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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
NISHU Question by NISHU on Jun 16, 2025
Money

Hi Sir, I m 34 year old and 2 year old child only and have question on investment if I m going on right path or not I have 8 mutual fund which is HSBC small cap (2000 monthly) parak parik flexi cap (1600 weekly) Canara blue chip (2000 monthly) uti nifty 50 index (5000 monthly) Motilal nifty microcap250 index (500 weekly) icici gold fund etf (400 weekly) Kotak emerging equity (4000 monthly) parak parik elss fund (2500 monthly) sip going on till date corpse become 11 lakh and i add more amount when market down. I have 3lakh in ppf and add more for 15 year and had 3 policy 1 is with hdfc year premium 36000 for 10 year will mature in 15 year as per market performance and will add bonus yearly by company. Second policy is with Canara hsbc where 136000 premium every year for 10 year and will mature in 20 year and it give assured return around 3700000 this is for my child i keep it and last policy with tata smart sip 6000 monthly. I have also nps account 50k yearly. Living in parents house so no tension for it. Monthly expenses 20k around. Pls suggest

Ans: You are 34, have a young child, and your investment journey has already begun. That is an excellent sign. You are thinking long-term, which is good. Let us now assess your strategy carefully and help you move towards financial freedom and child’s future security.

We will look at every component—mutual funds, insurance, PPF, NPS, and expenses—and create a complete 360-degree strategy.

Understanding Your Current Financial Snapshot
Let’s break down what you have done so far:

You have 8 mutual fund SIPs.

You invest in PPF and NPS yearly.

You hold 3 insurance-cum-investment policies.

You live in a family house, hence no EMI burden.

Monthly expenses are only Rs. 20,000.

You are saving a major part of your income. That’s a big strength.

Mutual Fund Investment Review
You are investing across 8 different mutual funds through SIPs. Your total SIP amount is high. That is very positive. But diversification must also be meaningful.

Let’s assess category-wise:

Positive Observations:

SIPs are active and consistent.

You invest extra when market falls.

You have mix of small cap, flexi cap, ELSS, large cap.

Portfolio value already reached Rs. 11 lakhs.

This shows discipline and commitment.

Concerns Identified:

Two funds are index funds.

Gold ETF SIP is ongoing.

Portfolio has overlapping and extra schemes.

Let us now address these concerns.

Problem with Index Funds
You invest in a Nifty 50 index fund and microcap 250 index fund.

But index funds have these problems:

No active fund manager to protect in bad markets.

No personalisation or research.

No performance difference in up/down markets.

Very high correlation across all index funds.

No flexibility to exit weak sectors.

You are better off with actively managed funds.

Benefits of actively managed mutual funds:

Expert fund manager takes sectoral calls.

Avoids weak-performing stocks.

Better long-term return potential.

More flexible and smart stock selection.

Please stop new investments into index funds. Slowly switch to active large cap, flexi cap, or hybrid funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Problem with Direct Mutual Funds (if applicable)
If you are investing through direct plans, then:

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

No one to guide during market fall.

Easy to panic and stop SIPs.

No regular rebalancing done.

Wrong asset allocation possible.

Risk of too much in one sector.

Why Regular Funds via CFP are better:

You get annual review support.

Your risk profile is considered.

Asset allocation is planned.

Emotional decisions are avoided.

You get personalised, ongoing advice.

Switch your investments from direct to regular mutual funds through a CFP-led MFD.

This small step improves your entire portfolio efficiency.

Keep SIP Count Lean
You hold 8 SIPs right now. This is slightly more than needed.

Ideal number of SIPs for you:

1 large cap

1 flexi cap

1 mid or small cap

1 ELSS for tax saving

1 hybrid fund for balance

Too many funds lead to overlap and tracking issues.

You can merge similar funds gradually. Avoid adding new schemes unnecessarily.

SIP Frequency and Gold Fund
You invest weekly in few funds. Also, you invest in a gold ETF fund.

Issues with weekly SIPs:

Difficult to track and manage

No major benefit over monthly SIP

Makes portfolio too spread out

Gold ETF issue:

Gold is not a growth asset

It only protects value, not multiplies

Fund value fluctuates with global news

Doesn't suit long-term goals like retirement or child education

Stop weekly SIPs. Convert to monthly.

Limit gold exposure to not more than 5% of your overall corpus.

Insurance Policy Review
You hold 3 insurance-based investment plans. These are:

1 market-linked ULIP type with Rs. 36,000 yearly

1 child plan with Rs. 1,36,000 yearly premium

1 SIP-linked plan from a private insurer

These are not term policies. Hence, these are all investment-cum-insurance plans.

Why these are not good for long-term:

Very low returns (5–6%)

High charges in early years

Poor transparency

Not flexible like mutual funds

Maturity amount is taxable if premium exceeds 5 lakhs in total

These funds will not beat inflation in long run.

Action Steps on Insurance
Please consider these steps:

Surrender these policies only if minimum lock-in is completed

Reinvest the amount received into mutual funds via SIP

Start a pure term insurance with high cover (at least Rs. 1 crore)

Don’t mix insurance and investment going forward

For your child’s goal, use child-focused mutual funds or hybrid funds.

Do not depend on these traditional insurance-based policies.

PPF and NPS Review
You are contributing to both PPF and NPS. This is a balanced approach.

PPF Status:

Balance is Rs. 3 lakh

Regularly contributing for 15 years

Tax-free returns

Safe and stable part of portfolio

Keep doing this every year.

NPS Contribution:

Rs. 50,000 yearly

Helps in extra tax saving

Invested in equity and debt mix

Partial withdrawal allowed after 60

You can continue contributing. But remember:

NPS maturity amount is partly taxable

Limited liquidity

Compulsory annuity purchase not needed now, but evaluate later

Continue both PPF and NPS as part of safe allocation.

Lifestyle and Expenses Planning
You live in a family house. Monthly expenses are only Rs. 20,000.

That’s a big plus. You can invest aggressively.

However, lifestyle cost will go up as child grows.

Prepare for:

Child school, college, coaching

Health expenses

Travel and family goals

Build a monthly budget and target-based investments accordingly.

Future Financial Goals – What to Do Next
You are young. Time is on your side. Here’s how to move next:

For Child Education
Use mutual funds instead of insurance

Start one child-specific SIP

Use hybrid or flexi cap mutual funds

Review fund yearly with CFP

For Retirement
Let mutual fund corpus grow for 20+ years

Avoid early withdrawals

Maintain SIP discipline

Don’t depend on PPF/NPS alone

Build large corpus with SIPs and bonuses

For Emergencies
Keep 6 months of expenses in liquid fund

Don’t touch mutual funds for emergencies

Health insurance for you and child is must

Finally
You are on a good financial path already. Your savings habit is strong. But to maximise your wealth, optimise the instruments.

Key Steps to Take Now:

Stop investing in index funds

Shift from direct to regular funds via CFP

Merge overlapping mutual funds

Review insurance policies and exit non-term plans

Start proper term insurance cover

Focus on child and retirement goals separately

Continue PPF and NPS steadily

Create an emergency fund in liquid mutual funds

Review goals once every year with a Certified Financial Planner

With this structured approach, you will create long-term wealth with clarity.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
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We have invested 3k from last 4 years in Aditya Birla mutual fund equity based. And last year kotak mid cap and small cap of 7k and 3k respectively. Other than this we invest in NPS 50k per year from last 5 years and have two lic policies of 5 lalk sum assured. We have two kids aged 7 and 4. Earning is 1 lakh . Expenses are home loan 31k for 32 lakh loan of 15 years , 3 years are done. Monthly expenses are 31k emi, 30k home, 15 k parents. Please suggest if this is a good way to invest for future of our children or any changes that need to be done we plan to keep investing in mutual funds for long term. Kotak Balanced Advantage Fund Growth (Regular Plan) and Kotak Small Cap Fund - Growth (Regular Plan) (Erstwhile Kotak Mid-Cap). No term insurance and there is company health insurance of my husband. I earn 10k per month.
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You have a combined monthly income of Rs. 1.10 lakh.

You have two kids aged 7 and 4.

Your monthly expenses include:

Rs. 31k home loan EMI
Rs. 30k home expenses
Rs. 15k for parents
Current Investments

You invest Rs. 3k per month in Aditya Birla mutual fund (equity-based) for the last 4 years.

You invest Rs. 7k per month in Kotak Mid Cap fund and Rs. 3k per month in Kotak Small Cap fund (last year).

You invest Rs. 50k per year in NPS for the last 5 years.

You have two LIC policies with a sum assured of Rs. 5 lakhs each.

Assessment of Current Investments

Your current mutual fund investments are good for long-term growth.

Equity mutual funds, especially mid-cap and small-cap, offer high growth potential.

NPS is a good investment for retirement savings, with tax benefits.

LIC policies provide some security but have lower returns compared to mutual funds.

Recommended Changes

Increase SIP in Mutual Funds

Consider increasing your SIPs in equity mutual funds.

This will help in wealth accumulation for your children's future.

Focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Balanced Advantage Fund

Balanced Advantage Funds balance equity and debt.

They provide moderate growth with lower risk.

Consider allocating more to these funds for stability.

Avoiding Direct Funds

Direct funds need active management and expertise.

Regular funds, through a Certified Financial Planner, offer professional guidance.

They provide personalized advice and ongoing support.

Health and Term Insurance

You mentioned company health insurance.

Ensure it covers your entire family adequately.

Consider taking a separate term insurance policy for your husband.

Term insurance provides financial security in case of unforeseen events.

Review LIC Policies

LIC policies have lower returns compared to mutual funds.

Consider surrendering or partially surrendering them.

Reinvest the proceeds in high-return mutual funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

This should cover 6-12 months of living expenses.

Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Final Insights

Your current investments are on the right track.

Increasing SIPs and adding balanced advantage funds can provide stability.

Ensure adequate insurance coverage and maintain an emergency fund.

Regular reviews and professional advice will help you stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Hello sir, I am 44 years old , working in private sector. Take home salary is 1.5 lakh. i have a 8 year old daughter. i am investing is Sukanya Samrdhi scheme for my daughter's future needs started at her 6th month.At present value is Rs.345000. Amount was 30K per year till last FY. From 24-25 FY i have increased this to 1 lakh per year. I have home loan of 30 lakh taken 5 years back. EMI is 35000/- 170 month is balance tenure. I am investing in following mutual fund SIPs, 1. quant large cap fund Rs.4500 direct 2. tata small cap fund Rs.4100 direct 3.icic prudential bluechip fund direct Rs.4400 direct 4.Motilal oswal Midcap regular-Rs 5000 5. Parag parikh flexi cap regular-Rs.2500. 6. Nippon india small cap regular-Rs.5000 7.ICICI Prudential equity and debt fund regular-Rs.2500. I have a post office RD of Rs.2000 per month for 5 years. I can increase my SIP amount upto 20-30% every year. I have term plan for 1.5cr and health insurance of 20 lakh. Please evaluate my investment and kindly advice .
Ans: You have taken thoughtful steps to secure your family’s future. With consistent investments and strategic adjustments, your financial goals can be met efficiently. Below is a detailed evaluation and recommendations for your portfolio.

Key Strengths in Your Financial Plan
Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme (SSS): Investing in this scheme for your daughter is a good choice. It offers guaranteed returns and tax-free maturity, perfect for long-term goals like education and marriage.

Mutual Fund SIPs: Your current SIPs cover a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and hybrid funds. This diversification provides stability and potential for high returns.

Insurance Cover: Your Rs. 1.5 crore term plan is sufficient to cover liabilities like the home loan. The Rs. 20 lakh health insurance ensures financial support for medical emergencies.

Home Loan Management: The Rs. 35,000 EMI is well within your affordability, considering your take-home salary of Rs. 1.5 lakh.

Areas for Improvement
1. Direct Funds in Your Portfolio
Direct funds require expertise to track and manage effectively.

Investors often lack time or knowledge to review performance regularly.

Switching to regular funds via a Certified Financial Planner ensures better fund selection and guidance.

2. Overlapping and Inefficiency in Mutual Funds
You have multiple funds in overlapping categories like large-cap and small-cap.

This duplication can lead to inefficiency in returns without adding significant diversification.

3. RD Investment
Post office recurring deposits provide safety but low returns compared to inflation.

Consider redirecting this amount to a diversified equity or hybrid mutual fund SIP for better growth.

4. Loan Tenure
The remaining tenure of 170 months (14+ years) is long, resulting in high interest outgo.

If possible, prepay part of the loan to reduce tenure and save on interest costs.

Recommendations for Your Financial Plan
1. Optimise Mutual Fund Investments
Reduce the number of overlapping funds in your portfolio.

Focus on a well-diversified selection of 4-5 funds, including large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap categories.

Allocate more towards actively managed funds to benefit from fund managers' expertise.

2. Utilise Annual SIP Increases
Increasing your SIPs by 20%-30% annually will significantly accelerate wealth creation.

Focus on equity funds for long-term goals and hybrid funds for medium-term goals.

Aim for a target SIP amount of Rs. 50,000 within the next 5 years to meet your retirement and daughter's needs.

3. Home Loan Prepayment
Allocate any annual bonus or surplus funds towards prepaying the home loan.

Prepaying Rs. 5 lakh over the next 3 years can reduce tenure by 3-4 years, saving significant interest.

4. Enhance Sukanya Samriddhi Contribution
Increasing your annual contribution to Rs. 1 lakh is a commendable move.

This ensures a secure and tax-free corpus for your daughter's future needs.

5. Switch from RD to SIPs
Redirect your Rs. 2,000 RD amount to a hybrid or flexi-cap mutual fund SIP.

This provides better returns while maintaining a balance between risk and growth.

6. Review Insurance Coverage
Your current term plan of Rs. 1.5 crore is adequate, but review it every 3-5 years as liabilities and expenses change.

Ensure your health insurance includes features like no room rent cap, annual health check-ups, and maternity cover, if applicable.

Taxation Considerations
Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme: Contributions, interest, and maturity proceeds are tax-free under Section 80C.

Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Home Loan: The principal repayment is eligible for Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction under Section 80C, while interest repayment gets Rs. 2 lakh deduction under Section 24(b).

Finally
Consolidate your mutual fund portfolio and focus on actively managed funds.

Increase SIPs annually and redirect low-return investments like RD to equity funds.

Prepay your home loan strategically to reduce interest burden.

Regularly review your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

By taking these steps, you can achieve your long-term goals while ensuring financial security for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2025Hindi
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I am 34 Years old. Earning 80k in hand. Till now I have been through loans due to family constraints. Now I have repaid all my loans in advance by prepaying them. I invested in one mutual fund Mirae asset ELSS. But now I have stopped SIP in it. It currently has 2.20 Lacs. I have 3 lacs in bank and given 4 lacs to someone. Has KVP of 2 lacs maturing in 2033. Wife has two LIC policies maturing in 2033 with 15 lacs approx as maturity amount. I have two kids (boys) 1 and 5 years old. As I am in paramilitary so investing in NPS from past 9 years, currently it has 16.5 lacs corpus with 26 years of my job remaining. I want to invest in mutual funds 37k per month. I have no loans, no credit card and no other liability. I have chosen Parag Parikh Flexi cap-10000 SBI Gold Durect Plan Growth-5000 Bharat 22 Index Fund Fund-5000 Nippon India Large Cap-5000 Motilal Oswal Mid Cap-4000 Nippon India Small Cap-4000 Tata small cap-4000 All are direct plans. Want to start them all in Groww app from Apr 2025. I want to buy a house in next 8-10 years of approx 50Lacs current value. My car is ageing and want to replace it in next one year. Please suggest me if my approach is good or do I have to make adjustments.
Ans: Your disciplined approach to finances is impressive. Paying off loans early was a great decision. Now, you can focus on growing wealth and achieving your goals. Below is a detailed analysis of your financial plan.

Emergency Fund and Short-Term Liquidity
You have Rs 3 lakh in the bank and Rs 4 lakh lent out.

Ideally, keep 6 months of expenses as a liquid emergency fund.

Since your salary is Rs 80,000 per month, target Rs 5 lakh as an emergency fund.

If the Rs 4 lakh is not immediately recoverable, consider adding more liquid savings.

Park this money in a mix of a high-interest savings account and liquid mutual funds.

Insurance Protection
Life Insurance: You did not mention a term plan. Ensure you have one with coverage of at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health Insurance: You did not mention a health plan. Get a Rs 20-30 lakh family floater policy.

Personal Accident Cover: Since you are in the paramilitary, a personal accident cover is essential.

NPS and Retirement Planning
You have Rs 16.5 lakh in NPS after 9 years. With 26 years left, this can grow significantly.

Continue contributing, but do not rely solely on NPS.

Diversify retirement savings with equity mutual funds to give flexibility at retirement.

NPS has withdrawal restrictions, so having non-restricted investments is important.

Investment Portfolio Review
Existing Investments
ELSS Mutual Fund: It is tax-saving but not suitable for long-term wealth building. Consider diversifying.

KVP: A low-return product locked until 2033. Not ideal for long-term wealth creation.

LIC Policies (Wife): If they are traditional endowment plans, they may have low returns. Consider surrendering and reinvesting if feasible.

Planned SIPs (From April 2025)
Your planned SIPs total Rs 37,000 per month. Below is an evaluation:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap - Rs 10,000: Good choice for diversification and stability.

SBI Gold - Rs 5,000: Gold should not be a core investment. Reduce allocation to 5-10% of your portfolio.

Bharat 22 Index Fund - Rs 5,000: Index funds have limitations. Actively managed funds can offer better returns.

Nippon India Large Cap - Rs 5,000: Large-cap is important for stability. Keep allocation.

Motilal Oswal Mid Cap - Rs 4,000: Mid-cap funds offer growth but can be volatile. Moderate allocation is fine.

Nippon India Small Cap - Rs 4,000 & Tata Small Cap - Rs 4,000: Small-cap exposure is high. Consider reducing to avoid excessive risk.

Suggested Portfolio Adjustments
Reduce allocation to gold and index funds.

Maintain a mix of large, flexi-cap, mid, and small-cap funds.

Instead of direct funds, invest through an MFD with CFP credentials for better tracking and advice.

House Purchase Plan (8-10 Years)
The house is estimated at Rs 50 lakh in today’s value. Future value may increase.

Start a dedicated SIP in a hybrid or multi-asset fund for this goal.

Avoid real estate investment as a wealth-building tool. Buy a house only for personal use.

Car Purchase Plan (Next Year)
Since this is a short-term goal, avoid equity investment.

Use bank savings and allocate part of your upcoming savings for the purchase.

If needed, opt for a car loan but repay it quickly.

Final Insights
Keep an emergency fund of Rs 5 lakh.

Ensure you have term life and health insurance.

Continue investing in NPS but also in mutual funds for flexibility.

Review and rebalance your SIP choices.

Plan separately for house and car goals with appropriate investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Reetika Sharma  |417 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, I am 40-year-old, my monthly in hand income is Rs. 67000/-. My monthly expense is Rs. 40 K-45 K. I have parental home, currently don’t have any loan, all expenses covered in monthly expense. Monthly investment as per below details: 1) Rs. 5K in PPF (currently 2.5 Lacs in PPF) 2) Rs. 2K in SBI Ulip policy for 30 years- started in 2013. 3) Started SIP 8 months back- Rs. 1.5 K each in -SBI gold direct, parag parikh flexi cap, quant small cap, nippon india small cap, Motilal oswal midcap. My question is: 1) Current returns on mutual funds are not so good can you suggest continuing above. 2) Also are this above investment sufficient for my children studies (Son-4 yrs, daughter-8 yrs) after 10-12 years. 3) Can you please suggest other investment option for future retirement purpose.
Ans: Hi Piyush,

Let us cover the details one by one:
1. You are left with approx 25k per month to invest in order to achieve your goals.
2. Make sure to have proper emergency fund of 1.5 lakhs in FD.
3. You should have proper term and health insurance for yourself and family.
4. Monthly investment in PPF - 5k. It is a good debt instrument and gives tax free return of 7.1%. Can continue with it.
5. 2k in SBI Ulip - not recommended. ULIPs are very high charging policies and usually gives an average return of 7-8% which is at par with that of FD. It comes with high hidden charges. Hence avoid taking such policies in future.
6. 12k monthly in mutual funds. OVerall a good amount but not sufficient to cover your goals. You should increase this amount to your maximum capacity.
7. Also start investing some amount for your retired life.

And funds that you mentioned are overlapped and not recommended. Ideally just have large, mid, small and multi cap fund in your portfolio. This mix will give a return of 12-14% on an yearly basis.
Try not to follow random online advice to invest your hard earned money. Take the help of a professional advisor to guide you through.

Hence, stop your current mutual funds and redirect them onto the mentioned mix. Also consider consulting a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
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My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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