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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7281 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
S Question by S on Jun 13, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear sir I have invested in 21 different mutual funds scheme . In few through SIP and others in lump sum. The schemes are- (1) Adity Birla Sunlife Digital India (2) Adity Birla Sunlife Flexicap Fund (3) Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund (4) Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity fund (5) HDFC Tax Saver -Regular Plan (6) ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund (7) ICICI Prudential Commodities Fund (8) ICICI Prudential Long Term Equity - Tax Saving Fund (9) IDFC Dynamic Equity Fund (10) IDFC Sterling Value Fund (11) Kotal Emerging Equity Scheme (12) Kotak Multicap Fund (13) Kotak Small Cap Fund (14) Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund (15) Nippon India Balanced Advantage Fund (16) Nippon India Tax Saver – ELSS Fund (17)Nippon India Value Fund (18) Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund (19) PGIM India Flexicap fund (20) PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund (21) Sundram Select Midcap- Regular Plan . I want to reduce number of schemes in my portfolio. Kindly suggest me 5-6 good schemes where I can switch . Thanks

Ans: Firstly, congratulations on diversifying your investments across various mutual funds. You’ve made a commendable effort to invest systematically, both through SIPs and lump sum. Your commitment to securing your financial future is truly impressive.

However, managing 21 different mutual funds can be overwhelming and counterproductive. It may lead to over-diversification, reducing the impact of potential gains and increasing complexity. Let’s explore how you can consolidate your portfolio into 5-6 high-quality schemes while maintaining a balanced and effective investment strategy.

Assessing Your Investment Objectives
Before streamlining your portfolio, let’s understand your investment goals. These goals could include:

Long-Term Growth:

Building wealth over a long period, focusing on high-growth potential.
Tax Saving:

Reducing tax liability while investing, typically through ELSS funds.
Balanced Approach:

Combining stability and growth through a mix of equity and debt.
Sectoral Exposure:

Investing in specific sectors to leverage industry-specific growth.
Capital Preservation:

Minimizing risk and preserving capital while generating modest returns.
Each of your existing funds might align with one or more of these objectives. It’s essential to retain funds that best fit your primary goals.

Understanding Over-Diversification
Having too many funds can dilute the benefits of diversification. Here’s why over-diversification may not be beneficial:

Redundancy:

Multiple funds may hold similar stocks, leading to overlapping portfolios and reduced diversification benefits.
Complex Management:

Tracking and managing numerous funds is time-consuming and can complicate performance evaluation.
Diminished Returns:

Spreading investments too thin can lead to average performance, as high-performing funds’ impact gets diluted.
To avoid these issues, it’s wise to focus on a select few, well-performing funds that align with your investment strategy.

Categorizing Your Existing Funds
Let’s categorize your 21 funds based on their types and focus areas. This will help in identifying redundancy and areas to consolidate.

Equity Funds:

Focus on growth through investments in stocks.
Debt and Balanced Funds:

Aim for stability and regular income by investing in a mix of equity and debt.
Tax-Saving Funds (ELSS):

Provide tax benefits under Section 80C along with growth potential.
Sectoral and Thematic Funds:

Invest in specific sectors or themes to leverage industry growth.
Identifying Redundant Funds
By comparing funds within each category, we can pinpoint overlapping investments. Here’s how we categorize your existing funds:

Equity Funds:

Aditya Birla Sun Life Flexicap Fund, Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund, ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund, IDFC Sterling Value Fund, Kotak Multicap Fund, Kotak Small Cap Fund, Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund, PGIM India Flexicap Fund, PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund, Sundaram Select Midcap - Regular Plan.
Balanced and Debt Funds:

Nippon India Balanced Advantage Fund, IDFC Dynamic Equity Fund.
Tax-Saving Funds (ELSS):

Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund, HDFC Tax Saver - Regular Plan, ICICI Prudential Long Term Equity - Tax Saving Fund, Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund, Nippon India Tax Saver - ELSS Fund.
Sectoral/Thematic Funds:

Aditya Birla Sun Life Digital India Fund, ICICI Prudential Commodities Fund, Nippon India Value Fund, Kotak Emerging Equity Scheme.
Selecting 5-6 Core Funds
To streamline your portfolio, choose funds that offer:

Diversification Across Market Caps:

Include large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap exposure.
Sectoral and Geographical Diversification:

Ensure a mix of sectors and international exposure, if possible.
Balanced Risk and Return:

A combination of high growth and stable funds.
Based on these criteria, here’s a selection process for your core portfolio:

Equity Funds
Large-Cap Fund:

Choose a fund focusing on blue-chip companies for stability and consistent growth.
Flexi-Cap Fund:

Opt for a fund that invests across market caps based on opportunities.
Mid/Small Cap Fund:

Select a fund focusing on mid or small-cap stocks for higher growth potential.
Balanced Fund
Balanced Advantage Fund:
Retain a fund that adjusts the equity-debt mix dynamically based on market conditions for balanced risk and return.
Tax-Saving Fund (ELSS)
ELSS Fund:
Pick one ELSS fund that offers good historical performance and tax benefits.
Recommendations for Core Funds
Based on your existing investments and the criteria above, here are 5-6 funds to consider:

Large-Cap Fund:

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund: Offers exposure to large-cap companies, providing stability and steady growth.
Flexi-Cap Fund:

Kotak Flexi Cap Fund: Provides diversification across large, mid, and small-cap stocks, capturing market opportunities.
Mid/Small Cap Fund:

PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund: Focuses on mid-cap stocks with strong growth potential.
Balanced Advantage Fund:

Nippon India Balanced Advantage Fund: Balances risk and reward by adjusting equity-debt allocation dynamically.
ELSS Fund:

Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund: Provides tax-saving benefits along with potential long-term growth.
Implementing the Switch
To transition smoothly:

Evaluate Performance:

Compare the past performance, risk metrics, and portfolio holdings of the selected funds.
Check Fund Objectives:

Ensure the new funds align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Plan the Switch:

Gradually switch your existing investments into the chosen core funds. Avoid large, sudden shifts to mitigate market timing risks.
Monitor and Adjust:

Regularly review your consolidated portfolio. Make adjustments as needed based on performance and changing goals.
Ensuring a Balanced Portfolio
After consolidating your portfolio, maintain a balanced approach:

Diversify Within the Funds:

Each selected fund should have a well-diversified portfolio across sectors and stocks.
Align with Goals:

Ensure your investments are aligned with your long-term goals, risk appetite, and financial plan.
Stay Informed:

Keep yourself updated on market trends and fund performance. This helps in making informed decisions.
Managing Risks and Returns
While reducing the number of schemes simplifies your portfolio, it’s essential to manage risks effectively:

Avoid Over-Concentration:

Ensure no single stock or sector dominates your portfolio.
Assess Risk Levels:

Consider the risk levels of each fund and how they fit into your overall risk tolerance.
Balance Growth and Stability:

Include funds that provide both growth and stability to cushion against market volatility.
Planning for the Long-Term
To ensure your investment strategy supports your long-term goals:

Focus on Consistency:

Choose funds with a consistent track record of performance across different market cycles.
Reinvest Dividends:

Opt for growth options to benefit from compounding returns over the long term.
Review Periodically:

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial objectives.
Final Insights
Streamlining your mutual fund portfolio from 21 schemes to a focused selection is a wise move. Here’s a summary of your next steps:

Consolidate Smartly:

Choose a balanced mix of funds that provide diversification and align with your goals. Opt for stability in large-cap, growth in mid/small-cap, and balanced exposure.
Simplify Management:

Reducing the number of funds makes it easier to track performance, manage investments, and achieve desired outcomes.
Monitor Regularly:

Keep an eye on your consolidated portfolio. Adjust as needed to ensure it meets your long-term financial goals.
Seek Professional Advice:

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your strategy and ensure optimal fund selection.
By focusing on a streamlined, high-quality portfolio, you position yourself for better returns, easier management, and more peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

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Would like to get advice on the following schemes that I have invested myself in monthly SIPs. I have done some analysis on the annualised return that I have made on these starting from 2015. Also I have given the portfolio allocation % in the attached file in col B. Please if you can advise on which schemes I should get rid of, further invest, continue with no further investment. Name of the Fund Category RankMF Star Rating Axis Long Term Equity Fund - Gr Equity - ELSS 5 Axis MidCap Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 4 Axis Multicap Fund - Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 5 DSP Tax Saver Fund - Gr Equity - ELSS 4 Kotak Bluechip Fund - Gr Equity - Large Cap Fund 4 Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund - Gr Equity - Large Cap Fund 4 Aditya Birla Sun Life MNC Fund Gr Equity - Thematic Fund - MNC 4 DSP Equity Opportunities Fund - Gr Equity - Large & Midcap Fund 4 Kotak Standard Multicap Fund - Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 4 SBI Magnum Global Fund - Gr Equity - Thematic Fund - MNC 4 Tata Midcap Growth Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 3 HDFC Top 100 Fund - Gr Equity - Large Cap Fund 4 IDFC Multi Cap Fund - Regular Plan- Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 4 Nippon India Growth Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 2 Aditya Birla Sun Life Equity Advantage Fund - Gr Equity - Large & Midcap Fund 4 Aditya Birla Sun Life Equity Fund - Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 4 Aditya Birla Sun Life Tax Relief 96 Fund - Gr Equity - ELSS 4 DSP Midcap Fund - Reg Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 5 HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund Gr Hybrid - Balanced Advantage 4 HDFC Equity Fund - Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 4 HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund- Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 3 Invesco India Midcap Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 3 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 4 Motilal Oswal Multicap 35 Fund - Gr Equity - Multi Cap Fund 5 Nippon India Vision Fund Gr Equity - Large & Midcap Fund 2 Sundaram Midcap Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 3 Tata Equity P/E Fund Gr Equity - Value Fund 5 DSP Small Cap Fund - Gr Equity - Small cap Fund 2 Kotak India Growth Fund Series 4 - Gr Close ended Scheme - L&T India Value Fund - Gr Equity - Value Fund 3 L&T Midcap Fund - Gr Equity - Midcap Fund 3 Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Gr Equity - Small cap Fund 2 Nippon India Tax Saver Fund - Gr Equity - ELSS 2 Aditya Birla Sun Life Pure Value Fund - Gr Equity - Value Fund 2 HDFC Small Cap Fund - Gr Equity - Small cap Fund 2 L&T Emerging Businesses Fund - Gr Equity - Small cap Fund 2
Ans: You may continue with 4 & 5-Star rated ones and rest can be relooked.

Equity Value Funds:

  • Tata Equity PE fund
  • UTI value opportunity funds

Midcaps: Suitable options considering quality and value for money are:

  • Motilal Oswal Midcap 30
  • DSP Midcap
  • Kotak Emerging Equity Fund
  • Small Cap
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..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7281 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi expert, over the years I have been investing in mutual. 90% of the funds are the lumpsum amounts which I invested in 2007. A few I have been investing in sip since the last 3-4 years. I want to consolidate and work on having few mutual funds than having many which give varied returns. It will be great if you can help me to ascertain which I can keep and which I can let go DSP-BR India TIGER - RP (D) DSP-BR Top 100 Equity - RP ICDW (D) Franklin India flexi cap fund - IDCW "HSBC Large Cap Fund - Regular IDCW (Formerly known as HSBC Large cap - L&T India Large Cap Fund (D)" Nippon India Growth Fund IDCW plan Nippon India Power and Infra fund SBI Magnum Midcap Fund (D) "SBI Contra Fund (D) SBI Magnum Sector Funds Umbrella Contra" Sundaram Large cap fund regular - IDCW Sundaram Large cap fund regular - IDCW "HSBC Progressive Themes (D) HSBC Advantage India Fund" HDFC Infrastructure Fund (D) Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund (Regular Plan - IDCW Option - Payout) Sundaram Diversify equity fund - Regular - IDCW EBRG - Mirae Asset Large and Midcap fund (formerly known as Mirae asset emerging blue-chip fund) - SIP HDFC Children's gift fund - Regular plan (Lock in) - SIP I looking to build my portfolio by having few mutual funds with extra money in them rather than having many mutual funds and less money in each. Kindly help me out with suggestions
Ans: Assessing Your Current Portfolio
You've done well by investing in mutual funds since 2007. Your portfolio covers a variety of fund categories, which shows your commitment to building wealth. However, consolidating your portfolio is a wise move. It allows for better management and can lead to more consistent returns.

Let's go through your current holdings and provide suggestions on which funds to keep and which to let go.

Key Points for Portfolio Consolidation
Focus on Core Funds: Keep funds that have a proven track record and align with your financial goals.

Eliminate Overlap: Multiple funds in the same category can create overlap. This dilutes your returns and makes tracking performance harder.

Consider Fund Performance: Retain funds that have consistently outperformed their benchmarks and peers over the years.

Simplify Management: Having fewer funds with more substantial investments can simplify portfolio management and enhance overall returns.

Fund-by-Fund Analysis
DSP-BR India TIGER - RP (D) and DSP-BR Top 100 Equity - RP ICDW (D)
Sector-Specific Risk: The DSP-BR India TIGER fund is sector-specific, focusing on infrastructure. While infrastructure can provide high returns, it’s also highly cyclical. This means it can be volatile.

Top 100 Fund: This fund focuses on large-cap stocks, which generally offer stability.

Suggestion: Consider letting go of the sector-specific DSP-BR India TIGER fund. Retain the DSP-BR Top 100 Equity fund if it has shown consistent performance.

Franklin India Flexi Cap Fund - IDCW
Versatility: Flexi cap funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. This provides diversification within a single fund.

Suggestion: Keep this fund if it has performed well over the years. It’s a good core holding due to its flexibility and diversification.

HSBC Large Cap Fund - Regular IDCW (Formerly L&T India Large Cap Fund)
Large Cap Stability: Large-cap funds offer stability and lower risk compared to mid or small-cap funds. They are essential for a well-rounded portfolio.

Suggestion: Retain this fund if it has outperformed its benchmark consistently.

Nippon India Growth Fund IDCW Plan and Nippon India Power and Infra Fund
Growth Fund: Nippon India Growth Fund is likely a multi-cap or mid-cap fund, offering potential for high returns but with more risk.

Sector-Specific Risk: The Power and Infra Fund is another sector-specific fund. Like the DSP-BR India TIGER fund, it carries high risk due to its focus on a single sector.

Suggestion: Keep the Growth Fund if it has delivered strong performance. Consider letting go of the Power and Infra Fund due to its sector-specific nature.

SBI Magnum Midcap Fund (D) and SBI Contra Fund (D)
Midcap Fund: Midcap funds are good for growth but can be volatile. If this fund has been a strong performer, it’s worth keeping.

Contra Fund: Contra funds invest in stocks that are currently out of favour but have the potential for long-term growth. These funds can be rewarding but are also risky.

Suggestion: Retain the Midcap Fund if it has consistently outperformed. Consider letting go of the Contra Fund if it hasn't met expectations.

Sundaram Large Cap Fund Regular - IDCW
Large Cap Stability: Similar to the HSBC Large Cap Fund, this fund focuses on large-cap stocks.

Suggestion: If this fund has performed well, you might want to keep either this or the HSBC Large Cap Fund but not both, to reduce redundancy.

HSBC Progressive Themes (D) and HSBC Advantage India Fund
Thematic Investing: These funds likely focus on specific themes or sectors, which can be risky if the theme underperforms.

Suggestion: Consider letting go of these funds unless you have a strong belief in the themes they cover and they have performed well.

HDFC Infrastructure Fund (D)
Sector-Specific Risk: Another infrastructure-focused fund, which means higher risk and potential volatility.

Suggestion: Similar to other sector-specific funds, consider letting this one go unless it has delivered exceptionally strong returns.

Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund (Regular Plan - IDCW Option - Payout)
Midcap Growth: Like the SBI Magnum Midcap Fund, this fund focuses on mid-cap stocks.

Suggestion: Keep this fund if it has shown strong performance and consider retaining only one mid-cap fund to avoid overlap.

Sundaram Diversified Equity Fund - Regular - IDCW
Diversified Equity: Diversified equity funds provide broad exposure across various sectors and market caps.

Suggestion: Retain this fund if it has consistently outperformed its benchmark and provides broad diversification.

EBRG - Mirae Asset Large and Midcap Fund (Formerly Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund) - SIP
Large and Midcap Exposure: This fund provides a mix of large and mid-cap stocks, offering a balance of stability and growth.

Suggestion: This is a strong fund to keep, especially if it has been performing well.

HDFC Children’s Gift Fund - Regular Plan (Lock-in) - SIP
Goal-Oriented Fund: This fund is likely tied to a specific goal like children’s education. These funds are generally more conservative.

Suggestion: Keep this fund if it aligns with your financial goals and has performed adequately.

Final Insights
Consolidating your portfolio is a smart move. Focus on retaining funds with a proven track record of performance and that align with your financial goals. Consider eliminating sector-specific and thematic funds unless they have consistently outperformed. By streamlining your investments, you can manage your portfolio more effectively and potentially achieve better returns.

Invest more substantial amounts in fewer funds to maximise growth and simplify management. Regularly monitor your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7281 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

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Hi experts, I am still waiting for a response to my question which I asked on 5th July. Please revert Hi expert, over the years I have been investing in mutual. 90% of the funds are the lumpsum amounts which I invested in 2007. A few I have been investing in sip since the last 3-4 years. I want to consolidate and work on having few mutual funds than having many which give varied returns. It will be great if you can help me to ascertain which I can keep and which I can let go DSP-BR India TIGER - RP (D) DSP-BR Top 100 Equity - RP ICDW (D) Franklin India flexi cap fund - IDCW "HSBC Large Cap Fund - Regular IDCW (Formerly known as HSBC Large cap - L&T India Large Cap Fund (D)" Nippon India Growth Fund IDCW plan Nippon India Power and Infra fund SBI Magnum Midcap Fund (D) "SBI Contra Fund (D) SBI Magnum Sector Funds Umbrella Contra" Sundaram Large cap fund regular - IDCW Sundaram Large cap fund regular - IDCW "HSBC Progressive Themes (D) HSBC Advantage India Fund" HDFC Infrastructure Fund (D) Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund (Regular Plan - IDCW Option - Payout) Sundaram Diversify equity fund - Regular - IDCW EBRG - Mirae Asset Large and Midcap fund (formerly known as Mirae asset emerging blue-chip fund) - SIP HDFC Children's gift fund - Regular plan (Lock in) - SIP I looking to build my portfolio by having few mutual funds with extra money in them rather than having many mutual funds and less money in each. Kindly help me out with suggestions
Ans: Reviewing Your Current Portfolio
You have invested in many mutual funds since 2007. Let's streamline your portfolio to focus on a few high-performing funds.

Evaluating Fund Categories
Large Cap Funds
HSBC Large Cap Fund - Regular IDCW
DSP-BR Top 100 Equity - RP ICDW (D)
Sundaram Large Cap Fund Regular - IDCW
SBI Contra Fund (D)
Large Cap funds provide stability and steady growth. Keep funds with consistent performance.

Flexi Cap Funds
Franklin India Flexi Cap Fund - IDCW
Flexi Cap funds offer a balanced approach. They invest across large, mid, and small caps. Retain those with a strong track record.

Mid Cap Funds
SBI Magnum Midcap Fund (D)
Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund (Regular Plan - IDCW Option - Payout)
Mid Cap funds offer higher growth potential but come with higher risk. Retain the best performers.

Sector/Thematic Funds
Nippon India Power and Infra Fund
HDFC Infrastructure Fund (D)
HSBC Progressive Themes (D)
HSBC Advantage India Fund
Sector funds focus on specific industries. They can be volatile. Evaluate their performance and market outlook.

Diversified Equity Funds
DSP-BR India TIGER - RP (D)
Sundaram Diversify Equity Fund - Regular - IDCW
These funds invest in various sectors and companies. Retain those with strong, consistent returns.

Large and Mid Cap Funds

Mirae Asset Large and Midcap Fund (formerly Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund) - SIP
These funds balance between stability and growth. They are a good addition for diversification.

Children's Funds
HDFC Children's Gift Fund - Regular Plan (Lock-in) - SIP
These funds have a specific goal in mind. They are usually kept for a longer-term investment.

Consolidation Strategy
Reduce Overlap
Consolidate Large Cap funds. Choose one or two top performers.
Reduce the number of Sector funds. Focus on those with a positive outlook.
Keep the best-performing Mid Cap funds. Avoid too many in this category.
Focus on Performance
Retain funds with strong historical performance and potential.
Let go of funds with inconsistent returns or underperformance.
Allocate More to High Performers
Invest more in top-performing funds. This enhances returns and reduces management complexity.
Avoid spreading investments too thin across many funds.
Consider Fund Management Style
Opt for actively managed funds. They offer the potential for higher returns.
Avoid index funds due to their passive nature and lower flexibility.
Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials provides guidance.
Regular funds offer support and advice, unlike direct funds.
Suggested Actions
Large Cap and Flexi Cap Funds
Retain top-performing Large Cap and Flexi Cap funds. They provide stability and balanced growth.
Mid Cap and Sector Funds
Focus on the best-performing Mid Cap funds.
Retain Sector funds with positive outlooks. Evaluate their potential in the current market.
Diversified Equity Funds
Keep diversified funds with consistent returns. They provide broad exposure and reduce risk.
Children's Funds
Maintain investments in children's funds. They are aimed at long-term goals.
Final Insights
Streamlining your mutual fund portfolio is essential. Focus on a few high-performing funds. Consolidate your investments for better returns and easier management. Opt for actively managed funds and regular funds through MFD with CFP credentials. This strategy will help you achieve your financial goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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I 32F have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. He has a young daughter from his previous marriage, and they share custody. I’ve been trying to get along with his ex-wife, but it’s been really difficult. She often contacts him for things that aren’t urgent and it feels like she’s overstepping into our relationship, especially when it comes to decisions about their daughter. I understand that they need to co-parent, but I feel like I’m always left out or made to feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend says he tries to balance everything, but sometimes I feel like his ex-wife has more influence in his life than me. How can I set healthy boundaries with her without causing tension, and how can I talk to my boyfriend about how I’m feeling without sounding like I’m being controlling?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky spot but it is important to understand that when it comes to their child, they have the right to make decisions and ignore everyone else's, even yours. You should keep your relationship and their co-parenting situation separate. Having said that, if you think your BF's ex is overstepping, communicate that to your partner, while letting him know that it bothers you and might even create friction in your relationship. An open and honest discussion is the only way around it. If expressing your discomfort is causing tension or considered ‘controlling,’ then you need to rethink the relationship.

I am sure your partner is truly trying to balance things, but since he is dating you, he should be aware of the areas where that balance is lacking. Communication is the only way.

Hope this helps.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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