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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Subhra Question by Subhra on Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Sir I am 43 years old. I am having mthly 1 lac Salary. Currently I invest 20k in MF every mth, 50K in NPS, 1 Lac in PPF, 50K in LIC. Having FD of 20 lac and 10 lac each in ICICI Pru and Max insurance. On retirement i should have 10 crore. Let me know what extra need to be done to achieve the goal

Ans: It's great to see you actively investing and planning for your future. Your current investments in mutual funds, NPS, PPF, LIC, and FDs are commendable. With a monthly salary of Rs 1 lakh, your goal of achieving Rs 10 crore by retirement is ambitious but achievable with a strategic approach. Let's dive into a detailed plan to help you reach your target.

Current Financial Overview
At 43, you have a solid foundation with various investments. Here’s a breakdown of your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 20,000 per month
NPS: Rs 50,000 per month
PPF: Rs 1 lakh annually
LIC: Rs 50,000 annually
Fixed Deposits: Rs 20 lakhs
ICICI Pru and Max Insurance: Rs 10 lakhs each
These investments are diversified across different asset classes, which is a good strategy for risk management and growth. Now, let’s explore how to optimize and enhance your portfolio.

Assessing Your Goals
Your target is to accumulate Rs 10 crore by retirement. Given your age, you have approximately 17 years until the typical retirement age of 60. To achieve this goal, you need to focus on maximizing returns while managing risks effectively.

Enhancing Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds are a powerful tool for wealth creation due to their diversification and professional management. Here’s how you can optimize your mutual fund investments:

Increase SIP Amount: Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Investing more in mutual funds can significantly enhance your corpus over time.

Diversify Across Categories: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This diversification helps balance risk and return.

Regular Monitoring: Keep track of the performance of your mutual funds. Regular reviews ensure your portfolio aligns with your goals.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds, guided by expert fund managers, often outperform in various market conditions.

Avoid Direct Funds: Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance and better fund selection.

Maximizing NPS Contributions
The National Pension System (NPS) is a great retirement planning tool due to its tax benefits and market-linked returns. Here’s how to make the most of your NPS contributions:

Review Asset Allocation: NPS allows you to choose your asset allocation between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities. Opt for a higher equity exposure to maximize returns.

Regular Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your NPS portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Tier II Account: Consider opening an NPS Tier II account for additional flexibility and liquidity.

Optimizing PPF Investments
The Public Provident Fund (PPF) is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits. Here’s how to optimize your PPF contributions:

Maximize Contributions: Continue contributing the maximum limit of Rs 1.5 lakh annually to take full advantage of the tax benefits and compound interest.

Timing Contributions: Invest in PPF at the beginning of the financial year to maximize interest accrual.

Evaluating LIC and Insurance Policies
Life insurance is essential for financial security. However, investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC, ICICI Pru, and Max Insurance may not offer optimal returns. Consider the following:

Surrender Non-Performing Policies: If the returns from these policies are not satisfactory, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in higher-yielding options like mutual funds.

Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage. Term plans offer high coverage at lower premiums compared to investment-linked insurance.

Leveraging Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits offer safety and guaranteed returns. However, they may not keep pace with inflation over the long term. Here’s how to use FDs effectively:

Emergency Fund: Maintain a portion of your FDs as an emergency fund. This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.

Reallocate Funds: Consider reallocating some FDs to equity and debt mutual funds for better long-term growth.

Creating a Comprehensive Investment Strategy
To achieve your Rs 10 crore goal, you need a well-rounded investment strategy. Here are key steps:

Goal-Based Planning: Align your investments with specific goals, including retirement. This provides a clear direction for your portfolio.

Diversification: Diversify across asset classes and within each class to balance risk and return.

Regular Reviews: Conduct periodic reviews with your CFP to ensure your investments remain on track.

Risk Management: Adjust your asset allocation as you near retirement to reduce exposure to high-risk assets.

Power of Compounding: Stay invested for the long term to benefit from compounding. Reinvest returns to accelerate growth.

The Power of Compounding
Compounding is a powerful wealth-building tool. By reinvesting your returns, you earn returns on your initial investment and the accumulated returns. This snowball effect can significantly enhance your wealth over time. Here’s how to harness the power of compounding:

Start Early: The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow.

Consistent Investing: Regular investments, such as SIPs, harness compounding effectively.

Reinvestment: Reinvest dividends and interest to maximize growth.

Assessing Your Risk Appetite
Understanding your risk appetite is crucial for investment planning. Given your goal and time horizon, a moderate to aggressive approach may be suitable. Here’s how to balance risk and return:

Equity Exposure: Increase equity exposure for higher returns. As you near retirement, gradually shift to safer assets.

Debt Allocation: Maintain a portion in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Regular Monitoring: Stay informed about market trends and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Staying Informed and Engaged
Financial markets are dynamic, and staying informed is key to successful investing. Here are some tips:

Education: Continuously educate yourself about financial markets and investment strategies.

Professional Guidance: Work with a CFP for expert advice and personalized planning.

Market Trends: Keep an eye on market trends and economic indicators to make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is a strong foundation. To achieve your Rs 10 crore goal, focus on optimizing your investments, increasing contributions, and leveraging the power of compounding. Regular reviews and adjustments with your CFP will ensure you stay on track. Remember, the journey to financial independence is ongoing. Stay proactive, informed, and disciplined to achieve your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi
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I am 37 year old , I stay in Mumbai I want 1-2 crore down the line 5 years. How much I need to invest and where . Currently I have invested in shares 4 lac ,4 lac in mutual funds , sukanya samridhi account 5k monthly for my daughter , small plot I bought of 5 lac rupees. I have some active mutual funds monthly sip. 1. Parag paraikh flexi cap fund -3.3 k 2.Mirae asset less tax saver fund -6k 3.sundram Nifty 100 equal weight fund -2 k -weekly 4.Nippon India small cap fund -3 k 5.Axis Nifty 100 index fund -3 k 6.Axis blue chip fund -6k 7. safe gold -3k 8. Ssy for daughter -5 k
Ans: Your proactive approach towards financial planning reflects a commendable commitment to securing your future financial goals. Let's explore strategies to help you achieve your target corpus of 1-2 crore within the next 5 years.

Understanding Your Current Financial Landscape:
Your current investment portfolio showcases a diversified mix of assets, including shares, mutual funds, and savings instruments for your daughter's future. Let's evaluate how we can optimize your existing investments and explore additional avenues for wealth accumulation.

Assessing Investment Avenues:
To achieve your target corpus, consider the following investment avenues:

Equity Investments: Given your risk appetite and investment horizon, continue investing in equity through diversified mutual funds. However, ensure adequate research or seek professional advice to select funds with a proven track record of consistent returns.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Your existing SIPs in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund, Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund, Nippon India Small Cap Fund, and others align well with your long-term wealth-building goals. Consider increasing SIP amounts periodically to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Diversification: While equity investments offer the potential for high returns, diversification across asset classes can mitigate risk. Explore avenues such as debt mutual funds or fixed-income securities to balance your portfolio and safeguard against market volatility.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your financial objectives. Rebalance your portfolio if necessary to maintain an optimal asset allocation strategy.

Calculating Investment Requirements:
To determine the amount you need to invest regularly to achieve your target corpus, consider factors such as expected rate of return, investment horizon, and risk tolerance. Consulting with a financial planner can help you tailor an investment plan suited to your specific needs and goals.

Embracing Financial Discipline:
Building wealth requires discipline and consistency in investment habits. By staying committed to your financial plan and making informed investment decisions, you can progress steadily towards your target corpus.

Conclusion: Charting Your Path to Financial Success
In conclusion, by optimizing your existing investments, diversifying across asset classes, and adhering to a disciplined investment approach, you can work towards realizing your financial aspirations within the stipulated timeframe.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

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Money
Hi, My age is 40, I want to retire by 50 with Rs. 2 Crore of Corplus, Right Now i have Rs. 17 lac in PF, Rs. 5 Lacs in NPS, Rs.1 Lacs in PPF and Home loan Completed this year. I have one LIC policy of Premium of Rs. 24000 Yearly. Now I dont have single saving in my saving account. my monthly expense is 35k. I want to start from Zero. My monthly on hand salary is Rs. 1.5 Lacs and i am ready to take risk for Higher return. please advice in 10 years how i reach to 2 to 3 crore.
Ans: You are 40 years old and aim to retire at 50 with a corpus of Rs. 2 crore. Currently, you have Rs. 17 lakh in PF, Rs. 5 lakh in NPS, Rs. 1 lakh in PPF, and no home loan. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, and you earn Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly.

Analyzing Your Financial Goals
To achieve a corpus of Rs. 2 crore in 10 years, you need to focus on disciplined savings and investments. Your willingness to take risks for higher returns can be beneficial. Let's break down the steps needed to reach your goal.

Current Investments and Adjustments
Provident Fund (PF):

Your PF will continue to grow. Maintain this investment as it provides a stable and secure return.

National Pension System (NPS):

Your NPS investment is beneficial for retirement. Continue contributing to it for long-term benefits.

Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your PPF investment is small. Consider increasing contributions if possible, as it provides tax benefits and secure returns.

Life Insurance Corporation (LIC) Policy:

Evaluate the returns on your LIC policy. If the returns are lower than mutual funds, consider surrendering it and reinvesting the amount.

Creating a Comprehensive Investment Plan
Monthly Savings Allocation:

You need to save aggressively. Considering your income and expenses, let's allocate Rs. 70,000 per month to various investment options.

Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap mutual funds. This diversification can help balance risk and return.

Large-Cap Funds: Rs. 25,000 per month
Mid-Cap Funds: Rs. 20,000 per month
Small-Cap Funds: Rs. 15,000 per month
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS):

Invest Rs. 10,000 per month in ELSS for tax benefits under Section 80C.

Utilizing Your Existing Investments
Provident Fund:

Continue your PF contributions. The compounded growth over the next 10 years will significantly add to your corpus.

National Pension System:

Increase your contributions to NPS. This will provide an additional source of retirement income.

Public Provident Fund:

Increase your PPF contributions if possible. The tax-free returns can significantly add to your corpus.

Lump Sum Investment
LIC Policy Surrender:

If you decide to surrender your LIC policy, reinvest the lump sum into mutual funds or a combination of debt and equity funds based on your risk tolerance.

Existing Savings:

Any additional savings or bonuses should be invested in mutual funds or other high-return instruments.

Monitoring and Adjusting the Plan
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and your financial goals. Rebalancing your portfolio annually can help maintain the desired asset allocation.

Contingency Fund
Maintain a contingency fund equivalent to 6 months of your expenses. This ensures financial stability during emergencies.

Conclusion
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 2 crore in 10 years is feasible with disciplined savings and strategic investments.

Action Plan:

Increase mutual fund investments.
Continue PF and NPS contributions.
Reassess LIC policy and reinvest if necessary.
Regularly review and adjust your portfolio.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I'm 32 year old and aim to build corpse 3 crore in next 25 year. I have NPS of about 1.80 lakh (monthly 4000), PPF 2lakh(2000monthly) 7 lakh of shares and 7 lakhs of mutual fund holding at present. 50k monthly goes to mutual fund and also contributed to 2 insurance for combine 40lakh which will mature in 20 year. Have 1.40 lakh monthly income and have 1 kid 1year old.
Ans: You have a great start on your financial journey, and it’s fantastic that you’re thinking long-term. At 32, aiming to build a corpus of Rs. 3 crore in the next 25 years is a commendable goal. Let’s break down your current situation and outline a strategy to help you achieve your target.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
NPS (National Pension System):

Current Balance: Rs. 1.80 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 4,000

PPF (Public Provident Fund):

Current Balance: Rs. 2 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 2,000

Shares:

Current Value: Rs. 7 lakh
Mutual Funds:

Current Value: Rs. 7 lakh

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 50,000

Insurance Policies:

Total Sum Assured: Rs. 40 lakh

Maturity in 20 years

Income and Expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs. 1.40 lakh

Expenses: Not specified, but let's assume reasonable monthly living expenses and contributions.


First of all, congratulations on having a well-rounded portfolio at a young age. Your disciplined approach towards NPS, PPF, shares, and mutual funds is impressive. Balancing investments while managing a young family is commendable.

Analyzing Your Current Portfolio
NPS:

NPS is a great retirement savings option. It offers tax benefits under Section 80C and additional benefits under Section 80CCD(1B). Your Rs. 4,000 monthly contribution is a smart move.

PPF:

PPF is another excellent tax-saving investment. It provides safe, tax-free returns. Your monthly contribution of Rs. 2,000 will grow steadily over the years.

Shares and Mutual Funds:

Investing in shares and mutual funds shows your appetite for higher returns. Rs. 7 lakh in shares and mutual funds indicates you are willing to take calculated risks for potential growth.

Insurance:

Having insurance is crucial for financial security. Your combined sum assured of Rs. 40 lakh maturing in 20 years will provide a significant safety net.

Building a Strategy to Achieve Rs. 3 Crore
Step 1: Evaluate and Adjust Existing Investments
Increase NPS Contributions:

Consider increasing your NPS contributions. The NPS provides good long-term returns, especially with the equity component. Try to increase your monthly contribution as your income grows.

Maximize PPF Contributions:

PPF allows a maximum investment of Rs. 1.5 lakh per year. If possible, increase your monthly contribution to reach this limit. It offers tax-free interest and maturity benefits.

Review Your Equity Portfolio:

Regularly review your shares and mutual funds portfolio. Ensure they align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Diversify across different sectors to mitigate risk.

Consider Surrendering Investment-Linked Insurance Policies:

If your insurance policies are investment-linked (ULIPs), evaluate their performance. ULIPs often have high charges. It might be better to surrender these policies and invest in mutual funds for higher returns. Ensure you have sufficient term insurance to cover your life.

Step 2: Enhance Monthly Mutual Fund Investments
Diversify Across Fund Categories:

Instead of putting all Rs. 50,000 into mutual funds, diversify across various types:

Large-Cap Funds: Rs. 20,000
Flexi-Cap Funds: Rs. 15,000
Mid-Cap Funds: Rs. 10,000
ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme): Rs. 5,000
Advantages of Active Funds Over Index Funds:

Active funds have the potential to outperform the market due to active management. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market conditions, whereas index funds only replicate an index and miss out on potential gains.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds:

Regular funds, managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer expert advice and personalized service. Although direct funds have lower expense ratios, the guidance and expertise provided by a CFP can lead to better long-term returns.

Step 3: Additional Investment Strategies
Start a SIP in Mutual Funds:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are a disciplined way to invest regularly. They help in averaging out the purchase cost and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Explore New Avenues:

Consider investing in international mutual funds to diversify geographically. This can provide exposure to global markets and reduce domestic market risks.

Step 4: Long-Term Financial Planning
Children’s Education Fund:

Start a dedicated fund for your child’s education. An education fund, through mutual funds or PPF, will ensure you are financially prepared when the time comes.

Retirement Planning:

Continue to focus on building your retirement corpus. The combination of NPS, PPF, and mutual funds will help you achieve a comfortable retirement.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and parked in liquid funds or savings accounts.

Step 5: Regular Review and Adjustments
Annual Portfolio Review:

Conduct an annual review of your portfolio. Assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments. Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Stay Informed and Updated:

Keep yourself informed about market trends and economic developments. This will help you make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions.

Step 6: Tax Planning
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments:

Continue investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS and PPF. ELSS funds have a lock-in period of 3 years and offer potential high returns along with tax benefits.

Tax Implications on Investments:

Be aware of the tax implications of your investments. Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% beyond Rs. 1 lakh, while short-term gains are taxed at 15%.

Step 7: Insurance and Risk Management
Adequate Life Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate term insurance cover. The sum assured should be at least 10-15 times your annual income. This will provide financial security to your family in case of any unforeseen event.

Health Insurance:

Maintain a comprehensive health insurance policy. It should cover you, your spouse, and your child. Medical emergencies can be financially draining, and health insurance will protect you from high medical costs.

Step 8: Seeking Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

Consult a CFP for personalized advice. They can help you create a robust financial plan, select the right investments, and monitor your progress. A CFP’s expertise will be invaluable in achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
You have a strong foundation for building a substantial corpus over the next 25 years. By diversifying your investments, increasing contributions, and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 3 crore. Stay disciplined, informed, and seek professional guidance to navigate your financial journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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