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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  |280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on May 29, 2023

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Metesh Question by Metesh on Feb 15, 2023Hindi
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Hi i am looking at building a corpus of 10 cr in the next 10 to 12 years... My current portfolios value is 72 lacs.. and my monthly sip value is around 70k ..which will increase by 10 % YOY.. I am investing in 1) SBI small cap fund 2) mirae asset emerging bluechip 3) axis midcap 4) canara robeco emerging 5) ICICI pru nifty 50 6) parag Parikh flexi 7) quant large and midcap 8) SBI focussed equity 9) SBI equity hybrid 10) quant absolute fund Please let.me.know are the funds fine and what changes are required to reach the intended target...of 10 cr.

Ans: Hello Metesh and thanks for writing to me.

Assuming the current portfolio of Rs.72 Lakh compounds at 13% per annum, the future value of the current investment is Rs.3.1 Crore after 12 years.

To then create a corpus of Rs.6.9 Crore after 12 years, you need to invest Rs.1.4 Lakh every month with annual step ups of 10% to create your goal corpus of Rs. 10 Crore after 12 years.

Please share your risk preferences to evaluate suitable schemes.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

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I am investing 22,200 every month in Mutual Fund in following SIP 1. Mirae Asset Large & Midcap Fund - 2000 per month [SIP of 1000 every 15 days] 2. SBI Magnum midcap Fund - 4000 per month [SIP of 1000 Weekly] 3. Tata Nifty 50 index Fund - 2200 per month [SIP of 1100 every 15 days] 4. Zerodha Nifty LargeMidcap 250 Index Fund - 400 per month [SIP of 100/- per week] 5. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - 2000 per month [SIP of Weekly 500/-] 6. Axis Small Cap Fund - 2800 per month [SIP of Weekly 700/-] 7. Kotak Small Cap Fund - 2800 per month [SIP of weekly 700/-] 8. Quant Active Fund - 2000 per month [SIP of 1000 every 15 days] 9. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - 4000 per month [SIP of Weekly 1000/-] Please suggest if some correction is needed. Also How can I build corpus of 1 Cr. in 12-15 Years time span.
Ans: To build a corpus of 1 crore in 12-15 years, consider the following suggestions:

Evaluate your current SIP portfolio: Review the performance and overlap of your existing funds. Ensure that you have a well-diversified portfolio across different market segments and investment styles.

Optimize your SIPs: Assess the frequency and amount of your SIPs to ensure they align with your investment goals and risk tolerance. Consider consolidating SIPs into fewer funds to reduce complexity and transaction costs.

Increase SIP contributions: If possible, consider increasing your SIP contributions over time to accelerate wealth accumulation. Regularly review your budget and financial situation to determine if you can afford to increase your investment amounts.

Explore additional investment avenues: Consider diversifying your portfolio by adding other asset classes such as debt funds, real estate, or alternative investments based on your risk appetite and investment horizon.

Monitor and adjust: Periodically review your investment portfolio and make adjustments as needed based on changes in market conditions, financial goals, and personal circumstances. Stay disciplined with your investment strategy and avoid making emotional decisions during market fluctuations.

Consulting with a financial advisor can provide personalized guidance and help you develop a comprehensive investment plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. They can also assist you in implementing strategies to achieve your target corpus of 1 crore within the desired time frame.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Hi Ulhas ... I am investing in below mutual fund as SIP every month for long term like 10 years to built a significant corpus. Kindly let me know if these funds are good ? Any good suggestion on diversification and how much corpus i can expect in 10 years. Apart from that i have investment in PPF , Sukanya samridhi yojana, NPS etc. 1. Parag parikh flexi cap fund - 10000 rs. 2. UTI Nifty 50 fund - 3000 rs. 3. quant mid cap fund - 4000 rs. 4. quant small cap fund - 2500 rs. 5. Mirae asset large and mid cap fund - 4000 rs.
Ans: Evaluating Your Current SIP Investments
Your current investment strategy includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversified approach is commendable.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Flexi cap funds are versatile. They invest across market capitalisations, offering good potential for growth.

UTI Nifty 50 Fund: This is an index fund. It tracks the Nifty 50 index, providing stable returns. However, it lacks flexibility compared to actively managed funds.

Quant Mid Cap Fund: Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential. They are suitable for long-term wealth creation.

Quant Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds can deliver significant returns. They are riskier but beneficial for long-term goals.

Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap Fund: This fund balances stability and growth. It invests in both large and mid-cap stocks.

Suggestions for Diversification
Your portfolio already has a good mix. Here are some suggestions for further diversification:

Balanced Allocation: Ensure a balanced allocation across different market caps. Avoid over-concentration in any single category.

Sectoral Funds: Consider adding sectoral funds. They invest in specific sectors, offering diversification across industries.

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These funds provide a mix of equity and debt. They balance risk and reward.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Flexibility: Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. They can outperform passive index funds.

Strategic Management: Fund managers make informed decisions. They aim to maximise returns while managing risks.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

No Flexibility: Index funds cannot adapt to market conditions. They simply replicate the index.

Limited Potential: They often provide average returns. They do not outperform the market.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional advice. You might miss strategic insights.
Benefits of Regular Funds:

Professional Advice: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures expert guidance.

Comprehensive Service: Regular funds provide portfolio management and financial planning.

Estimating Your Corpus in 10 Years
Based on your current SIPs, let's estimate your potential corpus in 10 years:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 10,000 per month

UTI Nifty 50 Fund: Rs. 3,000 per month

Quant Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 4,000 per month

Quant Small Cap Fund: Rs. 2,500 per month

Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 4,000 per month

Assuming an average annual return of 12-15%, your investments could grow significantly. However, this is an estimate. Actual returns may vary based on market conditions.

Additional Investment Options
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically adjust their allocation between equity and debt. They manage risk effectively.

International Funds: Consider international funds for global exposure. They diversify your portfolio beyond domestic markets.

Final Insights
Your current SIP strategy is well-diversified and aligned with long-term wealth creation. Consider adding sectoral and balanced advantage funds for further diversification. Actively managed funds provide flexibility and strategic management. Avoid over-reliance on index funds. Review your portfolio regularly and seek professional guidance for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hello, This is Capt. Samir. I have invested in mutual funds and doing an SIP of 70k per month. Would like to know if the mutual funds that I have invested in are good to hold and the corpus that can be generated in the next 10 years. I am looking forward for a 2 cr corpus by 2034 from MF. Kindly advise if SIP needs to be increased to generate the said corpus. Mutual Funds DSP-Global innovation FOF-Reg fund -G -3000 Sip WHITEOAK flexi cap reg fund- 3000 SIP CANARA REBECCO Mid cap fund - 3000 SIP HDFC Business fund- 200000 LUMPSUM HDFC top 30 fund - 3000 SIP Aditya Birla frontline equity fund - 2 folios - 3000 SIP in one only DSP small cap fund- 5000 HDFC small cap fund- 5000 Merai asset large cap fund-5000 ICICI prudential Blue chip fund-5000 Canara Rebecco manufacturing fund Growth - 5000 Kotak focused equity fund -5000 JM midcap fund Growth - 5000 SBI ENERGY OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 400,000 LUMPSUM Kotak Multicap fund: 5000 ICICI PRU energy and fund: 5000 HDFC Nifty 200 momentum30 index fund- 10000 HSBC EXPORT OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 3L lumpsum Thanks Samir
Ans: It’s great to see that you are already investing consistently and have a target in mind. Your aim of generating Rs 2 crore by 2034 from mutual fund investments is achievable with a systematic approach. Let's break down your current investment strategy and assess whether any adjustments are needed to meet your goal.

Review of Your Existing SIPs and Lump Sum Investments
You are currently investing Rs 70,000 per month through SIPs and have made some lump-sum investments as well. Let's evaluate the funds you have chosen based on their category, diversification, and potential for long-term growth.

Global Innovation Fund: This fund gives you exposure to international markets, which helps diversify your portfolio. Keep an eye on global market trends, but this fund can add value if the global tech and innovation sectors grow.

Flexi Cap and Mid Cap Funds: Flexi Cap and Mid Cap funds offer a balance of growth potential and risk. They tend to outperform in the long run, but they also come with volatility. These funds are good to hold for a long-term horizon.

Lump Sum Investments in Sector-Specific Funds (Energy and Manufacturing): Sector-specific funds can be high-risk but may offer high returns if the sector performs well. The energy sector has potential but may be volatile due to factors like government policies, oil prices, and global energy trends. Manufacturing is more stable but less likely to deliver aggressive returns. Keep these funds for diversification, but be cautious.

Small Cap Funds: You have exposure to two small cap funds. While small cap funds can offer high returns, they come with high volatility. Keep in mind that small cap funds should ideally not exceed 20% of your portfolio due to their risk profile.

Large Cap and Blue Chip Funds: Large Cap funds are a safer bet in the long term and provide stability. They might not offer the highest returns but will protect your capital. Continue your SIPs in these funds.

Focused Equity Funds: These funds invest in a limited number of stocks, which can give concentrated returns but also carry higher risk. As you are looking for a long-term goal, these funds can add value, but balance them with more diversified funds.

Index Funds: While index funds are low-cost, they track the index and may not offer outperformance. Actively managed funds can give you better returns over the long term. If you are invested in index funds, consider reviewing their performance and reallocating to actively managed funds with a Certified Financial Planner.

Is Your Portfolio Diversified Enough?
Your portfolio has a good mix of different fund categories—small cap, mid cap, flexi cap, and large cap. You also have exposure to international markets and sectoral funds. However, be cautious about over-investing in small caps and sectoral funds due to their high volatility. Consider reducing the allocation to sectoral funds if their performance dips.

Will You Achieve Rs 2 Crore by 2034?
You aim to accumulate Rs 2 crore by 2034. Based on your current SIP amount, it is important to assess if this is enough. Considering an average return of 12% per annum from your mutual funds, Rs 70,000 per month SIPs may get you close to your target. However, it is wise to periodically review your portfolio and step up your SIP amount by 10-15% every year to stay on track.

Recommendation:

Increase your SIP amount: If possible, increase your SIPs by 10% every year to boost your corpus and mitigate the impact of inflation.
Step-Up SIPs: Some mutual funds offer a "Step-Up SIP" option where you can increase your monthly SIP amount automatically by a fixed percentage every year. This will help you stay on track for your Rs 2 crore goal.
Lump Sum vs SIPs
Lump sum investments can boost your corpus, but they depend on market timing. Since you already have a few lump-sum investments, it’s good to continue with SIPs to average out market volatility. If you come into additional funds, like a bonus or windfall, consider allocating some towards lump sum investments in diversified funds.

Expense Ratios and Fund Performance
It’s important to regularly monitor the expense ratios of the funds you are invested in. High expense ratios can eat into your returns over the long term. Actively managed funds with high expense ratios should justify the cost with higher returns. If you find that the returns are not justifying the high costs, consult a Certified Financial Planner to switch to better-performing funds with reasonable expenses.

Managing Risk and Rebalancing
Your current portfolio leans towards high-risk, high-return funds like small caps and sectoral funds. As you approach your target year, start reducing exposure to high-risk funds and shift more towards stable funds like large caps and flexi caps. This will help preserve your capital and reduce volatility.

Every year or two, review your portfolio and rebalance it. For example, if small caps have outperformed, they may now constitute a larger portion of your portfolio than you originally planned. Rebalance by selling some small cap units and buying more large cap or flexi cap units.

Emergency Fund and Insurance
Apart from investing in mutual funds, ensure that you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of your expenses. This will protect you from dipping into your investments in case of unforeseen financial needs.

You already have a term insurance plan, which is great. Ensure that the sum assured is adequate to cover your family's financial needs in case of an emergency.

Tax Planning
Remember to account for taxation when planning your investment strategy. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% for gains above Rs 1 lakh. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimize tax liabilities.

You can also invest in ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds to save on taxes under Section 80C. ELSS funds have a 3-year lock-in period and provide both tax benefits and market-linked returns.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-diversified but high on risk.
Keep track of expense ratios and switch funds if necessary.
Step up your SIPs annually by 10-15% to meet your Rs 2 crore target.
Rebalance your portfolio every year to manage risk.
Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate insurance coverage.
Consider tax-saving strategies like ELSS to optimize your investments.
With a disciplined approach and periodic reviews, your goal of Rs 2 crore by 2034 is achievable.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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