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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Im 30 years old. I'm having monthly income of 64000. How I can make my investment return to 1 cr at the time of retirement. I have a habit of saving although, I'm not seeing a good future ahead. I have 1 LIC, 1 SIP of 5k, NPS with monthly 7k contribution and some SGB.

Ans: Building a Path to ?1 Crore for Retirement
At 30, you have a significant advantage of time to achieve your financial goals. Let's craft a plan to grow your investments to ?1 crore by the time of your retirement.

Current Investment Portfolio
Life Insurance (LIC)
Your life insurance provides financial protection for your loved ones in the event of unforeseen circumstances.

SIP and NPS Contributions
Your SIP of ?5,000 and NPS contributions of ?7,000 per month demonstrate your commitment to saving for the future.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
Investing in SGBs provides exposure to gold, a valuable asset for portfolio diversification and wealth preservation.

Strategy for Wealth Accumulation
Increase Savings Rate
Consider increasing your monthly savings rate by allocating a higher portion of your income towards investments.

Diversified Portfolio
Explore diversifying your investment portfolio to include a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes for balanced growth and risk management.

Maximizing Returns
Review and Adjust
Regularly review your investments and make adjustments as needed to optimize returns and stay aligned with your financial goals.

Reinvest Dividends
Reinvest dividends from your investments to take advantage of compounding and accelerate wealth accumulation.

Addressing Concerns
Positive Outlook
While uncertainties may exist, maintaining a positive outlook and focusing on long-term financial planning can help navigate challenges effectively.

Professional Advice
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals and circumstances.

Conclusion
With disciplined saving, strategic investment, and a long-term perspective, achieving a retirement corpus of ?1 crore is feasible. Stay committed to your financial plan, adapt to changing circumstances, and seek professional guidance when needed to ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 29 years old.I have a personal loan of 15lac going on will finish on 2029.My monthly income is 27000 on cash after emi, ppf deduction. Im retiring on 2037.How can I acheive 1cr before my retirement.? Where can i invest to achieve financial freedom after retirement.? Waiting ur guidance.
Ans: You have a clear goal, and achieving Rs. 1 crore before retirement is possible with a disciplined approach. Let’s explore your options.

Evaluating Current Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Obligations
You earn Rs. 27,000 monthly after EMI and PPF deductions. You have a personal loan of Rs. 15 lakh, which will be paid off by 2029.

Retirement Plan
You plan to retire in 2037. This gives you around 14 years to build your corpus. Let’s explore how to achieve your goal.

Importance of Starting Early
Power of Compounding
Starting early allows your investments to grow through compounding. Compounding helps your investment grow exponentially over time.

Discipline in Investing
Consistent investing is crucial. Setting aside a fixed amount each month will help you achieve your goal.

Investment Options
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can be an excellent option for building your retirement corpus.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They offer higher returns but come with higher risks. Over a long period, they can help you build a substantial corpus.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities. They offer stable returns with lower risk. They can be a good option for short-term goals.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid mutual funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They provide a balance of risk and return, suitable for moderate risk tolerance.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing through SIPs is a disciplined approach. You can invest a fixed amount regularly, which helps in averaging out the cost and reduces the risk of market volatility.

Evaluating Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers. They have the expertise to make informed investment decisions, which can lead to better returns.

Diversification
Mutual funds offer diversification by investing in a mix of assets. This reduces risk and helps in achieving steady returns.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are highly liquid. You can redeem your investments easily, providing quick access to your money when needed.

Convenience
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs is convenient. It automates the investment process, ensuring disciplined investing without worrying about market timing.

Risk and Considerations
Market Risk
Mutual funds are subject to market risk. The value of your investments can fluctuate based on market conditions. It’s important to have a long-term perspective.

Expense Ratios
Mutual funds charge an expense ratio for managing the fund. Higher expense ratios can impact your returns. Choose funds with reasonable expense ratios.

Performance Variability
Not all mutual funds perform consistently. It’s essential to review fund performance regularly and make necessary adjustments to your portfolio.

Steps to Achieve Rs. 1 Crore
Assess Financial Goals
Understand your financial goals and risk tolerance. This will help you choose the right investment options.

Choose the Right Funds
Select mutual funds that align with your goals and risk profile. For long-term goals, equity funds can be suitable.

Increase Investment Gradually
As your income increases, try to increase your SIP amount. This will help you achieve your goal faster.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation. They can help you choose the right funds and create a comprehensive financial plan.

Power of Compounding
Growth Over Time
Compounding allows your investment to grow over time. Reinvesting your returns helps your money earn returns on returns, leading to exponential growth.

Starting Early
The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow. Consistent investing can significantly impact your corpus by the time you need it.


It’s great that you are proactive about your retirement planning. Understanding the importance of starting early and disciplined investing shows your commitment to securing your financial future.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 1 crore before retirement is possible with disciplined investing and proper planning. Evaluate your financial goals, choose the right investment options, and stay consistent. Consulting a CFP can provide personalized guidance and ensure you are on the right track.

Remember, the goal is to align your investments with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Stay informed, review your investments regularly, and seek professional advice when needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
Hi Sir I am 43 years old. I am having mthly 1 lac Salary. Currently I invest 20k in MF every mth, 50K in NPS, 1 Lac in PPF, 50K in LIC. Having FD of 20 lac and 10 lac each in ICICI Pru and Max insurance. On retirement i should have 10 crore. Let me know what extra need to be done to achieve the goal
Ans: It's great to see you actively investing and planning for your future. Your current investments in mutual funds, NPS, PPF, LIC, and FDs are commendable. With a monthly salary of Rs 1 lakh, your goal of achieving Rs 10 crore by retirement is ambitious but achievable with a strategic approach. Let's dive into a detailed plan to help you reach your target.

Current Financial Overview
At 43, you have a solid foundation with various investments. Here’s a breakdown of your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 20,000 per month
NPS: Rs 50,000 per month
PPF: Rs 1 lakh annually
LIC: Rs 50,000 annually
Fixed Deposits: Rs 20 lakhs
ICICI Pru and Max Insurance: Rs 10 lakhs each
These investments are diversified across different asset classes, which is a good strategy for risk management and growth. Now, let’s explore how to optimize and enhance your portfolio.

Assessing Your Goals
Your target is to accumulate Rs 10 crore by retirement. Given your age, you have approximately 17 years until the typical retirement age of 60. To achieve this goal, you need to focus on maximizing returns while managing risks effectively.

Enhancing Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds are a powerful tool for wealth creation due to their diversification and professional management. Here’s how you can optimize your mutual fund investments:

Increase SIP Amount: Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Investing more in mutual funds can significantly enhance your corpus over time.

Diversify Across Categories: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversification helps balance risk and return.

Regular Monitoring: Keep track of the performance of your mutual funds. Regular reviews ensure your portfolio aligns with your goals.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds, guided by expert fund managers, often outperform in various market conditions.

Avoid Direct Funds: Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance and better fund selection.

Maximizing NPS Contributions
The National Pension System (NPS) is a great retirement planning tool due to its tax benefits and market-linked returns. Here’s how to make the most of your NPS contributions:

Review Asset Allocation: NPS allows you to choose your asset allocation between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities. Opt for a higher equity exposure to maximize returns.

Regular Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your NPS portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Tier II Account: Consider opening an NPS Tier II account for additional flexibility and liquidity.

Optimizing PPF Investments
The Public Provident Fund (PPF) is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits. Here’s how to optimize your PPF contributions:

Maximize Contributions: Continue contributing the maximum limit of Rs 1.5 lakh annually to take full advantage of the tax benefits and compound interest.

Timing Contributions: Invest in PPF at the beginning of the financial year to maximize interest accrual.

Evaluating LIC and Insurance Policies
Life insurance is essential for financial security. However, investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC, ICICI Pru, and Max Insurance may not offer optimal returns. Consider the following:

Surrender Non-Performing Policies: If the returns from these policies are not satisfactory, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in higher-yielding options like mutual funds.

Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage. Term plans offer high coverage at lower premiums compared to investment-linked insurance.

Leveraging Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits offer safety and guaranteed returns. However, they may not keep pace with inflation over the long term. Here’s how to use FDs effectively:

Emergency Fund: Maintain a portion of your FDs as an emergency fund. This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.

Reallocate Funds: Consider reallocating some FDs to equity and debt mutual funds for better long-term growth.

Creating a Comprehensive Investment Strategy
To achieve your Rs 10 crore goal, you need a well-rounded investment strategy. Here are key steps:

Goal-Based Planning: Align your investments with specific goals, including retirement. This provides a clear direction for your portfolio.

Diversification: Diversify across asset classes and within each class to balance risk and return.

Regular Reviews: Conduct periodic reviews with your CFP to ensure your investments remain on track.

Risk Management: Adjust your asset allocation as you near retirement to reduce exposure to high-risk assets.

Power of Compounding: Stay invested for the long term to benefit from compounding. Reinvest returns to accelerate growth.

The Power of Compounding
Compounding is a powerful wealth-building tool. By reinvesting your returns, you earn returns on your initial investment and the accumulated returns. This snowball effect can significantly enhance your wealth over time. Here’s how to harness the power of compounding:

Start Early: The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow.

Consistent Investing: Regular investments, such as SIPs, harness compounding effectively.

Reinvestment: Reinvest dividends and interest to maximize growth.

Assessing Your Risk Appetite
Understanding your risk appetite is crucial for investment planning. Given your goal and time horizon, a moderate to aggressive approach may be suitable. Here’s how to balance risk and return:

Equity Exposure: Increase equity exposure for higher returns. As you near retirement, gradually shift to safer assets.

Debt Allocation: Maintain a portion in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Regular Monitoring: Stay informed about market trends and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Staying Informed and Engaged
Financial markets are dynamic, and staying informed is key to successful investing. Here are some tips:

Education: Continuously educate yourself about financial markets and investment strategies.

Professional Guidance: Work with a CFP for expert advice and personalized planning.

Market Trends: Keep an eye on market trends and economic indicators to make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is a strong foundation. To achieve your Rs 10 crore goal, focus on optimizing your investments, increasing contributions, and leveraging the power of compounding. Regular reviews and adjustments with your CFP will ensure you stay on track. Remember, the journey to financial independence is ongoing. Stay proactive, informed, and disciplined to achieve your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Money
My investment as of now 2 Girls SSY with 16 lakh and 9 lakh depositing very year 3 lakh combined for both daughters. NPS 1.5 lakh with 50 K per year . PF 44Lakh with 10 K additional deduction per month. Mutual fund 40 Lakh with 80 K per month. Shars 11.5 Lakh . NSC of 12 Lakh re investing every 5 years. want to retire at 46 right now age 40 per month salary in hand 1.65 lakh is 8 CR enough as I own my house. what should i do more to have 8 CR at the age of 46 means in another 6 to 7 years. daughters age 8 years and 4 years . Family of 4
Ans: You have diligently built a robust portfolio and taken critical steps to secure your family’s future. Your investments across the Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY), NPS, Provident Fund, mutual funds, and stocks showcase a well-rounded approach to growth and stability.

Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 8 crore by age 46, which is 6-7 years away. Let’s examine your current allocations and recommend strategies to help you achieve your target with minimum risk while ensuring long-term growth for your family.

1. Review of Current Investments

Your investments reflect a thoughtful approach across different instruments. Here’s an overview of their potential impact:

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): With Rs. 16 lakh and Rs. 9 lakh invested for your daughters, contributing Rs. 3 lakh annually is ideal for long-term growth. The SSY interest rate is attractive, offering good returns that can cover educational expenses.

National Pension System (NPS): A yearly investment of Rs. 50,000 in NPS provides moderate growth. However, note that NPS is primarily for retirement benefits, with partial liquidity before 60.

Provident Fund (PF): Your PF of Rs. 44 lakh and Rs. 10,000 monthly addition offers stability. PF rates are generally higher than most fixed-income products, making it a great retirement vehicle.

Mutual Funds: Investing Rs. 40 lakh in mutual funds with an Rs. 80,000 monthly SIP indicates a strong equity focus. This will support higher returns in the long term, aiding in reaching your corpus goal.

Stocks: A portfolio of Rs. 11.5 lakh in direct stocks adds diversification. Continue monitoring these holdings for optimal growth.

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Your Rs. 12 lakh in NSC, reinvested every five years, offers secure returns, though generally lower than equity. NSC is a good component for capital preservation.

2. Retirement Corpus Analysis

To achieve Rs. 8 crore in 6-7 years, let’s consider a balanced growth-focused approach. Your current portfolio value and ongoing contributions provide a solid base. Given a mix of equity, fixed income, and SSY, your potential to reach Rs. 8 crore looks realistic, provided market returns align favorably over time.

Suggested Strategy Adjustments:

Increase SIPs marginally for mutual funds over the next few years. A 10-15% SIP increment can significantly compound your wealth by your target age.

Evaluate your stock portfolio periodically. Aim for quality growth-oriented stocks and avoid high-risk or speculative investments to preserve capital.

3. Enhancing Your Portfolio Strategy

A clear roadmap to enhance growth while managing risk is essential. Here’s a refined strategy for your goal of Rs. 8 crore:

Mutual Funds: Continue prioritizing actively managed funds over index funds. Actively managed funds allow better control over market volatility and have the potential to outperform. Consider increasing your SIP in diversified funds and explore funds that focus on mid- and large-cap equities for stable returns. Avoid direct funds; regular funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provide valuable guidance, optimizing returns with tailored investment insights.

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Consider NSC as a fixed-income backup. Given its low return rate, prioritize reinvestment only if its returns remain competitive against alternative fixed-income options.

National Pension System (NPS): NPS will add value post-retirement, but it lacks liquidity before retirement age. While your annual Rs. 50,000 investment benefits from tax deductions, avoid further increasing it as it will not contribute to your 6-7 year goal.

4. Tax Efficiency and Portfolio Rebalancing

With long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds and short-term gains taxed at 20%, consider:

Setting a long-term strategy to avoid frequent transactions. This will minimize LTCG tax, enhancing net returns. Only redeem equities if essential.

For debt funds, consider short-term fixed-income instruments as they align better with your income tax bracket.

5. Education and Marriage Fund for Your Daughters

Planning for your daughters' future is crucial. SSY is a good foundation, but enhancing it with additional investments will strengthen this corpus:

Balanced Funds: Consider adding balanced mutual funds for your daughters’ future needs. They offer moderate growth with lower risk, making them ideal for long-term goals.

SIPs with Step-Ups: A 10% yearly step-up in your SIPs allocated for their education and marriage could accumulate a strong corpus by the time they reach college-going age.

6. Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage

Your focus on wealth accumulation should not overlook risk management. Here are essential adjustments:

Increase Emergency Fund: Ensure that your emergency fund covers at least 12 months of expenses. Allocate Rs. 8-10 lakh across liquid instruments like short-term debt funds for instant access during unforeseen events.

Insurance Adequacy: Ensure you have sufficient term insurance to cover your family’s financial security. Verify that your life insurance covers liabilities and future education and lifestyle expenses for your children.

7. Structured Approach Towards Asset Allocation

Balancing your portfolio to align with a moderate risk tolerance for the next 6-7 years will reduce potential losses while achieving growth.

Fixed Income: Gradually increase your PF and other debt allocations, as these provide stability and guaranteed returns. This ensures a steady income during volatile market phases.

Equity Allocation: Keep equities dominant in your allocation, as they are the main growth driver. Equity mutual funds, specifically, will play a significant role in achieving your Rs. 8 crore target.

Regular Portfolio Review: Annually review and adjust your portfolio. A CFP can guide you on specific fund performances and market conditions, ensuring your portfolio stays on track.

8. Aligning Goals with Family Security

Since you aim to retire early, ensuring the financial security of your family is essential. Here’s how to safeguard your family’s future:

Establish a Family Trust: Consider setting up a family trust if you aim to secure and pass on assets seamlessly. It can reduce inheritance issues and provide tax-efficient transfers for your children’s benefit.

Child-Specific Funds: Allocate a separate, conservative fund for each child’s major expenses (e.g., marriage or higher education). Consider child plans with a mix of equity and debt, specifically designed to build wealth for such milestones.

9. Final Insights

Your financial journey so far has been effective and well-structured. Minor adjustments, increased SIPs, and a focus on asset allocation will strengthen your goal of achieving Rs. 8 crore by age 46. Regularly consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to stay on track with evolving market trends and optimize your wealth.

Implementing these strategies will not only help you achieve your retirement corpus but also ensure a secure and comfortable future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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