023
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Thank you so much for your kind response and guidance sir.
Ans: Thank you very much
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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I've invested 5k monthly each in Parag Parikh flexicap, quant small cap, Nippon India midcap index, quant absolute fund. Is this ok ???
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach to investing in mutual funds. Let's evaluate your current investment strategy to ensure it aligns with your financial goals.
Investing in a diversified mix of flexi-cap, small-cap, and mid-cap funds reflects a balanced approach towards wealth creation. These funds offer exposure to different market segments, providing potential for growth and managing risk.
However, it's essential to consider a few factors:
1. Diversification: While your choice of funds covers various market segments, ensure you're not overly concentrated in any particular sector or fund category. Diversification helps mitigate risks associated with market fluctuations.
2. Expense Ratio: Actively managed funds often come with higher expense ratios compared to index funds or ETFs. Evaluate the expense ratios of your chosen funds to ensure they're reasonable and don't erode your returns over time.
3. Performance: Regularly monitor the performance of your funds to ensure they're meeting your expectations and objectives. While past performance is not indicative of future results, it can provide insights into fund management capabilities.
4. Review and Adjust: Periodically review your investment portfolio and make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and investment goals.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend consulting with a CFP to conduct a comprehensive analysis of your investment portfolio and ensure it remains aligned with your financial aspirations.
In conclusion, while your current investment strategy appears sound, it's essential to remain vigilant and adapt to changing market dynamics. By staying informed and seeking professional guidance, you can optimize your investment portfolio for long-term success.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
Money
i am 42 years my salary is 1.2 lakh per month.I have ppf total 28 lakhs,NpS-15 lakh as i am investing 25 thousands monthly,sip total 12 lakhs,pF-13 lakhs ,shares-15 lakhs.is it ok
Ans: You are 42 years old and earning Rs. 1.2 lakhs per month. You already have savings across various instruments. You are also investing regularly. That shows good financial discipline.

Let’s now assess your overall position in a 360-degree way. We will look at every part of your finances carefully. This will help you know if you are on the right track.

Summary of Your Current Financials
Monthly salary: Rs. 1.2 lakhs

PPF corpus: Rs. 28 lakhs

NPS corpus: Rs. 15 lakhs (Rs. 25,000 invested monthly)

Mutual fund SIP corpus: Rs. 12 lakhs

Provident fund: Rs. 13 lakhs

Share market holdings: Rs. 15 lakhs

No loans or liabilities are mentioned. That’s a good thing. Being debt-free helps wealth grow faster.

PPF – Safe and Long-Term Oriented
You have Rs. 28 lakhs in PPF

It is a good long-term, tax-free option

It earns safe interest and compounds slowly

Use it only for retirement, not short-term goals

Don’t over-allocate here beyond Rs. 1.5 lakh per year

PPF is good but slow. You should not depend only on this for big future needs.

NPS – Disciplined Retirement Investment
Rs. 25,000 monthly into NPS

Your current NPS value is Rs. 15 lakhs

NPS has restrictions. You can’t withdraw fully. 60% of maturity amount is tax-free. Rest must go into annuity.

Good for building retirement base

Returns depend on equity-debt mix

But NPS lacks full liquidity

Also, annuity returns are low in future

Keep it for retirement only. Don’t treat it as regular investment.

Mutual Fund SIPs – Growing Wealth Smartly
Mutual fund SIP corpus is Rs. 12 lakhs

You have not mentioned how much monthly SIP you are doing now. You also didn’t mention if funds are direct or regular.

If your SIPs are in direct funds, you may face risk of poor decisions.

Direct funds offer no personal guidance. You are on your own.

They look cheaper but carry high risk. One wrong switch can damage returns.

You will not know when to exit or reallocate.

Regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner and Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) are better.

You get fund reviews, rebalancing, and retirement alignment.

Also, avoid index funds. Many think index funds are safe. That is not true.

Index funds give average returns only. They copy the market.

No risk control during bad markets.

Active funds try to beat index and reduce losses during market falls.

A good fund manager adds real value in long-term wealth creation.

So, go for actively managed regular funds with expert help.

PF – Traditional Yet Useful
You have Rs. 13 lakhs in EPF

PF is safe and tax-efficient

Use it only for retirement needs

Don’t withdraw it early

This is a helpful anchor in your retirement plan. But growth is limited. Don’t rely only on PF.

Shares – Direct Equity Exposure
Rs. 15 lakhs in shares

You did not mention how many stocks or which sectors. Direct equity is risky.

Are you tracking those stocks regularly?

Do you have too much in one sector?

Do you also hold same stocks in mutual funds?

If you are not confident, reduce direct stocks. Stay within 10–15% of your total assets in shares.

Let’s Assess Your Total Asset Allocation
Let us combine all your assets:

PPF: Rs. 28 lakhs

NPS: Rs. 15 lakhs

Mutual Funds: Rs. 12 lakhs

EPF: Rs. 13 lakhs

Shares: Rs. 15 lakhs

Total corpus = Rs. 83 lakhs approx.

You are 42 years now. You may have 13–15 years left to build full retirement wealth.

If your lifestyle needs Rs. 50,000–70,000 per month post-retirement, you must build around Rs. 2.5–3.5 crores.

Right now, your asset base is in the growing stage. It’s not enough yet. But it’s building well.

Monthly Investment Pattern
You are investing Rs. 25,000 in NPS

You didn’t mention your SIP amount

You didn’t mention any FD, RD, gold, or insurance

Assume your monthly investible surplus is around Rs. 35,000–40,000. You must optimise this.

What you should do now:

Increase SIPs gradually every year

Don’t increase PPF or NPS beyond limit

Keep direct stocks limited

Avoid insurance-based investments

Avoid annuities – low return and poor flexibility

Your money should grow freely. And be available when needed.

Key Areas You May Be Missing
1. Emergency fund

Keep 6 months of expenses in liquid funds

Never use equity or NPS for emergency

2. Health Insurance

No health cover details shared

Personal cover of Rs. 5–10 lakhs is needed

Don’t depend only on employer mediclaim

3. Life Insurance

No term plan details given

If you have dependents, take pure term cover

Avoid ULIP, endowment, money-back policies

If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance plans – surrender and reinvest in mutual funds.

Insurance is not for returns. Investment is not for protection.

4. Goal-Based Investing

You did not mention your goals – children’s education, marriage, retirement, etc.

Each goal should have a separate mutual fund portfolio

Don’t mix long-term and short-term money

Check Tax Angle
NPS and PPF are tax-efficient

Mutual funds follow new tax rules

Equity funds – LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakhs taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

Debt funds – LTCG and STCG both taxed as per slab

Plan your redemptions properly. Avoid frequent withdrawals. Let compounding work.

Regular Action Plan
Follow these steps every year:

Review your asset allocation

Raise SIPs with salary growth

Cut down extra expenses

Rebalance equity-debt mix annually

Set goals and assign target amounts

Use the help of a Certified Financial Planner to do these steps. Self-doing often causes mistakes.

Finally
You are doing well so far. You have spread your investments smartly. You are also regular in your approach.

But you must now step up. Retirement is 15 years away. Use this time to grow your money faster and smarter.

Increase mutual fund SIPs

Avoid index funds and direct funds

Take help from Certified Financial Planner

Stop traditional LIC or ULIP if any

Keep building equity slowly with expert advice

Don’t over-rely on NPS and PPF

Track goals. Adjust plans. Stay consistent. Your future self will thank you.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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